Being gay has made me so self conscious and worried about by physical appearance

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Jul 30, 2014 3:07 PM GMT
    I feel like just to be accepted in the gay world I have to look as good as possible in order to fit due to the constant bombardment of the pristine gay men who is ripped has a body to die for

    I try so hard to be accepted so much money and effort has gone into to looking good and I get obsessed with my appearance and always feel a bit stressed out when around other gay men if I am looking good or not I actually feel more comfortable in a straight environment

    Anyone else feel like this? And can relate
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    Jul 30, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    All the time!

    No wonder more gay men abuse substances and succumb to eating disorders compared to our straight counterparts.
  • coyoteandhawk

    Posts: 25

    Jul 30, 2014 3:22 PM GMT
    Spend your time and money on your brain. Keep active and stay fit. Then they will follow. You can feel free to ignore them at that point.
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    Jul 30, 2014 3:54 PM GMT
    To be honest, no. When I first started going to gay clubs or events I did feel a little awkward. But now I don't give a shit. They can do their thing and I'll do mine.

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    Jul 30, 2014 3:58 PM GMT
    Again?????? I know I read this same kind of thread from you. Come on now.. why are you posting the same topic again. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 30, 2014 4:09 PM GMT
    Dud, you've already posted something like this before. STOP looking for validation elsewhere. You don't have to conform to anyone's standards of beauty. Work on loving yourself and taking steps toward a better version of yourself FOR YOURSELF.
    This is not high school anymore. You can never please everyone some will like you and some won't.
    I started taking care and improving myself bc I wanted to look/feel the best I could possibly. Bc I get stressed out easily and exercise is a better relief than alcohol/drugs.
    Sure, getting attention along the way was great; but IT WAS NEVER my main focus.
    I don't believe there is such thing as a gay community. So I suggest you go to counseling, journal, meditate and read some self help books. AND STOP LETTING OTHERS DETERMINE YOUR SELF WORTH. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single & putting yourself first. icon_mad.gif
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    Jul 30, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    Vavz saidTo be honest, no. When I first started going to gay clubs or events I did feel a little awkward. But now I don't give a shit. They can do their thing and I'll do mine.




    Here's a healthy attitude more gay men need to adopt.
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    Jul 30, 2014 4:24 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidI feel like just to be accepted in the gay world I have to look as good as possible in order to fit due to the constant bombardment of the pristine gay men who is ripped has a body to die for


    where are you seeing such amazing beauty on a constant basis?

    if you say 'the internet' i'm going to get that other guy's boyfriend to slap you :p
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    Jul 30, 2014 4:28 PM GMT
    This is not a gay problem. It is now a straight problem.

    Straight guys (granted, the ones I know are NYC office workers) are metro to the point of constantly talking about diet and exercise, and constantly fretting that they don't have eight packs and big enough biceps. The level of insecurity and pressure to conform to physical ideals for Nearly ALL men is staggering.

    As for you, to be frank you're a hot butterface. You're a LOT of people's type. You're making the most of what you got. As for things you can't help, get over it.
  • anketa

    Posts: 37

    Jul 30, 2014 4:28 PM GMT
    let me tell you a short story: I was walking by the beach with this guy I was starting falling in love with, we were talking about the physical appearance when he suddenly stopped and show me a guy who was getting out of the water. I find him so hot, he said. I looked at the guy and I was shocked - the guy was soooooo average! He was kinda short, he had a belly a bit...
    Well, the guy I wanted to attract was attracted by that man. The moral is: fuck it, guys! If you're lucky enough, you'll meet a sexy guy who would fall in love with the imperfect creature you are!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Jul 30, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    Yeah, enough with this constant boo-hoo, OP. You've whined before about this. Apparently you didn't listen that time or is it more than just once before.
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    Jul 30, 2014 4:58 PM GMT
    This is an insightful post. I haven't seen your other pix, just your thumbnail, but if you're mentioning this again as others say you are, that's a sign of poor mental health. I think you look amazing from that pic, and the sooner you accept that you will attract some and not others, the less mental anguish you will experience in life.

    Try to let go of the self-absorption aspect of working out and look to the functionality aspect of it. Working out will allow you to play with your nieces and nephews without getting too tired, allow you to perform better at a sport you love, free you from joint and health problems when you reach middle age, and so on. I know that is difficult to do at your age, but I really believe that attaching purpose to everything we do will result in excellence. Saying that you're working out and eating right to have a hot body to attract and hook up with the hottest guys will not work for long term mental health.

    anketa saidlet me tell you a short story: I was walking by the beach with this guy I was starting falling in love with, we were talking about the physical appearance when he suddenly stopped and show me a guy who was getting out of the water. I find him so hot, he said. I looked at the guy and I was shocked - the guy was soooooo average! He was kinda short, he had a belly a bit...
    Well, the guy I wanted to attract was attracted by that man. The moral is: fuck it, guys! If you're lucky enough, you'll meet a sexy guy who would fall in love with the imperfect creature you are!


