Why do you REALLY want to be in a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    A friend asked me that question yesterday and I was unable to answer.
    I always thought it was the right thing to do, everyone else seems to be after one as well.
    I always considered having a life partner as one of the boxes I had to check to have had a great life by society standards.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 11, 2014 4:00 AM GMT
    May not be for everyone but I like it. 7 years. But I was single for a decade before. It is nice having someone around who loves you and who you love.
  • KittenpasteCo...

    Posts: 245

    Aug 11, 2014 10:19 AM GMT
    I'm more motivated and willing to push myself when I'm with another. Sounds bad but it is what it is.
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    Aug 11, 2014 3:04 PM GMT
    KittenpasteCompany saidI'm more motivated and willing to push myself when I'm with another ...

    dont think it's bad, with the right husband one can really do more in life better faster.

    -reduced exposure to anything std
    -create a household similar to how you were raised instead of re inventing the wheel
    -bring a new set of skills to the table, you might be good with money, he may like to clean...
    -not want to die alone, actually a thought people have
    -have a keeper or some one to watch over you
    -adoption




    relationships and or a husband are a LOT of work and both of you have to want it REAL bad to make it work.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2014 4:03 PM GMT
    So he can support me and pamper me and totally be my bitch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    ...so that when you're old and fallen and can't get up, someone will be there to help you reach your Life Alert button.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    It gets more apparent the older you get. You don't want to live and die alone mostly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    to love and be loved, does not matter if you call it relationship or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2014 10:14 PM GMT
    I thought I did, but sleeping with some guys I realize I don't really need to.
  • Jockasian703

    Posts: 73

    Aug 13, 2014 6:56 PM GMT
    There is always someone for anyone... just need to search and find. Finding love is not easy but i wish it was because i think its great.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Aug 13, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    because I am a slob and can't handle living alone and can't afford a maid. I also like breakfast in bed.

    I also hate condoms enough to be monogamous forever.
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    Aug 14, 2014 10:24 AM GMT
    BillyBrown saidA friend asked me that question yesterday and I was unable to answer.
    I always thought it was the right thing to do, everyone else seems to be after one as well.
    I always considered having a life partner as one of the boxes I had to check to have had a great life by society standards.


    Good topic, your friend is wise. This is a phenomenon many guys face though it isn't just specific to gay men, we r more likely to face it.

    A large percentage of gay men are not exclusive and there isn't a huge contingent (regardless of attitudes to monogamy) staying together for very long periods, so why do guys appear to what a relationship??

    My take on it is this

    1. Things are changing but Gay men are more likely to not be involve with community activities, meaning more time to think as an option even if they haven't met someone suitable or even worked out what they want from a BF
    2. Casual sex is monotonous when there is no intimacy over a long period and for those who are patient and have less sexual partners, we long for something more
    3. It seem non-monogamy is the main stream of gay culture for relationships, from that infer that many men who otherwise may have hesitated have dove str8 in with the knowledge they have an easy out and potentially fun with others while having Mr reliable to cuddle up to later

    Yer I know I,cynical in the eyes of some but realistic to others and everyone had their own circumstances, this is just overview
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 10:40 AM GMT
    So that there is someone who really knows me, the real me, and loves me anyway.
    Because sex with someone I care about is better than sex with a stranger.
    Because life moves on and friends move away but a husband stays. He's the person I never have to say good bye to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 12:14 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidSo that there is someone who really knows me, the real me, and loves me anyway.
    Because sex with someone I care about is better than sex with a stranger.
    Because life moves on and friends move away but a husband stays. He's the person I never have to say good bye to.


    While I agree they are the best reasons for getting into a relationship, I have to ask
    1. Are you saying you would be monogamous?? If not your choice but be aware that on average,many couples in non- monogamous relationships over time will get to know other sexual partners much better than there public stated partner
    2. Equally as Important is if you truthfully commit to the potential of a 'life partner' as opposed to the more common trend which is to stay in a civil but separate co-habitance with one partner until often via a short break jumping to the next instead of working hard to maintain the emotional monogamy required to have a relationship that lasts the difference, instead of till one or the other is perceived to be boring and predictable ( or much worse be dependant for a period not of there own choosing)

    Doesn't matter what I think in the end but the real stats show the guys who really have long term commitment on their mind when they so 'I love you' to their man. I'd love to hear at some point that you manage to meet 'the one' and you stick it out as it happens, but way too infrequently.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 2:31 PM GMT
    A few reasons really.

