Single (or even 'taken') men: Does going to the gym make you mad?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 1:52 AM GMT
    ..I'm not talking about mad about another guy's physique, but mad because you're like: You're in a room full of guys you'd be interested in, but the gym environment isn't conducive to making anything beyond 'small talk' easy.

    Now, I'm not intimidated by the gym. But having all the testosterone surrounding me, and knowing I don't have another gym rat body to go home to, leaves me feeling depressed after my workouts. Like taking a bump, and then waking up with withdrawals lol. I have a couple gym admirers, who thus far have not even exchanged a word with, much less anything else. I don't want to assume they're straight, but I already know if I even thought about making a move, they'd be straight. The times I've stepped out to acknowledge/small talk someone who looked dead at me while I walked past them, it felt awkward and forced. And the effort isn't reciprocated. I feel confused like, why you looking at me if you don't want nothing????

    I can't seem to come across enough of these types outside the gym? Sounds superficial? Well, this very site in itself is geared towards attaining a certain look, or looking for those with that 'look', am I wrong? Yet, It almost seems like these guys exist only in the gym. When found outside the gym, they end up being 1 of the following:

    1)flaky
    2)non-committal
    3)only into white guys
    4)they live 1,000 miles away, and we met when him or I were visiting the city (same thing happened just days of writing this article)
    5)straight
    6)In a relationship

    I admit I still have room for improvement myself, but I hardly ever come across anyone with the same ambition for physical growth that I have. Yet, I can't seem to meet those types. I end up meeting the one who needs to eat, but they starve themselves so they won't get 'fat'. I almost joined a sports team this year, just to meet someone who is closer to the type. But for various reasons I couldn't do so. So now what? Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Aug 14, 2014 1:59 AM GMT
    Try joining a class or group where you actually talk to members, like a martial art or dance or something.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Aug 14, 2014 2:01 AM GMT
    a gym is not a good place to meet a potential boyfriend, it's too cliché, people have their guards up just for that reason
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 2:06 AM GMT
    ^^ True true,
    and people go gym to just enjoy the workout, not to flirt or anything
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 2:18 AM GMT
    Buy a gym. Then you can talk to all the hot guys.
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    Aug 14, 2014 3:00 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?

    Maybe YOU are the breeding ground for superficiality. And consider that really great guys aren't all hunks like you.

    And if hunks like yourself are all you will look at, be aware that a great many of them have no more brains & personality than a wet dishrag.

    But maybe that's what you want, and that's fine. So long as you understand that's the superficiality in a gym you're getting.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 14, 2014 3:08 AM GMT
    I do feel it may depend on your location. But I will address the "Yet, I can't seem to meet those types. I end up meeting the one who needs to eat, but they starve themselves so they won't get 'fat'."

    Me personally, I'm pretty lanky and I'm working on myself. Creating a routine that is somewhat working but the thing I struggle with is eating a lot. For the past few weeks, I've been trying to eat a lot more than I usually do and it's not an easy feat. I feel sick and at times, just stop in the middle of the meal because the stomach cramping can be a bit much. I've only added like a few (120 to 125-127 hoping to at least get to 140-150). I know it'll take some time but I know I'll get there eventually. And I feel a lot of other "hardgainers" feel the same way I do (if they're trying to fill out/gain). Just some food for thought if you ever happen to see a skinny guy at the gym.

    But you should go for the men you like, I'm not denying that. But your problem is your not meeting the guys you want outside the gym. Well, that's just how it goes for some of us. You just have to keep looking. Perhaps, try joining a gay sports club or something as they may draw in a crowd of men you'll like.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 14, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?

    Maybe YOU are the breeding ground for superficiality. And consider that really great guys aren't all hunks like you.

    And if hunks like yourself are all you will look at, be aware that a great many of them have no more brains & personality than a wet dishrag.

    But maybe that's what you want, and that's fine. So long as you understand that's the superficiality in a gym you're getting.


    And I understand where Art is coming from. If you are being a bit very critical with both looks and personality, you'll probably be waiting longer. I'm sure that there are "hunky" guys with good personalities but you have to admit, they aren't that common so if you don't find much luck, you may have to compromise on personality a bit.

    And the gym is just a place for people to workout at. True, maybe some are in it for the hyper vanity but what do you expect? 90% of the gym goers, no matter their build are there for one thing, to complete their workouts.

    I do hope you find your right guy but as they say, patience is a virtue.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 14, 2014 3:37 AM GMT
    I think that you have unrealistic expectations.
    It sounds as if you're looking for "Mr. Perfect," but there's no such thing.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 5:46 AM GMT
    OP needs to read his past threads. All his answers are there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 9:38 AM GMT
    I kinda wonder if that could subconsciously be part of the reason I bought my own workout equipment to have a home gym. It was always fun to talk to the hot guys, but it sucked that they hardly ever wanted to hang out after the gym (a few exceptions, but rare).
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    Aug 14, 2014 3:39 PM GMT
    pazzy said
    FuzzyPecs27 said

    But I ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me,



    icon_neutral.gif


    I suspect it's a rhetorical question, but maybe you should honestly look to yourself for answers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 3:47 PM GMT
    Even when I was doing some impressive (to me, given my age and history) strongman stuff I never felt like "one of them". I have been lucky that one guy who is very at home there has been pretty friendly to me, but even when we were lifting together regularly there has never been any signal on his part that he wanted to pursue a friendship outside the gym even though we have other things in common.

