JackBoneTX said...i don't know how you'll chalk up the relationship or its loss in the future but there are other chapters to write in your life
For me it would be a complete loss--not even any capital carry forward benefits--because I'd never again be able to think of that person as anyone but the guy who at any time during what I thought was a loving relationship would have screwed me. My attitude would be fuck him, fuck that.
My two 10-year buds had the decency to die. I don't know if I could have handled our relationship breaking up but I felt pretty certain that those two were there for life, well, hadn't only life gotten its way. We almost never fought about anything, so attuned to each other. I like to think that I only let that type of person that close to me so that I don't fear risking it again.
But, only requiring such trust for my most intimate of intimates--not the sex, the closeness--I have had, during my mourning, no less, some of my closest friends betray what I and any of my other good friends and family would have thought lifelong friendships, two having had lasted 20 years each and one a lifetime up till then. So I know the pain people inflict very well.
And this is why...
theantijock said in this thread http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3862930 that...being widowed is so very difficult because it breaks the pattern (the established neurological pathways) in our brains. It's physical. But at least we can make some sense of it, build new paths, because it is death. And this is why divorce is so horrifyingly disastrous for so many people. It both breaks the pattern and they can't make sense of it. The same thing with betrayals and traumas. These things which violate social contracts, commitments no longer honored, falsifying years of lives lived together.
So to the OP's question "does it get easier with time?"
Does a weight ever get lighter?
The betrayals I experienced nearly devastated me entirely and I've had to work very hard for many years to come back to some semblance of myself. I'm not there yet but I'm getting closer. I might never arrive. This could be lifetime damage but I do work towards minimizing it as best I can.
You might not be ready for this and I only heard the concept when I first heard this song. It's a tough concept, for me, at least--something I don't naturally relate to--but I think it rings utilitarian true. You might not be ready to hear it yet. But after your mind has struggled for a while maybe you'd revisit:
"Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
S60turbo saidWish it made more sense.........Just weird and completely out of character.
Out of character could indicate a mental break in that person, an event that allows for forgiveness. Or it could be that you never saw that person for who they are, but then you need to find a way to forgive yourself.
My problem with my betrayers is that they did not act out of character when they treated me so disgustingly. I knew one had severe intimacy issues so became destructive towards our relationship when I fell into such deep mourning (I had a series of deaths to deal with then, it wasn't even just one but some of my closest loves). Another treated others like toilet paper but she was born into my life and I always said to other friends that I wouldn't take that shit from anyone but her. But then she became even more cruel than her usual disgusting self. And another friend had no friends. Never kept a single friend from anywhere in her life.
So my betrayers were acting within their character. I was playing with vipers and I got bit as is their nature and so there's nothing there for me to forgive. I've searched for years for a reason to forgive them and I just don't have one. If you have a reason, hold onto it. I would imagine it helps to make things make sense.