I am 51, he is 40, and he wants to have a boi or three

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    Aug 01, 2014 11:01 PM GMT
    We are a married couple, together for 8 years now. Our life is great, we love one another completely, and we have great sex. Just not enough of it. It took me some time to figure out why, and the fact is that he (hung bear top) is a little bored with me (very muscular bubble butt bottom). I am very sexually charged, he is less so.

    He had a "thing" with a guy he met online (found a YouTube video of a muscle stud) and started sending him a few bucks in support to help him build up. I knew about it, and it bothered me a bit, but not a helluva lot. The guys lives 3000 miles away.

    Fast forward, I let him come visit. I left the men and did some work for a few hours and they got to know one another sexually and beyond. He stayed for a long weekend, and they were kissing, fucking, etc. the entire time. They really hit it off. I got in on it a couple of times, but the energy was clearly between them. Oddly, I found it all very exciting and like the fact that a wicked hot boi is being supported by my husband.

    So I asked hubby if he would like to open things up a bit more, and he jumped at the chance. He said, "I am 40 now and I only have a bit more of this that I can do--time is catching me." And it is. He is going gray, and he will never be that fit. His body does not want it. That is not a criticism--he is amazingly hot. Guys chase him. icon_smile.gif

    Now he is trying to find a couple of younger, more local boys to set up as regulars. He wants someone 22-32 years of age--so someone different from me. I believe he also wants someone with a bigger dick--I am on the smaller side.

    Part of me finds this intoxicating, and I like it. Part of me is scared. We have laid down rules, and one is that if and when I freak out about it, it all stops. He agrees.

    I fully understand his desire to get some variety and fuck new hot holes. And his desire to have guys dependent on him--I am somewhat dependent on him right now. He is the alpha, I am the bottom. I do what he wants, try to keep him happy and satisfied and I am his bitch in nearly every way. And that is just fine.

    So, I guess I am interested in reaction to this situation. I have not found one quite like it and I want to be sure we navigate it safely and protect what we have--we are completely, totally in love and respect one another immensely.

    What should I be on guard for?

    PS: If I want to trick out, he has no issue at all. In fact, he seems to like it.
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    Aug 01, 2014 11:16 PM GMT
    I think you should call the Bravo network and make a reality show out of it. I bet they'd eat that shit up!
    I for one, will be one the few here on RJ that have zero judgement about your story.
    It's actually not all that uncommon and I've seen it all before.
    Totally not my Beaver Cleaver cup of tea, but to each their own.
    Me, judging your guy's relationship, is like straights judging my gay relationship.
    Yours is just more saucy and complicated than mine.
    I wish you all the luck in making it work.
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    Aug 01, 2014 11:21 PM GMT
    What is a boi?
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    Aug 01, 2014 11:29 PM GMT
    rlmoody74 said... Oddly, I found it all very exciting and like the fact that a wicked hot boi is being supported by my husband....

    ... And his desire to have guys dependent on him--I am somewhat dependent on him right now...

    ...What should I be on guard for?


    You should be on guard for inconsistencies between your story and your profile:

    GUYS I'M LOOKING TO MEET

    Middle aged and older guys who are in shape, kind, bright, successful (I am VERY successful).
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    Aug 01, 2014 11:41 PM GMT
    Where did all these great first-posters come from today?

    Only items I can think of:

    Condoms, protection, condoms, protection, condoms. Probably goes without saying, but still, you never know what a third-wheel might try to talk you and/or your hubby into.

    You seem to have a good sense that he's allowing you to control the situations with other guys as they arise. One thing I would personally insist upon is treating your hottie hubbie like a nightclub... and YOU, yourself, as a bouncer. Nobody, young men or otherwise, gets plowed by him without your consent, and you insist on verifying the ages of the "wicked hot bois" he likes before he gets down to do anything with them. Nobody needs to be explaining to the cops that you all thought some kid was of legal consenting age.

    His desire for dependence (from others, including you) coupled with his sexual anxieties as he ages may make what he's doing come across as cult-ish... unless all participants, including you, know that (a) your bubble-butt behind is in control of the extramarital sexual relationships, and (b) you're in control of how many and how long they last. Not him, and not the third-wheels. It sounds backwards since you're not the "alpha", as you say, but that role only holds relevance when it's time to disrobe. If you have issues, "freak out" about them until they're resolved to your satisfaction.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Aug 01, 2014 11:55 PM GMT
    kevex saidWhat is a boi?


    some 22 year old who a 50 year old would fuck rather than his partner
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    Aug 02, 2014 2:35 AM GMT
    rlmoody74 saidI am 51, he is 40, and he wants to have a boi or three

    We are a married couple, together for 8 years now. Our life is great, we love one another completely, and we have great sex. Just not enough of it...

    I am so naive. I misread the title expecting to find poignant, selfless verse of a gay couple in midlife not necessarily on the same page about having kids, then I got past the "not enough of it" part. icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 02, 2014 1:19 PM GMT
    rlmoody74 saidWe are a married couple, together for 8 years now. Our life is great, we love one another completely, and we have great sex. Just not enough of it. It took me some time to figure out why, and the fact is that he (hung bear top) is a little bored with me (very muscular bubble butt bottom). I am very sexually charged, he is less so.

