Who picks up the bill/check?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    In the (antiquated) hetero world, guys always pay, especially for the first date. This tradition often carries on to the second, third dates, and in some cases, all subsequent courtship routine, all while the guy is saving up to purchase a diamond ring.

    How do the homosexuals deal with this classical problem?icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • Aj267

    Posts: 31

    Jul 16, 2014 3:45 PM GMT
    Hmm idkicon_exclaim.gif
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    Jul 16, 2014 3:47 PM GMT
    Setting aside heteronormativity, I think guys on a first date might consider splitting the bill on a first date, and on all dates. Sometimes though, one guy has deeper pockets and in that case he can and should (IMO) pick up the check. For instance, if one guy is still a student with little or no income, and the other guy has his career & is in good shape financially, I think the guy with the financial resources shouldn't mind paying. Later, after he graduates and is bringing in an income, the two guys can handle the bills differently.
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    Jul 16, 2014 3:54 PM GMT
    My experiences have been that we take turns taking care of the bill & picking each other up. Sometimes just split the bill evenly.

    I wouldn't feel comfortable having someone pay for me everytime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:03 PM GMT
    That is how i do it :
    It is the one that do the invite , who pays . icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:28 PM GMT
    When I was dating I did a mix of 50/50 "Dutch treat" and alternating with back & forth, one of us taking the entire cost in turn. Always equaling out in the long run.

    But what really began to determine how to pay was the decline of cash in favor of plastic. Often a restaurant won't do separate checks, or we'd just forget to request. And have little cash on us. Trying to split the cards is a hassle for the server; the simple solution was for one of us to just grab the whole thing. Next time it was his turn or mine.

    On that critical first date I always tried to bring enough cash, though, so I could pay my own costs cleanly. Regardless of which of us initiated the date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2014 4:31 PM GMT
    Dutch and back and fourth. My boy makes 40k more than me, but I always still go dutch. That being said, if he drives me places, I don't feel compelled to offer gas money, where I would definitely fill his tank had it been the opposite scenario.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 16, 2014 4:31 PM GMT
    If you asked him to dinner...you pay..vice versa.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 16, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3870394
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    Jul 16, 2014 8:01 PM GMT
    The top pays, because the bottom doesn't bring any cash out with him in his handbag. This is the golden rule.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 16, 2014 8:57 PM GMT
    I always say "I'll get this" but if he offers to pick it up, I just say "Thank you, very kind." From then on, we trade picking it up. It evens out and seems so much nicer than dividing a check. If it's his turn but he makes no move to pick it up, I will without saying anything. But as Jockbod said, if there's an income disparity, the guy with the more money should cover more. With my guy now I cover dinner, he covers lunch when we're together. I really don't like talking about money so the object is to be sensitive and fair and always try to do just a bit more than my share.
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    Jul 16, 2014 9:08 PM GMT
    Ohno saidThe top pays, because the bottom doesn't bring any cash out with him in his handbag. This is the golden rule.


    ugh, please. If you ask me I say always split the check (especially on the first date). It just makes life more simple.
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    Jul 16, 2014 9:12 PM GMT
    On my dates it's always been the case that we split the bill in two. I think this issue can be rather sensitive depending on who your date is. I feel like splitting the bill in two is best option especially if this is one of the first dates. You don't want to pick up the bill and risk coming across as disrespectful to the other guy. If I went on a first date and my date would pay the whole thing, i'd feel uncomfortable and maybe even a little ticked off. It has to do with respect, but not everyone is going to react the same way ofc. I think safest choice is to split in two at first. After a while, you can change and offer to pay the bill.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    Whoever asks for the first date. I'll usually end up paying if the guy is younger, broke or whatever. Coffee and French crepe, chat, perfect 1st date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 2:41 AM GMT
    Ohno saidThe top pays, because the bottom doesn't bring any cash out with him in his handbag. This is the golden rule.


    Word
    Rule 2
    -The bottom pays for the hotel room.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 3:00 AM GMT
    Whoever asks the other out pays. It's assumed that one person isn't doing most of the asking.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jul 17, 2014 3:07 AM GMT
    50/50. Solves everything.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 17, 2014 3:13 AM GMT
    Who ever says 'I'll get this, you can get it next time' first, otherwise you split it 50/50.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 12:41 PM GMT
    The guy with the most money pays. It's only fair.

    It's like when you go yachting on someone's boat, what do you think yer gonna do, give him ten bucks towards gas money? Hell, he already burned through that just cranking up the engines.

    Simple: his boat, he pays.

    Now, someone take me to lunch!

    (I'll make it worth your while.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 1:44 PM GMT
    these days a tank of gas costs $50.00 why quibble over the dinner check?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    pellaz saidthese days a tank of gas costs $50.00 why quibble over the dinner check?

    Because the dinner check for 2 easily costs twice that. Food & restaurant costs have risen just like gasoline.

    When I first started driving I could fill my car's tank from nearly empty for under $3.00, and my motorcycle for pocket change, didn't even have to break a bill for it. But then I could also get a complete hot meal of roast beef, potatoes & vegetable, with coffee, for around $1.25, and for dessert a bowl of ice cream for $.20, and a quarter tip was considered adequate for that total. Maybe even a little generous, when 10-15% was typical, nobody did 20% or more except perhaps at bars.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1117

    Jul 17, 2014 3:03 PM GMT
    On the first couple of dates we both go Dutch! But once there is a mutual connection both take turns paying the full bill. I am usually considered of my date's finances; so I go to places/restaurants he can afford, and feels comfortable in.
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    Jul 17, 2014 5:05 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ saidOn the first couple of dates we both go Dutch! But once there is a mutual connection both take turns paying the full bill. I am usually considered of my date's finances; so I go to places/restaurants he can afford, and feels comfortable in.


    considerate?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 6:30 PM GMT
    Dutch treat. Take turns treating each other. Sharing is important but having that financial independence is very important as well.
    For special occasions such as a birthday it is o.k. to pay the bill.
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    Jul 17, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    I think we need to stop stressing about it, and start telling the waiters/waitresses, 'separate checks!' On 1st or 2nd dates, there's no need to be paying for someone else's meal when you don't even know if it's going to turn into anything. Unless you're just into charity work.

    I went for drinks the other night with a friend...just drinks, and just friends. The waiter comes and hands us 1 tab. That's so stupid. Why obligate 1 person to pay the entire fare? I told the waiter after a few minutes: split the check! He's not paying for me, I'm not paying for him.

    Most wait staff don't even ask. They try to be sneaky and just drop 1 tab. Now, if you're in something established, or 1 guy doesn't mind/can afford to take the other to dinner without it affecting their finances...then by all means, do it.