"Am I Ugly?" Phenomena on RJ, Explained

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    NYT: “Be honest and tell me if I am ugly or not? These questions are increasingly being posed to, well, anyone on the Internet.

    “Be honest,” they often say. “I can take it.”

    Not surprisingly, results can be devastating, particularly to fragile egos. To some, the videos are the shameful outcome of America’s creeping narcissism crisis. “It’s systemic of a young culture obsessed with the superficial,” said an opinion piece in The New York Post. These are “a new form of self-mutilation in line with cutting and eating disorders,”

    Some are making these videos as a pre-emptive strike against bullying, a way to say hurtful things about themselves before others can, they are at least finding protectors.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/03/fashion/am-i-pretty-videos-posed-to-the-internet-raise-questions.html?ref=fashion
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    Aug 04, 2014 7:56 PM GMT
    More reasons technology can be a double edge sword.
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    Aug 05, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    I just watched one of these videos and overall I have to say that its pretty sad, seeing these young kids seek validation of their self worth from thousands of strangers. Its strange how these videos can be annoying and heart breaking at the same time. My heart will go out for the girl when she talks of how some people will call her ugly and her eyes begin to well up with tears as it has obviously had an effect on her...Yet, its frustrating to think that this is also just a grab for attention in the worse way and seeking comfort from a bunch of people on youtube is going to do a lot more damage than good as it leaves them open for cruel, taunting comments which their already fragile egos can not handle. Hopefully some kids will get some education on how to keep themselves safe from the rather cut throat world of the internet, but at the same time they may just end up making videos such as this anyways due to their immaturity, naivety and wanting attention.
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    Aug 06, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    People are rarely honest when they answer this question. It's just too offensive.

    But there is a very simple technique you can use to find if someone finds your face unappealing. It's based on the principle that actions are louder than words. The truth is reveled indirectly, through (honest) reactions.

    For example:

    Criticize your face. Watch the reaction. If he vehemently disagrees -- "WTF are you talking about? Are you kidding?!" -- you are pretty to him. If on the other hand, instead of opposition, he offers some form of consolation, he silently consents.
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    Aug 06, 2014 12:36 AM GMT
    Let's make a music analogy.

    Bach made great music. Bach, unfortunately, is not very popular. He will sell less records than Beethoven, Mozart, not to mention most popular artists.

    Imagine if he were to hate himself for that? Or if he were alive, imagine if he tried to make pop just to be more popular? What a loss to humanity.

    Good music is a subjective judgment.
    How many records you sell is an objective judgment -- a fact.

    The number of people who finds you pretty is the number of records sold. It's a fact and should be dealt with. It has nothing to do with your self-worth. Parents should be teaching their children to love themselves regardless of their popularity. Otherwise they will never be able to answer the question "why am I not selling records if I'm a good musician?"
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Aug 06, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    bachian saidLet's make a music analogy.

    Bach made great music. Bach, unfortunately, is not very popular. He will sell less records than Beethoven, Mozart, not to mention most popular artists.

    Imagine if he were to hate himself for that? Or if he were alive, imagine if he tried to make pop just to be more popular? What a loss to humanity.

    Good music is a subjective judgment.
    How many records you sell is an objective judgment -- a fact.

    The number of people who finds you pretty is the number of records sold. It's a fact and should be dealt with. It has nothing to do with your self-worth. Parents should be teaching their children to love themselves regardless of their popularity. Otherwise they will never be able to answer the question "why am I not selling records if I'm a good musician?"


    Beautiful.
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    Aug 06, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    I like the music analogy. Particularly coming from someone pretty.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Aug 06, 2014 3:20 AM GMT
    bachian saidLet's make a music analogy.

    Bach made great music. Bach, unfortunately, is not very popular. He will sell less records than Beethoven, Mozart, not to mention most popular artists.

    Imagine if he were to hate himself for that? Or if he were alive, imagine if he tried to make pop just to be more popular? What a loss to humanity.

    Good music is a subjective judgment.
    How many records you sell is an objective judgment -- a fact.

