I need help.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 6:35 PM GMT
    Hi,
    I have a very low self esteem and I was hoping everyone here could help me gain the confidence to actually ask someone out. I'm not gay, but I feel that objectively most of the best looking/best dressed men are gay and must therefore be in a position to advise me on how to become more attractive, if I have any hope of being attractive at all.
    I was born with a deformity which made me ostracized from the world, a babe born into the heart of a solitude if you will. Once I was even told I was so ugly that the person could not bear my gaze upon them. I have never forgotten that, nor have I ever completely recovered from it. Well, my deformity is now gone, but I have body image issues because of it (I possess a very large scar on my stomach from numerous surgeries due to said deformity which does not help), and the distinct sense of being treated as if I were subhuman, not worth more than a moment's mocking laughter.
    Perhaps this is so, yet I cannot sustain the truth of that notion, and continue to rage in my helplessness as an ugly person. I feel as Cleopatra at the end of the play when she asks most childishly: "Will it eat me?" I too am afraid i will be eaten, afraid that I will never be more than what I am, and that that person will always be less than, a second class citizen because of how he looks. However I never wanted charity, nor do I now. I want to be treated on my merits and hopefully those merits can be augmented.

    After my deformity was finally removed at 16, I almost immediately fell ill with a neurological disease that has lasted the past 7 years. I have, up until recently, been bed ridden, but through lots of physical training(exercise) and an iron will now reemerge, albeit tangentially, a new but broken man. A broken tower as Hart Crane would have phrased it. I am now 23, and have zero self-regard.


    What can I do, if anything, to attract girls I am attracted to? Change my hair, get facial surgery, etc?
    And do you guys think Tinder is an adequate litmus test for attractiveness?


    Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 6:41 PM GMT
    You're cute as hell. your face is fine. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 6:43 PM GMT
    uhm try facethejury.com


    lol

    but sorry about your physical incongruity trauma thing

    :3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 6:54 PM GMT
    Hey. Social networking on the internet may not always the best and only way to meet new people. Believe it or a lot of other people can have their own insecurities and confidence issues when it comes to meeting other people. It's something that you can work on.

    You have an interest in sports so that is a great way to network and meet new people. What are your interests? What clubs can you join? You are a young person. Get out there and talk to people. Be active and enjoy life.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 05, 2014 7:09 PM GMT
    Kind of a bizarre tale. If you are in fact real (and I apologize if you are because we get a lot of fake profiles here), I'd recommend the following:

    1. If you haven't yet, finish your undergrad degree.
    2. Get a Masters. My guess is English with your propensity to quote literature.
    3. Get involved in clubs that do things you like to do. Not bars.
    4. Get a good haircut and wear nice but casual clothes.
    5. Meet a girl that you like at one of those clubs.
    6. Date her.

    No one attracts anyone in a vacuum. You're not a bad looking guy from the pics you have up. If you need to, start working out at a gym. A good body (even with a scar) is a confidence boost. And attracts women (and men). Do the things you love and you'll stumble across someone who will be interesting and interested. That's the way you find love. You can try the internet but it specializes in physical attraction. Same with bars. Put your best out front by simply being a strong participant in an activity you love and someone with something in common will cross your path and fall in love with you. Do it. Don't think about it. Do it.
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    Aug 05, 2014 7:11 PM GMT
    HamletTheDane saidI'm not gay, but I feel that objectively most of the best looking/best dressed men are gay and must therefore be in a position to advise me on how to become more attractive, if I have any hope of being attractive at all.


    wasn't there a show on bravo for straight guys in this position?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    HamletTheDane saidWhat can I do, if anything, to attract girls I am attracted to? Change my hair, get facial surgery, etc?


    Stop changing. Start accepting.
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    Aug 05, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    Thank you for all your input. I am real, you can probably find me on facebook. I think there has already been some great advice, I'm glad I stumbled upon this forum. My life has indeed been bizarre truly one might say a "literary" life.
    I didn't know you get fake profiles on here, what's the point of that?
    -Hamlet
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    Aug 05, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    HamletTheDane saidI'm not gay, but I feel that objectively most of the best looking/best dressed men are gay and must therefore be in a position to advise me on how to become more attractive, if I have any hope of being attractive at all.


    wasn't there a show on bravo for straight guys in this position?

    If there's not a show there should be, I'd watch it!
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    Aug 06, 2014 12:06 AM GMT
    The best advice I think you could read is from a column written by Dan Savage, entitled "Advice to a Fifteen Year Old Boy"

    http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=13834

    It reads (in part):

    "Girls don't want you. That hurts. It sucks. But the sad fact is that most 15-year-old boys are repulsive--that is, most 15-year-old boys are awkward, half-formed works in progress. I certainly was at 15. The fact that girls mature physically more quickly than boys just compounds your misery; most girls your age already look like young women, and most are attracted to boys who look like young men, and there you are, aching for that first kiss but still looking like a short, hairless chimp no girl will look at twice.

    But take heart, because your awkward/repulsive stage will pass-- While you can't hurry the process along, you can prepare. Here's how: Worry less about getting your 15-year-old self laid, and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and build yourself a body that girls will find irresistible; read a lot so you'll have something to say to the girls you do attract; and get out of the house and do shit--political shit, social shit, low-stakes shit--so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and you'll get comfortable talking to them.

    More assignments: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and learn about birth control and STDs, and learn enough about the clitoris that you'll be able to find it in the dark. I also recommend that you masturbate in moderation--no more than 10 times a day--and that you vary your routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel exactly like a clenched fist, --nor does a mouth, an anus, tit-fucking, or humping. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in a few years, you'll vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds, levels, and intensities of sexual stimulation once you do become sexually active. Good luck, kiddo."

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    Aug 06, 2014 4:47 PM GMT
    HamletTheDane said
    JackBoneTX said
    HamletTheDane saidI'm not gay, but I feel that objectively most of the best looking/best dressed men are gay and must therefore be in a position to advise me on how to become more attractive, if I have any hope of being attractive at all.


    wasn't there a show on bravo for straight guys in this position?

    If there's not a show there should be, I'd watch it!


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer_Eye