Guys speaking their preferences

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 11, 2014 11:31 PM GMT
    I know what you're probably thinking this thread will be about but I just have to speak up on my thoughts about this. In online dating, you're very likely to come across profiles stating their preferences like the very popular "No blacks", "No Asians", "No Fems", & "No Fat'. To a lot, this can be seen as pretty offensive and honestly, I used to feel that way too.

    But when I thought about it. I came to the conclusion that i personally don't mind if a profile states this. Sure, it sucks that the guy(s) you may be interested in won't give you a chance at all if you fit the qualities of disinterest but I feel it's for the best because at least you know ahead of time. I personally feel that when guys have these kinds of preferences, they've already made up their minds and to try to change them is a foolish mistake.

    I do think there is a right way and a wrong way to speak your preferences. Like for example, if they add insulting remarks to the type of people they don't like, that's a rude way. Simply just saying the aforementioned terms and nothing more, I feel it's more better/easier. But I digress.

    Do any of you feel this way? I'm kind of directing this to the people who fit the "No blacks", "No Asians", "No Fems", etc but anyone is welcome to share their thoughts if they'd like.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 12, 2014 2:36 AM GMT
    pazzy saidhere's what i don't get. why do people feel the need to state that in the open THEN act surprise when they get called out for exactly what it is? i don't understand these people.

    to me, i think someone that does that has a big ego where they can't seem to be humble or feel entitled where they think that they're so deserving of somebody, is prejudiced, bigoted, racist of course and feels too highly of themselves where they think that everybody wants them for some weird reason. i feel like telling people who do that shit to stop acting like the world is on their dick because 1. they're not the only guy out there 2. not everybody wants them. wait til someone asks you out as in they ask to be romantically or sexually involved with you before you reject them or come to a conclusion. people always assume shit too much instead of asking and being upfront. they rely upon their own interpretations and assumptions. it also doesn't help that people nowadays do not communicate. they aren't upfront about their motives or are waiting for the first move because they're scared or assuming shit. most people are shy as fuck to even ask someone out on a date or to tell someone else how they feel.

    there's a difference between having a preference where you go about it in a cool way AND being a bigoted asshole.


    and online dating is mostly bullshit anyway. you can't just rely upon shit online. you gotta deal with people up close first and get to know them that way.


    You raise some interesting points but I learned that some people just already have their minds made up. So to try to fight with them leads to nothing and is unproductive. Believe me, I do get a little discouraged when I see such terms but you just have to remember to keep perspective.

    I guess it does perplex me about race since I've always been an open book but I suppose it's just not that simple for some and i feel, it's okay. I just like to know ahead of time which is why I don't mind when profiles state their preferences. I just hate arguing with people who don't care to listen you know so just let bygones be bygones I think.
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Aug 12, 2014 3:02 AM GMT
    There shouldn't be any problem with guys saying their preferences, just like straight guys who prefer redheads or olive skin or whatever. It's only a problem because for gays it's almost always "whites++", regardless of the race of the person saying it, which means there's something wrong with gay culture and media.

    Still I rather they be upfront, just to save my time. I know some white gay friends in Seattle who mentioned that they avoid guys who have race preferences even when it's in their favor. Gave me a favorable impression of Seattle lol.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Aug 12, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    To find love, you gotta widen your scope...
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 12, 2014 4:35 AM GMT
    smegnificient saidThere shouldn't be any problem with guys saying their preferences, just like straight guys who prefer redheads or olive skin or whatever. It's only a problem because for gays it's almost always "whites++", regardless of the race of the person saying it, which means there's something wrong with gay culture and media.

    Still I rather they be upfront, just to save my time. I know some white gay friends in Seattle who mentioned that they avoid guys who have race preferences even when it's in their favor. Gave me a favorable impression of Seattle lol.


    Exactly right. There's no harm in a guy stating in his preference, even if you are on the undesired end. I mean, as long as he does it in a simple way, there's no problem I think.

