Sexual Trouble


  • Aug 10, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    Hi, everyone. I am brand new here and I joined because I have been suffering for the last year or so. I am probably going to include some stuff that should be classified as TMI, but I am really looking for some guidance.

    I came out as gay when I was 18. I am currently 21. I have never had sex and I have only kissed a handful of guys (I am definitely above average looking and try to keep in shape.)

    I have been very nervous about the idea of sex. I masturbate often--about once a day or once every two days. For many years, I almost exclusively watch only a certain type of gay porn that includes light bdsm and some form of humiliation. I never really like watching "normal" gay porn.

    I also engage in cyber sex often. It turns me on to show myself on cam to another guy.

    Well, about 5 months ago, I had met up with a boy at my university. This was the first time I had ever been naked in front of someone. He was very drunk and I was a bit tipsy. I never really got an erection throughout the entire night. We met up 5 days later. I still did not get an erection. I should clarify that I was not very attracted to his body at all.

    But, now I have been panicking because I am scared that I couldn't get an erection. What if this happens again?

    Has anyone heard of a problem like this before? Am I addicted to porn possibly? (But I do get an erection quickly when I am engaging in cybersex.)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2014 10:08 PM GMT
    You're worried about not being able to get an erection for an unattractive guy? That makes no sense. Unattractive guys are the only reason the world isn't completely overpopulated yet. You're not supposed to get a boner with them.

    Try it again with a guy who has a body you ARE attracted to.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Aug 11, 2014 4:08 AM GMT
    thebeatofmyheart said I still did not get an erection. I should clarify that I was not very attracted to his body at all.


    I think you just solved your own problem. Meet up with a guy you're attracted to, and lay off the booze since it's a boner killer (they don't call being too drunk to get hard having whiskey dick for no reason).
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 16, 2014 1:46 PM GMT
    There are a few issues here.

    #1
    You have not had sex before. Plunging into the cold water is for most people a stressful experience. You are probably not an exception.

    #2
    You find mild humiliation and BSDM stimulating. You are certainly not alone, but this is not your next-dude default setting. You do not know how this other guy may react to your preference/orientation? This is adding another layer of stress here.

    #3
    You do not need drinks to enjoy sex. Or even to have sex. If you mix drinks with sex remember to err on the side of being sparing and conservative.

    #4
    Not all the men other men end up having sex are very attractive. In real life, an entrepreneurial guy who is NOT afraid of rejection usually gets laid much more than a Greek God who hardly talks to anyone, and seeks someone even more perfect than he is... Shrug with your shoulders, put a big smile on your face, do NOT take all of that too seriously. You are not marrying the guy. You are trying to get your rocks off. That's it...

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2014 2:15 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    thebeatofmyheart said I still did not get an erection. I should clarify that I was not very attracted to his body at all.

    I think you just solved your own problem. Meet up with a guy you're attracted to, and lay off the booze since it's a boner killer (they don't call being too drunk to get hard having whiskey dick for no reason).

    You beat me to it. Booze may help us to lose our inhibitions, but it also makes men lose their erections. So too, BTW, does smoking tobacco to a lesser extent, due to constricting blood vessels.

    Other boner killers are certain prescription drugs, especially psychotropics, and also some recreational drugs. For best results in bed be clean & sober, have a light meal if you're eating beforehand, maybe drink some coffee.

    And yeah, attraction to the other guy can be vital, since an erection is half physical function, but half psychological in our minds. The verdict of the Peter Meter if often out of our control, which reflects both our conscious and subconscious feelings about another guy. Which can have a bad side, causing the Meter's pointer to rise & register in awkward places, like locker rooms.

    Now that the OP has been spooked twice he's gotta get his confidence back. Self-doubt can also sabotage us in bed. I would start by meeting a hotter guy, and laying off the booze and other stuff as we've said.

    Since he get's hard at other times we know he doesn't have a permanent medical impairment (getting morning wood can also confirm this). So he's gotta work on the mental part, and avoid temporary erection eliminators.