The World Cup: Why Americans Don’t Like Soccer

  • Hunkymonkey

    Posts: 215

    Jul 07, 2014 7:12 AM GMT
    The World Cup wasn’t long into its first game between host Brazil and some other team when one of the players from one of the teams, breathed on by a rival, went down faster than a two-dollar hooker in Rio and looked like he’d been shot from the stands, bayoneted, drawn and quartered, run over by a truck and dragged by horses.

    That’s one of the reasons Americans don’t like soccer. That kind of stuff – flopping – would get a player a $5,000 fine in the NBA. American football players, who play with broken bones and NHL players who play with their teeth knocked out must have laughed out loud, along with most of the rest of the people in the United States who even cared to watch.

    Europeans and soccer fans around the world, who call it football, say it’s “The Beautiful Game,” unless you count the racism, fixed matches, referees taking bribes, and the likes of Greek league owners tossing games and practicing the beautiful game of corruption.

    The obvious speed, grace and skill of the game is undermined by its rules and phony flopping and regulations so difficult to follow it’s like trying to keep track of which sectarian faction the United States is backing in countries where it has no business belonging, so it bets on the Sunnis AND the Shiites.

    Americans think it’s a sissy sport really, although while you can admire the athleticism of the players who are actually running and not those standing around watching, you just can’t stomach the fakery and some of the unfathomable rules, such as allowing a world championship to be decided on penalty shots with both teams sitting and watching.

    Play until you die boys, that’s what Americans do in football and why it’s called “Sudden Death.” Can you imagine the seventh game of an NBA championship being decided by free throws while both teams are watching from the bench?

    That’s the European sensibility and it spills over into the World Hockey championships and the Olympic hockey finals that have been decided by penalty shots instead of the players crashing into each other and trying to score while both teams are on the ice, not on the bench.

    Even before the Goalless Wonders of Greece took the field as oddsmakers offered a gazillion-to-1 chances the Greeks would ever score, Americans were less than transfixed by this event, even though the U.S. team got people interested by beating a nemesis, Ghana, 2-1, displaying some wonderful athleticism.

    But – and this is where soccer breaks down for many Americans – the U.S. then was tied 2-2 by the world’s fourth ranked team, Portugal, only because of something called stoppage time or extra time or penalty time or overtime.

    That’s allowed at the end of the first half and after the game is supposed to be over, at 90 minutes, because the rest of the world hasn’t discovered that when a ball goes out of bounds – as in the NBA – you can stop the clock! That cuts down on the phony injuries and other devices to which teams resort to kill time.

    Simple rule: ball goes out of bounds – stop the clock. That also means everyone knows how much time is really left (how about some BIG clocks while we’re at it) and not just the referee.

    Can you imagine Kobe Bryant on a fast-break to win a game when, while he’s at halfcourt, the referee blows a whistle and decides the game is over – while no one watching knows how much time is left?

    The rest of the world also doesn’t like to play too long, so if a game ends in a tie, it’s a tie in most cases, except for penalty kicks. But if the game were actually 90 minutes long, the U.S. would be undefeated and Americans are still trying to figure out why they aren’t.

    But wait, there’s more soccer sillyisms. Here is – I kid you not – how America’s chances of advancing are going to be determined, as put together by CBS sports.

    If the United States beats Germany …

    … they win Group G and face the second place team from Group H (currently Algeria).

    If the United States draws with Germany …

    … they finish second in Group G, behind the Germans. They’ll then face the winner of Group H (currently Belgium).

    If the United States loses to Germany, they still advance in second place if …

    Warning: This is where it gets confusing.

    1. Ghana and Portugal draw; or
    2. Ghana beats Portugal (a) by only one goal, and (b) the U.S. loses by only one goal, and (c) Ghana doesn’t outscore the U.S. by two or more goals on the day; or
    3. Portugal beats Ghana and fails to make up the five-goal gap in difference (see more, below).

