Top & bottom I get but wtf with all this crap I see of guys wanting to get a kick out of degrading sex practices.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    I realise here are some willing participants in fettish's & kinky sex but why are so many about someone being a dominator and the other the subserbiant 'bitch'. I'm not talking about standard dom/sub thing that's usually mild. Even on RJ, there are posts about "would he be your prison bitch". Sounds like their are a few to many guys with real self esteem issues & not limited to the submissive person as the dominator wanting to inflict pain & get turned on by it, I have to ask are you just a sexual bully who justifies there actions with neutral sounding labels
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    Jul 31, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    The minute a guy refers to himself as "bitch", I'm out.
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    Jul 31, 2014 7:31 PM GMT
    Don't know what you are talking about

    now

    tumblr_mnmh5dL36G1qblcpfo1_500.gif
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    Aug 01, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    I think 'bitch' refers more to a frame of mind. I personally can go thru the whole 'use and abuse' me phase, top, bottom, humiliate me and make me beg."….To me its sorta like role play. Works for a few minutes, then fades to reality. Which is either ' he is hot and there is lots of chemistry' or ' I'm bored, NEXT"!!! LOL icon_lol.gif
  • frogman89

    Posts: 418

    Aug 01, 2014 8:44 AM GMT
    I don't think it has anything to do with bullying or low self-esteem.

    For some people it's a thrill to abandon oneself to the other. The loss of power is exciting to them. And for some it's the power they get that thrills them.
    It doesn't necessarily relate to the role they fulfil in society. Subs often are guys who do have power and responsibility in their jobs.
    Doms often are guys who don't have much responsibility or power in their social life and job respectively. They don't "bully" their subs. They only go as far as the sub let's them. They respect the boundaries.

    It might be some kind of compensation.

    Regardless. I think it's a fetish everyone is free to act out. And if you don't want it, nobody forces you to engage in these practices.

    And why not refer to the roles with "neutral" labels? To them it's nothing bad. So why call it bad names?
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    Aug 01, 2014 8:47 AM GMT
    It's called a fetish. Don't make it something it isn't. If I want a guy twice my size to spit on me, hold me down, prevent me from leaving the room, and fuck me until I'm literally in the fetal position on the bed, why is it anyone else's business but his and mine? As long as it's consensual between both parties, I don't see the big deal. I can assure you I don't have self-esteem issues. I merely enjoy being degraded to sub-human levels ... IN BED. Sex is such a liberating activity that doesn't have to be plain Jane penetration.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Aug 01, 2014 9:30 AM GMT
    Yes, these things are something else besides top and bottom. The whole degradation thing with guys calling themselves faggots looking to be used. I am not into any of that.
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    Aug 03, 2014 9:31 AM GMT
    Avsigkommen saidIt's called a fetish. Don't make it something it isn't. If I want a guy twice my size to spit on me, hold me down, prevent me from leaving the room, and fuck me until I'm literally in the fetal position on the bed, why is it anyone else's business but his and mine? As long as it's consensual between both parties, I don't see the big deal. I can assure you I don't have self-esteem issues. I merely enjoy being degraded to sub-human levels ... IN BED. Sex is such a liberating activity that doesn't have to be plain Jane penetration.


    This post is to demonstrate another aspect on how Gay men find outlets for how they feel or have felt about themselves. I haver no interest in that sort of thing but I am intrigued since I am getting asked to do it occasionally by guys and I'm curious as too why

    You sound like one messed up mofo but hey enjoy yourself if that gets you off. "I merely enjoy being degraded to sub-human levels" sounds like you almost agree with me. No one is coming into your bedroom to stop you so go ahead, but don't try to pretend it's normal please you and those who defend your sexual practices are only kidding themselves but it's your right to enjoy.

    No neutral labels Frogman89 are going to come from me about this. Puou are correct that in the dom sub fettish world consenting men are often looking at a role reversal from the power they have in society, but my post was not just about a fettish, I'm talking about how it's starting to creep Into the bedrooms or wherever else they are I have met more guys who ask to be degraded in sometimes really fu***d up ways so while I respect your opinion, this is not just about a small minority within a minority.

