Break up for huge age gap?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    So here's the deal, I met my first bf 6 months ago, and I truly fell for him. He is amazing, but he lied to me about his age. He told me that he was 25, but he turned out to be 35. I'm 18 btw and I'm a virgin. I kept thinking about it and I felt that it was so wrong. He's like twice my age! and he also kept pressuring me about being in a serious relationship (he even talked about running away with him which is a bit overwhelming!). I am mad about him just as much but I decided to break up with him. Now he won't stop texting me and I really want him back. He's everything I want, and I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm middle eastern, so society here isn't helping so please try to understand where I'm coming from. Should I go back with him or should I let the love of my life vanish away? I'm tired of crying and having nobody to talk to anymore. Am I being shallow or reasonable for breaking up with him? I don't think it will eventually work out. Help me plz :'(
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 09, 2014 2:53 AM GMT
    Well, it is difficult for us to say. Here in the US, that kind of behavior wouldn't be tolerated by most guys. It is deceptive and basically disrespectful.

    In your culture, I just don't know. If you really feel you love this man and it is mutual it might be worth working through. But because of where I live I have a hard time believing he won't be dishonest with you about something else further down the road. THEN you'll have invested even more of your heart and life in this man who doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. How would you feel about that?

    So, my vote is no but allowing for cultural differences, you need to feel this one through for yourself.
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    Jul 09, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    Age is just a number and there is no universal answer for you.
    But.
    You are 18. Your brain hasn't finished forming and your personality hasn't completely set yet. That happens around 25.
    You will change a lot in the next few years. What you want out of life, etc will all change. He will not.
    Lying is not a good foundation to start a relationship on either.
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    Jul 09, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    Thanks guys. I agree that a relationship can't be built on lies. What else could he have lied about? I definitely don't trust him anymore, and I'm too young for a serious relationship anyway. Sorry if it was too much drama, I'm new to this crap. I just felt betrayed, that's all.
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    Jul 09, 2014 3:19 AM GMT
    cooldude95 said... I am mad about him just as much but I decided to break up with him. Now he won't stop texting me and I really want him back. ...


    the OP listed his location as "Amman, Capital Governorate, Jordan" you cant just run away, no where to go with out a visa.

    see if he would marry you in NYC you become a US citizen?

    personally i would break up with him because he is not sensitive to your side of the equation. Dont leave your home for this person
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    Jul 09, 2014 3:23 AM GMT
    MikeW saidWell, it is difficult for us to say. Here in the US, that kind of behavior wouldn't be tolerated by most guys. It is deceptive and basically disrespectful.

    In your culture, I just don't know. If you really feel you love this man and it is mutual it might be worth working through. But because of where I live I have a hard time believing he won't be dishonest with you about something else further down the road. THEN you'll have invested even more of your heart and life in this man who doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. How would you feel about that?

    So, my vote is no but allowing for cultural differences, you need to feel this one through for yourself.

    I agree with what you've said, and your conclusion. Cultural differences or not, I suspect the OP may be dealing with a sexual predator, and a lying one. And that's never good. At 18 he's gonna have more and better options, dealing with guys more his own age.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 09, 2014 3:34 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    MikeW saidWell, it is difficult for us to say. Here in the US, that kind of behavior wouldn't be tolerated by most guys. It is deceptive and basically disrespectful.

    In your culture, I just don't know. If you really feel you love this man and it is mutual it might be worth working through. But because of where I live I have a hard time believing he won't be dishonest with you about something else further down the road. THEN you'll have invested even more of your heart and life in this man who doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. How would you feel about that?

    So, my vote is no but allowing for cultural differences, you need to feel this one through for yourself.

    I agree with what you've said, and your conclusion. Cultural differences or not, I suspect the OP may be dealing with a sexual predator, and a lying one. And that's never good. At 18 he's gonna have more and better options, dealing with guys more his own age.

