Why Do I Blame Myself?

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    Aug 05, 2014 8:25 PM GMT
    I am not good enough. Why? Because they said so. Bully. Bully. Bully. Bitch and complain. You can never do anything right. You're a loser.

    Are they right? Not really. Ask yourself the questions and you will find out the answers. Negative programming. People are ingrained and indoctrinated by those around them. What's so great about them anyway?

    Is it my fault that I am not related to or associated with a professional network of people. Education can only help or do so much when people will exclude other people.

    Is it my fault that I am not attractive enough? Too tall? Too short? Have inherited my genes?

    Feel good about yourself and what you are doing. A tall task today when it is about what people are pushing onto other people.

    Are they really worth it? To make you feel so worthless and ashamed. True we need to take some responsibility for our own lives. Learn to reprogram the negativity. Learn the real truth about what is going on in the world that we live in. Learn to be tough and desensitize yourself. The world along with the good and bad, the ups and downs is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes.

    Do not be too hard on yourself. Learn to live with your circumstances and do the best you can. Strive to do better for yourself, the things around you, causes and the people that you care about.
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    Aug 05, 2014 9:42 PM GMT
    Print this page out and do everything it says. Then do it again, and again, and again...
    http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Other_Homework/self_acceptance.htm

    BTW, that's the program I use for my former alcohol abuse. The program doubles as a psychological program for people with underlying psychological conditions, whether caused by substance abuse or not.
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    Aug 06, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    I used to/still kinda do feel like that a lot of the time like I was kind of lead to believe that there was something wrong with me and any one that would be with me would likely be mean/violent etc. Weirdly enough I felt a bit better about myself when I spoke to someone on here who explained to me I wasn't thinking in a normal manner and what I believed was wrong. Since they didn't know me I figured they had no reason to lie to me or spare my feelings etc.
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    Aug 07, 2014 5:45 AM GMT
    And sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.
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    Aug 07, 2014 4:21 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol
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    Aug 08, 2014 3:18 AM GMT
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol


    And sometimes it's not so obvious, but when enough people tell you you aren't good enough, maybe you aren't and need to make some changes. No one has ever made any significant growth being easy on themselves. I'm only human is all to often the mantra of the lazy who would rather make excuses rather than grow and be better.

    If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing.
  • Behram

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    Aug 08, 2014 7:06 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol


    And sometimes it's not so obvious, but when enough people tell you you aren't good enough, maybe you aren't and need to make some changes. No one has ever made any significant growth being easy on themselves. I'm only human is all to often the mantra of the lazy who would rather make excuses rather than grow and be better.

    If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing.


    Please try not to contradict yourself.
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    Aug 08, 2014 8:09 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol


    And sometimes it's not so obvious, but when enough people tell you you aren't good enough, maybe you aren't and need to make some changes. No one has ever made any significant growth being easy on themselves. I'm only human is all to often the mantra of the lazy who would rather make excuses rather than grow and be better.

    If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing.


    I do my best with just about everything icon_smile.gif

    Only problem for me really is getting over past things and moving on which is probably the reason I'm single and can't find anyone to be with lol. I'm still a bit scared of intimacy and overly cautious thinking all gay men are going to do something I don't like which I know cannot be true but I do worry about it. (irrationality)
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    Aug 08, 2014 7:35 PM GMT
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan said
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol


    And sometimes it's not so obvious, but when enough people tell you you aren't good enough, maybe you aren't and need to make some changes. No one has ever made any significant growth being easy on themselves. I'm only human is all to often the mantra of the lazy who would rather make excuses rather than grow and be better.

    If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing.


    I do my best with just about everything icon_smile.gif

    Only problem for me really is getting over past things and moving on which is probably the reason I'm single and can't find anyone to be with lol. I'm still a bit scared of intimacy and overly cautious thinking all gay men are going to do something I don't like which I know cannot be true but I do worry about it. (irrationality)


    We NEVER get over our past. That's just psychobabble crap. Our past is part of who we are. We learn from our experiences, forgive ourselves our mistakes, forgive others theirs and move on, hopefully a better person for the experience. Which brings up a good point: You can either choose to dwell on the negative of a particular experience or you can focus on the good that may have come out of it. The good may be as simple lesson learned - a growth opportunity.

    One last point: The most important part of a relationship is opening yourself up to another human being and making yourself vulnerable. Will you get hurt (emotionally)? Highly probable. Will you die from it? Highly unlikely.
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    Aug 08, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    Behram said
    UndercoverMan said
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol


    And sometimes it's not so obvious, but when enough people tell you you aren't good enough, maybe you aren't and need to make some changes. No one has ever made any significant growth being easy on themselves. I'm only human is all to often the mantra of the lazy who would rather make excuses rather than grow and be better.

    If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing.


    Please try not to contradict yourself.


    There was no contradiction. There is nothing wrong in recognizing ones limitations. Someone may not be good enough to make the Olympic diving team no matter how long and hard they practice. Should they give up diving? No! Maybe give up their Olympic dreams but certainly not diving, especially if it gives them pleasure.
  • Behram

    Posts: 32

    Aug 09, 2014 6:45 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    Behram said
    UndercoverMan said
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays.


    But it's kind of obvious when someone should blame themselves for something like if I over sleep it's my fault lol


    And sometimes it's not so obvious, but when enough people tell you you aren't good enough, maybe you aren't and need to make some changes. No one has ever made any significant growth being easy on themselves. I'm only human is all to often the mantra of the lazy who would rather make excuses rather than grow and be better.

    If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing.


    Please try not to contradict yourself.


    There was no contradiction. There is nothing wrong in recognizing ones limitations. Someone may not be good enough to make the Olympic diving team no matter how long and hard they practice. Should they give up diving? No! Maybe give up their Olympic dreams but certainly not diving, especially if it gives them pleasure.


    Sorry if I was not clear. I refer you to the title of the thread "Why do I blame myself" and to the opening sentence of the thread "I am not good enough. Why? Because they said so. Bully. Bully. Bully."

    On which you said: "And sometimes we blame ourselves because that's rightly where the blame lays."

    And then you said: "If you are truly doing your best ignore the naysayers and keep on doing your thing."

    The above two statements appeared to me contradictory in relation to the thread title and opening sentence. When someone is bully bully bully bitch and complain to us should we follow ur first advice or second.

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    Aug 11, 2014 10:14 AM GMT
    ^^ You do both. If you are getting some negative feedback from enough people about some particular thing you need to do some honest introspection and determine if their criticism is valid if the answer is yes you accept the blame and make changes to correct your shortcomings. If the answer is that you are honestly doing your very best, you ignore the critics and keep on keeping on. The key is to be honest with yourself. This is where the help of a trusted friend or confidant is most helpful.
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    Aug 12, 2014 8:09 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said^^ You do both. If you are getting some negative feedback from enough people about some particular thing you need to do some honest introspection and determine if their criticism is valid if the answer is yes you accept the blame and make changes to correct your shortcomings. If the answer is that you are honestly doing your very best, you ignore the critics and keep on keeping on. The key is to be honest with yourself. This is where the help of a trusted friend or confidant is most helpful.


    Truth x100

    It can suck but if criticism is fairly consistent then you have to reflect on it and decide if there's any truth to it.