    Firstly meeting/dating etc sucks. I'm sick of meeting guys who make out or suggest they want something long term and then feeling pressured to do stuff thinking it will be fine in the long run only to find out that they're seeing more than just me. Worse is finding out they're already partnered.

    Also I would be more confident knowing that someone in my day to day life who I live with has my back. Things seem to be less risky when someone has your back completely. I have great friends but it's not exactly the same because we don't share our day to day lives.

    Lastly I think it would be nice to know that someone wants you and cares enough to stick around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2014 9:20 PM GMT
    . To be loved and loved someone unconditionally
    . I don't want to be alone, although I'm used to do most things by myself
    . Having a guy there to back you up and support you no matter what
    . It's good to love and lost than not loved at all

  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Aug 31, 2014 9:18 PM GMT
    Good question. First, I think there can be all kinds of relationships. It doesn't have to mean some stereotypical thing.

    Second, I suppose the alternative is to endlessly sleep around or be celibate.

    It's nice to have fun and have someone to do something with. But I don't buy into the whole romantic idea that you are incomplete without a relationship. It's all relative and you should do what you want at each period in your life... Don't get stuck on an idea for its own sake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2014 12:19 AM GMT
    forgot 1 last important detail, the SEX and lots of it. He better knows what's he doing. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2014 12:25 AM GMT
    For 15 years I was married to a wonderful, beautiful woman who understood me and knew me better than any other living soul. After I dealt with who I truly am, I came out, we divorced and now I hope to find a man who will share that emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy with me.

    Do I want an LTR? Absolutely! With a man of quality, integrity, passion and love!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    Because it's human nature. Everybody wants to fall in love.
  • Daniepwils

    Posts: 151

    Sep 10, 2014 4:24 PM GMT
    I want a partner in crime to experience things with and to grow old with... that pretty much sums it up for me.

    I am perfectly happy being single as well though (took me awhile but I got there). When you become fine with being single, that is when love will smack you in the face again with a great guy, it just takes patience.

    So many guys have so many set rules for someone they date, throw your rules out. Yes maybe have three big rules (not be crazy, have a job, have a car, etc.). You don't have to be with someone who likes everything you like. Hell dating someone with different hobbies, etc. is when you get to try and learn new things.

    So many people have this set of wants/qualities/rules in a guy they want that no one will ever live up to that list. There is no such thing as Mr. Perfect when dating. Mr. Perfect will be the man you are in love and are in a relationship with for 10+ years, that is when you will have Mr. Perfect.
  • BoyKrazy

    Posts: 26

    Sep 12, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    I enjoyed your post, I think it is positive and you have a great attitude. Oh, and you're handsome, lol! Just sayin'!

    I was in an 8 year relationship 7 years ago, and have had very few dates since. I am either scared, picky, or look desperate, or maybe a bit of all of that. Unfortunately, I was also in an open relationship and didn't know it. I feel I am finally ready to meet someone special. I read something once talking about "the one," that said, why can't everyone you date be "the one," until proven otherwise. I thought that was a neat concept. For much of the past 7 years, I have gone out "looking" for a potential boyfriend, without first resolving some of the hurt I endeared from my last breakup. I think guys can smell that a mile away, and results in repelling people. Lately, I have finally gotten to the point when going out to just have fun with my friends. I still haven't met anyone but I am optimistic and am having so much more fun. I believe someone special will notice that fun and want to meet me. It think it's taken the pressure off. Finally, at 52, and believing gay dating is very youth oriented, I must realize that if I never date or meet someone again, that is perfectly okay too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2014 10:19 AM GMT
    I'm not so sure why I even bother living, to be honest. Yet here I am.
  • TealSock

    Posts: 30

    Sep 14, 2014 8:33 PM GMT
    ^
    haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    A warm body to cuddle with at night on an ongoing basis would be nice. But mostly I'd like to be in a relationship just to have someone to do stuff with! I'm so tired of being a third wheel with coupled friends. I'm sure if I lived in a larger city with more single gay guys around that I could hang out with without it being a total production to schedule things (whether I were dating them or not), I'd be less focused on being in a relationship. Yes I definitely want to be having more sex (not with strangers) but mostly I just want more single gay friends.