    Yes, you're probably right. The OP now says he no longer trusts this man and there can be no relationship without trust. Not a healthy one, anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2014 3:59 AM GMT
    @pellaz He's a U.S citizen so he could marry me, but that's definitely not gonna happen anymore. I just deleted him out of my life, and I actually just lost trust in all mankind. I don't think I'll ever love again.
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    Jul 09, 2014 4:16 AM GMT
    cooldude95 said@pellaz He's a U.S citizen so he could marry me, but that's definitely not gonna happen anymore. I just deleted him out of my life, and I actually just lost trust in all mankind. I don't think I'll ever love again.


    You're still so young. You will definitely find someone better. You have so much ahead of you.
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    Jul 09, 2014 4:05 PM GMT
    cooldude95 saidThanks guys. I agree that a relationship can't be built on lies. What else could he have lied about? I definitely don't trust him anymore, and I'm too young for a serious relationship anyway. Sorry if it was too much drama, I'm new to this crap. I just felt betrayed, that's all.


    You are 18. What else is in your life, but drama.

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    Jul 09, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidAge is just a number and there is no universal answer for you.
    But.
    You are 18. Your brain hasn't finished forming and your personality hasn't completely set yet. That happens around 25.
    You will change a lot in the next few years. What you want out of life, etc will all change. He will not.
    Lying is not a good foundation to start a relationship on either.


    If age is only just a number why is it 18 year old boys don't go after 15 year olds or 17 year olds. Don't those numbers have more in common with each other?
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    Jul 09, 2014 4:30 PM GMT
    cooldude95 saidI actually just lost trust in all mankind. I don't think I'll ever love again.


    Dogs-Head-Cocked.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    cooldude95 said@pellaz He's a U.S citizen so he could marry me, but that's definitely not gonna happen anymore. I just deleted him out of my life, and I actually just lost trust in all mankind. I don't think I'll ever love again.

    That's an overreaction. What you should lose is BLIND trust in others whom you've just met. And you will love again, only maybe next time more wisely. A skill all of us here have had to learn.
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    Jul 09, 2014 5:12 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said

    If age is only just a number why is it 18 year old boys don't go after 15 year olds or 17 year olds. Don't those numbers have more in common with each other?


    Say what? Are you purposefully misunderstanding me? And do you really think that two high school students don't ever get together? 18 year olds and 17 year olds do get it on. With each other. All the freaking time. It's normal, so no one talks about it. And when I say "age is just a number" what i mean is there is no absolute age difference that is 'wrong' for two consenting adults to have a relationship. In general, the bigger the age difference the stranger it seems. But there are couples that have huge age gaps and they just love each other and they make it work. And it's no one's place to judge or tell them they're doing it for the money or unresolved daddy issues or whatever based purely on the age difference.
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    Jul 09, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    Art_Deco said
    MikeW saidWell, it is difficult for us to say. Here in the US, that kind of behavior wouldn't be tolerated by most guys. It is deceptive and basically disrespectful.

    In your culture, I just don't know. If you really feel you love this man and it is mutual it might be worth working through. But because of where I live I have a hard time believing he won't be dishonest with you about something else further down the road. THEN you'll have invested even more of your heart and life in this man who doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. How would you feel about that?

    So, my vote is no but allowing for cultural differences, you need to feel this one through for yourself.

    I agree with what you've said, and your conclusion. Cultural differences or not, I suspect the OP may be dealing with a sexual predator, and a lying one. And that's never good. At 18 he's gonna have more and better options, dealing with guys more his own age.

    Yes, you're probably right. The OP now says he no longer trusts this man and there can be no relationship without trust. Not a healthy one, anyway.


    Sexual predator is exactly what I was thinking when reading his post. I've caught a lot of flack in other forum post because I date young guys, but I NEVER lie to them about my age. They know from the get go. I NEVER play head games or plead for anything more serious than they are willing to be involved in. They are free to leave the relationship if they ever feel uncomfortable with the age difference. I NEVER run after them with pleas for them to come back.

    OP, your were right in breaking it off with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2014 9:24 PM GMT
    Dude, you're young. Have fun. Do you things you want to do. If you have any negative feels about it discuss it...if he lied about his age what else is he lying about?
    I'm dating someone who is 45 years old. I'm 26. And I feel tied down and it's only been 10 months. He's great but I want to experiment and try things....What I'm trying to say is, no regrets.

