Jul 04, 2014 6:41 AM GMT
Alot of you may remember me as the anxiety driven guy who wasted his time on a member who was trying to catfish me. However, I have left that part of my past beneath me but I still have issues trying to make life easier when meeting new friends or guys. I met a friend who seems really cool but brought his friend to the movies as well and afterwards I felt like the third wheel because I was shy about if I gave off signs of my sexuality being quiet and disinterested in talking about girls. I really tried my best to have input in the conversation but I heard a voice in my head telling me negative statements such as "you lost your chance" "they all know your a weak link" "they are suspecting things". On top of that I attend the most conservative schools in the nation but only doing it for electrical engineering and it seems like all guys tell me is i overanalyze but I try to rationalize and tell myself they just wanted me for hook ups anyways. Finally, I also feel like I ruined my family because when I was 14 I tricked my mom to take me to a strangers place because I was never allowed a regular social life to have friends over and such and now she hates my whole family for them not telling her and now my aunt told my best friend's mom who is ultra christian of my sexuality and now everything feels like its my fault and my mom hasn't spoken to her aging mother, my grandmother, for years and I feel like all this is my fault. And I try to talk to my father but he is limited on advice because he always tells me "he can't advise something like this". If there is anybody out there willing to help and listen I would appreciate it. Thank you.