San Diego vs. Denver vs. other city


  • Jul 30, 2014 3:57 PM GMT
    Hello Guys,

    I recently came out to family and friends and still adjusting to life as an openly gay man in my 20s. two trains of thought: I move away by myself to refine myself and find out who I really am. Or I move with friends to a city where they already live ( I am thinking Austin specifically).

    Basically I want to know where there are other masculine "non-gay" gays. San Diego? Denver? Austin?

    Thanks for your opinions.
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    Jul 30, 2014 4:17 PM GMT
    What's a non gay gay? Isn't that a bit of a contradiction?icon_lol.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 30, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    flyfisherus12a said
    Basically I want to know where there are other masculine "non-gay" gays. San Diego? Denver? Austin?


    You mean, a gay man who isn't gay? Like, a guy who is sexually attracted to men, but isn't? Makes a lot of sense.

    Starting from scratch in a new place can be really hard. If you're going to do that, I think you should move somewhere where you can find a job that suits your skills and your interests and would help you grow as a person, provided that the job is located in a larger city than wherever you are now. There are large gay communities in all three cities you mentioned. Otherwise, move where you know some people already, it'll make your transition a lot easier.

    And remember, hating on or having an aversion to "gay" gay guys will only hurt you in the long run. The best way to meet more gays is to meet one gay (where there's a mouse, there are mice), and this community is too small to be excluding people for superficial reasons. Surround yourself with cool people, regardless of how they look or act, and you'll be surprised what kinds of cool things can happen.
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    Jul 30, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    "Non-Gay" eh? That sounds worse than "Straight Acting!"

    Maybe that makes sense in Alabama. It won't in Austin or San Diego, I doubt Denver either. Be prepared for a culture shock.....Gay is "normal" there.

    They are all great cities. I spent some time in Austin (the coolest city in Texas IMHO). And lived in SD for 30 years.

    In San Diego you can go to work with openly LGBT people. Go a Gay gym in the Gayborhood, join a Gay softball, tennis, golf, ski, dart, pool league and car club. Go to a Gay church on Sunday.

    There isn't a lot of drag in SD, not like in the South where it's a way of life. Except Halloween LOL.
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    Jul 31, 2014 5:05 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidWhat's a non gay gay? Isn't that a bit of a contradiction?icon_lol.gif


    It's a term used by those who haven't really come to grips with their homosexuality and allow other gays and gay stereotypes dictate how they feel about being gay.

    I did it, you did it, and just about every other gay man has done it at some point in the process of learning to love themselves. No harm no foul. Just a young gay man feeling his way through gay life.
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    Jul 31, 2014 5:11 PM GMT
    NOT IT

    Stay away

    Austin is GAY, Gay

    You will hate it here

    STAY AWAY

    -RodeRage--help me out here?
  • RichLather

    Posts: 73

    Jul 31, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    I live in San Diego!
    That probably doesn't help you any, but I am here and always looking for friends.
  • mascmuscle35

    Posts: 79

    Jul 31, 2014 10:01 PM GMT
    Go where YOU will be happy. Do you like mountains? Skiing? What do you want to do with your career?

    I loved San Diego - great military down, lots of biotech
    I love Denver - great outdoors - Go Broncos

    Austin is nice, but this is the only place I have actually lived in. It's nice just VERY hot in the summer and a bit overrated. If you are going to live there, you have to accept the fact; the highest salaried person in the city is the football coach.

    I've been to Birmingham, and I would leave. Atlanta is nice, so is Nashville??

