Are romantic relationships overvalued? Are friendship relationships undervalued?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2014 4:40 PM GMT
    I realize that society seems to place a strong importance on romance, but not many emphasize the same with friendships.

    i'm prepared to be the odd man out on this one but although i'm only 24 i've been lucky to have strong friendships with people i've known from 8 to 20 years and we're like family considering all we've been through together.

    I understand that dating is hard to find so when a person finds someone they like that likes them back there's a new level of excitement and the honeymoon phase begins, but I just can't see the logic of how dating someone for 3 months makes that person more valuable than a strong bond that's been tested through time.

    Once again i'm prepared to be the odd man out but it's something I always wondered lol
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    Aug 12, 2014 5:13 PM GMT
    I definitely agree that the emphasis is on romantic relationships over friendships, but I think it's also important to note that society's idea of romance is largely warped. The idea of finding "the one" leads people to believing that you'll meet just one person in your life that will make everything fall into place. People often forget that it takes effort to make a lasting relationship work.

    But yes, people definitely value romantic relationships as being the best thing to make you feel complete. There aren't as many people who believe you can feel that completeness from friendships as well.
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    Aug 12, 2014 5:33 PM GMT
    Yes and yes. Falling in love and sexuality are good but people always forget about everyone else. It may seem strange but I've noticed that most friendships last way longer than romance.
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    Aug 12, 2014 5:33 PM GMT
    I concur with the above posters.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 12, 2014 5:41 PM GMT
    Yeah, I feel they are. I'm not in relationship and never have so I don't know what it's like but I have noticed that some friends who got into relationships completely dropped their friendships and in turn, lost a few friends due to not communicating anymore. So it doesn't sound like friendship is on the radar for some people who get into relationships.

    It's a shame because I feel friendship is one of the best things to have in life. Especially since it's hard to meet people the older you get.
  • ADDitude

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    Aug 12, 2014 5:46 PM GMT
    Definitely agreed...

    Some of my greatest long term friends have shown me more what love and acceptance is than any relationship so far (though I do believe we find that ONE true love eventually). With that said they've all been straight too. I think just, for me at least, the hetro aspect focuses the foundation of relationship on such more profound fundamentals of a relationship since the sexual tension is cut out.

    Here is a good article that speaks to how I relate to this topic.

    http://themoderngay.com/2014/08/04/the-one-guy-that-every-gay-man-needs-in-his-life/
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    Aug 12, 2014 6:07 PM GMT
    tmac said I just can't see the logic of how dating someone for 3 months makes that person more valuable than a strong bond that's been tested through time.

    3 months is something, but it isn't much of a relationship.

    Hopefully, after years into a relationship, your partner will be one of your best friends as well.
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    Aug 12, 2014 6:48 PM GMT
    I definitely agree with this, and it is sad that as we get older (especially, it seems, for straight guys) the opportunity to make new friends is very limited to co-workers, spouses of wife's friends, in-laws, etc. Many of my straight friends are so caught up in shuffling their kids around from activity to activity that they have little time for anything else.

    At least if you belong to a gym or a sports league you have some contact outside that tight circle, but I'm not sure how much time there is for closeness to develop.

    I have had two straight married guys, friends of friends, confess to me when their guard was down that they feel very isolated and were practically begging for an outlet.

    I'm lucky in that my BF of 10-plus years and I not only get along very well but give each other space. He "gets it" that not 100% of our interests mesh and that I am much more social than he is. The majority of our mutual friendships are people I brought into the mix, and I give him the respect to let him decide which of these people and activities he wants to partake in.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2014 6:53 PM GMT
    tmac saidI just can't see the logic of how dating someone for 3 months makes that person more valuable than a strong bond that's been tested through time.


    Hit the nail on the head. I also don't get it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    If your romantic partner isn't your best friend the relationship is doomed.
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    Aug 12, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIf your romantic partner isn't your best friend the relationship is doomed.


    If your romantic partner is your only best friend, your life is doomed.
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    Aug 12, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    ADDitude saidDefinitely agreed...

    Some of my greatest long term friends have shown me more what love and acceptance is than any relationship so far (though I do believe we find that ONE true love eventually). With that said they've all been straight too. I think just, for me at least, the hetro aspect focuses the foundation of relationship on such more profound fundamentals of a relationship since the sexual tension is cut out.

    Here is a good article that speaks to how I relate to this topic.

    http://themoderngay.com/2014/08/04/the-one-guy-that-every-gay-man-needs-in-his-life/


    I liked this. My closest guy friend is straight and our friendship pre-dates my relationship. We travel together (just him and me, and with one or both of our partners) and have helped each other through deaths, layoffs, etc. They have a kid now and we are "uncles" that have been there since day one.
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    Aug 12, 2014 7:45 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    tmac said I just can't see the logic of how dating someone for 3 months makes that person more valuable than a strong bond that's been tested through time.

