Interested in 3 guys who all know each other

  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Aug 13, 2014 4:14 AM GMT
    It sucks enough that the gay community is so small that I've inadvertently dated someone who became my ex's ex. But hindsight is at least better than what's happening now, which is that the 3 guys I've been kinda pursing turn out to all know each other.

    Guy 1: My ex. On paper, he's the best option: very successful, attractive, popular, similar age, just the right height (is that a weird criteria even if I'm a top?), and romantic. Everyone says we looked great together. Except that our chemistry sucked so bad that I friend-zoned him, but have since kinda regretted it after understanding him better as time went on. He admits to being very attracted to me still but is reluctant to pursue any relationship, and has lately stopped initiating the contact. Recently I considered really trying to woo him, until I met...

    Guy 2: ...on Jack'd. He is only 19 and doesn't look nearly as hot as in his pictures, but he is still cute, seems very mature, and we have great chemistry. I like his personality best, and he takes a lot of initiative in making us get together. We went out half a dozen times now over 3 weeks, as I was hoping that I'll perceive him as more physically attractive through getting to know him, through which I found out he recently became distant friends with guy 1 (he's really new to the scene) Good thing our relationship thus far has been purely platonic, unless watching lots of movies together on my couch suggests something more. I haven't been telling any of my friends about him, but he sure told his friends about me, cuz when I told him I was going on a sudden research trip to Victoria in a few days, I was soon texted by an unknown number belonging to...

    Guy 3: ...who is also going to Victoria that same week and could only have found out through Guy 2 (confirmed), since he was the only gay friend I had time to inform. He is 4 years older, and a bit taller than ideal, but is incredibly hot. I knew him before through friends, but weren't close. I thought he was really nice, though kinda childish for his age, and we corresponded through Jack'd before but he didn't seem interested, so I thought it was a lost cause. Except he evidently kept the number I'd given him (unless he got it from guy 2) and we hung out 3 times together while in Victoria (mostly his initiative). I had to hide my boner when he came surfing with me and my friend, watching that beautiful gym body absolutely fail at sports lol. Upon returning, he texted me the next day, and wanted to share a hotel during my upcoming road trip w friends to a Mariner's game in Seattle.

    I can't tell if he is simply testing my loyalty on behalf of guy 2, or is genuinely interested (guys do get turned on when they realize what a masc bro I really am lol). And I sure as hell can't pursue guy 1 now without looking like a slut player. Argh!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2014 9:36 PM GMT
    tl;dr

    In short, have sex with them all. You're young and in all probability will not end you life here on Earth with any of them as your partner. So...

    Carpe booty!

    P.S. There are worse things than being a slut.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    Well guy 2 sounds into you so if you're not into him don't string him along but otherwise have fun and then tell me your secret because I'm struggling to find one guy who 'like' likes me icon_razz.gif
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 13, 2014 10:47 PM GMT
    Telenovella Love Triangle Much... One question, wheres the evil twin Brother.

    Guy 1: He seems really great and it sounds like you judged too soon and harshly and missed something special. He might not be making passes anymore, not because hes over it, his ego might just be tired of getting bruised with every rebuf. Im not saying jump at him or marry him, but maybe just slowly and subtly make romantic gestures/passes at him and see how he reacts. Be careful to make sure he doesn't think your mocking or playing with you. If he reacts in obvious positive ways then maybe you have another shot with him! Don't care how much of a player you look like if you do go for him, give the romance a chance and it might make it worth it.

    Guy 2: He seems nice and you seem to like him and you guys have a good dynamic, but he seams to be coming on a bit strong or maybe insistent that you like him (Maybe I'm just reading it wrong and putting the wrong things together).

    Guy 3: He's hot, your attracted to him. He's hot after all. From what i can tell you aren't attracted to his personality that much. I get your caution. I think go for it, I say accept the share hotel offer. You can decipher his intentions there, as he seems to be taking a lot of initiative if hes uninterested. If you wanna play it safe don't initiate something, so if he comes on to you you can tel GUY 2 that he came on to you icon_twisted.gif Otherwise just go for it, it might be a lot of fun or more...