    Good luck!
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    Jul 31, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    Hm, I heard that Austin, Texas is a gay city but there are many homophobic and kinda racist Texans over there toward minorities. A couple of friends who moved there mentioned this. Denver seems like a sleepy, mountain town. I'd pick San Diego, it's closet to me and I've been to Hill Crest, the beaches are beautiful too. So My vote is San Diego, I may move down there in the future.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Aug 02, 2014 4:08 PM GMT
    I Loved San Diego.... Denver was ok just ok.
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    Aug 02, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    you pay for what you get. That being said can you afford San Diego or Denver. Go where the jobs are.
  • ai82

    Posts: 183

    Aug 02, 2014 6:42 PM GMT
    When I was moving to start my career an adviser recommended I visit the places I was considering moving to. So my question is have you visited these places? Your expectations may not represent reality. I moved to accept a job in a city I thought I would enjoy, but it did'nt really work out that way.

    I think it's easier to move someplace where you have contacts, people you can depend on and trust. But I think you will probably learn more about yourself and develop yourself more if you go somewhere solo. Good luck.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14336

    Aug 02, 2014 9:22 PM GMT
    Well you can forget about Austin because almost all the gays in that unfriendly town are bar hopping twinks. Your best bet is to check out San Diego and Denver for the more masculine gay men. Forget about Austin entirely.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14336

    Aug 03, 2014 3:00 AM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidHm, I heard that Austin, Texas is a gay city but there are many homophobic and kinda racist Texans over there toward minorities. A couple of friends who moved there mentioned this. Denver seems like a sleepy, mountain town. I'd pick San Diego, it's closet to me and I've been to Hill Crest, the beaches are beautiful too. So My vote is San Diego, I may move down there in the future.
    Austin isn't nearly as gay friendly as it is cracked up to be. It is tolerant of gays but it isn't all that accepting of us. It is in homophobic, xenophobic, backward Texas and it is the capital city. It is also a very unfriendly and unwelcoming city to outsiders just like the rest of Texas. The cost of living is astronomical and the quality of life stinks. Austin rightfully belongs in the same category of cities as Amarillo TX, Birmingham AL, Jackson MS, and Shreveport LA.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 03, 2014 7:30 AM GMT
    Don't come to San Francisco.
    We San Francisco gays are gayer than a picnic basket.


    qr0jdj.jpg
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Aug 03, 2014 1:42 PM GMT
    Yeah we're pretty gay in Denver too. Rainbows & everything! However, if you're a pot-head you'd probably like it here....and it might help you get over your "non-gay" issues icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2014 12:04 AM GMT
    I think you have other more pressing issues than relocation destination options.
    For starters, I would suggest getting to know what 'gay' means. Sexual attraction to other men has zero to do with a person's mannerisms. The diversity of mannerisms among gay men belies the traditional stereotypes and certainly no one particular American city that I've been to has a preponderance of gay men sharing any one specific mannerism.

    Oh incidentally, that road bike dude from buffalo has some serious issues w Texas and Austin in particular. So beware of any advice from that guy.

    If you like music, the outdoors and diverse food options...consider Austin. You're also likely to find several therapists there to help you work through your issues.

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_demographics_of_the_United_States#By_city



    Did you know NY has the most segregated schools In the country?

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/03/27/segregation-public-schools-new-york/6953919/

    I know that has nothing to do w this issue. I just like annoying the road bike texophobic guy! icon_smile.gif
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14336

    Aug 04, 2014 11:56 PM GMT
    Koastal saidI think you have other more pressing issues than relocation destination options.
    For starters, I would suggest getting to know what 'gay' means. Sexual attraction to other men has zero to do with a person's mannerisms. The diversity of mannerisms among gay men belies the traditional stereotypes and certainly no one particular American city that I've been to has a preponderance of gay men sharing any one specific mannerism.

    Oh incidentally, that road bike dude from buffalo has some serious issues w Texas and Austin in particular. So beware of any advice from that guy.

    If you like music, the outdoors and diverse food options...consider Austin. You're also likely to find several therapists there to help you work through your issues.

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_demographics_of_the_United_States#By_city



    Did you know NY has the most segregated schools In the country?