    3 months is something, but it isn't much of a relationship.

    Hopefully, after years into a relationship, your partner will be one of your best friends as well.


    within the two years our bond has grown and we're getting to know each other better. at first he seemed to be a little jealous though. I never thought id get caught in a romance vs bromance situation but hes gotten a chance meet them and he understands why we're so close now and he seems to like them too thankfully lol
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    Aug 12, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    Ohhh the dilemmas of life...

    So I spend a lot of time working on my friendships.. going places...doing things...etc. and guess what!?!? Iam single as hell

    When it comes time to date I don't have any... Or Id rather not cancel plans with my friends ...so therefore I don't go on dates.

    But then...if I start dating someone I like... And cut time away from friends..its "oh..you have a man in your life..I guess we're not good enough"
    *we all have someone like that in our group of friends

    The point iam making is...you need to find a balance.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2014 8:30 PM GMT
    Here's a question for ya, which riffs off what Tmac said:

    This assumes the bro came first. What happens if you make a new male friend once you're IN a relationship and you start to get close? I would imagine jealousy is potentially more of a problem, and even if you make sure everybody understands it's platonic, that person is still suddenly claiming a piece of your mental and emotional pie.
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    Aug 12, 2014 9:27 PM GMT
    " when a person finds someone they like that likes them back there's a new level of excitement and the honeymoon phase begins"

    When this happens I suggest you embrace the experience. Your best friends will be happy for you even if they don't get as much of you for awhile.

    I see too many gay best friends not giving each other room to date. They work out together, always eat together, grocery shop together.......and probably wonder together why they can never meet someone to date.
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    Aug 12, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    i feel like i have neither, but it's just my anecdote so it's statistically insiginificant
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    Aug 12, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    Determinate said" when a person finds someone they like that likes them back there's a new level of excitement and the honeymoon phase begins"

    When this happens I suggest you embrace the experience. Your best friends will be happy for you even if they don't get as much of you for awhile.

    I see too many gay best friends not giving each other room to date. They work out together, always eat together, grocery shop together.......and probably wonder together why they can never meet someone to date.


    Good point. Anybody who doesn't know them well probably thinks they're a couple.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 12, 2014 10:34 PM GMT
    Friends are often under appreciated. But the problem is that friendships are usually made around a certain place and time. As your life changes and you change locations, jobs, interests, you begin to lose your connection with those friends. You still think just as highly of them as you ever did, it's just that you start having to make choices where you spend your time. You get busy.

    Romantic partners are test runs for permanent partners. If you become a couple, a serious long-term couple, you vow you will find some way to accommodate their needs into yours, and they do the same. They become the #1 thing in your life (except kids, if you go that route). They become the one permanent thing for which you will give up everything. And friends become secondary.

    Do you need a partner to be happy? Most do. Most need to know that there is one guy out there that loves me more than anyone else. And you feel the same way about him.

    I lived a big chunk of my adult life happily single. I could do it again. But I like being in love better.

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    Aug 12, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    Emphasizing romantic relationships (especially in the beginning) is simply human nature. When we first start liking someone romantically, we start intensely focusing on that one person. This does not mean that somehow all our other relationships are negated. With time, this intense phase subsides and, if the relationship has any real merit at surviving, gradually develops some friendship-like quality. So, friendship-relationships are not undervalued, but are actually quite important (and coveted).
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    Aug 12, 2014 11:31 PM GMT
    It American culture, romantic relationships definitely seem to hold the primary place in any sort of relationship. In other western countries, it's not as prominent as others. In England, where I'm currently living, it's definitely important but friends are very important as well. In Australia, they seem to value friendships over romantic relationships which presents it's own very significant problems.
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    Aug 12, 2014 11:48 PM GMT
    I agree with the OP.
  • toastvenom

    Posts: 1020

    Aug 13, 2014 1:48 AM GMT
    of course its true cuz deep down inside people just care about getting an orgasm. its a stress reliever in a way that going out to coffee for a chat will never compare. I don't agree with it but that is the mentality of the current homo sapian
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    Aug 13, 2014 2:30 AM GMT
    Lol so much for my "odd man out theory"
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    Aug 13, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Toastvenom saidof course its true cuz deep down inside people just care about getting an orgasm. its a stress reliever in a way that going out to coffee for a chat will never compare. I don't agree with it but that is the mentality of the current homo sapian


    NEWSFLASH! You can have an orgasm WITHOUT romantic love.

    However, for me, an orgasm with someone I love is far and away better than a orgasm with a hook up. Sex with someone I love and trust is liberating and powerful.