Same Sex Intercourse (RAPE) in a Jail

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    Aug 04, 2014 11:03 PM GMT
    Guys, I'm pissed.

    Last Thursday, I was in a group that I meet with every Thursday night. The leader was referring to one of our guys who is a "guest of the county," meaning that he is in one of our 3 county jails (we are the largest geographic county in the US). He talked about it being a tough place to be because a "Bubba" might find you "sweet" and want you "for his own." He was clearly referring to straight guys wanting another guy for affection and sex. I define this kind of sex as, at the very least sexual harassment, and realistically as male rape.

    Am I over reacting to this?

    Am I taking this out of context?

    Please help me. I am ready to tell the head of the department where this occurs that I am done because as a gay man, this is disgustingly offensive to me. Guys, I need your perspective here before I do something stupid.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Aug 04, 2014 11:07 PM GMT
    head of what department? the gay meeting group, or the prison or other? What did you find disgusting? Gay sex you shouldnt find disgusting, rape you can pretty much ignore and worry about your immediate problems of being so old and coming out. omg at 6'6 you probably dont have to worry about bubba tormenting you.
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:12 PM GMT
    Apparition saidhead of what department? the gay meeting group, or the prison or other? What did you find disgusting? Gay sex you shouldnt find disgusting, rape you can pretty much ignore and worry about your immediate problems of being so old and coming out.


    I'm upset about a joke being made about a guy having sex with another guy NOT of his own choice, but being forced to in a county jail.

    The guy is a substance abuse counselor where we are all getting over alcohol, etc. I'm shocked that he would make a joke about this, especially in our group setting.

    And I should "worry about my immediate problems of being so OLD and coming out"? I'm hoping that this was meant to show concern and not to be insulting as it came across.
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:17 PM GMT
    not to sure what you are shocked about--it's an old joke; funny, because it's true, does happen, and widely known.
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:23 PM GMT
    It's a really crass joke and if that happens in American jails that's horrible but even if you complain about what that counsellor said it won't change that reality.
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:24 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidnot to sure what you are shocked about--it's an old joke; funny, because it's true, does happen, and widely known.


    I guess what I'm shocked about is that as a society we joke about and condone "rape" of men. If it were women, all fucking hell would break lose!

    Men get fucked over by society and by the liberal establishment (of which I am a part) and it is bothering me to no end!

    Breathe...Steven...Breathe........
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:34 PM GMT
    You're shocked about this, really? hello this IS what happens in jail and prison and its not exactly news.
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    Aug 04, 2014 11:40 PM GMT
    David3K saidYou're shocked about this, really? hello this IS what happens in jail and prison and its not exactly news.


    You are right. It is NOT news. I am upset because

    1) California permits it and ignores it, and
    2) A licensed professional jokes about it.

    THAT is what I am upset about.
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    Aug 05, 2014 12:54 AM GMT
    Fairly typical as a joke.

    Seems a tough one to bring into political correctness for an oddly underlying issue in that the very people, men who have sex with men, who maybe ought to be the most offended might even be turned on by the idea.

    How many threads have we seen about "how hot is that murderer." Sick, I know. But we see that shit here.

    Completely inappropriate from a counselor, obviously, and maybe even actionable when by a counselor in a therapeutic setting. It certainly seems a breech of conduct. That would depend on his licensure. It wouldn't hurt to tell him how that made you feel. If he has any capacity for empathy, he'll modify his behavior.

    If he continues to be a total douche about it, then you bring him before a board of review.
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    Aug 05, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    When I was screened for blood donation a question was whether I had ever been in jail for more than 72 hours. Though my answer was no, I was curious, and asked the screener why I was asked that.

    He said that in most cases the first 72 hours in jail are spent in administrative segregation. If a man isn't bailed out by then, and enters the general population, anal rape becomes a high probability. Leading to a risk of HIV, making him ineligible to be a blood donor by US rules.

    And I was shocked to learn that prison rape in the US is considered to be such a routine occurrence that it's part of blood donor screening protocol. So yeah, it's accepted as a given in US prisons and jails. I found that chilling, a terrible commentary on our prison system.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Aug 05, 2014 3:11 AM GMT
    Rape stories are used as a preventative measure right? By old i meant you are about 30 years of experience behind most guys coming out and that is going to be a huge handicap for you in the minds of a large percentage of gay men.
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    Aug 05, 2014 3:16 AM GMT
    and then there's the part about corporations using prison people as cheap labor too...
  • AMoonHawk

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    Aug 05, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    Happens in prison, not likely to happen in county or city jail ... and you gotta be pretty icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 05, 2014 3:55 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidHappens in prison, not likely to happen in county or city jail ... and you gotta be pretty icon_biggrin.gif

