The Stigma of Dating Someone HIV-Positive


  • Jul 11, 2014 10:50 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]To a certain type of gay man, the thought of dating someone who is openly HIV positive can feel like social suicide. They certainly aren't the best version of our culture, but any homosexual can attest to the reality of some sects of our society who view people's HIV status like designer labels. When it comes to a negative man choosing to date someone who is positive, they may run the risk of someone confusing their Prada suit in a Banana Republic bag.

    HIV stigma doesn't only affect those carrying the virus. The gay community is quick to place it on anyone who deviates from the boundaries of pluses and minuses.[/cite][/quote]

    I want to know from members what your thought are about dating someone who is HIV Positive. which out there being a tone of stigma . i am my self a big advocate about this madder i have seen what the Stigma that is so high in our community does to people who live with HIV . and the issue they face everyday when it comes to trying to find a partner .

    I only ask that everyone please keep a open mind when it comes to this and please keep any bashing or Negative remarks off the forum post .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 11:14 AM GMT
    Stigma and stereotype still exist regarding HIV and to an extent other STDs. There are also a whole range of other stigmas and sterotypes in being a man, being gay, and being whatever else you want to "fill in the blank".

    I "own" who and what I am, and if somebody doesn't want to associate with me because I'm HIV+, Asian, Puerto Rican, 6'1", brown eyed, don't own a TV, eat meat, or whatever other reason why they choose to reject me...then I wish them happiness on their life's journey.

    There are others in this world who are more educated, more mature, open minded, and who accept me just the way I am. So, I don't need to waste much (if any) time focusing on those who reject me for any reason.

    I don't have the time nor inclination to conform to any kind of stereotype which others may have in their minds about me. I don't have time nor inclination to allow stigma to get in the way of my enjoyment of life, society, and romance.

    I'm just too busy happily living my own fabulous life on my own fabulous terms.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 11, 2014 11:31 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidStigma and stereotype still exist regarding HIV and to an extent other STDs. There are also a whole range of other stigmas and sterotypes in being a man, being gay, and being whatever else you want to "fill in the blank".

    I "own" who and what I am, and if somebody doesn't want to associate with me because I'm HIV+, Asian, Puerto Rican, 6'1", brown eyed, don't own a TV, eat meat, or whatever other reason why they choose to reject me...then I wish them happiness on their life's journey.

    There are others in this world who are more educated, more mature, open minded, and who accept me just the way I am. So, I don't need to waste much (if any) time focusing on those who reject me for any reason.

    I don't have the time nor inclination to conform to any kind of stereotype which others may have in their minds about me. I don't have time nor inclination to allow stigma to get in the way of my enjoyment of life, society, and romance.

    I'm just too busy happily living my own fabulous life on my own fabulous terms.


    +1

    I am constitutionally incapable of even understanding why there IS a "stigma" towards HIV+ people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2014 11:07 PM GMT
    The way I see it I will play safe regardless who the person is so their HIV status doesn't concern me and I certainly wouldn't let it stop me being in a relationship with someone.
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    Jul 11, 2014 11:26 PM GMT
    I never knowingly dated/been with someone who had HIV. I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe. Until this guy messaged me on OKC and we got to talking and he told me that his now ex-husband infected him although he had been faithful throughout the marriage. That broke my heart a bit. Had I believed in long distance relationships I would of try to give it a shot.icon_cry.gif
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 11, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    BillyBrown saidI never knowingly dated/been with someone who had HIV. I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe. Until this guy messaged me on OKC and we got to talking and he told me that his now ex-husband infected him although he had been faithful throughout the marriage. That broke my heart a bit. Had I believed in long distance relationships I would of try to give it a shot.icon_cry.gif


    Try this:

    Would anyone of us date someone who was.....dying? (Answer).

    Now, find me someone alive who.... isn't?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2014 12:33 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said
    BillyBrown saidI never knowingly dated/been with someone who had HIV. I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe. Until this guy messaged me on OKC and we got to talking and he told me that his now ex-husband infected him although he had been faithful throughout the marriage. That broke my heart a bit. Had I believed in long distance relationships I would of try to give it a shot.icon_cry.gif


    Try this:

    Would anyone of us date someone who was.....dying? (Answer).

    Now, find me someone alive who.... isn't?


    I see...I think sometimes it is best not to say anything in the face of ignorance...Bye now icon_confused.gif
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 12, 2014 1:20 AM GMT
    BillyBrown said
    WrestlerBoy said
    BillyBrown saidI never knowingly dated/been with someone who had HIV. I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe. Until this guy messaged me on OKC and we got to talking and he told me that his now ex-husband infected him although he had been faithful throughout the marriage. That broke my heart a bit. Had I believed in long distance relationships I would of try to give it a shot.icon_cry.gif


    Try this:

    Would anyone of us date someone who was.....dying? (Answer).

    Now, find me someone alive who.... isn't?


