How do I develop a GAYDAR?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    So, I'm a 25 year old man who has not experienced anything with a man. I am masculine and live a straight lifestyle, but I really want to start meeting gay men to befriend and learn about the "gay" lifestyle. My first problem is knowing where I can meet gay men, other than clubs. I have difficulty knowing which guys can potentially be gay or not, and I wish I had a better ability to identify in order to start conversations. If anyone has any advice, please let me know!
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Jul 21, 2014 11:38 PM GMT
    You kinda just know it. The mannerisms. The walking gait. The way he looks at men. Just ask if they have a gf or bf, if single ask if he likes men or women.
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    Jul 21, 2014 11:42 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidYou kinda just know it. The mannerisms. The walking gait. The way he looks at men. Just ask if they have a gf or bf, if single ask if he likes men or women.


    I feel like I'm terrible at that because, for example: I saw this gentleman while shopping and he was very well dressed, groomed, etc. Talked to him, he appeared to me to be gay, but a few moments into the conversation, his girlfriend came in and killed that assumption. Was he not gay? Or was he gay with a gf? Now I will never know, but it's moments like those that make me feel completely stupid and lost when it comes to that.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 21, 2014 11:57 PM GMT
    The more gay people you know, the easier it is to pick a gay person out of the crowd. Make some friends in your area on RJ, http://www.meetup.com/, or even in clubs, because one gay tends to lead to more gays (where there is a mouse, there are mice, so to speak).

    And for the record, the "gay" lifestyle is not all that different than the "straight" lifestyle.
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    Jul 22, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    Bunjamon saidThe more gay people you know, the easier it is to pick a gay person out of the crowd. Make some friends in your area on RJ, http://www.meetup.com/, or even in clubs, because one gay tends to lead to more gays (where there is a mouse, there are mice, so to speak).

    And for the record, the "gay" lifestyle is not all that different than the "straight" lifestyle.


    +1 the Meetup thing.
    For sure you'll know they are gay. Then, you can just determine if they're into you specifically.
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jul 22, 2014 12:44 AM GMT
    God knows my Gaydar is so fucking bad.
    Worst in the country.

    =/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2014 1:56 AM GMT
    Mine is bad too because I don't hang out with other gay people. I think when you are around gay people more, then you'll develop your gaydar.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jul 22, 2014 2:03 AM GMT
    I agree it develops when you are around many gay people and you can pick up on cues. They used to ask if you were a "friend of Dorothy" but I don't know what they are using now if they are.
  • Scalese89

    Posts: 122

    Jul 22, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    Sounds as if you are over thinking things. It's not a 'puzzle' that you have to try and solve. Just chat to people, get to know them, and then information pertaining to their sexual orientation etc will naturally be disclosed. If you're trying to figure out their orientation straight away, then perhaps you're not approaching the situation in the best way.
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    Jul 22, 2014 12:26 PM GMT
    I'm not sure about gaydar improving from spending time with other gays. It's actually been the opposite for me, so I guess we're all different in this regard.

    When I first came out my gay "mentor" told me about gaydar, a term I'd never heard before. I'd never had any routine contact with gay men.

    "What's special about that?" I asked him. "Can't everybody do that? I've always been able to tell who's gay, that's obvious."

    "DUH!" he replied. "No, not everybody can do it, and not most straights. But you can because you've always been gay, even before you knew you were. The same thing that made you gay from birth also gave you the ability to recognize other gays."

    I don't know if his premise is correct, but I know I could always do it, and fairly accurately. It's only in recent years, living with a gay man and being in a mostly gay community, that I've lost a little of it. I presume from lack of practice, since I don't need it anymore, when almost everyone around me is gay.

    Which suggests to me that it may function as a secondary survivor skill, where reliance upon it fosters development & improvement. Whereas little use brings atrophy of the skill, sort of a "use it or lose it" situation. But I dunno, just my idle speculation, to explain what I've experienced myself.
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    Jul 22, 2014 6:56 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidThe more gay people you know, the easier it is to pick a gay person out of the crowd. Make some friends in your area on RJ, http://www.meetup.com/, or even in clubs, because one gay tends to lead to more gays (where there is a mouse, there are mice, so to speak).

    And for the record, the "gay" lifestyle is not all that different than the "straight" lifestyle.


    Thanks for your advice. I really need to work on meeting more guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2014 6:57 PM GMT
    Scalese89 saidSounds as if you are over thinking things. It's not a 'puzzle' that you have to try and solve. Just chat to people, get to know them, and then information pertaining to their sexual orientation etc will naturally be disclosed. If you're trying to figure out their orientation straight away, then perhaps you're not approaching the situation in the best way.



    I see what you mean. Usually I do feel like I need to know their sexual orientation BEFORE I get to know them, but I would find out eventually if I did try and get to know them. Thanks!
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    Jul 22, 2014 6:58 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI'm not sure about gaydar improving from spending time with other gays. It's actually been the opposite for me, so I guess we're all different in this regard.

    When I first came out my gay "mentor" told me about gaydar, a term I'd never heard before. I'd never had any routine contact with gay men.

    "What's special about that?" I asked him. "Can't everybody do that? I've always been able to tell who's gay, that's obvious."

    "DUH!" he replied. "No, not everybody can do it, and not most straights. But you can because you've always been gay, even before you knew you were. The same thing that made you gay from birth also gave you the ability to recognize other gays."

    I don't know if his premise is correct, but I know I could always do it, and fairly accurately. It's only in recent years, living with a gay man and being in a mostly gay community, that I've lost a little of it. I presume from lack of practice, since I don't need it anymore, when almost everyone around me is gay.

    Which suggests to me that it may function as a secondary survivor skill, where reliance upon it fosters development & improvement. Whereas little use brings atrophy of the skill, sort of a "use it or lose it" situation. But I dunno, just my idle speculation, to explain what I've experienced myself.



    I appreciate your input. Thank you icon_biggrin.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 23, 2014 1:36 AM GMT
    GAY bars usually have GAY men.