    I don't want to put ideas in your head, this is just advice. Open your mind to whatever outcome feels more natural.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    For some reason I feel like it's really either Guy 1 or 3... Guy 1 has it all but the chemistry. Guy 3 has the bod but is a bit childish. Do you have chemistry with him? Also, how long did you date your ex? Because if you dated for like a day then friend zoned him... I think that's judging. But if it's been like a month... then perhaps go for Guy 3.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2014 2:44 AM GMT
    4-some! icon_biggrin.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 14, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    Oh wow, that's very complicated for sure. icon_eek.gif But hey, at least you can say that you got to experience the love triangle, I mean, how many people do you know have gone through that? lol

    Anyway, you should keep open to all but I definitely think you should choose the guy with the most chemistry and attraction. To me, it seems like it might be Guy 1 or Guy 3. Guy 2 seems nice and really into you but I'm getting the impression the feelings aren't 100% mutual.

    All in all, I hope it works out and have fun. icon_smile.gif
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1166

    Aug 14, 2014 5:13 AM GMT
    Nice writing hv to say. Gave a lot of information within a relatively short post while somehow maintaining a relaxed pace. Guy 3 making the moves on you while knowing you are "seeing" guy 2... that would be a red flag.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 15, 2014 4:34 AM GMT
    Find a fifth. A four-way (or any even number) always ends up with guys pairing off.
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Aug 23, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    Aleco_Graves saidTelenovella Love Triangle Much... One question, wheres the evil twin Brother.

    Guy 1: He seems really great and it sounds like you judged too soon and harshly and missed something special. He might not be making passes anymore, not because hes over it, his ego might just be tired of getting bruised with every rebuf. Im not saying jump at him or marry him, but maybe just slowly and subtly make romantic gestures/passes at him and see how he reacts. Be careful to make sure he doesn't think your mocking or playing with you. If he reacts in obvious positive ways then maybe you have another shot with him! Don't care how much of a player you look like if you do go for him, give the romance a chance and it might make it worth it.

    Guy 2: He seems nice and you seem to like him and you guys have a good dynamic, but he seams to be coming on a bit strong or maybe insistent that you like him (Maybe I'm just reading it wrong and putting the wrong things together).

    Guy 3: He's hot, your attracted to him. He's hot after all. From what i can tell you aren't attracted to his personality that much. I get your caution. I think go for it, I say accept the share hotel offer. You can decipher his intentions there, as he seems to be taking a lot of initiative if hes uninterested. If you wanna play it safe don't initiate something, so if he comes on to you you can tel GUY 2 that he came on to you icon_twisted.gif Otherwise just go for it, it might be a lot of fun or more...

    I don't want to put ideas in your head, this is just advice. Open your mind to whatever outcome feels more natural.


    Thanks for the thorough advice! I just don't want to risk a "The Other Woman (2014)" scenario where they all find out and team up against me lol.

    I really enjoy hanging around guy 2, but only as a friend, and I'm not sure if I'm leading him on. I don't play game, so if I'm actually interested, it makes no difference to me whether he's "coming on too strong". Would I sound like a dick if I told him "btw uh, just making sure we understand that we're just friends right?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2014 6:03 AM GMT
    christastic said
    Aleco_Graves saidTelenovella Love Triangle Much... One question, wheres the evil twin Brother.

    Guy 1: He seems really great and it sounds like you judged too soon and harshly and missed something special. He might not be making passes anymore, not because hes over it, his ego might just be tired of getting bruised with every rebuf. Im not saying jump at him or marry him, but maybe just slowly and subtly make romantic gestures/passes at him and see how he reacts. Be careful to make sure he doesn't think your mocking or playing with you. If he reacts in obvious positive ways then maybe you have another shot with him! Don't care how much of a player you look like if you do go for him, give the romance a chance and it might make it worth it.

    Guy 2: He seems nice and you seem to like him and you guys have a good dynamic, but he seams to be coming on a bit strong or maybe insistent that you like him (Maybe I'm just reading it wrong and putting the wrong things together).

