Ready to move!!! Should I be judging a city by it's gay community/scene

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2014 11:53 AM GMT
    For the past few months, I've been looking to move out of Memphis.

    Memphis does not have a gay scene, even though some people may disagree. We have one "real" gay bar. One gay club. That's it. Sad.

    I'm definitely at the point in my life where I'm ready to move to a "gayer" city and to be surrounded a huge gay community.

    I say that because even in Memphis gay people are still being scrutinized, verbally attacked (speaking from experience), and the like. I really am over the small town mind set and having that shit roll off my back. Even though I do try to not let that shit slide, I'm still human and am pretty tired of it.

    One of the major things that I am looking for in cities (that I want to move to) is the gay scene/community.

    Is that a reliable reason to move to a new city? (Since in most cases, gays have really brought new life to certain areas etc.) And yes job security should be the first goal when searching to move to a new city, I know ;)

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. icon_smile.gif
    Much Love.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    The likelihood of being able to meet and socialize with and date other gay people is a part of what makes for a full life. So yes, it's something to think about if you're considering a move. But it shouldn't be the only thing you think about.
    Job opportunities should be #1. If you're broke and unemployed you won't be having much of a social life.
    Climate, amenities, friendliness to newcomers, etc. are also things to consider.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2014 2:11 PM GMT
    Memphis
    is too small a town. If one thing bad happens you will not be able to easily recover.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2014 2:20 PM GMT
    Should I be judging a city by its gay community?

    Well, the gay community is going to be judging you. So fair is fair.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 18, 2014 3:42 PM GMT
    You're young and may want the gay scene but you're also educated and intelligent. I'd focus more on a gay friendly city with a career opportunity that excites you. And a decent gay population. The scene itself gets old pretty quick. Memphis is socially backward but has a great blues scene. How often do you spend time there? Probably not much. Same will happen with the gay scene somewhere else.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 18, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    I noticed a huge difference almost overnight in the way gay people are treated since my state legalized gay marriage. People are extremely supportive for the most part and they like to see people getting married and living their lives in the open.... The bigots are the ones in the closet now. They hide their hate in public and about all they have the balls to do anymore is bitch on the internet.icon_lol.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 18, 2014 5:41 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI noticed a huge difference almost overnight in the way gay people are treated since my state legalized gay marriage. People are extremely supportive for the most part and they like to see people getting married and living their lives in the open.... The bigots are the ones in the closet now. They hide their hate in public and about all they have the balls to do anymore is bitch on the internet.icon_lol.gificon_twisted.gif

    Not true. They also vote Republican and carry guns.
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    Jul 18, 2014 6:29 PM GMT
    I vote republican and carry guns but im not like that lol. Well I don't take them out and walk around with them unless i'm going shooting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2014 8:55 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou're young and may want the gay scene but you're also educated and intelligent. I'd focus more on a gay friendly city with a career opportunity that excites you. And a decent gay population. The scene itself gets old pretty quick. Memphis is socially backward but has a great blues scene. How often do you spend time there? Probably not much. Same will happen with the gay scene somewhere else.


    Well, I don't spend ANY time on Beale Street because for
    #1. It's not safe.
    #2. It's not gay friendly.... AT ALL
    #3. It's touristy.

    I've been in Memphis all my life, so that's probably why I'm over it as well. There is nothing that will make me invest in this city. Even though it needs a lot of work, the majority of the gay population want to move out because there is hardly any $$$ here to make a gay area succeed, but more importantly Memphis does not have a high population of young professionals who can make it happen. The majority have dead end jobs... if that makes sense.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 18, 2014 9:39 PM GMT
    Yeah, I understand. I know Memphis. My point was that even a gay district in some city will become tired to you after a while. I'm that way with New Orleans now. Just look for a city with a gay population doing things you like to do. The night club venues will get old fast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2014 1:51 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYeah, I understand. I know Memphis. My point was that even a gay district in some city will become tired to you after a while. I'm that way with New Orleans now. Just look for a city with a gay population doing things you like to do. The night club venues will get old fast.


