Tops and bottoms sexual positions

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2014 7:03 AM GMT
    Why is it guys seem to have a lack of respect for guys who bottom or assume as a bottom you're totally submissive? I only did it once but I see it a lot on here that bottoms are not regarded in the same way as guys who exclusively top.

    One thing that annoys me is tops who enjoy blow jobs but don't return the favour. What just because a guy bottoms they don't have a penis or something now?
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    Jul 08, 2014 3:58 PM GMT
    There are a lot of tops out there who assume that bottoms are just there to service them. Maybe because of what they've seen in porn.
  • Destinharbor

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    Jul 08, 2014 4:54 PM GMT
    I think you're wrong. There is a strain of fetish that is dom/sub and a lot of guys, both tops and bottoms, enjoy the fantasy. And even the reality. But most guys I've been with don't think that and trust me, I've been both exclusive top and exclusive bottom in several relationships as well as one night or even repetitive hookups. What is true is that a lot of guys who are exclusive bottoms think that of themselves. If you don't, and you shouldn't, then just don't take that attitude and the guy you're with won't either. If he starts down that path, just make it clear that that isn't what you're looking for. Sometimes the top will play that role if he thinks you want it even though he doesn't need it either.
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    Jul 08, 2014 5:49 PM GMT
    I see all over the Internet (although I've not been on loads of sites) including this one views that are quite rude about it or equate bottoms to being submissive or feminine etc. I take the point though that it is possibly to do with porn.

    I hate it on dating sites where before I've even met someone they ask me my sexual position when I don't even know myself. I have only ever done it once so I only tried one position so is that supposed to be what I do forever now? It's all a bit silly I think. I don't mind doing whatever position but I don't want to be told I am this, that or the other.
  • Destinharbor

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    Jul 08, 2014 6:53 PM GMT
    It will become clear to you with experience. There is no reason for a top or a bottom to not be his partner's equal sexually. Just remember, in the bedroom, you and your guy can makeup whatever rules work for the both of you. And occasionally you will do things he likes but aren't really your favorite and vice-versa. Focus on making him happy and if he's the right guy for you, he will do the same. (I do recommend you get out there and get some more experience. Think of it as school. Learning is always a good thing. It doesn't always have to be about finding your forever guy.)
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    Jul 08, 2014 7:49 PM GMT
    Yeah I just think too many guys are nosey parkers asking questions about that kind of stuff after like a few lines of online conversation.
  • Destinharbor

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    Jul 08, 2014 9:08 PM GMT
    Maybe but you'll feel more comfortable just answering the question once you have a sure knowledge of the answer. It really is a pretty relevant question if dating is the object.
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    Jul 08, 2014 9:13 PM GMT
    Topping and bottoming are verbs to me, not nouns.
    I don't like labeling myself out in the world according to what i do in the bedroom with a man.
    I have done, and enjoyed both. But i label myself a man who likes to hop into bed with other men. (figuratively speaking, sex other places is good too!icon_cool.gif) What the two of us do once we get there is between us. And honestly, figuring it out is part of the fun!
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    Jul 08, 2014 11:39 PM GMT
    You've heard of 69, right?

    Well 68 is do me and I'll owe you one.

    Some guys are more versatile with more people, other guys are more specifically preferenced depending on chemistry.

    I've always said: a total top is a guy who sucks dick, just not yours.

    Sexuality is really complex and not just a matter of 69. Sometimes it is chemistry, sometimes mood. Some guys only like topping smaller framed guys and they might only like having larger framed guys top them. Some aren't into top/bottom at all. So you really can't take any of that personally.

    Not "returning the favor" is not necessarily a matter of disrespect. And some guys would get turned off if you indicated you wanted to "return the favor." Maybe they were looking for a total top and you denied them that by insisting on versatility. How rude!
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    Jul 08, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI think you're wrong. There is a strain of fetish that is dom/sub and a lot of guys, both tops and bottoms, enjoy the fantasy. And even the reality. But most guys I've been with don't think that...


    Some guys enjoy bottoming more than topping and some like being on top and don't like bottoming. Many are vers. Some guys don't like either. I thought everybody liked giving and getting head?. Go figure...
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    Jul 09, 2014 12:35 AM GMT
    theantijock saidYou've heard of 69, right?

    Well 68 is do me and I'll owe you one.

    Some guys are more versatile with more people, other guys are more specifically preferenced depending on chemistry.

    I've always said: a total top is a guy who sucks dick, just not yours.

    Sexuality is really complex and not just a matter of 69. Sometimes it is chemistry, sometimes mood. Some guys only like topping smaller framed guys and they might only like having larger framed guys top them. Some aren't into top/bottom at all. So you really can't take any of that personally.

    Not "returning the favor" is not necessarily a matter of disrespect. And some guys would get turned off if you indicated you wanted to "return the favor." Maybe they were looking for a total top and you denied them that by insisting on versatility. How rude!


    I don't insist on versatility because I don't have sex with people really (boring I know lol) but I did give oral and then that was it so I was a bit like is that it? I don't usually like receiving anyway but this wasn't a stranger so I felt comfortable enough for it to happen and then it didn't so I guess I was disappointed.

    If there's a next time maybe it will happen but I was with someone for a year (no penetration) and I would perform oral all the time and in that whole year I never got anything like that. He literally never even did any of that so I'm starting to wonder if most gay men are just a bit selfish.
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    Jul 09, 2014 1:07 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 said

    I don't insist on versatility because I don't have sex with people really (boring I know lol) but I did give oral and then that was it so I was a bit like is that it? I don't usually like receiving anyway but this wasn't a stranger so I felt comfortable enough for it to happen and then it didn't so I guess I was disappointed.

