Need Advice - Dating, Going Out... Everything lol

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 15, 2014 2:52 AM GMT
    Hello everyone,

    I could use some advice (would also be happy just chatting lol). I'm 25 and live in south Florida, a bit north of Fort Lauderdale.

    The problem (well maybe not problem, but maybe in this sense it is) is that I'm very introverted. Like extraordinarily introverted. When I really get to know someone like a good friend, I can be very comfortable and easy-going around them, at least in a (semi-)private setting. But the whole "going out" thing, whether we're talking bars, clubs, parties, whatever... I invariably just feel uncomfortable. If I'm with a group of friends I know and trust, I can lessen this somewhat by sticking to them like super-glue, which on one hand can make for an enjoyable night, but on the other hand somewhat defeats the purpose of going out.

    I'd like to be able to go out to a gay bar/club whatever and meet people (even friends, but hopefully something more too). I suppose one issue is that any of the friends I would "go out" with are not people I'd bring to a gay bar (ALL my friends are straight lol), so I'd be going out alone, and as mentioned that just makes me uncomfortable. I'm really shy... I'm liable to sit at the bar, order myself a couple of drinks, sit some more, and then go. The last time I went out (alone) I went to two gay bars in Wilton Manors. At the first, while having a drink, a creepyish guy (not nice I know, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it) started talking to me and complementing me. At first I was flattered, but I quickly felt extremely awkward as he bought me a drink and proceeded to gush about how cute he thought I was, how much fun we'd have if I went home with him... I guess I'm not sure if this is normal or if it's my issues that made it weird, but in any case I wasn't really attracted to him in the slightest, so I made the most graceful exit possible: I pretended to have to take a phone call outside and made a beeline for my car LOL.

    I went to another bar close by and went inside, sat down, had another drink. A song I liked came on and I actually felt like dancing for once (probably the alcohol haha), so I went to the dance floor. Don't really have any moves at all lol, but I can at least step and sway to a beat pretty good... anyway I ended up catching the eye of a kid I thought was pretty cute that looked my age, maybe even a couple years younger. We were both kinda just dancing around, we kept looking at each other and smiling, and we eventually got closer and started dancing together. We actually got really close, right on top of each other, and eventually started kissing as we danced (much better than I ever have)... not much I know, but the most sensual and exciting romantic experience I'd had in years (and nothing in the months since). Unfortunately he left (me and the dance floor) rather abruptly, and that's the last saw of him. I don't think I did anything to drive him away (he seemed to be enjoying our dance as much as me, he definitely didn't pull away from kissing, etc.)... but of course it's my personality to wonder if I did something wrong (though as often as I can convince myself I did, this time I really don't think so). I'm sad I didn't get (or ask for...) a number or anything, but that little dance did make me pretty happy and hopeful that maybe I can find something again.

    tl;dr Does anyone have any experience meeting gay friends, lovers, boyfriends etc. as a (relatively) young, shy, introverted gay man with no gay friends? I can only rarely get my confidence up to even go out, and even when I do I really have no clue what I'm doing =

    (PS: If anyone knows of any fun places in the area that cater to a somewhat younger crowd, I wouldn't be upset if you mentioned them icon_razz.gif)
  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Jul 15, 2014 3:32 AM GMT
    In my experience, gay friends are the hardest. You did go out to a few places by yourself, so it seems like you're not doing too bad. Dating or hookup sites are alright, but you have to know how to use them to get results.

    Getting a boyfriend is not that hard, I think. A lot of guys on the dating sites are actually looking for a regular thing, or potential relationship.

    My problem is gay friends. No one wants to just take it easy unless there's either sex or potential romance. It's like all or nothing.