Effort or time?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2014 6:11 PM GMT
    Hellow guys,

    I would love to hear any advice from you about "forgiving yourself" for things you've done in the past.
    For the past seven months, I've been struggling with the "mental garbage" and seem not being able to forgive myself for mistakes that I've done in the past relationship with one person I cared and still care about so much. I try to let him go, and wish him the best. But some episodes flash in my head almost every day, making my day seem so heavy.


    I wonder if a conscious effort or time played a bigger role in forgiving, letting go of things, of people in your life?

    Thanks, if you consider replying to this post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    I also wonder whether "white bear problem" from psychology plays a role in my struggle to let him go and to let past things go.
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    Jul 15, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    Okajuurou saidI also wonder whether "white bear problem" from psychology plays a role in my struggle to let him go and to let past things go.


    Common human dilemma about letting go probably coz other people or things in your life may not let you forget
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 15, 2014 7:56 PM GMT
    For me it's time..Time heals, but I never forget. Conscious efforts work if you can set aside your feelings, if you can't do that, you tend to continue past patterns.
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    Jul 15, 2014 9:54 PM GMT
    You are not alone in this at all. One thing that is for sure is that time heals all wounds. At some point without you even realizing it thinking of your ex will no longer trigger any emotion.
    Try actively not to force the process. Really be with your hurt & suffering.
    I realized that all my relations taught me something about myself & it is not always good things. Just learn to accept that we are all flawed and we are all doing the best we can with what we've got.
    Good luck & remember to learn to accept who you are & always get a lesson out of each failed relationship. Cheers
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    Jul 16, 2014 12:32 AM GMT
    BillyBrown said At some point without you even realizing it thinking of your ex will no longer trigger any emotion.
    Try actively not to force the process. Really be with your hurt & suffering.
    I realized that all my relations taught me something about myself & it is not always good things. Just learn to accept that we are all flawed and we are all doing the best we can with what we've got.
    Good luck & remember to learn to accept who you are & always get a lesson out of each failed relationship. Cheers

    Quoted because these are words of wisdom.
    Healing after a breakup takes time. Attempts to mask the pain will only delay the process - you have to accept your hurt and learn what it is trying to teach you about yourself and how you relate to others.
    As this learning process plays out the hurt will gradually turn to regret and then to a wry awareness of what you did wrong and a new strength to do better next time.
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    Jul 16, 2014 1:10 AM GMT
    BillyBrown saidYou are not alone in this at all. One thing that is for sure is that time heals all wounds. At some point without you even realizing it thinking of your ex will no longer trigger any emotion.
    Try actively not to force the process. Really be with your hurt & suffering.
    I realized that all my relations taught me something about myself & it is not always good things. Just learn to accept that we are all flawed and we are all doing the best we can with what we've got.
    Good luck & remember to learn to accept who you are & always get a lesson out of each failed relationship. Cheers


    Thanks a lot, your words really do speak to me. I keep forgetting that I have flaws, and that I should not be so hard on myself. Thank you again!
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Jul 16, 2014 3:04 AM GMT
    No such thing as a human without flaws! furthermore a wise man best kept secret is embracing all that is not perfect. No shame in making mistakes, so as long as you learned from them! the fact that you already acknowledge them in the form of guilt, is in my personal opinion a step in the right direction!
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:43 PM GMT
    Time heals , and then you can re-analyse the problem .
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    Jul 16, 2014 11:26 PM GMT
    Okajuurou said... advice from you about "forgiving yourself" ...


    trick in life is to avoid having too many regrets:

    you will make lots of mistakes in your life. Remember tho its not like you two didnt try very hard to make it work. In this there is no next time, all mistakes are final. Given a second chance you maybe could fix this or that but in the end something else would have come up between you two.

    a lot of things in life generally run like; if its your day to fail you will.



    I look forward to you finding your next love!