    If there's a next time maybe it will happen but I was with someone for a year (no penetration) and I would perform oral all the time and in that whole year I never got anything like that. He literally never even did any of that so I'm starting to wonder if most gay men are just a bit selfish.


    Yeah, um, it can be or it may come off that way but I don't think it necessarily a matter of selfishness but more likely a matter of chemistry. And this is where open relationships can be practical because not everyone meets all of everyone else's needs. And people connect at different levels at different times in different ways. And relationships don't all fit in a bottle. Life is not a jigsaw puzzle of nothing but corner pieces. We connect in differing ways depending upon the adjacent pieces.

    Two guys who are naturally versatile and similarly turned on by each other, well, they might be more polite (in your terminology) and return the favor more frequently. But not everyone connects like that and even among those who do not all of them connect like that with everyone they connect with or all the time. If sex becomes a chore, or if you feel cheated, the relationship might not last or you find other ways to make it work so you don't lose what you have.

    Some people might get the fairy tale ending--good for them--but life is often more real.
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    Jul 09, 2014 1:19 AM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidTopping and bottoming are verbs to me, not nouns.
    I don't like labeling myself out in the world according to what i do in the bedroom with a man.
    I have done, and enjoyed both. But i label myself a man who likes to hop into bed with other men. (figuratively speaking, sex other places is good too!icon_cool.gif) What the two of us do once we get there is between us. And honestly, figuring it out is part of the fun!



    Ditto for me
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    Jul 10, 2014 10:59 PM GMT
    Ratboy said
    Wyndahoi saidTopping and bottoming are verbs to me, not nouns.
    I don't like labeling myself out in the world according to what i do in the bedroom with a man.
    I have done, and enjoyed both. But i label myself a man who likes to hop into bed with other men. (figuratively speaking, sex other places is good too!icon_cool.gif) What the two of us do once we get there is between us. And honestly, figuring it out is part of the fun!



    Ditto for me


    Sometimes though even if you don't define yourself that way others just kinda put you in a box. That's what I was being stroppy about lol
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    Jul 10, 2014 11:17 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Danny_boy93 said

    Sometimes though even if you don't define yourself that way others just kinda put you in a box. That's what I was being stroppy about lol[/quote]

    Someone who is veryselfish in bed makes for a boring night. If you're in anything like a longer term thing with a guy who never does anything to satisfy you? Thats just dumb to stay with him!
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    Jul 13, 2014 8:14 AM GMT
    Wyndahoi said[quote][cite]Danny_boy93 said

    Sometimes though even if you don't define yourself that way others just kinda put you in a box. That's what I was being stroppy about lol


    Someone who is veryselfish in bed makes for a boring night. If you're in anything like a longer term thing with a guy who never does anything to satisfy you? Thats just dumb to stay with him! [/quote]

    It's not a long term thing he's more like someone I've known/been acquainted with for a long time so I trust him to be kind and not discuss our business. I don't know if it's a regular thing or not because it just depends what he's up to and if he wants to see me (its only been 3 times now). I have questioned why to myself why he seems less interested in my pleasure and it's possibly because I come across not very sexual so I'm going to try a bit harder and hopefully he'll see something he likes and may want to at least touch me. It sounds petty but I feel totally dismissed when he doesn't even seem that interested in me and makes me question if I'm doing something wrong or not initiating something I'm meant to.
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    Jul 13, 2014 5:56 PM GMT
    Dannyboy.

    TELL him, out loud, what you want. He's not a mind easer and probably a bit selfish. Maybe he thinks you don't want anything. If he gets his and doesn't have to work why would he go to the effort?!?

    Next time, as you're heading to the bedroom (or wherever you like to get frisky) say "you know what? I like getting you off and all, but I need a little quid pro quo."
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    Jul 13, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidDannyboy.

    TELL him, out loud, what you want. He's not a mind easer and probably a bit selfish. Maybe he thinks you don't want anything. If he gets his and doesn't have to work why would he go to the effort?!?

    Next time, as you're heading to the bedroom (or wherever you like to get frisky) say "you know what? I like getting you off and all, but I need a little quid pro quo."


    I'll feel really stupid having to ask. I would like him to actually *want* to do it. If he doesn't it doesn't matter.

    The thread was just about general stuff though like it does seem to me from what I read on here etc that guys who exclusively top are a bit more selfish so I'm not going to take it too personally.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Jul 19, 2014 11:09 PM GMT
    There are tops, bottoms, versatile and every percentage in-between.

    I am a total bottom and am very submissive when with another man.
    I am not versatile, just the way I am...

    There are tops that are just physical, very wham-bam-thank-you-man type of sex. No emotions and most of the times they will NOT kiss. It can get intense but ultimately, boring...Are they being disrespectful? Uh, they maybe a little selfish, they just do not understand how amazing sex can be.

    Then there are the sensitive tops. The tops that enjoy fucking a bottom and give him pleasure. They can suck your tongue out, deep kissing you. They know how to make love, real sensual long lasting sex. They will look you in the eye, kiss you and hug you till they squeeze the breath out of you. I know in this day in age of sexual diseases, deep kissing may be a no-no but with out that sex is boring to me.

    Then there are men that are only oral. The other day a mature man sat between my legs and started to suck me off. I wanted him to stop as I do not get hard and rarely cum. But this man understood what I was. As he sucked me off he pushed two long fingers into me and started to finger-fuck me. Oh, my god, he had me screaming in no time and I came in his mouth. But he just walked away. I went to hug him and thank him but he did not require anything in return. It was really intense though. I felt like he was pushing and sucking the cum out of me.

    There are so many different types of people out there.
    The best situation is when both men want to pleasure each other.