    Oh yeah for sure. I'm not only looking for clubs, bars, etc. but also good culture in a city (art, festivals, farmers market, things to do outside the club scene).
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14390

    Jul 19, 2014 1:58 PM GMT
    pellaz saidMemphis
    is too small a town. If one thing bad happens you will not be able to easily recover.
    Memphis has a central city population of over 700,000 so it is not a small town. However this is valid proof that not all big, major cities are progressive and gay friendly. Many are still quite conservative. At the same token, the OP should not just judge a city just by the gay nightlife scene. Look at the bigger picture when relocating to a different city not just gay bars. There is much more to life than just clubs and bars.
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    Jul 19, 2014 3:24 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 said
    One of the major things that I am looking for in cities (that I want to move to) is the gay scene/community.

    Is that a reliable reason to move to a new city? (Since in most cases, gays have really brought new life to certain areas etc.) And yes job security should be the first goal when searching to move to a new city, I know ;)

    I believe it's a reasonable & valid consideration. In the same way you might look at a city's cultural life (theatre, music, visual arts, etc) if those are important to you.

    From what you've written in your OP, a gay & friendly environment IS important to you, so you've answered your own question. The next question is what OTHER factors are critical to you, and in what proportions, and look for places that best match your needs.

    That would include employment, any continuing education, cost of living, climate, recreational, appearance, traffic, public transportation, commuting, and so forth. Some of those will be purely personal, based on your own interests & tastes.

    Two cities that I found very friendly were Seattle and Minneapolis. And getting good marks in other criteria areas (except winter climate for the second, and some dislike the rainy reputation of the first, though I found that exaggerated).

    SF & NYC are of course gay friendly, but very expensive and difficult to break into certain high-earning fields. I currently like South Florida, but I'm living a retired lifestyle, heavy on the social scene and the arts, with no interest in employment or education. So that my "needs & interests profile" is different from yours.
  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Jul 19, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    I think you should judge a city by whether you like it as a whole.

    Things that I find important:

    1. weather

    2. distance to work & how much you like your job

    3. cultural / intellectual life


    I'm not sure I would pick a city simply based on gay bars and gay "scene".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2014 11:44 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    pellaz saidMemphis
    is too small a town. If one thing bad happens you will not be able to easily recover.
    Memphis has a central city population of over 700,000 so it is not a small town. However this is valid proof that not all big, major cities are progressive and gay friendly. Many are still quite conservative. At the same token, the OP should not just judge a city just by the gay nightlife scene. Look at the bigger picture when relocating to a different city not just gay bars. There is much more to life than just clubs and bars.


    True by population, but if you actually live here, the majority of it are uneducated and living on welfare. There's hardly any money being generated for the city (minus FEDEX). The progression and renovation is slow as fuck. Downtown is literally 1 mile big and there is nothing going for it.

    You have to re-read my original post. You live in New York so unless you've lived in the south or been in my shoes, don't tell me there is more to life than clubs and bars. Don't you think I know that. Of course there is, that's why I said culture. *shakes head*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2014 12:21 AM GMT
    I'd pick a city to move to based on.

    . Weather
    . Job opportunities advancement
    . Culture/nightlife
    . gay scene
    . Car friendly or public transportation friendly
    . Proximity to family, friends
    . (I mean, having a car make it easier to visit potential gay dates).

    Having lived in so many Cali cities, I pretty much love the Socal region. I think I'd eventually move back to LA in the future but I wouldn't mind San Diego either (was just there for Pride). But moving anywhere requires money, planning, networking and execution. Good luck.
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    Jul 21, 2014 8:15 PM GMT
    Judging a city by its gay scene is great if you plan to exclude yourself from most public activities. However, if you plan to mingle with society, it would make more sense to judge the city by its overall acceptance and inclusiveness of gays.
  • Amira

    Posts: 329

    Jul 21, 2014 9:23 PM GMT
    Well of course every city has their fair share of pros and cons. But at the end of the day you make it work for you.

    I think that ultimately you should look for a location that hits the best qualities you want. Whether it is good public transportation, arts, reasonable traffic, safe, outdoor activities, etc.

    There are plenty of gay-friendly places across the states, simply Google them see which ones interest you most, take a trip and decide for yourself.

    Also, as long as you are in a place with plenty of diversity everything else will fall into place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    Come to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. It's super gay! icon_lol.gif