    Guy 3: He's hot, your attracted to him. He's hot after all. From what i can tell you aren't attracted to his personality that much. I get your caution. I think go for it, I say accept the share hotel offer. You can decipher his intentions there, as he seems to be taking a lot of initiative if hes uninterested. If you wanna play it safe don't initiate something, so if he comes on to you you can tel GUY 2 that he came on to you icon_twisted.gif Otherwise just go for it, it might be a lot of fun or more...

    I don't want to put ideas in your head, this is just advice. Open your mind to whatever outcome feels more natural.


    Thanks for the thorough advice! I just don't want to risk a "The Other Woman (2014)" scenario where they all find out and team up against me lol.

    I really enjoy hanging around guy 2, but only as a friend, and I'm not sure if I'm leading him on. I don't play game, so if I'm actually interested, it makes no difference to me whether he's "coming on too strong". Would I sound like a dick if I told him "btw uh, just making sure we understand that we're just friends right?"


    No that's the best way to do it. Drop it into conversation so it's not awkward and then he knows where he stands.
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Aug 25, 2014 4:35 AM GMT
    So I was a coward and told Guy 2 Friday night the "we're just friends" thing over text; his answer was like "yeah of course??" We hung out the next day where he clarified that he had already assumed as much, seeing that I still haven't made a move on him after hanging out so often.

    Well this weekend I went to a party with Guys 1, 2 and 3 all present. Talking to guy 1 was as awkward as always... it's like we can only interact within a group, and cannot have normal interaction one on one. His demeanor is almost cold... until I got hit by a bike while the group is walking towards a bar; where both he and guy 3 were competing to tend to my injuries haha. But at this point guy 1 is a definite no. Too complicated to deal with.

    Not sure if it was a good idea but I opened up to guy 2 about my feelings for guy 3. He says guy 3 is hot but too childish for an old soul like me. He then said guy 3 is also a top, mentioning several guys he had dated in the past, including a guy he just started seeing. They all look similar to me as a type but are clearly bottoms and less attractive than me imo lol. They're even younger (19-20, vs his 27). It almost made me frustrated and curious as to why he was seeing guys so far below his league.

    Since guy 3 probably knows by now that I'm a top, that knowledge might have held him back despite me being exactly his type appearance-wise, which is why I haven't been successful at winning him, despite friends hinting of his interest. Obviously this is hypothetical and there's a conflict of interest w guy 2, but I'm inclined to trust him on this.

    I told guy 2 "I don't care if he's a man-child! And I'll convert him to btm like I converted guy 1!". He laughed and said it won't work with guy 3.

    I'm so into him that I've already ignored the fact that he's a bit too tall. I might even consider vers-ing it up just for him if he is willing to do the same (even though neither of us enjoys bottoming at all). Can a relationship survive with a sex life that is physically unenjoyable half the time? Is this a doomed scenario?
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Aug 26, 2014 1:30 AM GMT
    What does guy 1 do? Maybe gay relationships never last long enough for money to be an issue but I've never heard of any gay who considers a guy's level of success as a factor in his suitability. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 26, 2014 2:11 AM GMT
    smegnificient saidWhat does guy 1 do? Maybe gay relationships never last long enough for money to be an issue but I've never heard of any gay who considers a guy's level of success as a factor in his suitability. icon_lol.gif


    It's definitely a factor for me..



    Just bottom for #3. Also, no, it cannot. It will die with you leaving or cheating on him for that same reason.
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Aug 26, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    ^^But I don't like it! If I were to enjoy it, it'll only be because I enjoy watching him go at it, but it better go both ways lol. On the other hand, I can never imagine leaving a guy, much less cheat on him, just because the sex life isn't great. I'd be happy to just land a hot guy who loves me. The rest is just extra.

    smegnificient saidWhat does guy 1 do? Maybe gay relationships never last long enough for money to be an issue but I've never heard of any gay who considers a guy's level of success as a factor in his suitability. icon_lol.gif


    He's an architect. The income is pretty much irrelevant to me as long as he can support himself. I meant success in terms of having an exciting career and passion. I know a lot of vapid gays who if you asked them what their passion is, the answer, if not fashion or stereotypically-gay things, would be "culture", "travel", "food", "the finer things in life" etc lolol.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Aug 26, 2014 4:24 AM GMT
    The obvious answer, go for guy #4.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 26, 2014 8:14 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidtl;dr

    In short, have sex with them all. You're young and in all probability will not end you life here on Earth with any of them as your partner. So...