    I'm not trying to get dates but given how much time goes into it and how helpful it would be to be able to communicate with more people. My gym also seems to be predominately straight, and -- for whatever reason -- is the one place I pretty much stay in the closet. It is ridiculous, I know, but when I do not feel on my game I sometimes train using my stuff at home just because I get intimidated and feel like an outsider.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 3:55 PM GMT
    no because i go to the gym to focus on my workout -- not to socialize, make friends and check out guys. if that's what you do then you need to get real.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Aug 14, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?

    Maybe YOU are the breeding ground for superficiality. And consider that really great guys aren't all hunks like you.

    And if hunks like yourself are all you will look at, be aware that a great many of them have no more brains & personality than a wet dishrag.

    But maybe that's what you want, and that's fine. So long as you understand that's the superficiality in a gym you're getting.


    True, some of them are no more than air heads. However, many have more going for them than good bodies. Some are students, either undergraduate or graduate. Some are scientists, doctors, lawyers, etc.

    I'd have nothing against meeting a potential partner at the gym. However, when I'm at the gym, I am concentrating on my workout and not paying much attention to the other guys. It may be that for that reason, I've missed many opportunities. Perhaps I should work on my multi-tasking ability.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Aug 14, 2014 6:23 PM GMT
    ShiftyJK08 saidEven when I was doing some impressive (to me, given my age and history) strongman stuff I never felt like "one of them". I have been lucky that one guy who is very at home there has been pretty friendly to me, but even when we were lifting together regularly there has never been any signal on his part that he wanted to pursue a friendship outside the gym even though we have other things in common.

    I'm not trying to get dates but given how much time goes into it and how helpful it would be to be able to communicate with more people. My gym also seems to be predominately straight, and -- for whatever reason -- is the one place I pretty much stay in the closet. It is ridiculous, I know, but when I do not feel on my game I sometimes train using my stuff at home just because I get intimidated and feel like an outsider.


    During the years I lived in San Diego, I was a member of two gymnasia. The second one was owned by a male gay couple. I'd guess that about 80% of the members were gay yet a person could have walked in from the street and never noticed it. The 20% or so who were not gay were gay friendly. By listening to conversations you could eventually get an idea of who was gay and who was not gay.

    Probably the percentage of gay men in gymnasia is almost always considerably higher than the percentage of gay men in the general population, but it is very difficult to tell.

    If one is friendly with a particular person at a gym, it would be possible to steer the conversation in a direction to learn more about him. Mentioning how far it is necessary to walk or ride to the gym could be a start; it could lead to two guys learning in what neighborhood they live and talking about the neighborhood. If planning to do some work on the house or yard, one could ask for suggestions and that could lead to meeting at the house. There are many possibilities.
  • omgazn

    Posts: 342

    Aug 14, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    Okajuurou said^^ True true,
    and people go gym to just enjoy the workout, not to flirt or anything


    So very true lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 said..but I already know if I even thought about making a move, they'd be straight. Or, they have a workout 'buddy' they're always there with.

    But I ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me, that I can't seem to come across enough of these types outside the gym?

    So now what? Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?


    July 13 2014 you posted:
    " So, I'm at the gym today. I run into this guy who has been hitting me up now for awhile online. So, it's slow at the gym, and although I only recognized him 1 other time, this time the opportunity to chit chat and shoot the shit was open. Well, when it comes down to the conversation at the gym, it seems normal...but after we exchange numbers, it's all sexual. Like straight to the point sexual. I ask him what he's having for dinner, he says he wants to fuck. I'm Like dude, I just met you a moment ago, and you're trying to get me back to your place to fuck? We go to the same gym, let's just go about this like normal people."

    So they are straight and are unapproachable or they are Gay and want to fuck?

    You write in polemics. You are missing the middle ground.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    No, it doesn't make me mad, because the expectation of finding what you want there does not exist. I'm friendly and smile if another guy smiles and spot on the bench when asked, but mostly guys are just there to lift and maybe talk to their old high school buddies if they happen to be there.

    Get out, get involved, be seen, have fun, connect with others, and be nice to everyone.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Aug 14, 2014 7:40 PM GMT
    timmm55 said
    FuzzyPecs27 said..but I already know if I even thought about making a move, they'd be straight. Or, they have a workout 'buddy' they're always there with.

    But I ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me, that I can't seem to come across enough of these types outside the gym?

    So now what? Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?