    The number of people who finds you pretty is the number of records sold. It's a fact and should be dealt with. It has nothing to do with your self-worth. Parents should be teaching their children to love themselves regardless of their popularity. Otherwise they will never be able to answer the question "why am I not selling records if I'm a good musician?"


    Awesome analogy bro
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    Aug 06, 2014 4:00 AM GMT
    I must not be following the news closely enough, because I had no idea that this was a thing. Now that I've heard about it, I really want to ask, "Am I ugly?"

    Why is this so tempting? woodsmen, my man, what have you gotten me into?
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    Aug 06, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    tumblr_mzgn7bHTdI1t95h1uo1_400.gif
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    Aug 06, 2014 4:16 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidtumblr_mzgn7bHTdI1t95h1uo1_400.gif


    It's probably a bad thing that I find this funny.

    Also, the blonde guy kind of looks like I did in high school... only even dorkier.
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    Aug 06, 2014 4:32 AM GMT
    mnrunnerguy said
    woodsmen saidtumblr_mzgn7bHTdI1t95h1uo1_400.gif


    It's probably a bad thing that I find this funny.

    Also, the blonde guy kind of looks like I did in high school... only even dorkier.


    them some naughty nerds!
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    Aug 06, 2014 3:39 PM GMT
    There's a subreddit dedicated to this:

    www.reddit.com/r/amiugly/

    Conversely there's an Am I Sexy subreddit too. It's a little sad that a lot of the people on there are young kids with no self esteem or self confidence. I've provided feedback whenever I've thought I could help, sometimes what they need is just some self assurance and a confidence boost.
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    Aug 06, 2014 10:27 PM GMT
    This is a personal pathology that just doesn't scale. Each "ugly" or "pretty" face is an island unto itself; having a roomful (or reddit-ful) cadre of these bleaters doth not a culture make.

    Are kids more narcissistic nowadays? No.
    Are kids more bullied about their looks nowadays? No.

    I've yet to see anything trending on the Twitterverse, or the Tumblrverse, or the Redditverse that moves our culture one inch. It's all bullshit amplified to sell inches.
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    Aug 07, 2014 1:17 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidThis is a personal pathology that just doesn't scale. Each "ugly" or "pretty" face is an island unto itself; having a roomful (or reddit-ful) cadre of these bleaters doth not a culture make.

    Are kids more narcissistic nowadays? No.
    Are kids more bullied about their looks nowadays? No.

    I've yet to see anything trending on the Twitterverse, or the Tumblrverse, or the Redditverse that moves our culture one inch. It's all bullshit amplified to sell inches.


    I think it's just gotten easier to get your word out. It's not any easier to have something to say.
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    Aug 07, 2014 5:10 AM GMT
    Another made-up "crisis." More bullshit filler from Pinch.
  • woow

    Posts: 61

    Aug 07, 2014 1:00 PM GMT
    Finding someone attractive (physically) Has a lost to do with biology. There is a universal beauty (don't confuse with only one type of beauty) related to symmetry and proportions.
    Are there people 'more attractive' than others? Yes
    Do they have to be exactly the same to everyone? No
    Should that be a problem? No

    People should stop worrying about the people who don't find them attractive and focusing in those who actually do. I care only if the person I find attractive finds me attractive back, not the entire world. I don't want to be 'universally beautiful', I want to be attractive to those I'm interested in.

    We all are 'superficial', it biological and the first approach. You are obviously going to be 'attracted' or not to a person physically when you see them. It's been showed that when we start a conversation with someone we find interesting and who share common affinities, we find this person more attractive than when the first time.

    I'n my general rule: I always ask for what I can offer. I think that's the best way.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 07, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    woow said

    People should stop worrying about the people who don't find them attractive and focusing in those who actually do. I care only if the person I find attractive finds me attractive back, not the entire world. I don't want to be 'universally beautiful', I want to be attractive to those I'm interested in.


    I'n my general rule: I always ask for what I can offer. I think that's the best way.


    This here. I feel that just being seen attractive to someone you like who feels the same way to you is better than trying to get the whole world because everyone has different tastes. Unless you're a shape-shifter like Mystique, it isn't possible to be everyone's type.