Freaking Out

  • greekguy79

    Posts: 112

    Jul 17, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    Have you ever been with a guy you are really attracted to/interested in/smitten for, and you're making out and having a nice time, and nothing is happening in your pants?

    I'm freaking out a little bit.

    Back story, I've had almost no experience with another man...been mostly closeted, working on it, and coming out to a few close friends and some family lately.

    So I met this amazingly nice guy through a friend...we had all gone out...had some drinks and a great time...and we kinda got into making out and having some fun. I know I was really into him--was all over him... But I didn't get hard.

    I don't know if it was the drink, or it meant that years of repressing my sexuality has caused my member to not function as a virile man's should. Or maybe I was nervous, or in disbelief?

    Everything in me wanted to be, and I wasn't...And I know that I can get an erection....

    Has this ever happened to you? What do you do?

    I mean, I definitely want to see him again, and I'd like to see where things can go....but if the first time was a telltale sign, I don't think the boy is going to be interested for very long. Unlike me, I think he's had a few relationships....and I don't know whether he'll have the patience for a late bloomer...especially one that isn't doing much blooming when it counts...

    Any advise? Drop a note here, or message me.

    Thanks, and have a great night.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 5:05 AM GMT
    Sounds like Nerves and Alcohol is your issue in this case. Try less ETOH next time and also you will prob be less nervous due to having already met before. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 5:10 AM GMT
    It has happened to everyone.
    The way to keep things happy is to show just how versatile you can be.
    But after enough years, I suspect that it just means that for some reason, I wasn't really into that person, or the scene. When I get the opportunity to lay with someone who really turns me on, there is no problem.

    BTW: Sometimes, it is the mechanics of dealing with the condoms. You might need to practice with the condoms and discover the proper lubes and techniques for you.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 17, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    Too much alcohol can cause problems but not always. In this instance it may have even lessened the real problem which is likely anxiety.
    To start, you've inferred you might be a little intimidated by him on a number of levels.

    He's experienced and you're not. Was there talk of sexual roles, ie. top/bottom. You may not know yet where you fall on that continuum and the implications/expectations that come with it. (potential bone killer) pbkicon_wink.gif

    You don't meet a lot of eligible guys and he seems to have potential to be "the one" so you're overly vested in him already...almost instantly and worried about blowing it. pbk

    You didn't mention it and I hate to even go there for reasons that belong in another thread..but I'm wondering also...are you in the same league as far as looks and boyfriend material? pbk
    Again this is so subjective, but to make the point..perceived 6's and 9's can make great couples but 6 needs the confidence to fill the gap; which essentially makes it equal.

    Next; you met through friends so all eyes are watching. pbk
    And if things go well it's almost certain to lead to your official coming out. pbk

    And finally, and perhaps the most of many relevant factors...you became aware of the situation during makeout. Even thinking about that possibility, let alone starting to experience it is a self perpetuating bone killer. (guaranteed bone killer)gbkicon_redface.gif

    You're right in thinking he may not have the patience for a late bloomer, especially in this situation where it's less about patience and more that his ego is taking a hit. Hopefully he's still interested, but you can't go into the next meet with all this baggage.

    I hate to say "do this" in a situation like this. But if it were me...and I was certain it was all me and not his dragon breath, annoying laugh, bad manners, etc. I'd say what do you have to lose by laying it all out for him?

    I'm new at this...you're so hot...I don't know what to do in bed...I get hard when I think about you..this is embarrassing...would you consider a no sex naked makeout our first time..take things slow?

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Jul 17, 2014 3:57 PM GMT
    Wow! ^^^ Great advice. I like this a lot. Yes, it has happened to all of us. Just that no one talks about it and the media makes it sound like it is a big deal when it isn't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 4:07 PM GMT
    What everyone has said above, to a large extent defined as "performance anxiety", along with alcohol consumption, are all valid, a possible explanation. And the remedies mentioned are good. The irony about alcohol is that while it can lower our inhibitions, it can also lower our sexual performance.

    But in taking the best corrective approach, I would like to ask the OP: when DO you get hard? Under what circumstances in the past? This may provide some clues. And frankly, until you get comfortable with gay sex, taking some Viagra is not a crime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 4:20 PM GMT
    More or less , men are envisioning their first date with a happy ending finish ...
    That is wrong , first let learn about each other , take it slowly .
    My motto is : 3 dates ,
    1st:coffee ,

    2nd: lunch , and a museum visit or something else that both are interested in ,

    3rd: dinner , and a movie (home or movie theater ),

    It gives you time to relax and get comfortable , and when the time comes , your anxiety level will be zero .

    Alcohol isn't your friend when it comes to anxiety !


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 10:19 PM GMT
    How much sleep did you have the night before? Lack of sleep, too much alcohol, anxiety can add up to "nothing"!

    99.99% of the time my interest "barometer" is pegged when I am kissing and making out. If not, I'd wonder if I really liked the guy. You can't rationalize chemistry! Was he hard? Did he say anything?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2014 11:29 PM GMT
    let's see just like looking for cars said, leave the alcohol alone and some nervousness can cause member to stay flat....I like to stay sober so I know what is happening.
  • greekguy79

    Posts: 112

    Jul 19, 2014 4:12 PM GMT
    Thanks for the feedback guys.

    I really appreciate it.

    Fatigue, alcohol, nerves, people watching...were all factors.

    I guess I'll just have to see what happens next time...

    Hope you're all having a good weekend!
    Peace.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2014 9:57 PM GMT
    greekguy79 saidThanks for the feedback guys.

    I really appreciate it.

    Fatigue, alcohol, nerves, people watching...were all factors.

    I guess I'll just have to see what happens next time...

    Hope you're all having a good weekend!
    Peace.



    Good! I hope you get another crack at it!