    Carpe booty!

    P.S. There are worse things than being a slut.


    This.
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Aug 28, 2014 3:11 AM GMT
    christastic said
    smegnificient saidWhat does guy 1 do? Maybe gay relationships never last long enough for money to be an issue but I've never heard of any gay who considers a guy's level of success as a factor in his suitability. icon_lol.gif


    He's an architect. The income is pretty much irrelevant to me as long as he can support himself. I meant success in terms of having an exciting career and passion. I know a lot of vapid gays who if you asked them what their passion is, the answer, if not fashion or stereotypically-gay things, would be "culture", "travel", "food", "the finer things in life" etc lolol.


    Ah that makes sense. Architecture is a sexy job indeed icon_cool.gif

    Almost all the guys I've dated work in retail lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2014 11:32 PM GMT
    Try polyamory
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Sep 30, 2014 1:16 AM GMT
    camfer saidThe obvious answer, go for guy #4.


    LMAO As a matter of fact, I started texting a lot with a guy 4 (we met on Jack'd a couple weeks ago, but I've been too busy to meet up). I mention him to my friends, and they tell me HE TOO is friends with guys 1 thru 3. What kind of witchcraft is this???

    Guys play the field all the time, and "date" several guys until a favorite wins out... but I'm screwed by having to eliminate all but one immediately. icon_evil.gif
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Oct 08, 2014 4:38 AM GMT
    I think I just went on a movie date with guy 3... tho not sure if he saw it that way, because I saw a lot of movies with guy 2 even though I wasn't interested in him that way.

    It started with vague promises to hang out this past Sunday, but he didn't text me all day till he was already at the place (presumably with friends). I just finished a bbq with friends and could have left to see him, but was offended at the sloppy invite and decided to stay. He immediately made up for it by proposing that we hang out today. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said he was "open to whatever", which sounds uncomfortably Grindr-esque lol.

    He later suggested it might be fun if we "nap" together at his place, though I took it for a joke since he doesn't strike me as the hooking-up type, and we have way too many friends in common to risk that kind of scandal. Maybe he was testing the waters lol.

    I told him "think you skipped a few steps there" "tempting, but how bout a movie", which is what we ended up doing. He even offered to switch the venue to my place since I was working late and he assumed I'd be tired to travel to his place.

    He's interested as more than just a friend, right?
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Oct 18, 2014 7:25 AM GMT
    I finally admitted my feelings for guy 3, privately, during a night out with him and a few friends, mostly because he was perplexed as to why guy 2 has been giving him the cold shoulder. I explained that it's probably because guy 2 knows that I have feelings for him. Guy 3 rambled on about how he's damaged goods and not ready to date, which I initially took as a rejection (seeing that he hooked up with someone earlier this week). But later he texts me a lengthy explanation, saying that he does want to be intimate with me, and wants to know what I'm comfortable with.

    He wants to be fwb right?? I've always been exclusively dead-set on proper relationships, but his hotness is really holding sway over me...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 8:16 AM GMT
    This situation is pretty standard and will work itself out eventually. You are probably more of a bottom than you make out, so as being young still you probably haven't experimented much. Everyone is different but most pure tops tend to find slimmer and smaller guys more attractive than bigger or gym built guys. Have some fun and see where is all goes because you are unlikely to get a life long relationship being 22yr old. I might also add your interest in more mature personalities shows you are open to men who can show you experiences and that often means generally having a top or inspired versa to help you learn a fed more tricks in the bedroo.
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Nov 16, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    Haha, nah I've tried fingering myself before and it wasn't fun at all. My fingers enjoyed it though lol. Funny I've always had a distaste for guys with "too much experience"... I almost prefer them to be awkward in bed and figuring it all out with me as if for the first time (even if it's not the first time for either of us)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 8:38 AM GMT
    christastic said
    camfer saidThe obvious answer, go for guy #4.


    but I'm screwed by having to eliminate all but one immediately. icon_evil.gif

    Oh the frustration of it all. Try celibacy - it's a lot less trying.