One likes sex, the other doesn't

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2014 12:56 AM GMT
    I KNOW THE TOPIC OF DISLIKING ANAL SEX HAS BEEN DISCUSSED. THIS IS A DIFFERENT TOPIC.

    Say that you don't like anal sex but your boyfriend does. How would you go about this situation?

    Would you allow your boyfriend to have sex with other men?
    Would you be ok with keeping him in a relationship that would never fully satisfy him?
    Or would you force yourself to have sex even though you aren't comfortable doing it?
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    Jul 20, 2014 12:59 AM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said... Or would you force yourself to have sex even though you aren't comfortable doing it?

    considering the human condition; anal sex has been around for a few years. get over it.
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    Jul 20, 2014 1:08 AM GMT
    Wow, I don't know what I'd do really. But I must ask why would anyone go into such a relationship in the first place?

    To answer your question, I guess I'd let him have sex with other men but practice emotional monogamy or I'd learn to enjoy anal sex.
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    Jul 20, 2014 1:19 AM GMT
    ACRO_Slim saidI KNOW THE TOPIC OF DISLIKING ANAL SEX HAS BEEN DISCUSSED. THIS IS A DIFFERENT TOPIC.

    Say that you don't like anal sex but your boyfriend does. How would you go about this situation?

    Would you allow your boyfriend to have sex with other men?
    Would you be ok with keeping him in a relationship that would never fully satisfy him?
    Or would you force yourself to have sex even though you aren't comfortable doing it?


    I'd consider that rape. If not in legal terms, certainly of the psyche. That won't fly in my book. But I'm not jealous-minded so I'd have no issues with a partner satisfying a need outside of the primary relationship, just so long as he boils that thing before he comes to bed. Ass is gross.

    My first 10-year bud enjoyed also pussy, which I find as disgusting as ass, but that was not a problem. It was important to me that my guy enjoy himself. We had a great relationship. I miss him so fucking much. There were never two better friends.

    I don't know if it's most but many guys have problems with this. Just a year or two ago some guy was interested in me but he wanted both anal sex and monogamy so that ended that.

    Friendship is so much more important than sexual compatibility. You want to be in the ballpark, you know, not have pussy in bed all the time, but beyond that, there's so much variation that its so unlikely that two people are going to completely connect on a sexual level (though it can happen, good for them) that why introduce that stress, those burdens. Why throw an otherwise wonderful relationship away. It's bullshit. Partnering is two lives shared, not a merger resulting in the loss of either. Rape not required.
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    Jul 20, 2014 2:10 AM GMT
    Kuestion saidWow, I don't know what I'd do really. But I must ask why would anyone go into such a relationship in the first place?

    To answer your question, I guess I'd let him have sex with other men but practice emotional monogamy or I'd learn to enjoy anal sex.


    Well, I don't think that anyone would ask to be in a relationship like that but, what if it just happened?

    What if you had been dating someone for a month (you both VERY much like each other) but, you've yet to have sex. Then one day be tells you that it's because he doesn't like sex, but he wants to stay in a relationship with you.
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    Jul 20, 2014 2:17 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    I'd consider that rape. If not in legal terms, certainly of the psyche. That won't fly in my book. But I'm not jealous-minded so I'd have no issues with a partner satisfying a need outside of the primary relationship, just so long as he boils that thing before he comes to bed. Ass is gross.


    I'm definitely more of a jealous type but I guess there has to be an agreement somewhere when something like this happens.
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    Jul 20, 2014 2:29 AM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    Kuestion saidWow, I don't know what I'd do really. But I must ask why would anyone go into such a relationship in the first place?

    To answer your question, I guess I'd let him have sex with other men but practice emotional monogamy or I'd learn to enjoy anal sex.


    Well, I don't think that anyone would ask to be in a relationship like that but, what if it just happened?

    What if you had been dating someone for a month (you both VERY much like each other) but, you've yet to have sex. Then one day be tells you that it's because he doesn't like sex, but he wants to stay in a relationship with you.