    July 13 2014 you posted:
    " So, I'm at the gym today. I run into this guy who has been hitting me up now for awhile online. So, it's slow at the gym, and although I only recognized him 1 other time, this time the opportunity to chit chat and shoot the shit was open. Well, when it comes down to the conversation at the gym, it seems normal...but after we exchange numbers, it's all sexual. Like straight to the point sexual. I ask him what he's having for dinner, he says he wants to fuck. I'm Like dude, I just met you a moment ago, and you're trying to get me back to your place to fuck? We go to the same gym, let's just go about this like normal people."

    So they are straight and are unapproachable or they are Gay and want to fuck?

    You write in polemics. You are missing the middle ground.



    I feel about the same way you do. I'd rather have dinner with a guy and get to know him for a while before going to bed, but sometimes I think that I'm the only one with that attitude.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 14, 2014 11:08 PM GMT
    FRE0 said
    timmm55 said
    FuzzyPecs27 said..but I already know if I even thought about making a move, they'd be straight. Or, they have a workout 'buddy' they're always there with.

    But I ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me, that I can't seem to come across enough of these types outside the gym?

    So now what? Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?


    July 13 2014 you posted:
    " So, I'm at the gym today. I run into this guy who has been hitting me up now for awhile online. So, it's slow at the gym, and although I only recognized him 1 other time, this time the opportunity to chit chat and shoot the shit was open. Well, when it comes down to the conversation at the gym, it seems normal...but after we exchange numbers, it's all sexual. Like straight to the point sexual. I ask him what he's having for dinner, he says he wants to fuck. I'm Like dude, I just met you a moment ago, and you're trying to get me back to your place to fuck? We go to the same gym, let's just go about this like normal people."

    So they are straight and are unapproachable or they are Gay and want to fuck?

    You write in polemics. You are missing the middle ground.



    I feel about the same way you do. I'd rather have dinner with a guy and get to know him for a while before going to bed, but sometimes I think that I'm the only one with that attitude.


    I'm pretty sure almost all of us would prefer this too lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    I am continually baffled by the guys who tell others to "get out there", "meet people", "do something that you like to do & find others who feel the same way"

    ... and then react in total disgust when someone admits to wanting to connect with someone at the gym.

    I go to a gym.
    I interact with people at the gym.
    I like going to the gym, working out, staying fit, living healthy as do most of the other gym members.

    But I must never (NEVER!!!!!!) consider the possibility that I may meet someone there who might want to develop something beyond public exercise.

    Lame!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    Use that rage to your advantage - every time you lift a weight, imagine it smashing the head of your enemies. The heavier the weight, the more gruesome and painful the crushing for the bastards.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2014 12:51 AM GMT
    search4more saidI am continually baffled by the guys who tell others to "get out there", "meet people", "do something that you like to do & find others who feel the same way"

    ... and then react in total disgust when someone admits to wanting to connect with someone at the gym.

    I go to a gym.
    I interact with people at the gym.
    I like going to the gym, working out, staying fit, living healthy as do most of the other gym members.

    But I must never (NEVER!!!!!!) consider the possibility that I may meet someone there who might want to develop something beyond public exercise.

    Lame!
    You're super cute and totally doable, so I would imagine you get checked out and hit on even more so at the gym when you're all pumped up and sweaty.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Aug 23, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    silver_phoenix said
    FuzzyPecs27 said..I'm not talking about mad about another guy's physique, but mad because you're like: where are all the men that look like THIS (not me, but your gym crush(s).

    To me, I'm not intimidated by the gym. But at the same time, I tend to find myself having more negative thoughts going thru my head while at the gym working out, when I'm 'supposed' to feel good being there. I have several gym crushes, who thus far have not even exchanged a word with, much less anything else. I don't want to assume they're straight, but I already know if I even thought about making a move, they'd be straight. Or, they have a workout 'buddy' they're always there with.

    But I ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me, that I can't seem to come across enough of these types outside the gym? Sounds superficial? Well, this very site in itself is geared towards attaining a certain look, or looking for those with that 'look'. Yet, It almost seems like these guys exist only in the gym. When found outside the gym, they end up being 1 of the following:

    1)flaky
    2)non-committal
    3)only into white guys
    4)they live 1,000 miles away, and we met when him or I were visiting the city
    5)straight
    6)In a relationship

    I admit I still have room for improvement myself, but I hardly ever come across anyone with the same ambition for physical growth that I have. Yet, I can't seem to meet those types. I end up meeting the one who needs to eat, but they starve themselves so they won't get 'fat'. I almost joined a sports team this year, just to meet someone who is closer to the type. But for various reasons I couldn't do so. So now what? Is the gym just a breeding ground for superficiality?


    You could add another to that list: 7) cockblocked.

    It can be frustrating peeking at the hotties at the gym but then down at the saunas, bars, online it is all unfit skanks icon_evil.gif

    Is there anything in nature as ugly and comical as an unfit, unconditioned male human body?

    So the % of fit hot males is low, then only a tiny % of those are interested in mano o mano sex, let alone a LTR, and then only some of them are available and attracted to you.

    So the reality is the odds are stacked against you, so don't feel like you must be doing something wrong.

    You travel a lot, would have thought that gave you more opportunities for hook ups.


    But with hook-ups, you have to worry about infection. I've never found a solution.