I'm attracted to ______, but YOU are an exception

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 28, 2014 10:27 PM GMT
    I know that we all have different types that we are attracted to. In my opinion I actually think it's good to be honest with yourself and accept your preferences. I did it myself while I was dating and sometimes I would run into people who were not normally my type yet I found them attractive. BUT I never would say to that person "I'm not usually into ____, but you are hot." I would commonly be told I'm attractive for a black guy. Or I'm usually not into black guys but you're hot. I've even had guys use that as a conversation starter or a pick up line. I'm sure it's supposed to be a compliment, I've always felt offended afterwords. If my current boyfriend would have made that statement while we were dating, I'm almost positive I would have canceled any future dates.

    So my question is are you frequently or ever told you are " the exception" ? If so, do you take do you like it or get offended?

    Have you ever told someone they are an exception to your preferences?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 12:52 AM GMT
    owl_bundy saidto me personally, like what wrestlerboy said the other day, i think someone saying that they have "preferences" or swearing on their dicks that they are and will be always attracted to this, that, and that and will never be attracted to anything else is quite stupid. there's nothing wrong with preferences but folks stay fronting like that they'll never ever be attracted to anything outside their preferences or the funny part, they'll always like someone that falls within the guidelines of their preferences. icon_lol.gif i usually go like "so you'll be attracted to any guy that has these physical features or these characteristics and never will be attracted to any guy that doesn't?" that's bullshit. just because you're gay, have a preference doesn't mean you're going to like every guy that you come across.

    to me, when folks do that "you're an exception" bs, that's the case in point of what happens when someone knowingly limits themselves.

    and to tell you the truth, i feel where you're coming from BUT @ the same time, for some strange reason, i kind of feel that you're feeling yourself a bit too much.


    I am confident. I think that's a blessing in itself considering all the self esteem issues in today's society. I also think it's easy to pass judgement when you hide behind a computer screen. As well as use a cartoon as an avatar
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    Telling someone, "I'm not usually into <your race, whatever>, but you are hot" is rude.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 29, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    I agree it is as stupid remark. People say all kinds of stupid shit, usually because they are.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Jul 29, 2014 7:07 AM GMT
    It may very well be true. Yet it is a plainly stupid remark telling you that you should be oh, so greatly honored that HE has chosen to dispense with HIS preferences in your favor.

    Nope, I would not be offended. Everyone is free to have his preferences. And yup, the freedom of speech is guaranteed, too. But, I would simply downgrade the dude to the status of a mild moron, and look elsewhere.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 7:14 AM GMT
    This expression is very similar too " You dress well for a black person" or " You're handsome for a Chinese guy".
  • KittenpasteCo...

    Posts: 245

    Jul 29, 2014 10:22 AM GMT
    I get that one all the time... it's annoying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 10:36 AM GMT
    It may be a stupid or rude thing to say out loud, and it may be taken in different contexts... but it also COULD be a glimmer of hope that he's opening his eyes to something he never realized may have been holding him back.

    While he may have operated for a long time on the premise that he wouldn't date a certain nationality, or a certain body type, or a certain hair color or whatever, when it came you YOU he found something more attractive about you that trumped any wall he may have put up before. He may be expanding his horizons and YOU may be the cause of it all...

    ...or he's using it as a lame pickup line and all he wants is the D.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 7:01 PM GMT
    > are you frequently or ever told you are " the exception" ? If so, do you take do you like it or get offended?

    It's nit-picky, tactless, reveals a belief in stereotypes, and reveals why the speaker is still single.

    As for Owl Bundy's comment ("feeling yourself a bit too much"), I was tempted to smile, but I'm not usually attracted to dickheads.

    PS. I really miss the forums at Connexion.org. There were clueless people at Connexion too, but at least the admins policed them. And Connexion had Like and Unlike buttons, so dickheads could be put in their place.

    Anyhoo, I'm busy with work. It's a good day to leave this website.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 8:23 PM GMT
    MikeW saidI agree it is as stupid remark. People say all kinds of stupid shit, usually because they are.


    I don't think that it's a matter of being stupid (for most people anyway); It's more a matter of speaking off the cuff and not thinking through what something actually means.

    I guess I have a thick skin and don't go looking to be offended because if someone came up to me and said that although they weren't normally into white guys or tall guys, or guys with green eyes and that I was the exception I probably wouldn't give it much thought. I'd thank them and go on my merry way. After all, who doesn't want to be exceptional?!

    You can choose to either let mindless shit like that roll off your back or you can let it ruin your whole day/week/month/year/life. I have better things to get riled up about.

    Am I having a deja vu moment or hasn't this been discussed before.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 8:45 PM GMT
    I get totally turned off by that statement. I will probably say in return, "I usually find guys offering compliment attractive, but you are the exception."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 9:49 PM GMT
    I think that's a very Ignorant and rude statement to make. It's like **You're trying to impress me or hook up with me, don't come at me like **Oh you're hot because You're (Black, Mexican or Asian) guy or whatever....It's like **I'm supposed to feel hot if you say that to me? The last guy that said this to me, like a long ass time ago !! I just basically ignored him all night, he kept following me in the bar. I ended up making out with another younger, cuter, hotter blond boy in front of him... **Haha, take that !! It boosted my ego up 100%. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 10:23 PM GMT
    When people find out I'm Mexican (they assume I'm white), they always fetishize me, and it's really fucking annoying. One time a guy told me "Oh, but you're not like...Mexican. You're more Spanish." What the fuck does that mean? I'm not from Spain.

