Grrr... flakiness

  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Jul 29, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    Why does this seem to happen so much? You get texting with somebody, you call the guy, he seems cool, so you set up a time to meet said person.

    And then that time comes, and he's not there and he doesn't communicate what is going on.

    So you, having made no plans with anyone else, are just screwed. And you're feeling shitty and disappointed on top of it. I'd love to just pick up where I left off and go work on a project or something, but I just can't. I feel too crappy. My night is wasted.

    This has happened way too much to me, especially since I started dating guys. Why can't people just stick to the plans they make? Why can't they send a little courtesy message when they can't show up for said plans? Better yet, if you're not that into someone, why don't you just not make plans with that person?

    Maybe I should just abandon all rules regarding meeting people at specific times and locations. If nobody else is willing to follow them, why should I? People are just way too casual today and it totally sucks for anyone who puts thought into how his actions might have an effect on others.

    I dunno. It makes me think I'm somehow in the wrong for thinking there should be a basic set of rules that everyone follows, that I'm not having enough fun, or I'm way too serious about this stuff. But all this flakiness is having a serious impact on my life. It's like I am constantly getting punished for doing the right thing.

    Is everyone really this fucked up?
  • frogman89

    Posts: 418

    Jul 29, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    It sounds to me as if those guys were fakers. Or did you know for sure they were real?
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    Jul 29, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    This seems to be a very common thing as I've experienced the same feeling plenty of times.

    However, consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet. If someone is that flaky and inconsiderate of someone else's feelings then chances are you didn't want to date them anyway.
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    Jul 29, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    Flakes ..aarrghhh..so many of them of all ages around icon_sad.gif
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Jul 29, 2014 5:46 PM GMT
    Yes, I wouldn't want to date them anyway. What sucks is that this is most people. If you went into a room and 7/10 guys you met were flakes, you'd be pretty pissed off. I'd actually be really happy with a 1/10 ratio, and even that ratio results in a lot of wasted nights.
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    Jul 29, 2014 5:52 PM GMT
    That is obnoxious; you are not wrong at all.

    You mention that you're making these plans via text, where are the initial encounters coming from? Did you meet in person first or are they people you met online/apps?
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    Jul 29, 2014 7:59 PM GMT
    I think they are afraid of committment and also conditioning by society to hide their gay urges. The most DL guys are the most flakey ones. Another reason to advance and support gay rights.

    I want my relationships and sex to be seen as normal as any other, but without heterks being exposed to it they won't see it as normal, and neither will the closeted guys.
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Jul 29, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    LC92 saidI think they are afraid of committment and also conditioning by society to hide their gay urges. The most DL guys are the most flakey ones. Another reason to advance and support gay rights.

    I want my relationships and sex to be seen as normal as any other, but without heterks being exposed to it they won't see it as normal, and neither will the closeted guys.


    Yeah, I think you raise a really good point here. It's also sorta hard to tell if the person prefers to be DL or not. I've run into all sorts of weirdness so far as not being out is concerned.

    We need to be visible. Not obnoxiously in your face visible, but visible. I am constantly surprised by how many online profiles have no face picture, and then I have to remember that it was only a few months ago when I myself was in the closet. Being out is a totally different world.
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    Jul 29, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    Yes, exactly. I was on a date two weeks ago and kissing the guy in a parking lot. These 2 straight guys starting imitating the guy and I to make a woman laugh. I'm sure the same wouldn't have happened to a hetero couple. Why? Because PDA is a normalized behavior but neither are being gay nor gay affection.
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    Jul 30, 2014 3:39 AM GMT
    frogman89 saidIt sounds to me as if those guys were fakers. Or did you know for sure they were real?


    There's a guy who hit me up on jack'd earlier this month...and i thought he wasn't real, but to my surprise...he was real. But this guy was the EPITOME of a flake. I invited him to a 4th of July party. He said yes. Text back the next day, "I'm sorry, blah blah blah". He did it 2-3 more times. We finally met. ONCE. After we met, he was interested...but carried on with his flaky behavior. Seen him at the bar Sunday...after he waited til the NEXT DAY to tell me he was going.

