Is it pointless to start seriously dating in college?

  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Jul 07, 2014 3:11 AM GMT
    Hey everyone. I'm currently in college with about 2 years left before I graduate. Like I stated above, is it pointless to start dating seriously in college? The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the AROTC program at school and will eventually will be stationed way off from Florida shortly after I graduate. Part of me feels that I should just try dating and see where things go and hope for the best while another part of me feels that any potential relationship in the next few years will just end because I would have to move. Any thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated.

    Thanks
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    Jul 07, 2014 4:15 PM GMT
    Never postpone love or the possibility of it just because of "what ifs" or "might happens" or any other possible scenarios. Life is too unpredictable. If you find the love of your life in the next two years and you two just can't live without each other, you'll find a solution and make it work.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 07, 2014 4:19 PM GMT
    I agree. Never turn down love and affection. Everyone dates in college. Why not you? Besides, most people need a little practice and experience in relationships before they get good at it. Just don't worry about the future so much. It seldom goes where you expect it will, anyway. Enjoy your life starting now.
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    Jul 07, 2014 4:23 PM GMT
    fLiP21 saidHey everyone. I'm currently in college with about 2 years left before I graduate. Like I stated above, is it pointless to start dating seriously in college? The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the AROTC program at school and will eventually will be stationed way off from Florida shortly after I graduate. Part of me feels that I should just try dating and see where things go and hope for the best while another part of me feels that any potential relationship in the next few years will just end because I would have to move. Any thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated.

    Thanks

    What is "AROTC"? I taught college Army ROTC. Not every Cadet is selected for Active Duty - most go into the Reserves. Hence RESERVE Officer Training Corps.

    If you're in the Army program you will go to your Officer Basic Course (OBC) for about 3 months, scheduled to attend within about a year of commissiong. Perhaps later if you're immediately accepted into Graduate School. I'm not sure about Air Force ROTC.

    But then you're done, and you can join a Reserve unit near where you want to live, or apply to the National Guard. Of course then you could be further deployed with your Reserve/Guard unit to Afghanistan, but we're almost out of there.

    So is that what you understand? And what program are you in?
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    Jul 07, 2014 4:55 PM GMT
    Learning how to be in a relationship, even if it does not last, is just as important as anything you are learning in your classes. In all likelihood you will have several relationships in your life. And if you are self-observant, you will become better at it each time. If you wait a decade you may become to set in your ways and too uncompromising to ever have a healthy relationship.
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    Jul 07, 2014 6:23 PM GMT
    Your life is happening right now! Do not get caught up in the "when I" way of thinking.

    When I finish school I will...
    When I make more money I will...
    When I pay off my car I will...
    When the kids are out of the house I will...
    When I retire I will...

    Live like that and before you know it your life will have passed you by.
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    Jul 07, 2014 6:28 PM GMT
    Lots of people around my age have completely lost their looks, so better to date them before that happens tbh icon_wink.gif
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Jul 07, 2014 6:55 PM GMT
    Thanks everyone. A lot of your advice really helps puts things into perspective. I've been having issues with a guy I'm currently dating(most likely gonna flop soon)so I've been having so many questions in my head in general about dating.
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Jul 07, 2014 7:07 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    fLiP21 saidHey everyone. I'm currently in college with about 2 years left before I graduate. Like I stated above, is it pointless to start dating seriously in college? The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the AROTC program at school and will eventually will be stationed way off from Florida shortly after I graduate. Part of me feels that I should just try dating and see where things go and hope for the best while another part of me feels that any potential relationship in the next few years will just end because I would have to move. Any thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated.

    Thanks

    What is "AROTC"? I taught college Army ROTC. Not every Cadet is selected for Active Duty - most go into the Reserves. Hence RESERVE Officer Training Course.

    If you're in the Army program you will go to your Officer Basic Course (OBC) for about 3 months, scheduled to attend within about a year of commissiong. Perhaps later if you're immediately accepted into Graduate School. I'm not sure about Air Force ROTC.

    But then you're done, and you can join a Reserve unit near where you want to live, or apply to the National Guard. Of course then you could be further deployed with your Reserve/Guard unit to Afghanistan, but we're almost out of there.

    So is that what you understand? And what program are you in?


    "AROTC" is just shorthand for Army ROTC, as opposed to AFROTC for Air Force ROTC. Maybe it's just my experience so far (I've only been in for a year now), but I thought most individuals wanted to go Active Duty?

    I know that the process isn't as clean cut and simple as I described.(referring to moving immediately after graduating)I was being vague . Currently, I'm in the Army ROTC program at UCF, about to enter MS3 year.
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    Jul 07, 2014 7:09 PM GMT
    You should, love makes peole do crazy thing. I wished I could find a guy back in college. Who knows, maybe you change career in the future.
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    Jul 07, 2014 7:13 PM GMT
    fLiP21 saidHey everyone. I'm currently in college with about 2 years left before I graduate. Like I stated above, is it pointless to start dating seriously in college? The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the AROTC program at school and will eventually will be stationed way off from Florida shortly after I graduate. Part of me feels that I should just try dating and see where things go and hope for the best while another part of me feels that any potential relationship in the next few years will just end because I would have to move. Any thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated.

    Thanks


    Things might happen, therefore do nothing. Its a great way to waste a life.
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    Jul 07, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    fLiP21 said
    "AROTC" is just shorthand for Army ROTC, as opposed to AFROTC for Air Force ROTC. Maybe it's just my experience so far (I've only been in for a year now), but I thought most individuals wanted to go Active Duty?