    Well then honestly, if it's just a month, I'd be honest with him, break it off and remain friends because I know I won't be happy in that sort of relationship and I think it would be selfish for me to try knowing my sexual needs at that point.
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    Jul 20, 2014 6:19 AM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    theantijock said
    I'd consider that rape. If not in legal terms, certainly of the psyche. That won't fly in my book. But I'm not jealous-minded so I'd have no issues with a partner satisfying a need outside of the primary relationship, just so long as he boils that thing before he comes to bed. Ass is gross.


    I'm definitely more of a jealous type but I guess there has to be an agreement somewhere when something like this happens.


    Oh, hell no....I'm not that evolved...my man ain't fucking anyone but me....icon_evil.gif
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    Jul 20, 2014 9:13 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    Well then honestly, if it's just a month, I'd be honest with him, break it off and remain friends because I know I won't be happy in that sort of relationship and I think it would be selfish for me to try knowing my sexual needs at that point.


    icon_sad.gif
  • Apparition

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    Jul 21, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    Kuestion said
    Well then honestly, if it's just a month, I'd be honest with him, break it off and remain friends because I know I won't be happy in that sort of relationship and I think it would be selfish for me to try knowing my sexual needs at that point.


    icon_sad.gif



    You should have asked this question on or ideally before the first date. If you are not compatible, you should know.
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    Jul 21, 2014 6:24 AM GMT
    Apparition said
    You should have asked this question on or ideally before the first date. If you are not compatible, you should know.


    Do most people talk about sex before the first date?
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    Jul 22, 2014 4:11 PM GMT
    OP: When you say you're not comfortable with anal sex, do you mean physically or psychologically? Or both?

    Barring any serious medical conditions, anal sex is something that you can practice on your own (with fingers, then toys) before you get involved with someone. As well, a good partner will be patient if you haven't had much experience and be willing to take their time. Furthermore, when you're with a partner, hopefully you will have the opportunity to try being both a top & and bottom, so that you have an understanding of what is involved. Perhaps you'll discover that while you don't like bottoming, you really enjoy being a top (or vice versa...or possibly you'd discover you're versatile!)

    If it's a psychological issue, you'd have to identify the specifics. Are you afraid it will hurt? (Again, practicing on you own can alieviate some of that stress) Are you afraid of contracting HIV or an STI? (Comprehensive safer sex knowledge for engaging in ANY sexual act is a must!)Are you plagued with the notion that it is dirty, or that it makes you less of a man to be on the receiving end? In cases like these, perhaps talking to friends who are sexually active in this way will help you to overcome some of the things that are troubling you.

    This book may help you: http://www.amazon.ca/The-Ultimate-Guide-Anal-Sex/dp/157344121X

    Regardless of this, you are not obligated to have anal sex with anyone. However, you also have to acknowledge that many men do enjoy it, and would expect it as part of their sex life when with the right partner. As such, you have to be prepared that he may say "Let's just be friends", which in the end will enable both of you to find someone you're sexually compatable with.
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    Jul 23, 2014 2:40 AM GMT
    xanadude saidOP: When you say you're not comfortable with anal sex, do you mean physically or psychologically? Or both?


    Well, I am vers. I've done both but, just have never really enjoyed sex and it's not one of those things that I look forward to. I like the thought of it but, when it comes down to it, it has never been very enjoyable.

    I have always enjoyed making out and body contact though. I can get off on those, but I can't get off from sex.
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    Jul 23, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    So you're only homoromantic?
  • PRDGUY

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    Jul 23, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    I may be a little confused here but it sounds like you don't like having anal sex or any other type of sex- such as blowjobs or handjobs. If that is the case then you are 'asexual'- there would be no way that you would not known this prior to you looking then having a boyfriend. Review exactly what you like and what you don't. Why did you try to find a boyfriend if you knew eventually you would take sex off the table??? And if in fact you are asexual, and went looking for boyfriends simply for companionship or to have someone to share your life with you may find just as deep relationships with a very close friend. But you have to be upfront and honest with any friend -if you are unable to do so then I suggest you joining as many groups as possible to spend time with others.
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    Jul 23, 2014 6:38 AM GMT
    kevex saidSo you're only homoromantic?


