Struggle finding gay men attractive

  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Aug 03, 2014 6:52 PM GMT
    So I have been 100% out for the last year. I was out to some prior to that and was dating and sleeping around at that time. I am continuing to date and am using the usual apps as well as Match and Compatible partners. I struggle to find gay men attractive. I can certainly find them physically attractive, however once I get to know them I struggle to even want to build a connection. I am much more attracted to Bi and straight/curious guys, but that rarely works out. Masculinity is important to me. I know that I need to move past whatever is causing this issue. Has anyone else struggled with this? Also I am struggling to find myself attractive which I never did prior to coming out 100%. It seems like most of the gay guys I pursue rarely find me attractive. A little advice would be great. Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:02 PM GMT
    seanboe1 said Masculinity is important to me. I know that I need to move past whatever is causing this issue.


    Well there you go...

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    Aug 03, 2014 7:11 PM GMT
    I think you are investing too much thought in that one attribute of a person that you are missing out on the other things they have to offer and so you cannot develop that "connection."

    And honestly, just reading your profile is a turn-off for me.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Aug 03, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    I'll go on a date with anyone. With that said I have always found the "boy next door" look the most appealing. It seems like the gay men that I am attracted to don't really reciprocate.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Aug 03, 2014 7:22 PM GMT
    What turns you off about it?
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    seanboe1 saidWhat turns you off about it?


    Well saying that you like "masculine guys in pretty decent shape" then saying that you like "all types of guys" sounds... a bit... contradictory. If you really like all types why bother to even mention you like masculine guys and guys in pretty decent shape? You mentioned this twice in the 'GUYS I'M LOOKING TO MEET' section of your profile which signals to me that you remain unsure of what you really want or are trying very hard not to look like a douche.
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    seanboe1 saidI'll go on a date with anyone. With that said I have always found the "boy next door" look the most appealing. It seems like the gay men that I am attracted to don't really reciprocate.


    Compatibility is a big attraction. Someone who likes what you do.....Fishing, camping and skinny dipping in a secluded lake or pond might fit the deal right?

    A man who is active will or should be in shape and attractive in more ways than just a lean body right? Maybe someone who holds a gun and can go ELK Hunting would do it?? Now days the entire mans world has shifted from the "hunter" to the TV and how well do I suit up!!

    Challenge the ideas?
    Seek and you might find YOUR MAN!
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    you are very masculine blah blah blah would i date you? no
    what was your question again? why you don't like other men who you are dating? probably you think you are all masculine and all and they are not worthy you

    But to be fair I can see your point, all this sexualisation of gays and gay scene makes many men look like there is a bimbo walking down the street with lip gloss and girly hand gestures, those are the sad products of gay scene, not saying there is anything wrong with them, but they attract certain types of people and many are not into that

    It's hard to find somebody who looks good, but at the same time is not arrogant about it and has a nice unspoiled soul
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:38 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    seanboe1 said Masculinity is important to me. I know that I need to move past whatever is causing this issue.


    Well there you go...



    it's going to be a lonely life for the OP.
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:41 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Kuestion said
    seanboe1 said Masculinity is important to me. I know that I need to move past whatever is causing this issue.


    Well there you go...



    it's going to be a lonely life for the OP.


    Nah, there is hope. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:47 PM GMT
    The fem movement will not be happy with this thread.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Aug 03, 2014 7:52 PM GMT
    I am legitimately asking for the opinion of the guys on here. Saying I am going to be lonely is not very helpful. And at least I filled out the entire profile so as to not leave people guessing. I made a few changes to my profile.
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    Aug 03, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    seanboe1 saidI am legitimately asking for the opinion of the guys on here. Saying I am going to be lonely is not very helpful. And at least I filled out the entire profile so as to not leave people guessing. I made a few changes to my profile.


    Changing what your profiles says isn't going to change how you feel or think. The bigger change must come from within you.
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    Aug 03, 2014 8:02 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    Varus said
    Kuestion said
    seanboe1 said Masculinity is important to me. I know that I need to move past whatever is causing this issue.


    Well there you go...



    it's going to be a lonely life for the OP.


