Need some advice guys..

  • MikeWK

    Posts: 1

    Aug 01, 2014 1:46 PM GMT
    Ok so here's the deal..I'm 19 and have been kind of confused about my sexuality. I have never slept with a guy but have hooked up with several transexuals and enjoyed it a lot. Never had sex with a women either, but always thought that when the time came I wouldn't have any problem going through with it. I can get off to any type of porn so it's always kept be thinking that I'm bi.

    Well here's my dilemma. There's this really cute girl at work and we hit it off fucking great, after a few days of texting and bsing we eventually hung out at my place and one thing led to another and we started hooking up. The first couple of times we hung out it was just making out and I enjoyed that a lot. Eventually she started giving me blow jobs which I really enjoyed, I even fingered her and ate her out which was enjoyable.
    But when it came down to it I just couldn't get hard enough to actually have sex with her. It was devastating because it was all I wanted to do, I'm attracted to this girl physically and emotionally, but I just can't do it. After about a month of hanging out and doing what was mentioned earlier, she asked why I won't fuck her and I gave a semi-true excuse(said I'm afraid to commit due to drug use) she insisted on staying with me and helping me through it, but since that wasn't the real issue I continued to push her away..I cried the second she left and have been crying for days because I actually do love this girl and I don't know what's eating away at me all I want to do is be with this girl..I can never picture myself in a relationship with a man either. Very depressed with thoughts of suicide.

    Any advice from people who were in a similar situation or whatever please share, could use some advice


    **This didn't post right away but after writing it I ended up telling her the truth, first person I told and I don't feel any better just embarrassed and ashamed**
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2014 10:43 PM GMT
    19 huh?

    I had to think back a long time ago! 1975. But not much has changed I guess. In HS I'd been dating Marcia (earlier dated her best friend, Shari, my next door neighbor). She moved to Minneapolis about 5 blocks away from where I lived near Lake Harriet. My sister and brother in law were also nearby.

    She was a long legged pretty girl. She was my "beard" even before I knew what that was. I was telling my sister I was going to see her when in fact I was going to Gay bars. That didn't last long, I was ready to come out and I knew it wasn't fair to her. She was the first I told. Then, on a needs to know basis, told my brother-in-law....I'm just not a good liar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2014 11:16 PM GMT
    It sounds to me like she's committed to you even after you revealed your sexual interests to her. She didn't run off when you discussed your drug issues in the past, and she didn't run off after you had what you say was a frank discussion about your sexual interests. If she indeed seems willing to see you through all of that... she's a keeper, and she thinks you're one, too.

    I think out of a sense of commitment to her, lay off the transsexual activities, at least until you've really fleshed out the nuances of this sexual relationship first (keep your side p0rn stash handy, though). She seems to be intrigued by the prospect of coitus from you, but if penetration is tough sledding right now, try seeking out some sex toys together that might, ummm, fill the void for awhile. Watching her reach climax at your capable hands (something I'm guessing she'd enjoy highly) might be just the thing to do the trick for you as well.

    More importantly, it may seem expensive for 19-year-olds but find a way to seek out a licensed therapist. If anything, 19 is a great age to seek one out. If you can get yourself a halfway-decent employer, private counseling and therapy may be covered under their HR program, or if you're still in college you can get a referral from a counselor. Us yahoos on the internet can only do so much in situations like yours, and your depression shouldn't go untreated. You'll thank yourself later.