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    Jul 30, 2014 5:06 PM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    Matthew56 saidI feel like just to be accepted in the gay world I have to look as good as possible in order to fit due to the constant bombardment of the pristine gay men who is ripped has a body to die for


    where are you seeing such amazing beauty on a constant basis?

    if you say 'the internet' i'm going to get that other guy's boyfriend to slap you :p


    Yes. What's on the internet is VASTLY different than what I'm seeking IRL. If you are comparing yourself to what you see on the internet and magazines, just remember images can be and are manipulated. I'm always amused at the images people post on Tumblr and Tweet. The images are so distorted from being manipulated yet guys will drool over them as if they were real and the manipulation wasn't so obvious. I will admit some are well done and aren't so obvious but if you look close you will see the telltale signs of manipulation.

    And even if the images aren't manipulated what the models have done to achieve that ripped muscular physique isn't maintainable all the time. Even bodybuilders aren't contest ready all the time. Look at Arnold today:

    arnold_schwarzenegger.jpg

    I wish more gay men worked on and fretted more about their inner beauty rather than that which is here today gone tomorrow.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 873

    Jul 30, 2014 5:15 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidThis is not a gay problem. It is now a straight problem.

    Straight guys (granted, the ones I know are NYC office workers) are metro to the point of constantly talking about diet and exercise, and constantly fretting that they don't have eight packs and big enough biceps. The level of insecurity and pressure to conform to physical ideals for Nearly ALL men is staggering.

    As for you, to be frank you're a hot butterface. You're a LOT of people's type. You're making the most of what you got. As for things you can't help, get over it.


    I agree with eagermuscle here.

    The problem is called conformism. You are allowing the others to allow you or deny you your pleasures. Guess, what? They'll go for denial. Coz,they can. You allowed them.

    So, you shrug with your shoulders, and move on. If a dude out there wants a super-ripped dude sporting a perfect 8-pack, good luck and more power to him.

    You work on what you can put on the table. The looks, the body, AND the MIND, plus whatever achievements you should be proud of. As simple as that.

    You'll be just fine.

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2014 5:18 PM GMT
    The question is. If you didnt feel the need to conform would you persue trying to be a muscular ripped guy? If the answer is no and you can find more enjoyment in other persuits then follow them.
    I enjiy lifting and being lean and muscular. I have had this intreast long before I came out. So feeling that pressure to compete with tge true musclemen out there is no biggie to me. Just more insentive to make my goals a reality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    #real beauty comes from inside, not outside thread... lol spend your money on a sugar baby lol jk.
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    Jul 30, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    ChristopherMcG saidAgain?????? I know I read this same kind of thread from you. Come on now.. why are you posting the same topic again. icon_rolleyes.gif


    This is another unverified profile. I'm beginning to suspect these people are nothing more than fakes
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    Jul 30, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    SeanTheBull said
    ChristopherMcG saidAgain?????? I know I read this same kind of thread from you. Come on now.. why are you posting the same topic again. icon_rolleyes.gif


    This is another unverified profile. I'm beginning to suspect these people are nothing more than fakes


    Or the same person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2014 6:45 PM GMT
    I want to look thin as possible and fit into XXS girl's clothes comfortably. This is my dream, but I also love pita chips a lot too! Such a dilemma I have in my life. I want to be the star in the club and I want all the attention and compliments. I want the fem guys to be impressed more so than the masc guys because the masc/older guys are real easy to impress. I want to look like a young michael jackson or bill kaulitz.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Jul 30, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    anketa saidlet me tell you a short story: I was walking by the beach with this guy I was starting falling in love with, we were talking about the physical appearance when he suddenly stopped and show me a guy who was getting out of the water. I find him so hot, he said. I looked at the guy and I was shocked - the guy was soooooo average! He was kinda short, he had a belly a bit...
    Well, the guy I wanted to attract was attracted by that man. The moral is: fuck it, guys! If you're lucky enough, you'll meet a sexy guy who would fall in love with the imperfect creature you are!


    Yeah but lol that is anamoly
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Jul 30, 2014 7:16 PM GMT
    Actually, you look pretty good in your profile picture. You'd look even better with a better pose. Having your arms behind your back makes your pecs look smaller. If you would like better pictures, do so experimenting with the camera and lighting.

    Anyway, I don't thing that you have anything to worry about appearance wise.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 30, 2014 7:19 PM GMT
    I feel pity for you because you have no depth....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    Virtually everyone nowadays is self conscious and worried about by physical appearance. icon_rolleyes.gif Even heterosexual men are becoming obsessed with their physical appearence. Thanks to selfie culture, workout DVD commercials, this whole beard obsession and every other superficial shit.
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    Jul 30, 2014 7:35 PM GMT
    How do you feel, and what do you think about things is what is most important. Who are you comfortable with and what is right for you. You have to live your own life and live life on your own terms. you have have to live with yourself. the good and the bad.

    It's all about you. What can you do to find some meaning in your life? Find ways to make yourself happy. Seek out others that will be supportive and like you for the way you are.

    Don't hide from who and what you are. Do not forget where you came from and who you really are. Trying to conform to become like other people is not always going to be helpful for you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    That does sound like you need new friends.
    Why not hang around people that make you feel good about yourself rather than competing with them all the time?