    Nah, there is hope. icon_smile.gif


    you're a lot more optimistic then I am that's for sure.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Aug 03, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    "It's hard to find somebody who looks good, but at the same time is not arrogant about it and has a nice unspoiled soul"

    I am honestly more attracted to personality than I am looks. I do prefer guys who are at least somewhat in shape. I am not talking about insane fitness freaks or body builders. Just a guy that actually works out and cares about himself. I am by no means a shredded gym freak and would never expect a guy i am dating to be like that.
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    Aug 03, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Kuestion said
    Varus said
    Kuestion said
    seanboe1 said Masculinity is important to me. I know that I need to move past whatever is causing this issue.


    Well there you go...



    it's going to be a lonely life for the OP.


    Nah, there is hope. icon_smile.gif


    you're a lot more optimistic then I am that's for sure.


    I wouldn't consider that optimism, I'd say I'm being realistic.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 03, 2014 8:08 PM GMT
    I disagree with this pile-on of criticism. There are a lot of solid guys right here on this site that would fit your preferences. Just make sure you're being reasonable and flexible enough to give the guy a chance and a bye on one or two issues. I think you're just experiencing the same problems in dating that everyone has, no matter what they're looking for. It takes some time to find the right guy.
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    Aug 03, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    And OP, I'm not saying that having a preference for masculine men is wrong, I'm saying that if it is impairing you to the point where you consider yourself a gay man (you said you were out so I'm assuming) and you cannot develop an (emotional) connection to other gay men simply because of that preconceived notion (assuming again) that you have of gay men then you should get my point by now.
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    Aug 03, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    looks like you want to date some one who looks like your self image you have in your mind. that is only the starting point. In life look what you could bring to the table, look for a partner that could complete the house hold.

    The jeep thingy is lots of fun.
    -Compartmentalize your life; have friends that are gay or straight and can 4x4.
    -what if you lost your job, sold your jeep, who will love you more. Only your mother?

    so your asking for an opinion:
    -how much do you want a relationship? Its got to be a lot for someone else to invest their life into yours
    -can you communicate to some one. What you are really thinking, can you talk about it in terms he can understand?
    -what would cause you to gain or loose respect for someone
    -can you live a life with out secrets (honesty).
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    Aug 03, 2014 8:36 PM GMT
    Maybe you could expand your definition of masculine to include men of strong will, intelligence, or commitment to a cause or belief. I agree with you that feminine mannerisms are a turn off, but try not to go to the other extreme of requiring hyper-masculine outward characteristics.
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    Aug 03, 2014 8:57 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    And honestly, just reading your profile is a turn-off for me.

    One man's turn-off is another man's attraction. I like his focus on the outdoors, camping, and so forth. When I was dating a profile like his was exactly what would interest me.

    But apparently not you, and that's fine. He should hold out for the outdoors kinda guy I think would best please him. I don't believe we're talking mountain men here, but guys who can camp as well as club.
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    Aug 03, 2014 9:02 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Kuestion said
    And honestly, just reading your profile is a turn-off for me.

    One man's turn-off is another man's attraction. I like his focus on the outdoors, camping, and so forth. When I was dating a profile like his was exactly what would interest me.

    But apparently not yours, and that's fine. He should hold out for the outdoor kinda guy I think would best please him.


    icon_confused.gif

    Well I already indicated what I found to be a turn-off for me on his profile which did not include him being an "outdoorsy" kind of person. That did not turn me off at all lol.

    icon_wink.gif
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Aug 03, 2014 9:05 PM GMT
    I think it's wonderful you're even acknowledging the issue and asking for advice. That to me is already a huge step.

    I'll be honest with you. In my early twenties, I was exactly like you. I'd find similar guys and it just wouldn't blossom into anything. I've come to the conclusion that I needed time to grow the fuck up.

    I said this somewhere else but I recommend dating. Too many guys out there expect to immediately fall in love. Most of us aren't that lucky. You need to date to get a real sense of yourself, others, and how to build a romantic relationship. Next time you meet a guy, go for drinks, go hiking, wall climbing, something. Just don't let the first meeting take place at your house unless it's to be picked up. In other words, avoid sex for the next 24 hours of knowing each other. lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2014 9:09 PM GMT
    lol We have 2 flaming queens and now Sunstorytime AKA the Race Warrior. Now this thread will turn into tumblr. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 03, 2014 9:16 PM GMT
    kevex saidlol We have 2 flaming queens and now Sunstorytime AKA the Race Warrior. Now this thread will turn into tumblr. icon_lol.gif


    Hey, I don't if you are referring to me but you have never met me, interacted with me or even heard my voice. Either way, your negativity is not needed... not now or ever...