How to handle this situation

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Jul 16, 2014 2:00 PM GMT
    So a couple months ago I visited my sister interstate.
    I met this guy clubbing and we went for coffee, drinks and eventually cuddles.
    The next day we caught up again for coffee and further cuddles happened. No oral or anal..
    Anyways, since then, be messages me quiet a bit, saying I'm great, wants to come visit
    He is 'stopping over' in my city for 4 days and sent me a reminder text saying "he can't wait to see me".
    I asked him about his accommodation and plans and he said nothing sorted but would like to hang with me depending on my availability.

    I'm not that into him that I would date him, tbh I'm feeling like he wants something MORE to happen, when I think I was just after fun on my trip.

    Now I feel like he is alluding to wanting to stay here, but I don't want to baby sit, I'm 5 years older than him - he is 21.
    I even told him to use grindr here and he said "no that's okay".

    Help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 2:05 PM GMT
    "Something came up at work and I have to go out of town for a few days, sorry."

    Works wonders. icon_wink.gif
  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Jul 16, 2014 2:09 PM GMT
    I couldn't bring myself to be so harsh.

    It's just annoying 21 year old aren't mature enough to read the situation..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 2:12 PM GMT
    You must give damn good cuddles!

    Nip it...be honest, brutally, if need be. If he can't take a hint (and he
    obviously can't), you'll have to spell it out for him, and better sooner
    than later.
  • Kwokpot

    Posts: 329

    Jul 16, 2014 2:15 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidSo a couple months ago I visited my sister interstate.
    I met this guy clubbing and we went for coffee, drinks and eventually cuddles.
    The next day we caught up again for coffee and further cuddles happened. No oral or anal..
    Anyways, since then, be messages me quiet a bit, saying I'm great, wants to come visit
    He is 'stopping over' in my city for 4 days and sent me a reminder text saying "he can't wait to see me".
    I asked him about his accommodation and plans and he said nothing sorted but would like to hang with me depending on my availability.

    I'm not that into him that I would date him, tbh I'm feeling like he wants something MORE to happen, when I think I was just after fun on my trip.

    Now I feel like he is alluding to wanting to stay here, but I don't want to baby sit, I'm 5 years older than him - he is 21.
    I even told him to use grindr here and he said "no that's okay".

    Help!

    YOu just gotta be direct. Just say to him " Let me know where you end up staying, and then we can arrange to meet up for drinks" assuming you even want to see him. IF you don't then you just have to say that " I'm sorry, but I'm not available to see you, but if you want any recommends,let me know."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 2:49 PM GMT
    tell him NOT to see you

    how does he know your address
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    Jul 16, 2014 3:19 PM GMT
    This is why you should have just tricked without coffee instead of snacking on Danishes with cuddling. In entertaining yourself on your vacation away, you sent him mixed messages--the possibility of something "more than, yikes, just sex"--that this guy could then dwell upon as his possible future, so you've got some responsibility to be a bit gentle, having already used him for what you got off on. Otherwise you're going to turn yourself into some douche who just flushes people like used toilet paper.

    Sometimes gentle doesn't work even if you weren't using the guy, even if the break up of the relationship was because the other guy wasn't being honest or at least upfront about his intents or capacities. But try a gentle approach first, see if that works, even if not out of respect for him, at least out of respect for what you might like to think your own intent to have been.

    Cuddling and coffee! Where the fuck did you learn that? On the internet? Did someone tweet it? You people don't even know how to trick right! Turn in your gay card. And we're sending over authority to repossess the toaster oven.

    Sometimes you have to sacrifice to maintain pride. I suggest getting together with him again and having the worst sex he's ever had. That way he can end it himself without feeling badly and that lets you off the hook.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:00 PM GMT
    Be direct.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidIt's just annoying 21 year old aren't mature enough to read the situation..


    This has nothing to do with maturity.
    You meet someone at a club and then spend two nights cuddling with him and expect him to just go away after? You may have led him on and what you need to do is be upfront with him about it instead of assuming he needs to be "babysat" icon_rolleyes.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11832

    Jul 16, 2014 4:27 PM GMT
    Grow some nuts and tell him the truth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:38 PM GMT
    Don't you think you are the one who is immature ?
    In one way , you took advantage of him for your own entertainment during your holiday , you should have been forthright on your first date !
    Now , grow some bollocks and tell him the truth !!