    Thanks to Portugal’s lopsided loss to Germany, the U.S. has a huge edge in that first, goal difference tiebreaker. Portugal would either have to blow out Ghana or benefit from the Germans routing the U.S.

    Here’s an idea: Win or Die. Stay on the field until one team wins and the other loses, no draws, no ties, no kissing your sister (unless she’s hot) no goal differentials, no tiebreakers if one team wins on a cloudy Monday and the other won on a Sunny Tuesday.

    You have to understand that this event exists – as does the Olympics – so that soccer’s corrupt governing members of FIFA, which allegedly sold the 2022 games for $5 million in bribes to Qatar, can get wined, dined, paid off and flit around the world picking out spots every four years, emulating the IOC model.

    Qatar’s soccer team is generously ranked 100th in the world but will be one of the 32 teams playing (Please God, Zeus, or whoever is up there, let them lose 25-0 in every game to show what a farce this is) because it’s the host club. If the world’s bottom-ranked country, the Turks and Caicos islands, could find a deep pocket big shot to pay off FIFA, the games would go there too.

    The 2022 World Cup in Qatar, a country without alcohol, sex, or humor will literally be a hot ticket because the temperatures at the time will be somewhere around 150 degrees and teams are being advised to practice inside live volcanoes.

    The FIFA executives will be in air-conditioned suites and someone will manage to find both sex and alcohol, although they, too, practice the ban on humor. They’ve got it even better than the players. When someone had the audacity to cut the bonuses for FIFA big shots, paid for doing nothing, someone else just gave them a $100,000 raise so now they get $200,000 for doing nothing.

    How did it come to this? Soccer, which the rest of the world calls football (although maybe it should be called Header judging by how many kicks bounce off people’s noggins) got its start 2500 years ago in Greece with a game called Episkyros, and in Egypt and China, but it was the sticklers in England who formalized it.

    Despite that, the English have won only once, in 1966 and just can’t seem to keep up with the world anymore, getting bounced with two straight losses this year along with another European power and defending world champion, Spain, so maybe the tide is turning.

    Soccer has a long and great, if confusing and corrupt, tradition. The English organized it and one of their greatest players was Sir Reginald Nil, who never scored a goal and insisted that players be gentlemen and stop every so often for tea during a game, which is why England rarely wins. In his honor, 0-0 ties – which are the most common – are called Nil-Nil.

    Soccer began to evolve in modern Europe from the 9th Century and in England entire towns would kick a pig’s bladder from one landmark to another until she complained. The game was often seen as a nuisance and was even banned for some periods of Britain’s history, and probably should be again, if only in England.

    If they persist in having ties, let them play until someone actually wins. Sudden Death.
  • frogman89

    Posts: 418

    Jul 07, 2014 9:18 AM GMT
    The reason Americans don't like soccer is easy: Because they lose.
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    Jul 07, 2014 10:07 AM GMT
    So where are the 62 year old men in America that look like you? And are you willing to go greek for me?

    Oh yeah, this is about soccer. Continue....
  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Jul 07, 2014 10:58 AM GMT
    Oh, shut the fuck up gramps! Not every American hates football it's the best sport in the world!

    Now, that shit North American Handtoss is boring too many stops, replays, babies in pads- rugby is much better.

    The only decent thing about North American Handtoss is if there's a decent half-time show if not most of the world could give a rats ass.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Jul 07, 2014 2:30 PM GMT
    lol soccer is the whiniest sport besides tennis
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 07, 2014 2:39 PM GMT
    tj85016 saidlol soccer is the whiniest sport besides tennis


    As we see, clearly, from above icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:02 PM GMT
    I'll propose another reason Americans haven't gotten into soccer yet: television.

    Soccer action is actually very difficult to adequately capture live on camera, compared to other sports. Seeing player closeups really doesn't tell you the whole picture, as the entire team deploys itself. Closeups can be uninformative and confusing. But going to long shots loses detail. Perhaps this will begin to change with large flat panel HDTVs.