    If you're happy, be happy and don't let age get in the way...but the lying thing is a bad sign I must say...
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    Jul 10, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    He lied to you about his age. Who knows what else he could be lying about! You might like him, but he doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart. Honestly, you could do better than him. I would move on and find someone else.

    It's sad, yes, I understand...**hugs** Disappointment can be upsetting. But you said it yourself: "I don't think it will eventually work out." Then that's fine; move on. It's not shallow, I assure you. Find a man who has your best interests at heart.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 10, 2014 4:18 AM GMT
    Looks like you hid your profile, but in case you read, he started off with a deceitful lie. Guys like that are just looking to screw around with someone young and as soon as you add on a 3 or so years, he'll quickly be looking for somebody younger .... run while you can.
  • SubBttmBoy

    Posts: 47

    Jul 10, 2014 12:44 PM GMT
    I wouldn't look at this like it's going to be FOREVER. You're 18. He could be the perfect guy for you, but you still won't work out. You're too young. I'm 33, and when I tried dating anyone more than 5 years younger, things fell apart after a few months. There's just not enough in common, no matter the initial attraction.

    That being said, if you have serious feelings for him, go for it! See what happens.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 11, 2014 3:20 AM GMT
    Live large and explore your whole life, but especially at a young age when it's often less complicated. Have no regrets for love or love gone wrong.

    That said; honesty is important. Has he given you an acceptable response to his big lie upfront?..maybe always planned to if things worked out..but it gets him in the door otherwise or in the search parameters.

    I like young guys...a lot. I like their enthusiasm, energy..sexual and otherwise, their idealism, their confidence...and usually a hot bod to go with it all...but I'm not a creeper and I don't ever seek them out. It's actually always the reverse and with my reservations making sure they're not just fulfilling daddy issues. I have feelings too and I'm not interested in being someone's fetish toy.
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    Jul 11, 2014 3:29 AM GMT
    SubBttmBoy saidI wouldn't look at this like it's going to be FOREVER. You're 18. He could be the perfect guy for you, but you still won't work out. You're too young. I'm 33, and when I tried dating anyone more than 5 years younger, things fell apart after a few months. There's just not enough in common, no matter the initial attraction.

    That being said, if you have serious feelings for him, go for it! See what happens.


    For the OP:

    Now I'm not going to say things can't work out, but this is pretty solid advice. Age is just a number, but given the fact he has asked you to run away with him etc. idk it just seems like you need time to grow yourself.

    Look one of the hottest guys I know is Middle Eastern... Several straight white dudes came up to him during a 4th of July party and told him he should be a model. He also goes to my gym and is straight icon_cry.gif

    You just need to be able to stand on your own two feet; a relationship or guy can never make or break you man.
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    Jul 12, 2014 11:21 AM GMT
    The differance between a 18 yo and 17 and younger, is the younger is "jail bait" Even now HS kids are getting in trouble and arrested just for "sexting" each other...
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    Jul 14, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    Ask yourself a most simple question.

    If he lied to you about something as simple as his age, do you think that's the end of his lack of integrity?

    He's a dishonest, low down, lying dirt bag.

    Get rid of him.

    If he lied to you about something as simple as age, you can bet he'll lie to you about a WHOLE lot more.

    He's dirt.

    I guarantee his standard operating procedure is to lie to get whatever he wants. Can't you do better than a common crook?
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    Jul 14, 2014 12:16 AM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidAge is just a number and there is no universal answer for you.
    But.
    You are 18. Your brain hasn't finished forming and your personality hasn't completely set yet. That happens around 25.
    You will change a lot in the next few years. What you want out of life, etc will all change. He will not.
    Lying is not a good foundation to start a relationship on either.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2014 12:17 AM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidAge is just a number and there is no universal answer for you.
    But.
    You are 18. Your brain hasn't finished forming and your personality hasn't completely set yet. That happens around 25.
    You will change a lot in the next few years. What you want out of life, etc will all change. He will not.
    Lying is not a good foundation to start a relationship on either.


    Age is NOT just a number. That's an idiotic notion. Your brain doesn't mature until you're nearly 30. Values, risk aversion, integrity, priorities, are different at various ages.

    You are just too young to understand reality.