    As for the gay culture/media... Eh... Yeah, I think it's dumb to act like there isn't a certain preference/hierachy in race but personally, I don't let that get to me. Honestly, it does sometimes but I am who I am and I can't change my skin and face to look like a Caucasian or Latino person. So I feel it's better to find some sort of self-acceptance. True, it would be cool to see a lot more men of color in the media/gay culture but considering for some, especially in the Black community, I don't think it'll happen.

    But yeah, it's always nice to meet people who don't mind your color. icon_smile.gif

    Mybud said To find love, you gotta widen your scope...


    True. That's why I never understood why some people only follow a *insert race here* only because it seems limiting in the long run but like I said, some people have their minds made up and there's nothing wrong with that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2014 2:39 PM GMT
    I am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.
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    Aug 12, 2014 2:45 PM GMT
    mybud saidTo find love, you gotta widen your scope...


    Beautifully stated! People who decide not to even give someone a chance due to their skin color makes them come across not only as racist, but narrow minded as well. Even if someone is super hot, nothing is more of a turn off then seeing "No blacks", "No Asians", etc, they just come across as stuck up and condescending.
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    Aug 12, 2014 2:52 PM GMT
    To me people seem to be so demanding in what they are "looking" for i mean when stating there preferences its like they are ordering a meal blah blah or designing someone in their own head and the use of preferences is such a odd word to use in my mind but people use that word to mean what they are attracted to, also why are profiles always about who and what they want eg the preferences thing rather then who they are as a person ? so are they looking for love or what in reality ? as im pretty sure in all honesty you will find that no matter who they are or what they look like, or are they looking for someone they feel ok to be in public with ?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 12, 2014 3:38 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidI am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.

    People are not fetishes. Ya. I'm partnered (seven years) with a young asian guy. So I see our coupling reduced to fetish in threads here constantly. When we met, I'd never been intimate with an asian before and immediately started noticing handsome asians everywhere. A quick trip to the Beijing Olympics soon taught me, no, no fetish here. I just got lucky and found a really good match. Sometimes preferences are in your head simply because of good prior experiences. If you open your mind to alternatives, you greatly increase your chances to find that special guy. But he may not be what you thought you wanted.

    To the OP, I agree with you. If a guy is not going to be interested in me due to some prejudice or bad prior experience, I like to know it up front. And to the guys that are rude about stating their exclusions, well I appreciate the heads up that this is someone I definitely don't want to know. In any way.
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    Aug 12, 2014 4:18 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidI am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.


    So true. I find it insulting when someone states in their email how I turn them on because I'm Latino. WTF?

    I am a person, not a fetish.
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    Aug 12, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    UndercoverMan saidI am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.

    People are not fetishes. Ya. I'm partnered (seven years) with a young asian guy. So I see our coupling reduced to fetish in threads here constantly. When we met, I'd never been intimate with an asian before and immediately started noticing handsome asians everywhere. A quick trip to the Beijing Olympics soon taught me, no, no fetish here. I just got lucky and found a really good match. Sometimes preferences are in your head simply because of good prior experiences. If you open your mind to alternatives, you greatly increase your chances to find that special guy. But he may not be what you thought you wanted.

    To the OP, I agree with you. If a guy is not going to be interested in me due to some prejudice or bad prior experience, I like to know it up front. And to the guys that are rude about stating their exclusions, well I appreciate the heads up that this is someone I definitely don't want to know. In any way.


    Couldn't put it better myself.
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    Aug 12, 2014 5:13 PM GMT
    Me , I like all, it don't matter what race creed color or religion you come from, to me a guy is a guy , fat skinny in between it don't matter.
    But if I could choose I'd go get a big cock cause that's what I like big cock.icon_biggrin.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 12, 2014 5:16 PM GMT
    sirdennis saidTo me people seem to be so demanding in what they are "looking" for i mean when stating there preferences its like they are ordering a meal blah blah or designing someone in their own head and the use of preferences is such a odd word to use in my mind but people use that word to mean what they are attracted to, also why are profiles always about who and what they want eg the preferences thing rather then who they are as a person ? so are they looking for love or what in reality ? as im pretty sure in all honesty you will find that no matter who they are or what they look like, or are they looking for someone they feel ok to be in public with ?