    Plus soccer does not lend itself to US-style commercial breaks, which many other countries don't have in their TV programming. US on-air sponsors don't like soccer and won't pay for it, and so US broadcasters give it little air time. Soccer here is competing with other established national games being profitably televised, like baseball, US football, and basketball.

    Although this, too, may be changing with newer technologies. It's now possible to put digitally generated virtual ads onto fencing around a soccer field, that look like they were actually painted there. And they can be changed at will.

    Still, American sponsors like to air their own lengthy commercial messages at breaks. Maybe soccer, at least US, can be modified to allow that more often.

    It's not like soccer is alien to the US. I was playing high school soccer in the mid-1960s. And we've had the term "soccer moms" for decades. Our kids do play soccer. It's actually a very easy outdoor team sport to operate for students, not a lot of required equipment, less than baseball or US football, parents like that reduced expense.

    It just lacks a profitable US public audience.
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:10 PM GMT
    KepaArg saidOh, shut the fuck up gramps! Not every American hates football it's the best sport in the world!


    "Gramps?" LOL.....you only WISH you looked as good as him. The man is 62 and looks 1000 times better than you do at 30. At least he looks like a dude. Take your ageism somewhere else little girl.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 07, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    KepaArg saidOh, shut the fuck up gramps! Not every American hates football it's the best sport in the world!


    "Gramps?" LOL.....you only WISH you looked as good as him. The man is 62 and looks 1000 times better than you. Take your ageism somewhere else little girl.


    No shit. I'd love to look like him NOW.
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    frogman89 saidThe reason Americans don't like soccer is easy: Because they lose.


    LOL. i thought it's something like only american football, basketball, and baseball are masculine for no idea why, and that other sports are fem?

    (how dafuq is being physical active fem?)
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    The primary reason USA is not into soccer except the Pacific Northwest is because of money. The tightly scripted game of soccer does not permit advertising to run effectively.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/07/sports/worldcup/world-cup-2014-soccer-broadcasts-have-fewer-commercials.html?ref=worldcup
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidThe primary reason USA is not into soccer except the Pacific Northwest is because of money. The tightly scripted game of soccer does not permit advertising to run effectively.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/07/sports/worldcup/world-cup-2014-soccer-broadcasts-have-fewer-commercials.html?ref=worldcup

    This seems to support my supposition above. Never underestimate the influence of commercial profit in US life.
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    That's just sick and frankly wouldn't surprise me either. You people are obsessed with money.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Jul 07, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    Truppensturm saidThat's just sick and frankly wouldn't surprise me either. You people are obsessed with money.


    oh, is that why Antwerp still traffics every diamond in the world mined by slaves in Africa?
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:41 PM GMT
    tj85016 said
    Truppensturm saidThat's just sick and frankly wouldn't surprise me either. You people are obsessed with money.


    oh, is that why Antwerp still traffics every diamond in the world mined by slaves in Africa?


    Actually diamond cutting is starting to be outsourced to India. Because its cheaper, so its still all about the money. Wait, guess Im not disproving your point after all...
    And what's wrong with child labor? Kids gotta eat too...
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    Jul 07, 2014 3:59 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidThe primary reason USA is not into soccer except the Pacific Northwest is because of money. The tightly scripted game of soccer does not permit advertising to run effectively.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/07/sports/worldcup/world-cup-2014-soccer-broadcasts-have-fewer-commercials.html?ref=worldcup


    this boils down to consumerism and capitalism?
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    Jul 07, 2014 4:23 PM GMT
    Why are non Americans obsessed with wondering why Americans don't like Football? THis question has been asked like ten times this month. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 07, 2014 4:35 PM GMT
    kevex saidWhy are non Americans obsessed with wondering why Americans don't like Football? THis question has been asked like ten times this month. icon_rolleyes.gif


    that's like asking why the rest of the world is obsessed with americans not using metric system.
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    Jul 07, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    leafgreen said
    kevex saidWhy are non Americans obsessed with wondering why Americans don't like Football? THis question has been asked like ten times this month. icon_rolleyes.gif


    that's like asking why the rest of the world is obsessed with americans not using metric system.


