Dumped and it hurts so much

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2014 6:55 AM GMT
    I've been dating this guy for around 2 months, and things really took off quickly. We seemed to be madly in too each other, and most days he wanted to hang out and go for long walks. Before this we'd been chatting for nearly a year.

    Things were going well until around the last few weeks. He seemed off with me and kept dropping me signals like "I'm sure you have lots of guys on the go" - "I loved your last selfie. You should use that as your Grindr pic".

    Friday night was a major point. We met up as usual, but he didn't kiss me in the car. For much of the evening he sat on the far end of the sofa and chatted to someone on his phone. He was distant to me all evening and ordered a taxi for me to go home around 3am, after we'd talked about his exes (one of which he says he misses terribly, yet doesn't ever want a relationship with again).

    He text me last night to say he doesn't feel relationship chemistry between us, but keeps talking about being friends. Why does he want to be friends?

    I'm really upset, as I liked this guy so much. I've blocked him and hope he just goes away. Was I just a rebound or something? Maybe he found someone else?
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Aug 04, 2014 12:55 PM GMT
    Dating just sucks sometimes....and you just happen to be on the bad end of it. He still wants to be friends because he came to terms in his own head that you guys had no chemistry together probably a long time before he broke up with you. You being surprised by all this got hit with it hard. Best thing to do, take some time for yourself, and if you liked the guy, maybe in the future, after time, you guys can be friends.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 04, 2014 1:24 PM GMT
    We can't help who we love. And who we don't. Stop acting like a child and unblock him and apologize. According to your timetable, you were together 5 weeks.
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    Aug 04, 2014 4:15 PM GMT
    Getting dumped hurts. Might as well continue to experience your pain until it goes away. And stop wondering why - there's no accounting for other peoples' feelings. Time does heal all in the romance department. Lakona made some good points. Maybe in the future you can be friends - but obviously not now. You're a very goodlooking guy - you will meet others.
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    Aug 04, 2014 6:41 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWe can't help who we love. And who we don't. Stop acting like a child and unblock him and apologize. According to your timetable, you were together 5 weeks.


    Why should he apologize??
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    Aug 04, 2014 6:45 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about this, I'm sure it's hard on you...

    He is probably saying he wants to be friends because he still wants you in his life even though he doesn't want a relationship with you.
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    Aug 04, 2014 9:26 PM GMT
    The important lesson here is to remember that you found a connection with him but, it appears, that he did not with you. It's a learning point because now you know that a relationship needs both parts. You'll need to remain a little more guarded of your heart the next time until you ascertain whether those attractions are in both directions. A month or two is NOT a long time. You're dating and the purpose of dating is to see if you're compatible, evidently he did not think you were.

    Next time (and yes, there will be a next time, this is NOT the end of it all) try and guard your emotions a little. Don't fall quickly, regardless of how happy you are, because (as you now know), it's a long way down and a hard hit when you reach bottom.

    Hang in there. Don't be angered. Better he was honest with you at 2 months then to play along for a year or a decade then say sorry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 12:15 AM GMT
    Why were you two chatting for a year ?? before meeting up? Lol, it's a good thing that you weren't cat-fished. Well You've only dated the guy for 2 months, seem like you fell hard for him. I have a feeling that he was with his ex when he was with you. I think you got a Player! He went back to his ex basically, well learn this lesson and be more careful in the future.
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    Aug 06, 2014 7:48 PM GMT
    Sad. Feel empathy for you. Like others said - time will heal all. When you get him out of your mind, you can be available for your next.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 06, 2014 7:52 PM GMT
    ACRO_Slim said
    Destinharbor saidWe can't help who we love. And who we don't. Stop acting like a child and unblock him and apologize. According to your timetable, you were together 5 weeks.


    Why should he apologize??

    For blocking him. Just because his love life went another direction doesn't mean he's a bad guy. Blocking is a pretty hostile act to do to someone trying to be a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    Jms31, let's turn this on its head.

    You hurt. This means he mattered, which means you cared about the guy; had feelings for him. This means what you felt had VALUE. If it didn't, you wouldn't be hurting. Therefor, you have value because you can FEEL.

    This is what you take from it: Hey, I can fall for a guy!

    It's better than being in these shoes: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3883645

    I think it's fine to disappear for now until you heal up. Then, when you're ready to try out dating etc again, remember NOT to let this experience make you bitter, jaded, or untrusting. The next person is not the previous person, and too many forget this.

    cheers!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2014 6:21 PM GMT
    "I'm really upset, as I liked this guy so much. I've blocked him and hope he just goes away. Was I just a rebound or something? Maybe he found someone else?"

    Friends are cool, better have someone to be there with you than no one really. I don't really get why guys delete guys only cause they're not seeking what they think they're after. I doesn't harm you in anyway to be friends with him and if it happens, it'll happen.

    If only guys know how many people I loved who turned out to be only friends, haha. I kinda got used to it and believe me if it meant to be it'll happen regardless of what he has already told you!

    I'd unblock him if I were you, just don't hit up as usual and just pretend nothing has happened and that you guys are still friends till further notice.