Mar 28, 2007 4:59 AM GMT
How do you deal with feeling judgmental towards people who are out of shape and don’t seem to care?
I recently ran into an old friend of mine and then saw his picture on a “bear” website. Now I have no problem with “bear-type” guys, in fact some of them are damn sexy. But when I first met my friend and we went on a couple of dates, he was lean and in shape, he even worked out a bit.
It’s clear that he has made a decision to go the way of the beer-belly. I noticed that he had gained some weight, and then in his photos online he is sporting and displaying his growing beer belly, almost like those of us on this site post new photos of muscle growth and loss of body fat. It’s like he’s proud of becoming out of shape.
My initial thought was “how sad.” But then I thought… well, he’s clearly happy with what he’s doing, why should I judge him?
When I was younger I used to be very judgmental about everything from religion to laundry. Over the years I’ve realized that I have so many faults/mistakes/idiosyncrasies, that for me to look at anyone else and say “you’re wrong” is hypocrisy and rude… I’m no better than anyone and although I may hold strong beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own.
(Don't get me wrong... if I disagree with you, I'll argue my point - but I always try to stay focused on the argument and trying to understand someone else's point of view rather than convince someone they're wrong...)
But I still run into problems when it comes to folks who are obviously obese, out-of-control unhealthy, and don’t care – especially when it’s someone I deeply care about, like a parent or sibling. AND… I have a TERRIBLE “poker face” so even if I don’t say anything, my face/body language usually gives me away.
I guess it’s good that I recognize this, and the fact that I don’t want to judge someone is a good step… but I wish I could get better at it.
So… how do you deal with those feelings?