    lol Yeah, that's another one.
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    Jul 07, 2014 5:55 PM GMT
    Because if we started using the metric system we'd have to buy beer in half liters instead of pints. And who wants to do that?!?
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    Jul 07, 2014 7:13 PM GMT
    Americans don't like soccer, because most of the time it's pretty boring. Nothing happens for long periods in every game. Unless it's a worldcup the games are pretty pedestrian and all interesting parts of a game can easily fit in a 3 min synopsis.
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    Jul 07, 2014 8:20 PM GMT
    OK let me explain this to you; the 3 reasons why USA dont care about football:

    1 - Because they lose. Period. The proof is USA vs Portugal was the most watched football in USA history. Why was that? Because USA was winning! Sadly, once they got eliminated they stopped watching. Imagine if they would have reached semi-finals..

    2 - Because they're lazy. The world enjoy football because we can PLAY IT OURSELVES. Over 200 million people PLAY Football while only 1.2 million play American Football. It's understandable with all the gear and the physical conditions it requires. It simply seems US Americans enjoy sitting in a couch and watch TV instead of go out and play it themselves. Would the high obesity rates in USA have anything to do with this?

    3 - US Americans have developed a a short attention spam due to the fast peaced sports they're used to watch. Short attention spam + not knowing football rules = bored US American.

    Think of this awesome analogy I just made up: USA is to football what an uptight guy is to a party. They are part of it but can't pick up any chicks so they come home at 10pm icon_lol.gif The moment USA starts being attractive (pick up chicks, make goals, whatever) the interest in parties and football in USA will grow up.

    Conclusion: Most US Americans don't follow football because: they lose, they don't know the rules, they're lazy and have a short attention span.


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    Jul 07, 2014 8:25 PM GMT
    tj85016 said
    Truppensturm saidThat's just sick and frankly wouldn't surprise me either. You people are obsessed with money.


    oh, is that why Antwerp still traffics every diamond in the world mined by slaves in Africa?

    That's a business. Capitalism/consumerism seems embedded in everything that you people do.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 07, 2014 8:43 PM GMT
    David3K saidOK let me explain this to you; the 3 reasons why USA dont care about football:

    1 - Because they lose. Period. The proof is USA vs Portugal was the most watched football in USA history. Why was that? Because USA was winning! Sadly, once they got eliminated they stopped watching. Imagine if they would have reached semi-finals..

    2 - Because they're lazy. The world enjoy football because we can PLAY IT OURSELVES. Over 200 million people PLAY Football while only 1.2 million play American Football. It's understandable with all the gear and the physical conditions it requires. It simply seems US Americans enjoy sitting in a couch and watch TV instead of go out and play it themselves. Would the high obesity rates in USA have anything to do with this?

    3 - US Americans have developed a a short attention spam due to the fast peaced sports they're used to watch. Short attention spam + not knowing football rules = bored US American.

    Think of this awesome analogy I just made up: USA is to football what an uptight guy is to a party. They are part of it but can't pick up any chicks so they come home at 10pm icon_lol.gif The moment USA starts being attractive (pick up chicks, make goals, whatever) the interest in parties and football in USA will grow up.

    Conclusion: Most US Americans don't follow football because: they lose, they don't know the rules, they're lazy and have a short attention span.




    Or.... it could be much more basic? You know, we tend not to like things inherently British, as we formed our country by telling them to fuck off... as opposed to begging them to protect us from Brazil and Argentina and "giving us" our little country? icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 07, 2014 9:13 PM GMT
    ^ Funny, because last time I checked your native language is english and mine is spanish.