Remedy for dealing with flaky fucks?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 3:45 AM GMT
    I'm dealing with 3 guys right now (now, before you get stupid and jump to conclusions, shutup and listen), 1 who I've met, the other 2 not yet. But it's been atleast 2 weeks for all of them, and they just flake, flake, flake. Now, instead of blaming them, I am going to see what remedy is out there. Maybe I'm not asserting myself enough to meet, but of course I'm doing that by asking them to meet, and they always have some excuse...yet they still want to communicate. 2 guys have flaked on me continuously 3-4 times, and keep apologizing and communicating. I invited 1 to a 4th of July party, the other invited me to lunch, and the other keeps saying he's going to be on my side of town, and never shows up. In business, I regularly block someone's number who does it more than once. So it's not a case of 'just not into me'. I think it's a 50/50 case of a gay culture issue of non-accountability, and a mix of how shady and dishonest it can be.

    I'm not even going to mention where I met them, because I really don't think it'd make any difference if I met them at a party, online, work, school or whatever. These same guys go to work, online, school and whatever. I doubt they would magically change their tune if I met them while attending a Lacrosse game. So it's not an excuse.

    This type of stuff here is just ridiculous. I have a migraine just typing about this stuff. I can't even wrap my head around it. A person can say it's me, me, me...but remember the #1 rule: I can't control what others do, I can only control my reaction to it. Frankly, these guys must have something else going on in their lives that's causing them to behave the way they do. I just can't deal with anymore. Why can't people just be fucking real about shit, and stop being flakes. It's not life and death. If you don't want to meet up, why are they engaging it? It just don't make any sense to me.

    Now I see why so many gays do drugs. If I wasn't as stong-minded as I am with a good family/spiritual support system, I'd of been of gone down the meth/coke/E road long time ago. RealJock would never known me, because I'd be busy getting strung out to ever worry of all the worries and troubles that often go along with being a member of such a shady, sketchy, backwards group of civilians.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 3:58 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that.
    Maybe they are just into chatting, you know. Nothing more. But who knows right. Lots of reasons.
    Move on and keep talking to new guys.
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    Jul 11, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    Okajuurou saidSorry to hear that.
    Maybe they are just into chatting, you know. Nothing more. But who knows right. Lots of reasons.
    Move on and keep talking to new guys.


    It's just so dumb though. I understand that...but, it just goes so much beyond that. I'm not going to say, "if you don't want to meet up, just say it". Because I know people aren't always going to. But, if they are just into chatting, they shouldn't be saying they want to meet, saying they're off this or that day, and then don't do it. That's just so dumb.

    I know some of it has to do with my location (not the one on my profile). I have always hated this region for how the gay scene is. Even the people who move here from other states, this place just changes people. They stop being genuine, and turn into these fucking flaky, unreliable asswipes overnight.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jul 11, 2014 4:28 AM GMT
    Interesting, I just was doubting to make a thread like this too just to vent haha. Last wednesday I was talking to this guy over grindr (yes I know..) anyway, all was good, we liked eachother and I said ok let's have a drink I'm free tonight. So he said I can't tonight I have a family dinner, ok well fair enough. So then he said but what about later this week, we can have a movie night or something? So I said yeah sure, what about friday, so friday it was. We exchanged numbers and agreed on friday. Now it's friday 2:30 pm and I texted him yesterday afternoon about tonight, no reply.. I guess it's not gonna happen.. (still can though, but shouldn't get my hopes up I guess)

    Like you, I wonder what goes on this these guys' heads.. Why not just say, no thanks I changed my mind or whatever, just be decent enough to respond ffs.. Ah well such is gaylife..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 5:33 AM GMT
    Heard this mostly happens among hot people. They were genuinely turned on by you, so they were excited about meeting, but then they get excited about a new hottie so they bail.

    Average people spend more time looking for another average person who is hot in his eyes and vice versa, so there's less selection and better retention of interest lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 6:03 AM GMT
    Nayro saidhe said I can't tonight I have a family dinner, ok well fair enough. So then he said but what about later this week, we can have a movie night or something? So I said yeah sure, what about friday, so friday it was. We exchanged numbers and agreed on friday. Now it's friday 2:30 pm and I texted him yesterday afternoon about tonight, no reply.. I guess it's not gonna happen..


    I'm telling you, that's like the very same thing that's happened with me. We set plans 3 TIMES, and he couldn't follow thru on any of them. He almost did it to me again. Except today, I told him he's a fucking flake who needs to get his shit together. Whether it be other guys, emotions, jitters, whatever. Because it's not fair to treat my time with no regard, regardless of what is going on.

    Listen, everyone. I understand stuff comes up. I am not talking about a guy who cancels once. or even twice. I'll give a guy 2 times. After that, it's a red flag. And at that point, I'll tell them whatever is on my mind at that point, because if I keep placating their bullshit, they're going to keep taking dumps on me. I gotta tell them no, don't fucking shit on me mother fucker. You don't know me, but you're going to get to know me REAL QUICK.
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    Jul 11, 2014 9:45 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    Nayro saidhe said I can't tonight I have a family dinner, ok well fair enough. So then he said but what about later this week, we can have a movie night or something? So I said yeah sure, what about friday, so friday it was. We exchanged numbers and agreed on friday. Now it's friday 2:30 pm and I texted him yesterday afternoon about tonight, no reply.. I guess it's not gonna happen..