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/03/27/segregation-public-schools-new-york/6953919/

    I know that has nothing to do w this issue. I just like annoying the road bike texophobic guy! icon_smile.gif
    Diverse food options in Austinicon_question.gif It is nothing but Tex-Mex and fast food. Issues with Texasicon_question.gif no bunky it is from ten years experience living in that backward, bigoted shithole of a state and putting up with its horribly undereducated, overly religious population. Austin isn't a real city, it is an ugly, sprawled out mess of third world urban infrastructure, billboards, overhead power lines, strip plazas, seedy bars, pawnshops, and rude arrogant natives. So the OP would be wise not to pay any attention to your pro Texas propaganda and bold faced lies about that wannabe separate country. The permanent secession of Texas from the US cannot come soon enough.
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:58 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidDon't come to San Francisco.
    We San Francisco gays are gayer than a picnic basket.


    qr0jdj.jpg


    You only move to San Francisco if you're into Bears, Leather type of guys. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 1:41 AM GMT
    Hey sorry to get you all riled up road kill. I didn't even say the word 'Texas'
    Love me my Austin, N Mexico, NOLA, NYC, Seattle, SF. Haven't been to Denver since HS but here it's a blast. At the end of the day, you make it 'home'. If somebody anywhere has an issue w me and my guy that's there problem. I'm a little annoyed by the religious zealots in my big red state but they're becoming less and less relevant. As far as Austin is concerned dude...you must live in an alternate reality. Sure it has growth issues like most big cities and I've yet to see a big city w/out strip malls and pawn shops. TexMex? Who the hell eats that ubiquitous stuff anymore. Austin gave us Whole Foods... where u can buy overpriced good food w a short shelf life and I can park my hybrid next to the handicap parking. And few would argue that it's been the live music capital of the US. At least since my undergrad days.

    As far as great, healthy and happy cities to live, let's check out some lists:

    http://www.bestplaces.net/docs/studies/healthy.aspx

    http://www.areavibes.com/best-places/america/

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/26/2013-best-places-to-live_n_3818413.html

    http://www.vocativ.com/culture/media/livability/

    I've looked and looked, but can't seem to find buffalo anywhere. Must be one of those 'best kept secrets'
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14336

    Aug 05, 2014 1:51 AM GMT
    Koastal saidHey sorry to get you all riled up road kill. I didn't even say the word 'Texas'
    Love me my Austin, N Mexico, NOLA, NYC, Seattle, SF. Haven't been to Denver since HS but here it's a blast. At the end of the day, you make it 'home'. If somebody anywhere has an issue w me and my guy that's there problem. I'm a little annoyed by the religious zealots in my big red state but they're becoming less and less relevant. As far as Austin is concerned dude...you must live in an alternate reality. Sure it has growth issues like most big cities and I've yet to see a big city w/out strip malls and pawn shops. TexMex? Who the hell eats that ubiquitous stuff anymore. Austin gave us Whole Foods... where u can buy overpriced good food w a short shelf life and I can park my hybrid next to the handicap parking. And few would argue that it's been the live music capital of the US. At least since my undergrad days.

    As far as great, healthy and happy cities to live, let's check out some lists:

    http://www.bestplaces.net/docs/studies/healthy.aspx

    http://www.areavibes.com/best-places/america/

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/26/2013-best-places-to-live_n_3818413.html

    http://www.vocativ.com/culture/media/livability/

    I've looked and looked, but can't seem to find buffalo anywhere. Must be one of those 'best kept secrets'
    More propaganda from the naïve Texan. You can take all those lists and throw them out the window because they are all heavily biased bullshit. TexMexicon_question.gif Austin natives most likely still gobble up that greasy shit since it is very affordable for them. Who in their right mind would spend tons of money on natural food with a short shelf life when there are better alternatives for natural, fresh food. Whole Foods is overrated and overpriced. You keep living in your fantasyland about Texas changing but it never will and the religious zealots will always be a relevant force in the lone star state. If you want to flee the religious zealots, you have no viable choice but to leave Texas for good.