    You know, I feel that you asked some good questions. I especially can't help but feel it's your last one that gets people. Someone they feel ok to be in public with. I guess it depeneds on your area but I feel that some men (white/black/asian/etc) only like to be around other people like themselves so they don't stand out.

    Like the whole token black guy thing that can be very common for some people (I was one in high school with the few friends I had). And then I've run into the guys who would hook up with a minority but would never actually date and get to know them. It's kind of disheartening to be used like that.

    But eh, you live and you learn right?

    Destinharbor said People are not fetishes. Ya. I'm partnered (seven years) with a young asian guy. So I see our coupling reduced to fetish in threads here constantly. When we met, I'd never been intimate with an asian before and immediately started noticing handsome asians everywhere. A quick trip to the Beijing Olympics soon taught me, no, no fetish here. I just got lucky and found a really good match. Sometimes preferences are in your head simply because of good prior experiences. If you open your mind to alternatives, you greatly increase your chances to find that special guy. But he may not be what you thought you wanted.

    To the OP, I agree with you. If a guy is not going to be interested in me due to some prejudice or bad prior experience, I like to know it up front. And to the guys that are rude about stating their exclusions, well I appreciate the heads up that this is someone I definitely don't want to know. In any way.


    Sometimes it just takes that one person to open you up to other posssibilities. I'm happy you and your boyfriend are happy. And yeah, I wouldn't let people get to you with the fetish grouping. Some people just can't wrap their minds that there are some who can actually like another race without a fetish.

    And agreed. I just like to know ahead of time so I can move on. Sure, when you see 5 profiles in a row that state it, it can suck but you just gotta keep moving until you find someone who doesn't have those hangups. icon_smile.gif

    [quote][cite[Soulman1969 said[/cite] So true. I find it insulting when someone states in their email how I turn them on because I'm Latino. WTF?

    I am a person, not a fetish.
    [/quote]

    I've only gotten comments like that twice so I know how you feel. I don't know what makes some people outright say the things they do for a fetish to someone they don't know. lol I mean, if you were in a BDSM type place, I would understand but yeah.
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    Aug 12, 2014 5:19 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidI am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.


    Our brains are kind of wired to notice patterns so if someone has say dated 3 or 4 black guys in their head they might equate that to being their type and sort of narrow their scope to now only dating black guys etc. They may not realise that the relationship they had had nothing to do with skin colour but probably more likely personality. I don't think it's a fetish thing it's just people can be dumb by our very nature. I myself for a while had a preference for only men older than me purely because it was what I was used to whereas now I'm more open to the idea of giving anyone the time of day and seeing where it leads.
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    Aug 12, 2014 6:08 PM GMT
    The same can be said about nonwhites ( Matthew56 and MisfitToy aka Inque are perfect examples) that ae self loathing and only want white guys. It's pathetic.
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    Aug 12, 2014 10:47 PM GMT
    I can't recall the last time I saw a profile that excluded certain races (I'm sure I've read one or two, but can't remember when). Is it really such a common occurrence? Personally, no one has ever rejected me based on my race (to my knowledge); there's so many other valid reasons available.
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    Aug 12, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    What if the guy isn't attracted to that type of guy ? There is room for give and take.

    No one is perfect I have preferences but am just not attracted to certain types (dont take that in to the wrong context) and my types I mean in a general consensus.


    I think its pointless to go with someone ur not attracted to. If he's not for you go for someone that is and get over it.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 12, 2014 11:12 PM GMT
    kevex saidThe same can be said about nonwhites ( Matthew56 and MisfitToy aka Inque are perfect examples) that ae self loathing and only want white guys. It's pathetic.


    Oh I wasn't trying to imply it only happens with whites. Anyone can do this and at the end of the day, while it does seem like they are limiting themselves, "the heart wants what it wants."