    I'm telling you, that's like the very same thing that's happened with me. We set plans 3 TIMES, and he couldn't follow thru on any of them. He almost did it to me again. Except today, I told him he's a fucking flake who needs to get his shit together. Whether it be other guys, emotions, jitters, whatever. Because it's not fair to treat my time with no regard, regardless of what is going on.

    Listen, everyone. I understand stuff comes up. I am not talking about a guy who cancels once. or even twice. I'll give a guy 2 times. After that, it's a red flag. And at that point, I'll tell them whatever is on my mind at that point, because if I keep placating their bullshit, they're going to keep taking dumps on me. I gotta tell them no, don't fucking shit on me mother fucker. You don't know me, but you're going to get to know me REAL QUICK.



    I'm curious what was his response when you told him he was a fuking flake?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 9:59 AM GMT
    gooddaytoday saidHeard this mostly happens among hot people. They were genuinely turned on by you, so they were excited about meeting, but then they get excited about a new hottie so they bail.

    Average people spend more time looking for another average person who is hot in his eyes and vice versa, so there's less selection and better retention of interest lol

    If we had a facepalm smiley on this forum i'd be spamming it pretty much constantly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2014 9:10 PM GMT
    maybe it's just you picking the bad ones.
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    Jul 12, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    I have no patience for flakes.
    I write them off quickly and move on to meet people who show the same respect for my time and attention that I show for them.

    I've found that when flakes get under my skin is when I allow myself to be treated as an option rather than a priority. I then realize that it's my own fault for not enforcing my own rules for self-respect.

    I move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2014 10:41 PM GMT
    I think the solution is to chat with them less.
    Technology makes it easy to find people. But it's too easy. You can chat and multitask at the same time. There is no real commitment. So use technology to chat the bare minimum to set a a real meeting; i.e. make sure he's not a psychopathic serial killer and then make a coffee/drinks date to meet.
    You don't want a chat/online/texting relationship- you want a real one. So let the Internet/app/texts be the introduction but segue into real life interaction as fast as possible. If he is skittish then at least talk on the phone.
    I think to many of us get used to only interacting through the filter of technology. And that goes for friends, romantic relationships, whatever.
    Facebook, Grindr, RJ, etc lead to relationships that are very safe, but also somewhat fake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    You're most likely doing nothing wrong. It's an absolute epidemic. Unfortunately I have no idea what the cure is other than setting boundaries. When I meet someone new, I sit them down and explain to them how I feel about punctuality and mutual respect for each other's time.
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    Jul 13, 2014 12:08 AM GMT
    owl_bundy said
    FuzzyPecs25 saidI'm dealing with 3 guys right now (now, before you get stupid and jump to conclusions, shutup and listen), 1 who I've met, the other 2 not yet.


    icon_rolleyes.gif why even bother....... i DOUBT that you'll ever find somebody that will take you seriously enough to date you as long as you continue your bullshit.

    i don't mean to be an asshole and you're very oversensitive towards any criticism that comes your way anyway BUT..... why make these threads where in all of them, you're basically saying "i am the problem"? add it up. either stop complaining or stop dating and get your shit together. i think that you're a troll looking for laughs or attention. no way in hell can anybody be this screwed up.


    Your responses to many of these forum questions are more of a problem. You just criticise people for putting something out there that's really happening instead of those boring posts about does the look hot [read as I am a school girl still and that's about the level of personals you can expect] lighten up bro
  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Jul 13, 2014 5:33 AM GMT
    owl_bundy said
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 said
    owl_bundy said
    FuzzyPecs25 saidI'm dealing with 3 guys right now (now, before you get stupid and jump to conclusions, shutup and listen), 1 who I've met, the other 2 not yet.


    icon_rolleyes.gif why even bother....... i DOUBT that you'll ever find somebody that will take you seriously enough to date you as long as you continue your bullshit.

    i don't mean to be an asshole and you're very oversensitive towards any criticism that comes your way anyway BUT..... why make these threads where in all of them, you're basically saying "i am the problem"? add it up. either stop complaining or stop dating and get your shit together. i think that you're a troll looking for laughs or attention. no way in hell can anybody be this screwed up.


    Your responses to many of these forum questions are more of a problem. You just criticise people for putting something out there that's really happening instead of those boring posts about does the look hot [read as I am a school girl still and that's about the level of personals you can expect] lighten up bro


    excuse me BUT do you even read his threads? won't speak for the other threads that you're talking about BUT i'll just focus on his. his threads basically beg for negative responses.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3865867/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3862851/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3842939/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3816218/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3776228/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3653855/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3431659/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3290085/
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3281131/

    and i still wonder why people actually give him serious advice. you should tell the op to lighten up or to stop trolling.


    Awww man, so is this a fucking false flag flake thread thread? That's lol-Ling funny if the OP is indeed a nutcase making online gripes about guys he has yet to meet.

    If it's been two weeks of mindless and inane chatting without actually meeting, they are not interested ...you already screwed up in your approach.