    He had a "thing" with a guy he met online (found a YouTube video of a muscle stud) and started sending him a few bucks in support to help him build up. I knew about it, and it bothered me a bit, but not a helluva lot. The guys lives 3000 miles away.

    Fast forward, I let him come visit. I left the men and did some work for a few hours and they got to know one another sexually and beyond. He stayed for a long weekend, and they were kissing, fucking, etc. the entire time. They really hit it off. I got in on it a couple of times, but the energy was clearly between them. Oddly, I found it all very exciting and like the fact that a wicked hot boi is being supported by my husband.

    So I asked hubby if he would like to open things up a bit more, and he jumped at the chance. He said, "I am 40 now and I only have a bit more of this that I can do--time is catching me." And it is. He is going gray, and he will never be that fit. His body does not want it. That is not a criticism--he is amazingly hot. Guys chase him. icon_smile.gif

    Now he is trying to find a couple of younger, more local boys to set up as regulars. He wants someone 22-32 years of age--so someone different from me. I believe he also wants someone with a bigger dick--I am on the smaller side.

    Part of me finds this intoxicating, and I like it. Part of me is scared. We have laid down rules, and one is that if and when I freak out about it, it all stops. He agrees.

    I fully understand his desire to get some variety and fuck new hot holes. And his desire to have guys dependent on him--I am somewhat dependent on him right now. He is the alpha, I am the bottom. I do what he wants, try to keep him happy and satisfied and I am his bitch in nearly every way. And that is just fine.

    So, I guess I am interested in reaction to this situation. I have not found one quite like it and I want to be sure we navigate it safely and protect what we have--we are completely, totally in love and respect one another immensely.

    What should I be on guard for?

    PS: If I want to trick out, he has no issue at all. In fact, he seems to like it.


    I now understand why the general straight population think gays are sick and perverse set of dysfunctional people.
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    Aug 02, 2014 1:34 PM GMT
    I now understand why the general straight population think gays are sick and perverse set of dysfunctional people. [/quote]

    There you have it.
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    Aug 02, 2014 2:22 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    rlmoody74 said... Oddly, I found it all very exciting and like the fact that a wicked hot boi is being supported by my husband....

    ... And his desire to have guys dependent on him--I am somewhat dependent on him right now...

    ...What should I be on guard for?


    You should be on guard for inconsistencies between your story and your profile:

    GUYS I'M LOOKING TO MEET

    Middle aged and older guys who are in shape, kind, bright, successful (I am VERY successful).


    No inconsistency. We are all complex beings. There is more than one side to an interesting person. I am interesting, trust me.
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    Aug 02, 2014 2:25 PM GMT
    Very interesting replies, especially those that do not judge and offer helpful comments.

    As for those who judge--we as gays expect the straight community to respect us and avoid judging, then we pounce on one another. Come on. If you cannot help, please do not post on this thread.

    Thanks to those who have made great posts so far.
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    Aug 02, 2014 6:29 PM GMT
    rlmoody74 saidVery interesting replies, especially those that do not judge and offer helpful comments.

    As for those who judge--we as gays expect the straight community to respect us and avoid judging, then we pounce on one another. Come on. If you cannot help, please do not post on this thread.

    Thanks to those who have made great posts so far.


    What I learned on here is that if you post your opinion or air *Dirty laundry then it's all fair and game. Guys will judge it somehow, like in the real world. As far as your situation, your hubby is getting bored with you and he's looking for an open relationship or a way out. Sorry to sound blunt, but I've seen so many examples of dudes (married or not) in a relationship and then one strays, cheat, fuck around then they just broke up. Make him jealous to want you back. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 02, 2014 6:41 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 said
    rlmoody74 saidVery interesting replies, especially those that do not judge and offer helpful comments.

    As for those who judge--we as gays expect the straight community to respect us and avoid judging, then we pounce on one another. Come on. If you cannot help, please do not post on this thread.

    Thanks to those who have made great posts so far.


    What I learned on here is that if you post your opinion or air *Dirty laundry then it's all fair and game. Guys will judge it somehow, like in the real world. As far as your situation, your hubby is getting bored with you and he's looking for an open relationship or a way out. Sorry to sound blunt, but I've seen so many examples of dudes (married or not) in a relationship and then one strays, cheat, fuck around then they just broke up. Make him jealous to want you back. icon_cool.gif


    Ha! Now that sounds fun! icon_twisted.gif
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    Aug 02, 2014 6:43 PM GMT
    dayumm saidWhere did all these great first-posters come from today?

    Only items I can think of:

    Condoms, protection, condoms, protection, condoms. Probably goes without saying, but still, you never know what a third-wheel might try to talk you and/or your hubby into.