    Sweetyork said I can't recall the last time I saw a profile that excluded certain races (I'm sure I've read one or two, but can't remember when). Is it really such a common occurrence? Personally, no one has ever rejected me based on my race (to my knowledge); there's so many other valid reasons available.


    I think it depends on where you live. I don't see it every day (granted, I don't browse all that much) but sometimes, you can read in the context like "Whites/latinos only" or even for other races but those are the common ones. Again, I'm not saying they should change their preferences. We all have them.

    Foxyprime said What if the guy isn't attracted to that type of guy ? There is room for give and take.

    No one is perfect I have preferences but am just not attracted to certain types (dont take that in to the wrong context) and my types I mean in a general consensus.


    I think its pointless to go with someone ur not attracted to. If he's not for you go for someone that is and get over it.


    If you aren't attracted to someone, you aren't attracted to them. Hence what I said, you can't makeup someones mind who has already been made up. In no way do I feel that these people should force themselves to pity date someone.

    So yeah, you either move on, dwell on it, or in extreme cases (for some), bleach your skin (... icon_neutral.gif)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2014 11:16 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidI am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.

    What? You're telling me I'm not a walking fetish for everyone?! Blasphemy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2014 12:53 AM GMT
    Honestly, any skin colour/features type of guy can end up feeling fetishized at times. As someone of mediterranean (southern Italian) background, I've certainly felt such feelings directed at me and it sucks.

    I actually don't think guys have a preference for 'race', because such a thing doesn't exist. We're so mixed and matched now that there's only features. Certain men have certain sets of features. I've seen dark skinned men with caucasian-looking facial features for example, and the reverse.

    It seems like the skin tone that a lot of guys tend to prefer is the light olive/bronzed skin tone (a fact for which I'm lucky). There's tons of people who feel they're 'too white' and go tanning (multimillion dollar industry plus suntanning), and there's tons of people who feel they're 'too dark' and avoid the sun to not look any darker too.
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    Aug 13, 2014 1:51 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidPeople are not fetishes. Ya. I'm partnered (seven years) with a young asian guy...




    Well isn't that the biggest cliché in the gay community...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
    I don't restrict myself to a specific group of guys, but I certainly don't mind it when other people do. It makes it super easy for me to avoid them.
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    Aug 13, 2014 4:36 AM GMT
    Let's not sugar coat this. Some guys are fuckin idiots and can't articulate their thoughts with tact, or they're just racist.

    Here's a tip for guys that have a specific preference.. state what you want, not what you don't want.

    If not, then you're going to get every guy EXCEPT the ones you want, trying to contact you.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 13, 2014 5:26 AM GMT
    Didn't that Gay pornstar Marc Dylan basically get shunned because he said in a video that black guys don't do it for him?

    I think having racial preference in the gay community is like walking on a tightrope with a heat-seeking missile on your ass.
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    Aug 13, 2014 6:29 AM GMT
    dannyboyUK said
    UndercoverMan saidI am drawn to guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and beautiful lips. I notice them first in a crowed room. Would I dismiss a blond or redhead with blue eyes and so so lips if they came up and talked too me? If we clicked and enjoyed each other's company during the course of the evening, would I turn down an offer of a future date with them simply because they don't fit my preference? Of course not! The pool of gay dating prospects and boyfriend/partner possibilities are too small to limit my choices.

    I do not need dark hair and dark eyes to get off. People are not fetishes.


    Our brains are kind of wired to notice patterns so if someone has say dated 3 or 4 black guys in their head they might equate that to being their type and sort of narrow their scope to now only dating black guys etc. They may not realise that the relationship they had had nothing to do with skin colour but probably more likely personality. I don't think it's a fetish thing it's just people can be dumb by our very nature. I myself for a while had a preference for only men older than me purely because it was what I was used to whereas now I'm more open to the idea of giving anyone the time of day and seeing where it leads.


    Regarding the bold part that is because people these daz dont simply se people as people / humans as humans, they see everyone as menu's and decide what they want.