    You have no idea it happens everywhere and you dont even have to be pretty.
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    Aug 05, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    God, everyone is offended about something these days. It's a joke. Let it go.
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    Aug 05, 2014 4:29 AM GMT
    haha. we have a federal prison on the ocean. Lovely 'town house' type of building, right on the bluffs over looking the ocean. Fondly referred by locals as "Club Fed". lol. I'd gladly get raped by some beast to enjoy an ocean front condo! LOL.
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    Aug 05, 2014 5:35 AM GMT
    that feel when you know you would be the first person to get raped upon entering jail. Makes me never want to commit any sort of crime.
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    Aug 05, 2014 9:38 AM GMT
    I've known lots of ex-cons who joke about the times they were ass-raped in prison, and take no offense to others who joke about it. It's a normal thing. Maybe that's unfortunate and maybe it's not. It sure beats other forms of torture, though.
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    Aug 05, 2014 11:29 AM GMT
    BigDude6ft6 said
    dustin_K_tx saidnot to sure what you are shocked about--it's an old joke; funny, because it's true, does happen, and widely known.


    I guess what I'm shocked about is that as a society we joke about and condone "rape" of men. If it were women, all fucking hell would break lose!

    Men get fucked over by society and by the liberal establishment (of which I am a part) and it is bothering me to no end!

    Breathe...Steven...Breathe........

    Do you really think this DOESN'T happen to women?
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    Aug 05, 2014 2:56 PM GMT
    Premedmuscjock said
    BigDude6ft6 said
    dustin_K_tx saidnot to sure what you are shocked about--it's an old joke; funny, because it's true, does happen, and widely known.


    I guess what I'm shocked about is that as a society we joke about and condone "rape" of men. If it were women, all fucking hell would break lose!

    Men get fucked over by society and by the liberal establishment (of which I am a part) and it is bothering me to no end!

    Breathe...Steven...Breathe........

    Do you really think this DOESN'T happen to women?


    You might have temporarily confused action (rape in jail) with reaction (rape jokes).

    We don't hear nearly the number of jokes about women getting raped in or out of jail, rather the offense is treated seriously.

    Even rape in jail might be considered differently for women simply because anciently named lesbianism has been historically more acceptable to the greater society than recently named gays (a name which still is not always exclusively ours), and so sexual relationships forming anywhere, including jail (and not that rape is relationship, but you get the gest of that) is less joked about with them while creating still anxiety when considered for us.

    It could very well have been that anxiousness about this topic by which the counselor joked. Had he presented his information matter-of-factly, that might not have been actionable.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 05, 2014 3:24 PM GMT
    Yes, you have every reason to be shocked and offended. Yes, it is a widespread joke that you'll hear everywhere. I do not understand why anyone would hear this and not comment on what a disgusting penal system we have in the US that allows this. It isn't the case in other civilized countries.

    You should speak up. Whether you quit the group or not is your call but I'd bring up the subject at the next meeting. There will be objections but just say your piece and don't be shy about your opinion of the joke, the subject, and the fact that it is so commonplace that everyone laughs or pretends to. Even here. It is no different that allowing N jokes or Fag jokes or women rape jokes. Speak up.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Aug 05, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    I'm going to jail yay
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    Aug 05, 2014 10:05 PM GMT
    venue35 saidI'm going to jail yay


    Good news: I'm going to be your cell mate and I'm going to rape you!
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    Aug 05, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidHappens in prison, not likely to happen in county or city jail ... and you gotta be pretty icon_biggrin.gif


    oh my god, I hope I never end up in the slammer. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 05, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    Premedmuscjock said
    BigDude6ft6 said
    dustin_K_tx saidnot to sure what you are shocked about--it's an old joke; funny, because it's true, does happen, and widely known.


    I guess what I'm shocked about is that as a society we joke about and condone "rape" of men. If it were women, all fucking hell would break lose!

    Men get fucked over by society and by the liberal establishment (of which I am a part) and it is bothering me to no end!

    Breathe...Steven...Breathe........

    Do you really think this DOESN'T happen to women?


    You might have temporarily confused action (rape in jail) with reaction (rape jokes).

    We don't hear nearly the number of jokes about women getting raped in or out of jail, rather the offense is treated seriously.

    Even rape in jail might be considered differently for women simply because anciently named lesbianism has been historically more acceptable to the greater society than recently named gays (a name which still is not always exclusively ours), and so sexual relationships forming anywhere, including jail (and not that rape is relationship, but you get the gest of that) is less joked about with them while creating still anxiety when considered for us.

    It could very well have been that anxiousness about this topic by which the counselor joked. Had he presented his information matter-of-factly, that might not have been actionable.


    Excellent clarification.