    Preferences also tend to be due to the value that people put into different ethnicities (the whole "hot for a ____ guy), which is rather sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2014 10:51 PM GMT
    I've heard that before in my younger day's, personally I didn't find it offensive. Anytime you are in someone's thoughts, it's a compliment good or bad, JIM
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    I don't take offense. It's a back-handed compliment, so whatever. People can't help what they're attracted to, and I don't lose any sleep about not being someone's type. Even my best gay friend told me the other day that he thought I was handsome, even though he's not into asians at all. What am I going to do? Stop being his best friend? Gotta brush it off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2014 2:24 AM GMT
    Sometimes they say this because of a defense mechanism. It's like they secretly love Asian, Black or Latino men or whatever but they just can't admit that they have *jungle mixed raced fever lol.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Jul 30, 2014 7:11 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]JonSpringon said[/cite]It may be a stupid or rude thing to say out loud, and it may be taken in different contexts... but it also COULD be a glimmer of hope that he's opening his eyes to something he never realized may have been holding him back.

    While he may have operated for a long time on the premise that he wouldn't date a certain nationality, or a certain body type, or a certain hair color or whatever, when it came you YOU he found something more attractive about you that trumped any wall he may have put up before. He may be expanding his horizons and YOU may be the cause of it all...

    ...or he's using it as a lame pickup line and all he wants is the D.[/quote

    THIS
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2014 9:17 AM GMT
    I think it just goes w/ the different stereotypes people give each other. It's always such a shocker when people don't "fit the image" others have of them. I get those all the time and it's always the, "you look good for being a skinny guy!" or "you're not as fem as I thought, you actually act pretty boyish!" lol They might get annoying after a while but they're just ignorant comments that you brush off. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2014 11:33 AM GMT
    OP's just fishing for compliments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2014 12:25 PM GMT
    HolyHex001 said
    So my question is are you frequently or ever told you are " the exception" ? If so, do you take do you like it or get offended?

    Have you ever told someone they are an exception to your preferences?

    Not frequently told that, but sometimes. I never say it to others.

    One guy who said that to me used money as the issue. He claimed he normally never dated someone who wasn't a millionaire like himself, but he made a generous exception for less wealthy me.

    He also told me my social class was beneath his, another exception he condescendingly allowed. At first I was furious. I was attending elite private boys schools when he was in run-down rural public dumps. His father was wearing farm overalls (I saw the pics) when I was wearing a coat & tie to school every day starting with kindergarten. I was a retired senior Army Officer, hardly without its own prestige.

    This from a guy who wore cowboy boots with his tuxedo, and a big plastic sports watch under his formal shirt cuff. That latter habit embarrassed me so much I bought him a proper dress watch myself, since he insisted on wearing a timepiece. He couldn't even tie a proper four-in-hand, and a bow tie knot was totally unknown to him, he wore a pre-tied. So I always had to do them both for him whenever we went out to some event, to make him reasonably presentable.

    But this was the guy who claimed he had superior social graces to mine. My initial annoyance turned to fascination, however, since I had never met anyone quite like him. Perhaps he was my own "exception" but I never said that to him.

    And I came to believe he was deeply insecure. I wonder how many of these guys who use that "you are an exception" line are also insecure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2014 4:22 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    HolyHex001 said
    So my question is are you frequently or ever told you are " the exception" ? If so, do you take do you like it or get offended?

    Have you ever told someone they are an exception to your preferences?


    And I came to believe he was deeply insecure. I wonder how many of these guys who use that "you are an exception" line are also insecure.


    I've often though this as well
  • TDSmoove

    Posts: 130

    Jul 30, 2014 6:44 PM GMT
    Happens all of the time. Not really a biggie but it does get old hearing that or the usual "Wow you're pretty articulate... comment. Might wanna broaden your circle of friends, potential dates to include those who are of color so that it's never an issue. I've never had another Black guy, or Asian or Latino for that matter. tell me that I was cute for a Black guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    Oh this has happened to me and all I could do was laugh and just walk away. You either like me or you don't. I don't live in the gray area of attraction and I certainly don't need some dude making excuses or backhanded compliments in order to come to terms with his attraction to me and labeling me an "exception" to his likes. Super rude and extremely douchey. Eff that noise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    I wouldn't tap into it too much. It may be implicitly racist, but it's intended as a compliment. I'd suggest taking it for face value, or if it really does bug you, clarify that it isn't something you appreciate.

    It's one of those things, like when girls find out you're gay and say "OMG lets go shopping." It is offensive and perpetuates stereotypes, but it's not intended as so.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 31, 2014 2:45 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    MikeW saidI agree it is as stupid remark. People say all kinds of stupid shit, usually because they are.


    I don't think that it's a matter of being stupid (for most people anyway); It's more a matter of speaking off the cuff and not thinking through what something actually means.

    I guess I have a thick skin and don't go looking to be offended because if someone came up to me and said that although they weren't normally into white guys or tall guys, or guys with green eyes and that I was the exception I probably wouldn't give it much thought. I'd thank them and go on my merry way. After all, who doesn't want to be exceptional?!

    You can choose to either let mindless shit like that roll off your back or you can let it ruin your whole day/week/month/year/life. I have better things to get riled up about.

    Am I having a deja vu moment or hasn't this been discussed before.


    You don't have to be "looking to be offended" to recognize that it's a stupid remark. As SC said so well...

    SilverRRCloud saidI would simply downgrade the dude to the status of a mild moron, and look elsewhere.