    I don't know what that is.
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    Jul 23, 2014 6:45 AM GMT
    PRDGUY saidI may be a little confused here but it sounds like you don't like having anal sex or any other type of sex- such as blowjobs or handjobs. If that is the case then you are 'asexual'- there would be no way that you would not known this prior to you looking then having a boyfriend. Review exactly what you like and what you don't. Why did you try to find a boyfriend if you knew eventually you would take sex off the table??? And if in fact you are asexual, and went looking for boyfriends simply for companionship or to have someone to share your life with you may find just as deep relationships with a very close friend. But you have to be upfront and honest with any friend -if you are unable to do so then I suggest you joining as many groups as possible to spend time with others.


    I don't think that I am asexual.
    I am attracted to guys. It's just that when it comes down to sex... it just isn't there. Like I said, I like the idea of sex, but having it isn't necessary for me. I could live without it.

    Also, I didn't go looking for a boyfriend, it just happened.
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    Jul 23, 2014 7:08 AM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    kevex saidSo you're only homoromantic?


    I don't know what that is.


    That you only have emotional attraction towards men, not sexual.
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    Jul 23, 2014 1:42 PM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    PRDGUY saidI may be a little confused here but it sounds like you don't like having anal sex or any other type of sex- such as blowjobs or handjobs. If that is the case then you are 'asexual'- there would be no way that you would not known this prior to you looking then having a boyfriend. Review exactly what you like and what you don't. Why did you try to find a boyfriend if you knew eventually you would take sex off the table??? And if in fact you are asexual, and went looking for boyfriends simply for companionship or to have someone to share your life with you may find just as deep relationships with a very close friend. But you have to be upfront and honest with any friend -if you are unable to do so then I suggest you joining as many groups as possible to spend time with others.


    I don't think that I am asexual.
    I am attracted to guys. It's just that when it comes down to sex... it just isn't there. Like I said, I like the idea of sex, but having it isn't necessary for me. I could live without it.

    Also, I didn't go looking for a boyfriend, it just happened.


    I guess the question is: do you see your lack of sex drive as a negative issue in your life? If not, then you just have to find someone like yourself. I will point out however, that it may be difficulty, especially someone in your own age group, who feels the way you do regarding sex.

    Could low sex drive be related to a medical condition? It may also be worthwhile considering talking to a professional (ie. a therapist) about this -- not that there is anything wrong with you, but to allow yourself the opportunity to understand why you feel the way you do. This way, you have the tools to help you pursue a sexual relationship with someone, if you so choose do to so at some point in the future.
  • Apparition

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    Jul 23, 2014 11:08 PM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    Apparition said
    You should have asked this question on or ideally before the first date. If you are not compatible, you should know.


    Do most people talk about sex before the first date?



    most people are on dating sites these days...

    your sexual preference should be listed. ESPECIALLY if you are different from the average (2.2 times a week). If you like sex more or less than that you should be red flagging that fact, as you are probably NOT COMPATIBLE with most of the people online and you should let them know you are going to be "difficult" to date.
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    Jul 24, 2014 1:48 AM GMT
    Apparition said
    most people are on dating sites these days...

    your sexual preference should be listed. ESPECIALLY if you are different from the average (2.2 times a week). If you like sex more or less than that you should be red flagging that fact, as you are probably NOT COMPATIBLE with most of the people online and you should let them know you are going to be "difficult" to date.


    True. I just never really thought of it as being anything that could be a serious issue for the other person... I see that it is though.
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    Jul 24, 2014 6:09 PM GMT
    kevex said
    That you only have emotional attraction towards men, not sexual.


    That's pretty much exactly it...
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    Jul 25, 2014 4:18 PM GMT
    xanadude said
    I guess the question is: do you see your lack of sex drive as a negative issue in your life? If not, then you just have to find someone like yourself. I will point out however, that it may be difficulty, especially someone in your own age group, who feels the way you do regarding sex.

    Could low sex drive be related to a medical condition? It may also be worthwhile considering talking to a professional (ie. a therapist) about this -- not that there is anything wrong with you, but to allow yourself the opportunity to understand why you feel the way you do. This way, you have the tools to help you pursue a sexual relationship with someone, if you so choose do to so at some point in the future.


    No, I don't really view it as a negative issue or something I need to fix. I just need to learn how to talk about it/ get people to understand it. I don't really see myself finding someone else like that (atleast in my age group, like you said), so I'm not sure how to bring this up with people.