Advice needed.

  • TwistedxD

    Posts: 1

    Jul 05, 2014 6:30 PM GMT
    Okay guys, I am hoping I am putting this in the right section, if not sorry, I'm new. Anyway my boyfriend and I have known each other for almost two years, and have been together for about 5 months. Hes 20 and I'm 22. We have sex all the time which is great, but at the same time I am not satisfied with it. I mean on his part I am, but on my part I'm not. I can't seem to last very long, at all. Usually I last maybe 3 minutes if I am lucky. I get the occasional 20 once and a while, but not often. It really does embarrass me. He tells me I am amazing in bed, but I feel like hes just trying to boost my confidence. I don't even last long with bjs or hand jobs. I have tried almost everything I can think of to last. Prolonging gel, masturbation, you name it and nothing really works. It is to the point I don't want to have sex anymore. I just feel like I can't compare. He is literally porn star status, no matter what I do I can't seem to get him off. This sorta leads into the second question. He can last forever. The other nights I literally jerked him off for an hour and nothing. I can't get him off orally either. I feel like I am horrible at all of it. I mean I know I'm okay at it because the sounds he makes, you can't fake those. It seems like no matter what I do I can't get him off, and it really makes me feel horrible, because he can get me off easily. He and I have talked about this, and he said maybe he is the one with the problem. Maybe hes just used to it all because as a teenager he would masturbate three or more times a day. To me though that makes no sense because I was the exact same way. I have never been able to last long, even on my own. It just really bugs me and I'm not sure what to do. At this point I told him I don't want to have sex or do anything sexually until I figure out what is wrong with me. Thankfully he is amazing and understands. I have thought about going to a doctor, but sadly I can't afford it. So if there are any tips or advice you could lend me on how to last longer with masturbation, sex and foreplay, and finding a way to be able to get him to reach an orgasm I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you guys for reading my rambling. Sorry to sound so whiny, but all of this really makes me feel down about myself, so any advice would be amazing.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jul 05, 2014 7:57 PM GMT
    Who says that there is something wrong? The two of you don't have to respond according to popular expectations; ignore popular expectations! They are obviously doing more harm than good.

    Many guys are not interested in getting off every time they have sex. If he's happy not having a climax, just accept that. If what two people are doing feels good and makes them feel closer and more affectionate with each other, that may be sufficient.

    To summarize, the problem is not that you get off too quickly and that he gets off too slowly or not at all. Rather, the problem is that you think that it's a problem and your thinking that its a problem is keeping you from enjoying it and is interfering with your relationship. Just relax and enjoy being close to him or you will probably destroy the relationship.
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    Jul 05, 2014 9:09 PM GMT
    FRE0 saidWho says that there is something wrong? The two of you don't have to respond according to popular expectations; ignore popular expectations! They are obviously doing more harm than good.

    Many guys are not interested in getting off every time they have sex. If he's happy not having a climax, just accept that. If what two people are doing feels good and makes them feel closer and more affectionate with each other, that may be sufficient.

    To summarize, the problem is not that you get off too quickly and that he gets off too slowly or not at all. Rather, the problem is that you think that it's a problem and your thinking that its a problem is keeping you from enjoying it and is interfering with your relationship. Just relax and enjoy being close to him or you will probably destroy the relationship.


    Agreed amd well said. If your bf is saying good things about you. Never ever turn them into negative that just say youre a pessimist type of person. If you think he will leave you for this then better yet as hes not accepting as who you are completely and is not worth your damn time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2014 9:55 PM GMT
    NEWSFLASH: The amount of time you last before cumming does not equate to good sex. People are different. Some guys cum if a good breeze hits them and others often don't cum at all. All the above is normal. Stop focusing on things that are not important and enjoy the fact you have great sex together.