    You seem to have a good sense that he's allowing you to control the situations with other guys as they arise. One thing I would personally insist upon is treating your hottie hubbie like a nightclub... and YOU, yourself, as a bouncer. Nobody, young men or otherwise, gets plowed by him without your consent, and you insist on verifying the ages of the "wicked hot bois" he likes before he gets down to do anything with them. Nobody needs to be explaining to the cops that you all thought some kid was of legal consenting age.

    His desire for dependence (from others, including you) coupled with his sexual anxieties as he ages may make what he's doing come across as cult-ish... unless all participants, including you, know that (a) your bubble-butt behind is in control of the extramarital sexual relationships, and (b) you're in control of how many and how long they last. Not him, and not the third-wheels. It sounds backwards since you're not the "alpha", as you say, but that role only holds relevance when it's time to disrobe. If you have issues, "freak out" about them until they're resolved to your satisfaction.


    This is great advice! Thank you!
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    Aug 02, 2014 6:51 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI now understand why the general straight population think gays are sick and perverse set of dysfunctional people.


    There you have it.[/quote]

    I have to agree on you with this.
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Aug 03, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    Just be careful.....you both have to be very confident in your relationship in order to open it up to this degree.... he is having his little "mid life crisis", but the question then is what happens if he meets someone he clicks with more then you? How would you stop that? That's where the confidence in the relationship comes in. Make sure there is a really strong, good basis before you start opening it up... it's a great novelty at first, until it isn't.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 03, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    Sound unsustainable. The whole thing would make more sense if he wasn't 32 when you two got together. Had he not had a sex life before you two coupled up? You sow wild oats when you're young. To want to do this now sounds like a problem. But you seem willing to give it a go. So maybe it will be good for both of you. The big question is how long will it be until feelings are hurt? Six months? A year? Never? Will he, will you be able and happy to stop when the other raises the red flag?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 03, 2014 4:43 PM GMT
    Iakona saidJust be careful.....you both have to be very confident in your relationship in order to open it up to this degree.... he is having his little "mid life crisis", but the question then is what happens if he meets someone he clicks with more then you? How would you stop that? That's where the confidence in the relationship comes in. Make sure there is a really strong, good basis before you start opening it up... it's a great novelty at first, until it isn't.

    This is good advice but I have one gripe.... I don't think the whole "mid- life crisis" thing is valid. I think it is just a guy reaching a certain point in his life when he realizes that he doesn't have to live his life to please others. So he does or wants something he denied himself earlier. Usually the term is applied to men who withdraw a portion of their cash or time from women or their children. As we all know, in the straight world, men are mainly there to generate funds for women and children. They should not have desires or things of their own.
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    Aug 03, 2014 5:01 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI now understand why the general straight population think gays are sick and perverse set of dysfunctional people.


    There you have it.[/quote]

    Good grief you two. Like, straight people never do this.

    *roaring with laughter*
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    Aug 03, 2014 5:45 PM GMT
    The "gotta get while I can" thing doesn't make sense to me.

    I'm 58 and my sex life is better than ever! I have a box of hair coloring I bought I'm never going to use. I am grayer now, and I like it.

    I do know several couples who have open relationships. Some don't have sex at all together. They do love each other, spend time together, and are loyal to each other. They are emotionally and financially intertwine. It works for them.

    Then some couples do it to spice up their relationship. Each has an equal "vote" in someone they pick up. It's very democratic, and egalitarian. And if the 3rd is equally attracted....it can be real fun!

    If this were about straight couples (it's not!) I could mention loveless marriages without sex, I could comment about the lying and cheating (and divorce) that is rampant in the straight community. Straights seem prone to murder their spouses when they cheat. Gay men accept it, even encourage it....what's the better solution?

    They only advice I would add, or warn against is "local bois" on two areas. 1) One couple I know only does tourists/out of towners. It keeps the drama down to zero, and are less likely to see them again. The NEW factor is always there. 2) A Self described "boi" may be too young and emotional to handle this sort of an affair. They can be especially vengeful. Even if it's just sex to your BF, someone younger (or older too!) may read a lot more into it.

    As for me, I've had 3 lovers, all monogamous. Sometimes I wonder if they would have lasted longer in an open relationship. So I'm NOT judging.
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Aug 03, 2014 6:44 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    Iakona saidJust be careful.....you both have to be very confident in your relationship in order to open it up to this degree.... he is having his little "mid life crisis", but the question then is what happens if he meets someone he clicks with more then you? How would you stop that? That's where the confidence in the relationship comes in. Make sure there is a really strong, good basis before you start opening it up... it's a great novelty at first, until it isn't.

    This is good advice but I have one gripe.... I don't think the whole "mid- life crisis" thing is valid. I think it is just a guy reaching a certain point in his life when he realizes that he doesn't have to live his life to please others. So he does or wants something he denied himself earlier. Usually the term is applied to men who withdraw a portion of their cash or time from women or their children. As we all know, in the straight world, men are mainly there to generate funds for women and children. They should not have desires or things of their own.


    The only reason I used that term "mid Life Crisis" is because his bf mentioned the fact that he was getting greyer and older and wouldn't have as much opportunity in the future...