    I see...I think sometimes it is best not to say anything in the face of ignorance...Bye now icon_confused.gif


    "I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe"

    Cya. You prejudiced moron.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2014 2:25 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said
    BillyBrown said
    WrestlerBoy said
    BillyBrown saidI never knowingly dated/been with someone who had HIV. I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe. Until this guy messaged me on OKC and we got to talking and he told me that his now ex-husband infected him although he had been faithful throughout the marriage. That broke my heart a bit. Had I believed in long distance relationships I would of try to give it a shot.icon_cry.gif


    Try this:

    Would anyone of us date someone who was.....dying? (Answer).

    Now, find me someone alive who.... isn't?


    I see...I think sometimes it is best not to say anything in the face of ignorance...Bye now icon_confused.gif


    "I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe"

    Cya. You prejudiced moron.


    people change, you know lol.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 12, 2014 3:23 AM GMT
    leafgreen said
    WrestlerBoy said
    BillyBrown said
    WrestlerBoy said
    BillyBrown saidI never knowingly dated/been with someone who had HIV. I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe. Until this guy messaged me on OKC and we got to talking and he told me that his now ex-husband infected him although he had been faithful throughout the marriage. That broke my heart a bit. Had I believed in long distance relationships I would of try to give it a shot.icon_cry.gif


    Try this:

    Would anyone of us date someone who was.....dying? (Answer).

    Now, find me someone alive who.... isn't?


    I see...I think sometimes it is best not to say anything in the face of ignorance...Bye now icon_confused.gif


    "I used to think about them as promiscuous people who were being unsafe"

    Cya. You prejudiced moron.


    people change, you know lol.


    And YOU missed the point, too:

    "I USED to think of THEM as negroes and 3/5 of a human being...."

    Get it????
  • Dystopia_

    Posts: 20

    Jul 12, 2014 12:13 PM GMT
    Well anyone would have a problem with someone who's HIV+ is either ignorant or stupid. You can try to educate the ignorant, but why would you feel bad about a stupid person stigmatizing you?
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    Jul 12, 2014 12:39 PM GMT
    Dystopia_ saidWell anyone would have a problem with someone who's HIV+ is either ignorant or stupid. You can try to educate the ignorant, but why would you feel bad about a stupid person stigmatizing you?

    I dated poz guys, had one as a partner, and it never occurred to me I might be stigmatized because of it. I knew HE might be, and my partner in particular was totally open about having HIV, so everyone was aware, no need for whispers behind his back.

    But I never felt that was happening to me, too. I think the most prejudicial thing was some people assumed I was poz, as well, even told me themselves. A number of people in this current community do, too, though my husband is negative. Mainly because I work with HIV/AIDS agencies, and sometimes wear shirts with their logos. Well, it's logical to assume that would mean I have it, too, right? icon_rolleyes.gif

    Doesn't bother me a bit. Nor prevent me from doing the things I do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2014 2:02 PM GMT
    Interesting topic. I can see the dilemma that it would be for some guys on if they should disclose or just use protection particularly with those freaky "bug catchers" out there seeking poz guys deliberately. I had a date with an amazing and gorgeous hottie last night who disclosed his status and it didn't change me opinion one bit of him. He was honest and up front and that should be commended. I have also had a defacto relationship with a guy for 3 years previously and in both cases I knew upfront. I do acknowledge that as a top with condoms my risk is lower and If I was a bottom I might think different , who knows or cares but I think there shouldn't be any problem. I am also working in a field where I encounter people with medical issues so I am well educated on the does and don'ts so of course I am more comfortable, I am more concerned about how much bare-baking is going on like it is no big deal. That's should be a bigger social issue coz those guys are likely to spread HIV than someone who mans up and is honest
  • Dystopia_

    Posts: 20

    Jul 12, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Dystopia_ saidWell anyone would have a problem with someone who's HIV+ is either ignorant or stupid. You can try to educate the ignorant, but why would you feel bad about a stupid person stigmatizing you?

    I dated poz guys, had one as a partner, and it never occurred to me I might be stigmatized because of it. I knew HE might be, and my partner in particular was totally open about having HIV, so everyone was aware, no need for whispers behind his back.

    But I never felt that was happening to me, too. I think the most prejudicial thing was some people assumed I was poz, as well, even told me themselves. A number of people in this current community do, too, though my husband is negative. Mainly because I work with HIV/AIDS agencies, and sometimes wear shirts with their logos. Well, it's logical to assume that would mean I have it, too, right? icon_rolleyes.gif

    Doesn't bother me a bit. Nor prevent me from doing the things I do.


    Yeah that's exactly the thing. The same idiots who will avoid someone for being HIV+ are those very ones that would assume anyone dating them has to be HIV+ as well.

    Having said that, though, social rejection in general hurts. Even if you consciously realize that you're being rejected for idiotic reasons, it's still going to feel less than pleasurable. I guess that's what people try to avoid.