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    Aug 03, 2014 11:42 PM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjockdon't try to pretend it's normal please you and those who defend your sexual practices are only kidding themselves but it's your right to enjoy


    Society says that gay people in general aren't normal. So, really.. who determines what is "normal" and what isn't? Sexuality is extremely fluid, not to mention a personal thing. 'normal' is relative. It baffles me sometimes how other gay people can be so closed-minded.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Aug 04, 2014 10:28 AM GMT
    Yes, what is normal? If you ask hetro people about gay sex, they will probably say that's not 'normal.' And actually there most likely are much more bdsm type of relationships between hetro couples than gay couples. Just because you cannot relate to something does not give you the right to criticize that behavior.
    I am not in anyway trying to defend bdsm or dom/sub behavior. It is what it is. If you want to understand it then don't have a negative opinion about such behaviour to start out with.
    If you are not interested in dom or degrading acts then don't participate. I do not see any of that creeping into people I meet.
    But if you look at craigslist personals, etc., then you do see alot of folks looking for strange things.
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    Aug 04, 2014 10:37 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidDon't know what you are talking about

    now

    tumblr_mnmh5dL36G1qblcpfo1_500.gif


    Colby Keller is so goddam hot...
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    Aug 04, 2014 2:30 PM GMT
    I agree with the OP to an extent. In my experience and observations of both heterosexual and Homosexual relationships dominant people tend to be attracted to people with low self confidence who generally end up being submissive to them. Sometimes it's the other way round and people with low self esteem end up being attracted to very confident alpha types who end up being the dominant partner. Usually that's fine but sometimes it's possibly a bit much if keeping someone submissive means keeping their confidence low.
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    Aug 04, 2014 6:42 PM GMT
    dannyboyUK saidI agree with the OP to an extent. In my experience and observations of both heterosexual and Homosexual relationships dominant people tend to be attracted to people with low self confidence who generally end up being submissive to them. Sometimes it's the other way round and people with low self esteem end up being attracted to very confident alpha types who end up being the dominant partner. Usually that's fine but sometimes it's possibly a bit much if keeping someone submissive means keeping their confidence low.


    People are in control of their own self-confidence. That's why it is called "self"-confidence. Blaming someone else for your low self-esteem is weakness.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Aug 04, 2014 7:22 PM GMT
    Avsigkommen said
    dannyboyUK said

    People are in control of their own self-confidence. That's why it is called "self"-confidence. Blaming someone else for your low self-esteem is weakness.


    So true! I am a total bottom and very submissive, but I am confident that I will give great pleasure to my top. I have no low self esteem issues as I believe, without a bottom, a top only has his own hands to give himself pleasure.
    Being a bottom, you are opening up your body for another man to enter you. You are definitely submitting your body so your top can penetrate you. You are relaxing your body's natural reaction of clenching up against an intruder.
    Passionate sex can only be achieved when both men want to give great pleasure to each other.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 04, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 said
    Avsigkommen saidIt's called a fetish. Don't make it something it isn't. If I want a guy twice my size to spit on me, hold me down, prevent me from leaving the room, and fuck me until I'm literally in the fetal position on the bed, why is it anyone else's business but his and mine? As long as it's consensual between both parties, I don't see the big deal. I can assure you I don't have self-esteem issues. I merely enjoy being degraded to sub-human levels ... IN BED. Sex is such a liberating activity that doesn't have to be plain Jane penetration.


    This post is to demonstrate another aspect on how Gay men find outlets for how they feel or have felt about themselves. I haver no interest in that sort of thing but I am intrigued since I am getting asked to do it occasionally by guys and I'm curious as too why

    You sound like one messed up mofo but hey enjoy yourself if that gets you off. "I merely enjoy being degraded to sub-human levels" sounds like you almost agree with me. No one is coming into your bedroom to stop you so go ahead, but don't try to pretend it's normal please you and those who defend your sexual practices are only kidding themselves but it's your right to enjoy.