    People need to understand flaky people are more than just flakes. They are emotionally abusive and very toxic people to have in your life. When a guy flakes, it's also not just about disinterest. They are interested, but they are probably living a double life. They are liars, cheaters, and attention whores. They can't get enough attention from their cheating, neglectful ass boyfriends, so they come out and try to get it from other people...but invariably flake.
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    Jul 30, 2014 11:13 PM GMT
    Same here. I've only ever gone out with one guy in my LIFE, because the rest are completely flaky, and even then we saw each other maybe once every 2 weeks, because he was always "busy", and I was always trying to make plans. As usual.
    I've been searching and talking to guys for years and years now.

    I'm starting to suspect that most, if not all gay men are just the same. "Busy". Because they're men who are not constrained to women, who dictate heterosexual men's actions with their vaginas, which we lack. And of course, if a guy can get better sex, he'll simply go to another and leave you, without fail. It has NOTHING to do with them being "DL".
    There are no good gay men -- or so few, that we will never in our lifetime meet them. I can almost be assured of it.

    I wonder if we'll EVER know what it is to be wanted?
    It just feels so hollow and every time it happens, I feel like burying myself.

    I hate how I'm always, ALWAYS the one to do the asking out, the chasing, the moving and shaking, and never the other way around. It just seems like all men are my enemies, and I don't want it to be that way, but it has to be, apparently.
    For ONCE it would be a huge relief to be the one being pursued, instead of the other way around.

    But as it stands, how can I possibly look in the mirror and not hate what I see staring back? But this is just me venting, take it at face value. I have no real friends to talk to, which is why I come here and bitch. Sorry about that guys.
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    Jul 31, 2014 12:02 AM GMT
    Ajjax saidSame here. I've only ever gone out with one guy in my LIFE, because the rest are completely flaky, and even then we saw each other maybe once every 2 weeks, because he was always "busy", and I was always trying to make plans. As usual.
    I've been searching and talking to guys for years and years now.

    I'm starting to suspect that most, if not all gay men are just the same. "Busy". Because they're men who are not constrained to women, who dictate heterosexual men's actions with their vaginas, which we lack. And of course, if a guy can get better sex, he'll simply go to another and leave you, without fail. It has NOTHING to do with them being "DL".
    There are no good gay men -- or so few, that we will never in our lifetime meet them. I can almost be assured of it.

    I wonder if we'll EVER know what it is to be wanted?
    It just feels so hollow and every time it happens, I feel like burying myself.

    I hate how I'm always, ALWAYS the one to do the asking out, the chasing, the moving and shaking, and never the other way around. It just seems like all men are my enemies, and I don't want it to be that way, but it has to be, apparently.
    For ONCE it would be a huge relief to be the one being pursued, instead of the other way around.

    But as it stands, how can I possibly look in the mirror and not hate what I see staring back? But this is just me venting, take it at face value. I have no real friends to talk to, which is why I come here and bitch. Sorry about that guys.


    Wow, that was some deep stuff right there. I feel like we are all broken in our own way...
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    Jul 31, 2014 12:11 AM GMT
    Sounds like the typical catfish playing chicken...

    Fakers gonna fake, and as such assume that everyone's a fake... So they play the game, all the way up to scheduling a meet... Waiting for you to back out before they do.

    Dude was probably there, checking you out, seeing you were real, then went home to diddle his little dick.

    The only thing worse than having them flake out is actually having them show up and try to convince you that your love together should be strong enough to see past the lies he told... That was what MY last faker tried to pull on me.
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Jul 31, 2014 1:44 AM GMT
    JonSpringon saidSounds like the typical catfish playing chicken...

    Fakers gonna fake, and as such assume that everyone's a fake... So they play the game, all the way up to scheduling a meet... Waiting for you to back out before they do.

    Dude was probably there, checking you out, seeing you were real, then went home to diddle his little dick.

    The only thing worse than having them flake out is actually having them show up and try to convince you that your love together should be strong enough to see past the lies he told... That was what MY last faker tried to pull on me.


    The fact that you have a "last faker" is the problem in a nutshell. Shows how rampant and downright common it is.