    I know that the process isn't as clean cut and simple as I described.(referring to moving immediately after graduating)I was being vague . Currently, I'm in the Army ROTC program at UCF, about to enter MS3 year.

    I kinda thought that's what you meant. I was an MS3 APMS as a Major.

    Unless things have changed, only a select few from ROTC are commissioned Regular Army (RA) and go onto Active Duty. What happens to these few is they are initially commissioned Army Reserve (USAR) upon college graduation, and subsequently recommissioned RA a few weeks later. But always on a date after that year's USMA (West Point) graduation, usually in the first week of June. That ensures West Pointers, who are ALL commissioned RA, have initial Date of Rank seniority over all ROTC graduates for that year's peer group.

    Each year for 4 years I went to the Pentagon to sit on a 5-Officer board that assigned career branches to every single ROTC Cadet in the US for that year, several thousand of you guys. So I knew this system very well, at least how it existed then. I can tell you the secret to how branches are chosen for new Lieutenants, as well as some rather funny stories about some of the Cadet "Accession" Packets I processed.
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    Jul 07, 2014 9:14 PM GMT
    Love is never pointless, be it in college or at 75 y.o.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jul 07, 2014 10:28 PM GMT
    The fact that you even ponder these issues proves your intelligent!
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    Jul 07, 2014 10:55 PM GMT
    fLiP21 said
    ...about to enter MS3 year.

    If you want me tell you other secrets about Army ROTC, so that you do your best, perhaps enter Active Duty if that's your goal, just PE me. ROTC isn't at all what you think it is. Hint: it's not really military training - it's a leadership identification & competitive selection process. You'll get your genuine Army training later, when you're commissioned.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 08, 2014 1:30 AM GMT
    You'll probably...statistically have a number of loves in your life. There's a learning curve to being a good partner and recognizing those qualities in others. Many may disagree but I say sex in a relationship is the best.

    It's much better to have a series of loving relationships that didn't quite work out long term...for dozens of legitimate reasons, than a series of meaningless flings or hookups. Some of these men may become some of your dearest life long friends if you are honest and respectful.

    So I say YES..explore..live...love.
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    Jul 08, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
    wild_sky360 saidYou'll probably...statistically have a number of loves in your life. There's a learning curve to being a good partner and recognizing those qualities in others. Many may disagree but I say sex in a relationship is the best.

    It's much better to have a series of loving relationships that didn't quite work out long term...for dozens of legitimate reasons, than a series of meaningless flings or hookups. Some of these men may become some of your dearest life long friends if you are honest and respectful.

    So I say YES..explore..live...love.


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  • chann223

    Posts: 24

    Jul 09, 2014 1:35 AM GMT
    I think this is some great advice.
  • CuseOrange14

    Posts: 5

    Jul 11, 2014 7:41 AM GMT
    fLiP21 saidThanks everyone. A lot of your advice really helps puts things into perspective. I've been having issues with a guy I'm currently dating(most likely gonna flop soon)so I've been having so many questions in my head in general about dating.


    Hey man, I see where you're coming from. I wrestled with a lot of the same questions all through college. I would just offer a couple pieces of advice, only because I went through some tough shit I wish I had been more aware of beforehand.

    The first thing I'd say is that whatever you do, if you do decide to date someone, don't go into it with the idea of an "expiration date" in mind. I did that in my first relationship and it added a huge amount of stress. Over time, the question just kind of becomes "why are we bothering?" when there's an understanding from the start that it's just gonna end when you transfer or get stationed somewhere or whatever. I also made the mistake of talking about it a lot with him, which I think made it feel even more meaningless in his eyes. The deeper your relationship gets, the more painful it will be if it has to end. So go into it with the mindset that anything is possible and don't get hung up on being aware that there's an end date for the relationship. Or I guess, if things progress into being serious, let the conversation be "what can we do to make this work?" instead of "I'm leaving, so what's the point?". That way you can have a healthy dialogue about it where he feels like he has a say and you feel like you're giving it the chance of working out. Particularly in the case of military couples, this is not an unusual situation. My manager at my last job has a boyfriend in the Navy and they've been together and monogamous for 8+ years. If the connection is there and the feelings are deep enough, you'll both be wiling to make sacrifices to make it work when the time comes. But again, try as much as possible not to focus too much on it, especially in the early stages of dating.

    The second thing I'd say is that if you decide to date someone, make sure that you don't become so consumed by them that you neglect getting the most out of your college experience. You're in AROTC already which is great, so just make sure that you keep a balance between your relationship and your social life. I made the mistake of gradually spending almost every free moment with my bf and I really neglected a lot of my friends and other opportunities on campus. My best friend basically had to sit me down and point out the fact that I was totally neglecting all these other areas of my life, which wasn't good.

    And third, try your hardest not to focus too much on dating while you're in school. I was so focused on it that it really made me miserable when I couldn't find good guys to date. I know it can be incredibly frustrating to see all of your straight friends going out and dating and hooking up and maybe wishing you could have a piece of that. But the reality is that you'll never again have the chance to live life the way you get to in college, so pour your time and energy into things that make you happy. Join clubs, spend as much time with your friends as possible, and if a guy comes along that you click with, that's awesome and you should pursue that. But I guess I just mean don't let the feeling that you need to date get to the point where it distracts you from being able to enjoy your social life and do well in your academics. I really wish someone had slapped that concept into me when I was in school.

    Oh, and for the love of God please don't take apps like grindr, scruff, jackd, etc. too seriously. I can't tell you how many parties and student events I sat through constantly refreshing that damn grindr page hoping someone new would pop up and totally missing what was going on in the actual world. I probably would have met some pretty cool guys had I pulled my head up from my phone once in awhile. Just food for thought.