    No neutral labels Frogman89 are going to come from me about this. Puou are correct that in the dom sub fettish world consenting men are often looking at a role reversal from the power they have in society, but my post was not just about a fettish, I'm talking about how it's starting to creep Into the bedrooms or wherever else they are I have met more guys who ask to be degraded in sometimes really fu***d up ways so while I respect your opinion, this is not just about a small minority within a minority.


    Frogman is right. You are wrong. If you're getting into bed with a lot of guys wanting something different from what you want, well, you're probably just getting into too many beds with complete strangers. THAT is much more fucked up and dangerous than what two consenting guys do behind closed doors.
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    Aug 04, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    Avsigkommen said
    dannyboyUK saidI agree with the OP to an extent. In my experience and observations of both heterosexual and Homosexual relationships dominant people tend to be attracted to people with low self confidence who generally end up being submissive to them. Sometimes it's the other way round and people with low self esteem end up being attracted to very confident alpha types who end up being the dominant partner. Usually that's fine but sometimes it's possibly a bit much if keeping someone submissive means keeping their confidence low.


    People are in control of their own self-confidence. That's why it is called "self"-confidence. Blaming someone else for your low self-esteem is weakness.


    Like I said for the most part there's no harm in one partner being more dominant. I was talking about some cases where it's not but for the most part it's quite normal.
  • jaroslav123

    Posts: 600

    Aug 04, 2014 8:30 PM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 saidI realise here are some William participants in fettish's & kinky sex but why are so many about someone being a dominator and the other the subserbiant 'bitch'. I'm not talking about standard dom/sub thing that's usually mild. Even on RJ, there are posts about "would he be your prison bitch". Sounds like their are a few to many guys with real self esteem issues & not limited to the submissive person as the dominator wanting to inflict pain & get turned on by it, I have to ask are you just a sexual bully who justifies there actions with neutral sounding labels


    Not all BDSM is rape or caused by a bad a childhood, this is a myth. If someone's into it, they're into it. As long as both sides consent then it's fine. So long as there's consent between two willing adults, then we should never question the sex-lives of other people and the practices they engage with in the bedroom.
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    Aug 04, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 saidI haver no interest in that sort of thing but I am intrigued since I am getting asked to do it occasionally by guys and I'm curious as too why.

    Your curiosity doesn't seem any different to me as compared to a straight person wondering why a man would want to get fucked in the ass, or the top would want to fuck him.
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    Aug 04, 2014 9:13 PM GMT
    jaroslav123 said
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 saidI realise here are some William participants in fettish's & kinky sex but why are so many about someone being a dominator and the other the subserbiant 'bitch'. I'm not talking about standard dom/sub thing that's usually mild. Even on RJ, there are posts about "would he be your prison bitch". Sounds like their are a few to many guys with real self esteem issues & not limited to the submissive person as the dominator wanting to inflict pain & get turned on by it, I have to ask are you just a sexual bully who justifies there actions with neutral sounding labels


    Not all BDSM is rape or caused by a bad a childhood, this is a myth. If someone's into it, they're into it. As long as both sides consent then it's fine. So long as there's consent between two willing adults, then we should never question the sex-lives of other people and the practices they engage with in the bedroom.


    I agree when it comes to fetish stuff everybody is individual and assuming the people involved consent its between them behind closed doors.
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    Aug 04, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    Avsigkommen said

    Society says that gay people in general aren't normal. So, really.. who determines what is "normal" and what isn't? Sexuality is extremely fluid, not to mention a personal thing. 'normal' is relative. It baffles me sometimes how other gay people can be so closed-minded.


    Very well said.
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    Aug 05, 2014 9:15 PM GMT
    Avsigkommen said
    dannyboyUK saidI agree with the OP to an extent. In my experience and observations of both heterosexual and Homosexual relationships dominant people tend to be attracted to people with low self confidence who generally end up being submissive to them. Sometimes it's the other way round and people with low self esteem end up being attracted to very confident alpha types who end up being the dominant partner. Usually that's fine but sometimes it's possibly a bit much if keeping someone submissive means keeping their confidence low.


    People are in control of their own self-confidence. That's why it is called "self"-confidence. Blaming someone else for your low self-esteem is weakness.


