Guys lose interest after we start seeing each other.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2014 5:10 PM GMT
    I'm very frustrated. So I was kinda talking to these 3 guys (I guess 4) who have a relationship as an option. Apparently all these guys are shy, but why won't they text me? icon_evil.gif It makes me feel like I'm just their cuddle option or someone for when they're bored. It also just makes me feel like if I have made an effort to talk to 4 guys and nothing has happened, that I'm doomed to never finding anyone. What frustrates me the most is that I always am the one making the effort and texting first. Guys don't respond unless I text them first; how rude icon_sad.gif And the thing is that I know I get weird separation anxiety (think of them a lot) from being in two emotionally abusive relationships, but I don't text them exactly because of that (don't wanna come off desperate). I do want a boyfriend, but maybe I'm moving too fast.

    Guy #1: Extremely handsome. We will text but he never pulls through with seeing each other since he's out and gets anxiety. Been trying to hang out for an entire month but I finally gave up on him because it got too frustrating. I might just fuck him even though I wanted to help him come out.

    Guy #2: We met on Tinder and have gone on two dates. He seemed really into me and got clingy (he realized this), but after seeing him twice he contacts me less now. I haven't heard from him in two days, which is fine, but I did like him being so into me now that I think about it...He said we'd def hang out again (and that he couldn't wait for me to meet his other friends) but that was before we went to the club. I guess scared of him just losing interest and dropping me since he is so nice and sweet.

    Guy #3: My roommate's bf's roommate (ha). We actually met after my date with #2 at a party. He is extremely intelligent but so busy with his job. He seemed really into me and told me (and my friends) he had a crush on me, but after kissing him a lot, etc, I never heard from him again. Doesn't text first, just responds. He would also give me backhanded compliments (just like my exes), so I dropped him. I figured he does it out of insecurity.

    Guy #4: My other friend's cousin. He's really gorgeous but seems really shy to make a move. Haven't talked much, but I got a pretentious vibe from him. I still wanna try though.




  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 29, 2014 5:14 PM GMT
    Over what period of time did you meet with these 4 guys?
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    Jul 29, 2014 5:25 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidOver what period of time did you meet with these 4 guys?



    I just edited the post. I realized I've only really been talking to these guys for a month, but I think maybe I expect more from them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2014 5:38 PM GMT
    the perils of dating..

    it won't always be so hard. keep looking and try not to take the failures personally icon_smile.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 29, 2014 6:03 PM GMT
    Could be that you're projecting some vibe like you're ready to cut and run because of your "two emotionally abusive relationships?" Everyone is insecure or shy or clingy or..... I suggest you stop judging everyone you meet and just be. And let them be who they are, too. The trick in dating is to find a guy you like and who surprises you by being different than your first impression. That's also the fun. Just relax and enjoy the process.
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    Jul 29, 2014 6:34 PM GMT
    See, that's what I think too, so I try to not show that part when I see them. If you met me you'd have no idea until I told you. When I'm alone though, I'll be thinking of them. The worst part is not knowing whether I like the guy or if I'm just trained to wait like a dog. It's like relationship ptsd but I'll get over it soon enough.

    Also, a HUGE problem with this is that only two of the guys live in my city. The one I like the most lives 45 and the other 25. To me that's not much if it means having someone, but not to everyone. I think this might be a bigger factor, since I live an hour from Boston and it'd be easier for a guy to find someone there and see him more often.
  • Drew_91

    Posts: 2

    Jul 30, 2014 12:03 AM GMT
    I wouldnt lose interest ;P
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    Jul 30, 2014 3:32 PM GMT
    Maybe because you didn't put out on the first date. It's a good system to weed out the fun-seekers from the genuine.

    Don't lose heart icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 30, 2014 5:46 PM GMT
    At least 2 guys are not interested in you. If they do, they will text you. Lol, move on. I ignored texts and dont reply if I don't like the guy after 1st date.
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    Jul 30, 2014 6:55 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidMaybe because you didn't put out on the first date. It's a good system to weed out the fun-seekers from the genuine.

    Don't lose heart icon_smile.gif


    +1
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    Jul 31, 2014 12:59 AM GMT
    That's not the point though. The point is that I wish I knew why it happens to me, and if it happens to other people (I'm sure). I don't think I'm off-putting at all, but maybe they're just flakey. I won't take it personally but I secretly wonder if it's looks, or a different expectation they made of me in their head.
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    Jul 31, 2014 1:15 AM GMT
    LC92 saidThat's not the point though. The point is that I wish I knew why it happens to me, and if it happens to other people (I'm sure). I don't think I'm off-putting at all, but maybe they're just flakey. I won't take it personally but I secretly wonder if it's looks, or a different expectation they made of me in their head.


    Unless you're using really old pics or something, I'm sure it's not your looks.

    Ofcourse it has happened to others before. This isn't an issue that only you are having. Everyone has had guys flake/lose interest in them before. The fact that it's happened to you several times in a row is either a coincidence or maybe you are coming on a little strong because of your past relationships...

    Edit: None of us will be able to answer this question for you because we don't know you I person. The only person that will be able to give you a straight answer are the 4 guys you're talking about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    LC92 saidThat's not the point though. The point is that I wish I knew why it happens to me, and if it happens to other people (I'm sure). I don't think I'm off-putting at all, but maybe they're just flakey. I won't take it personally but I secretly wonder if it's looks, or a different expectation they made of me in their head.


    I think you look cute, urg, all fair in dating, love and war. Lol, move on, tons of other guys out there. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Aug 03, 2014 4:10 PM GMT
    This happens to everyone, not just you.....the best lesson I learned is that if they are not coming after you as much as you are going after them, then maybe they are "Just not that into you". Watch the movie, it's about straight people but it still kind of applies.
    If a guy is really into you, they will pursue you as much you do them. They will make the effort. At the end of the day, isn't that what you want anyways? Patience is what is needed, the right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet. Until then, just enjoy....