    That being said, if you really want to last longer, there is something you can do about it but you must do this ALONE. Set a timer and see how long you can hold off from cumming. If the first time you can only go for 5 minutes, the next day try for 6 minutes. Keep going until you get to your goal.
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    Jul 05, 2014 10:46 PM GMT
    Yeah these guys are spot on and everybody (or every body, in this case) is a little bit different. The problem is not the difference in timing between you - but it's your perception of the difference.

    Relax and enjoy your guy, be thankful for his feedback and take him at his word ... and be sure to tell him what you enjoy about having sex with him.

    (In short, focus on the positive.)
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    Jul 05, 2014 11:02 PM GMT
    agreed with what everyone has said so far.

    i'm like your boyfriend: i can last forever. but i enjoy sex even if i don't ejaculate. its the intimacy that i like.

    my advice to you is: don't ever underestimate that connection you have with him. it is rare. it is more important than anything else, such as the time it takes to cum, or the whether you can jerk him off to completion. don't focus on the orgasm, focus on the play time. its the journey you take together that is more important than the destination. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2014 1:02 AM GMT
    Try putting some lidocaine around the head of your dick or use a condom. I can go forever but I can also cum when I want.
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    Jul 06, 2014 1:10 AM GMT
    FRE0 saidWho says that there is something wrong?

    Rather, the problem is that you think that it's a problem and your thinking that its a problem is keeping you from enjoying it and is interfering with your relationship. Just relax and enjoy being close to him or you will probably destroy the relationship.

    ^^^^^ This

    [Underlines mine]
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    Jul 06, 2014 2:44 AM GMT
    TwistedxD saidI would greatly appreciate it. Thank you guys for reading my rambling. Sorry to sound so whiny, but all of this really makes me feel down about myself, so any advice would be amazing.


    Your right, something is wrong with you. You need a sex change.

    There's nothing wrong with you.
    Your just growing up take things slow.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 06, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    If your boyfriend masturbates frequently, it could cause him to take longer than usual, if at all, to climax when having sex. Back at that age, I masturbated 6-7 times a day.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 06, 2014 3:02 AM GMT
    I agree that the problem is in large part your perception of what 'ought' to be. Learn to relax and enjoy. Also, a lot of this may change as you get older (don't be surprised) and have been with your BF for, say, years! Seriously, don't make it into more of an issue than it needs to be. Not getting him 'off' isn't necessarily about your ability, either. Some guys are just like that, just as you are the opposite.

    You didn't mention Kegels… have you tried them?

    http://www.herballove.com/solutions/kegel-exercises-premature-ejaculation-step-step
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jul 06, 2014 6:29 AM GMT
    I was pleasantly surprised to find that guys agreed with my post. So often we read about how ejaculation is essential or that "premature" ejaculation is horrible. Unfortunately, because many people actually believe that folderol, they become dissatisfied and mess up their relationships. It would be interesting to know how many relationships and marriages break up because of bad advice concerning sex.

    Quite honestly, affection and cuddling are more important to me than sex. Of course sex can be part of that, but it isn't always essential. It is a continual source of frustration to me that it is so difficult to find a partner who is overly focused on getting off and sees cuddling as nothing more than a brief prelude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2014 8:37 PM GMT
    Trust me, it won't always be that way.

    Work on your anxiety levels / self esteem. I.e., quit worrying about it. Get pictured, profiled, come to like yourself, and the rest with fall into line. Your current behavior is defeatist, at best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2014 8:39 PM GMT
    Your post was way too long and I did not read it, so my advice is that you should get a dog.
  • Breeman

    Posts: 339

    Jul 06, 2014 10:57 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidYour post was way too long and I did not read it, so my advice is that you should get a dog.


    Get a dog? ... Right
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2014 1:36 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidYour post was way too long and I did not read it, so my advice is that you should get a dog.