    I can categorically tell you that you are wrong on that score from first hand experience of being with a very dominant man. Just because you have a view on confidence doesn't make it a fact.
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    Aug 06, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    dannyboyUK said
    Avsigkommen said
    dannyboyUK saidI agree with the OP to an extent. In my experience and observations of both heterosexual and Homosexual relationships dominant people tend to be attracted to people with low self confidence who generally end up being submissive to them. Sometimes it's the other way round and people with low self esteem end up being attracted to very confident alpha types who end up being the dominant partner. Usually that's fine but sometimes it's possibly a bit much if keeping someone submissive means keeping their confidence low.


    People are in control of their own self-confidence. That's why it is called "self"-confidence. Blaming someone else for your low self-esteem is weakness.


    I can categorically tell you that you are wrong on that score from first hand experience of being with a very dominant man. Just because you have a view on confidence doesn't make it a fact.


    Whether he is dominant or not has nothing to do with his self-confidence. So you didn't explain how I'm wrong.
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    Aug 06, 2014 9:28 AM GMT
    Avsigkommen said
    dannyboyUK said
    Avsigkommen said
    dannyboyUK saidI agree with the OP to an extent. In my experience and observations of both heterosexual and Homosexual relationships dominant people tend to be attracted to people with low self confidence who generally end up being submissive to them. Sometimes it's the other way round and people with low self esteem end up being attracted to very confident alpha types who end up being the dominant partner. Usually that's fine but sometimes it's possibly a bit much if keeping someone submissive means keeping their confidence low.


    People are in control of their own self-confidence. That's why it is called "self"-confidence. Blaming someone else for your low self-esteem is weakness.


    I can categorically tell you that you are wrong on that score from first hand experience of being with a very dominant man. Just because you have a view on confidence doesn't make it a fact.


    Whether he is dominant or not has nothing to do with his self-confidence. So you didn't explain how I'm wrong.

    Please note that I said only sometimes its a problem but actually being with a very dominant man can affect someone's confidence especially if they are mean or degrading.
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    Aug 06, 2014 12:04 PM GMT
    Avsigkommen said
    Sydneyrugbyjockdon't try to pretend it's normal please you and those who defend your sexual practices are only kidding themselves but it's your right to enjoy


    Society says that gay people in general aren't normal. So, really.. who determines what is "normal" and what isn't? Sexuality is extremely fluid, not to mention a personal thing. 'normal' is relative. It baffles me sometimes how other gay people can be so closed-minded.


    If there is one part I agree with Avsigkommen it's that hetro society would view all gay sex as not normal. I hardly think that is a defence to my critique of the rising number (formally a very small base) of gay men, taking on behaviours which are degrading and dangerous. I didn't say that it is always wrong or that I am sleeping with these type of men.

    Many of these men have discussed their preference for this behaviour online, bars/clubs, at parties on all types of sites and not limited too pick up sites or the sleazy bars and the parties are run of the mill birthday parties or whatever. When gay men meet socially sexuality related discussion always come up.

    To all you guys who talk about self confidence coming from within. That's great for you but not the reality of many gay men who only participate in these kind of behaviours to be with the person they have fallen in love with. Nothing wrong with a little bit of dominance but there are some practices which suggest a pre-disposition to a domestic violence perpetrator.

    For a minority who complains about the hetro-normative world not giving us a fair go their sure are a lot of touchy people who don't like the idea of what they do in he bedroom being aired in a gay forum . Sometimes we as a community need to look at what behaviours we normalise as it's not always that something popular is good.

    Gay men have the highest rate of health related and mental health problems & addiction related issues & I'm suggesting that this Is part of that same pattern of passing on to the vulnerable what some guys feel is done in real life to them.

    I did qualify this response as not applying to those actively seeking these practices, who have developed their own norms of behaviour while engaging thief fettish, instead I am talking about the guys who would not do all of it only picking some of the actions to degrade the guys they are with. Might sound fucked up but it is happening and in many countries
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    Aug 06, 2014 4:42 PM GMT
    Honestly, I can't even deal with your 'logic'. You sound like a born again Christian Republican trying to explain why you think homosexuality (except in this case, it's gay fetishism) is wrong. You must be such fun in bed icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif