Gay Dreams and Sexual Orientations.

  • Flyguy92

    Posts: 14

    Aug 08, 2014 5:41 AM GMT
    This is going to be a weird question/topic, but I'm curious about what others have experienced as far as dreams go. I'm not really looking for validation or answers about myself from this, but I hope this will help me in my process to find myself. If any of this come across as offensive or hypocritical, I did not mean it to, I just probably do not know any other way of saying it.

    Let me start of as saying at this time, I have never been with a guy and would classify myself as just being "sexual". I say this because since I was in middle school, I thought it would be probable that I might have sex with a guy for fun. I have always had an open mind to everything, so I said when I was young that I would not limit myself to things I might find pleasurable just because of a label, though I have indeed only labeled myself as straight.

    However I have never told anyone this except for people I have met here, so I am "closeted" in even acknowledging being on the "gay spectrum". I don't really feel a need to tell anyone right now, as I don't truly know myself, but it has sort of been on my mind lately.

    I don't think I could ever be in love with a man, but I can not say it couldn't happen as anything can. I can't really explain why I feel this way other than I just think it's purely a physical attraction/thought for me at this point, though I would be fine with having a lifelong and really close FWB.

    But anyways, for a while now (probably a couple of years) whenever I have a sexual dream, it is almost always with another guy or autofellatio. It's rare for me to dream about girls and I can't even say when the last time I did was. The dreams I have feel very real. I wake up thinking for a split second "did that actually happen?" They almost always have something to do with me giving a blowjob, which is sort of a fetish for me (but I would classify myself already as being versatile). I have never had a wet dream that I know of, but these are very powerful sensing dreams.

    I had a girlfriend until June and we had sex often. But since we split, I feel like I have been on a self exploring journey, trying to learn more of who I really am. I have done a lot of things this summer that I had never done before, all with no regrets. My confidence was really never low, as I truly didn't care what people thought about me, but it has raised even more so to the point where I think I am secure enough with myself that I am ready to possibly act on these dreams.

    But what I'm curious about, for those of you who have come out of the closet as being gay or bi-sexual, did you have dreams like these before coming out and did they stop after you came out?

    Even opinions in general about sexual dreams and how they may or may not relate to sexual orientation would be interesting to hear.

    One of the things I have read in the past about gay dreams for straight men was that it had to do with their femininity being expressed through dreams. However, I am in touch with what little feminine side I have, so I sort of feel like there is a deeper meaning to them for me. Though I am not complaining about these dreams occurring.
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    Aug 08, 2014 6:04 AM GMT
    Read Kinsey. It's normal for many people to be sexually attracted to both men and women at different times. Society forces us to "choose" one or the other. Or not. (Fuck em.)
    When I was a teen, I remember having sexual dreams about other boys, though in waking life, I had no active desires that way. I had sexual dreams about girls too, but those all seemed to have a strong science fiction element. Well why not? Alien creatures and all.
    Lately, I've been having more sexual dreams involving women, though I haven't had one for several years. (Such a lot of effort involved.)
    I have no idea what it means.
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    Aug 08, 2014 6:05 AM GMT
    I wish I had more sexual dreams like you guys described. I only had one sexual dream years ago. I don't even remember the details any more. What can I do to get such dreams? icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 08, 2014 11:11 AM GMT
    Watch these series of videos.

    http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=738139818&pkey=133908811369886173

    Your dreams are trying to tell you something. Pay attention.
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    Aug 08, 2014 12:28 PM GMT
    Your description of your dreams and your attempts at explaining them to yourself sounds very much like my own experience when I was in my twenties. For me this was all part of the slow process of accepting for myself that I was gay. An important step along the way was to simply follow my desires and not be too concerned about characterizing them one way or the other. Best wishes to you on your journey, wherever it leads you.
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    Aug 08, 2014 4:11 PM GMT
    I had the same dreams when i was in my late teens ,and as you are i also was open minded ( my father's brother was gay and very well accepted ) .

    I used to have those recurring dreams starting at 15 and they stopped after my first male encounter at 19 , but they reappeared a few months later .They didn't bother me too much , as i had the same dreams with girls , i decided i was BI .
    After my first sexual male to male encounter (B/J) , which i didn't really enjoy i went back to girls .

    Later in life after 20 years of marriage , the dreams recurred and at that time the encounters were only with males . Now-days , 2 years after my divorce my interest has turned to males only .
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Aug 08, 2014 4:12 PM GMT
    I have dreams all the time which have no relation to what I like in real daily world and sometimes I confuse myself because I liked in the dream but when I thought about it after I thought UGH. I attribute this to outlets for thoughts or maybe when I dreamed it if that had been life at the time I would have liked it at that time. I also have dreams where I do wild as shit stuff that I'd NEVER do meaning inappropriate in my work place etc. which probably goes to the outlet for fantasies thought. icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 08, 2014 4:14 PM GMT
    madsexy saidI have dreams all the time which have no relation to what I like in real daily world and sometimes I confuse myself because I liked in the dream but when I thought about it after I thought UGH. I attribute this to outlets for thoughts or maybe when I dreamed it if that had been life at the time I would have liked it at that time. I also have dreams where I do wild as shit stuff that I'd NEVER do meaning inappropriate in my work place etc. which probably goes to the outlet for fantasies thought. icon_eek.gif


    Oh, please...methinks thou dost protest too much...
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    Aug 08, 2014 4:34 PM GMT
    Sexual orientation with regard to dreaming would make for an interesting proper study but I'm not aware of one having been conducted.

    Though the topic is sometimes debated in various directions in the community of dreamers, as a lifelong lucid dreamer, very practiced in dream yoga, I've personally explored the topic throughout my life and have found rarely myself and distastefully at the time only in hetero dreams maybe once or twice in my life. 99.9% of my dreaming, when I am aware at the time of the dream and of my sexual orientation within the dream, and in my vivid but non lucid dreaming, I am gay.

    That holds true not merely for sexual orientation but also for race. In all my dreaming I am white and in nearly all my dreaming, but for on occasion on its own and when I decide otherwise, all the dream characters in my dreaming are also white, though most of them, now on reflection though frankly I never gave that much thought, seem hetero. Maybe they are just str8 acting, haha.

    So while dreaming might or might not directly reflect a person's sexual orientation, and while the subconscious mind might explore itself more freely than the conscious mind, probably the subconscious reveals more of the conscious than visa versa. It's real powerful down there. My walking imagination has no where near the capacity of myself when I dream. Does that make a dream more illusionary about the world or simply filled with more information about ourselves? Curious questions.

    In dreaming, I am as respectful of others as I am in real life, in that I treat dream characters as they treat me. And so I neither accept others forcing themselves upon me nor do I upon them but there are lucid dreamers who force sexual situations with their dream characters and so they might be more likely to experiment with having sex oriented variously. I let myself go more au natural in my dreaming. The very few hetero sexual dreams I've had were non lucid and all the sexual dreaming where I was my true self in lucid dreaming, as some of those where already ongoing when my consciousness would awaken to the dream, all those were gay. I am gay.

    But as I said, I don't know that we have even statistical reporting comparing dreaming with sexual orientation so for now I wouldn't say what means what. What I think might be more defining in a more assured way would be not so much how we dream but who we fantasize. Concentrate less on the activity of your dreaming and more on the thoughts you have during the activity of orgasm. What brings you there is where you'll go.

    I'd add that your OP is very well thought out, indicating to me that you'll figure this out and find a way to be comfortable with whatever answer you find for yourself.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 08, 2014 5:39 PM GMT
    Why not just explore with a guy and find out? You say you have no fear of it, have considered it, and yet you haven't done it. I mean think of it this way-- what if all this was about having dreams of Pistachio Mint Ice Cream? Wouldn't you just get some and try it out? You're twisting yourself into a pretzel to avoid the very real probability that you're gay. Or bi. Try it. It's great!
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    Aug 08, 2014 6:30 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWhy not just explore with a guy and find out? You say you have no fear of it, have considered it, and yet you haven't done it. I mean think of it this way-- what if all this was about having dreams of Pistachio Mint Ice Cream? Wouldn't you just get some and try it out? You're twisting yourself into a pretzel to avoid the very real probability that you're gay. Or bi. Try it. It's great!


    Yes boo, go get ya some Pistachio Mint Ice Cream. I can vouch for its deliciousness! I'll whip you up a homemade batch if you like.

    I had a girlfriend too and I just knew that when we split up my next dessert was going to be a big ol' helping of Pistachio Mint Ice Cream.

    Your gay themed dreams are beckoning you to the dessert table.
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    Aug 08, 2014 6:40 PM GMT
    There was a time; a dream...
    a landing party...
    There would be differing reasons, but I always ended up servicing James Tiberious Kirk; either against his will or against mine.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1035

    Aug 08, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    So, I'm the other side of the coin.

    I'm gay. I haven't been with a woman - or wanted to be with one - in a long, long time. But my sexual dreams have always been about women. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever dreamed about having sex with a guy.

    In my dreams I'm always a gay man. If other men are involved, it typically ends in frustration - I want to have sex with them, but something always stops us (hmm, just like real life - haha). But I still do (rarely) have dreams in which I'm a gay man having sex with a woman.

    Sometimes I wake up from these dreams and ask myself if a woman is what I really want. After all, it felt damn good in the dream. But then I realize the woman in my dream wasn't real. She was just an idealized fantasy my mind made up to fuck with me in my sleep. I look at real women and I don't want them any more than I did yesterday.

    Oddly enough, just last night I had a dream about making out with a guy. That's farther than I usually get, but that's as far as it went. My mother walked in and caught us (she's dead, but was extremely conservative while she was alive). I wasn't ashamed or anything - I just sorta shrugged it off - but it did put a damper on going any further.

    Moral of the story: Don't pay too much attention to all the bizarre shit your mind does just to fuck with you. Experiment a little. Test your limits. See what it is you really like. Figure out what you want, then go out and get it.
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    Aug 08, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    to the OP:

    looks to me that you are bisexual.

    gay dreams might not necessarily mean that you are gay.

    unless you realize you actually like those dreams and want them to happen irl.

    some parts of your post make you look rather contradictory.

    maybe you're not fully accepting that you are bi or gay.

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    Aug 08, 2014 8:51 PM GMT
    What happened with the girlfriend?
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    Aug 08, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidThere was a time; a dream...
    a landing party...
    There would be differing reasons, but I always ended up servicing James Tiberious Kirk; either against his will or against mine.


    I used to mind meld in the backroom of the Eagle with Spock.

    mirrormirrorhd0740.jpg

    One time when Scotty was giving it all he's got but didn't have enough power, he mistakenly beamed McCoy right to our coordinates, mid meld.

    Bones hasn't been the same since.

    mccoy.jpg





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    Aug 08, 2014 9:54 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidRead Kinsey. It's normal for many people to be sexually attracted to both men and women at different times. Society forces us to "choose" one or the other. Or not. (Fuck em.)
    When I was a teen, I remember having sexual dreams about other boys, though in waking life, I had no active desires that way. I had sexual dreams about girls too, but those all seemed to have a strong science fiction element. Well why not? Alien creatures and all.
    Lately, I've been having more sexual dreams involving women, though I haven't had one for several years. (Such a lot of effort involved.)
    I have no idea what it means.


    Does society force us to pick one or the other? I've not seen this, as it's well accepted that there are people who are heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. Sure maybe if you have a man that is married to a women, and also is attracted to the lads, this may be the case, that people may feel they should pick one or the other.
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    Aug 08, 2014 10:52 PM GMT
    I wished that watching porn right before bed time would induce these sexual dreams, but it's never worked for me and I gave up. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
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    Aug 08, 2014 10:52 PM GMT
    polfsky saidI wish I had more sexual dreams like you guys described. I only had one sexual dream years ago. I don't even remember the details any more. What can I do to get such dreams? icon_redface.gif


    Pepperoni pizza just before bedtime used to be a great dream inducer for me!
  • Flyguy92

    Posts: 14

    Aug 09, 2014 3:05 AM GMT
    I'm surprised at the response this thread has gotten. Thanks everyone.

    Bro4bro, I thought earlier today that I should have left out gay in the title to see if the same was true for the opposites like in your case and just let it be about sexual dreams in general...

    UndercoverMan saidWhat happened with the girlfriend?
    She was from out of state, here for school and moved back home after graduating.

    We left on good terms, but I don't think would have been the one though. Too many differences in lifestyles and upbringings between me and her.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 09, 2014 3:10 AM GMT
    Do you find yourself checking out guys when you're awake? What turns you on when you're satisfying yourself? I think those things will tell you as much as dreams will.
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    Aug 09, 2014 3:27 AM GMT
    Thanks for posting; this has really made me think. When I was your age I felt a lot of what you describe here, though you seem to have a lot more self-awareness than I ever did. I will point out that skepticism toward the possibility of an emotional connection really held me back -- personally, that was what enabled me to convince myself that I was only occasionally physically attracted to certain men, and once I was honest with myself about my need for emotional intimacy with another man everything else finally made sense -- but I don't think you're in any danger of making that particular mistake.

    Anyway, regarding your actual question, when I was hiding from myself, I *never* really dreamt about sex -- even the physical/hormonal dreams were always purely abstract, though a few I now realize were centered around resentment of my own self-repression. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Almost immediately after realizing, sex was suddenly no longer noticeably absent from my dreams, and while I don't dream about it often and never in hardcore/explicit terms, physical encounters with other men occasionally just organically work themselves into the plot.

    At any rate, I personally often feel like dreams function (at least for me) as the mind's attempt to process new information, reconcile it with old information, and condition itself to accept new information. At times that might mean trying to bring your subconscious thoughts to your attention, but it *seems* like in this case you're just processing ideas too big to fit into normal daytime contemplation. You're fortunate to be on this journey at a time when young men are relatively free to determine their own sexual and emotional identities, so I don't see any reason not to just enjoy the ride, or at least the dreams.

    Just be safe if you get the opportunity to experiment in real life.
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    Aug 09, 2014 3:41 AM GMT
    I would put more credence into what turns you on, makes your dick hard and makes you come, than into dreams. What kind of porn do you watch when you jerk off? That should give you some hints.

    Since you obviously have no hang-ups about sex with either sex, you could also start exploring the wild-side a little. There is no need to pledge for one side or the other or both anytime soon, as long as you're open and honest with all your sex-partners, saying that you just want to play.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Aug 09, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    Dreams are just the conscious trying to make sense of all the random firing of neurons in our brain (IMO). The only time I've ever had a sexual dream was drug induced, so I'm thinking just not something I would normally dream about. Does that make me Asexual? Not necessarily.

    If you're going to act on these ideas of your sexuality and exploring (which I totally think you should), you need to figure out if you want it to be with someone who means something to you or if you're ok with it being a hookup. That way your evaluation of your feelings won't be biased by the details of the event.
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    Aug 09, 2014 8:19 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidThere was a time; a dream...
    a landing party...
    There would be differing reasons, but I always ended up servicing James Tiberious Kirk; either against his will or against mine.


    This is perfectly normal, provided that you were not wearing a red shirt.

    Red-Shirts-star-trek-16259202-500-437.jp