    +1

    Anything worth doing should be worth doing well, starting with the profile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2014 8:45 PM GMT
    Aversion therapy. Just when you think you're on the verge of climaxing think about your mom or Barbara Walters or anyone on the View. Chances are you'll lose the entire erection and will have to start over completely. Do this about 3 or 4 times during sex and before you know it an hour or two will have passed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2014 11:04 PM GMT
    kegels, benefits men too

    www.livestrong.com/article/247586-free-exercises-for-increasing-sexual-stamina-naturally/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2014 12:09 PM GMT
    I've been struggling on the opposite end. I've just starting meeting guys and I can't seem to cum. On both occasions the guy and I make out for a while, dry hump JO, and work our way to BJ's but I just can't seem to cum. Its frustrating because they're working so hard and I feel bad.

    So I guess don't feel too bad- some of us just don't/can't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2014 3:49 PM GMT
    Maybe you are suffering from impotence or too fast strokes of your banana... try to decrease sex by once a week and have a good everyday rest. Eat protein rich foods and do not stress yourself by faking what you feel... you can be passive at times and let your bf ride you while you are resting so that you can prepare for your next performance with him. Maybe next time your rocket will launch after passive and reservation. Alone, try to stroke your bananas very slowly and see whether it stimulates otherwise you are not ready. If attraction is an issue, try to picture out which attracts you most and you are in danger if you don't see attraction with your bf while picturing others or if you don't feel attracted to bf and to anyone, you are depressed.

    Do not practice a hand fast masturbation at times because it can be used with the reason even during sex, you need to make too effort... try to caress slowly.

    Although I don't recommend ginseng because it can cause insomia, try at least 1 week then see if you can feel erection.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jul 08, 2014 6:38 PM GMT
    MarathonMac saidI've been struggling on the opposite end. I've just starting meeting guys and I can't seem to cum. On both occasions the guy and I make out for a while, dry hump JO, and work our way to BJ's but I just can't seem to cum. Its frustrating because they're working so hard and I feel bad.

    So I guess don't feel too bad- some of us just don't/can't.


    It may be that the problem is that you and he are concentrating too much on your penis. I suggest not trying so hard and certainly not for so long. Stopping at short intervals and cuddling, rubbing backs, licking nipples, etc. before resuming working on the penis may solve the problem. It helps to have a partner whom you trust and feel comfortable with. Also, you can tell him from the outset that you don't always have or need a climax but that you enjoy sex anyway because of the closeness associated with it.

    The objective should not be to have a climax, but to enjoy affection with another person. If that leads to a climax, fine, but it should not be considered essential. If it is not considered essential, there will be less pressure and less anxiety and that may even make you more likely to have a climax.
  • joxguy

    Posts: 236

    Jul 10, 2014 1:05 AM GMT
    First off cumming if 80% mental and 20% friction. You have convinced your self that you can't last, so like one of the posts said practice jacking off and holding off cumming. At some point do it next to your boy friend and stop when you feel your body is climbing.

    Also one question when i was your age i could cum a few times in a row and each time took longer than the previous. So have you tried just letting yourself go and shoot off and then start over and see what happens.

    You boy friend cumming. Big discussion with him. What do you like the most for me to do to you sexually. Then start there and talk to him as you are doing whatever. Get him involved as i said a lot of cumming is mental so get his mind into the action.

    good luck
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jul 10, 2014 1:10 AM GMT
    joxguy saidFirst off cumming if 80% mental and 20% friction. You have convinced your self that you can't last, so like one of the posts said practice jacking off and holding off cumming. At some point do it next to your boy friend and stop when you feel your body is climbing.

    Also one question when i was your age i could cum a few times in a row and each time took longer than the previous. So have you tried just letting yourself go and shoot off and then start over and see what happens.

    You boy friend cumming. Big discussion with him. What do you like the most for me to do to you sexually. Then start there and talk to him as you are doing whatever. Get him involved as i said a lot of cumming is mental so get his mind into the action.

    good luck


    There is much truth to what you say. Some guys can ejaculate simply by thinking with no contact with the penis. Probably an Internet search would provide more information.