Unwanted family visitor

  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 12:46 AM GMT
    Family Guest in my room.

    Hi guys I'd really like to get your advice on this situation. Over the month of April to ending of July I moved home to visit my mom and my brothers. During this time, I never really felt comfortable around them. While there were some good moment, I really was not very comfortable. My mom was having a sugary--- that was the main reason I went home. My mom booked a flight to visit my grandparents, get treatment and visit her boyfriend in my home country, leaving my younger brother for us to care for. Before she left, I told her that I would be leaving at the end of July to go back to school. My mom booked her flight for 16th of September, when school will have resume.

    My older brother, who is currently taking care of my brother, will soon be heading back to work as well. He wanted my brother to come stay with me for a week before my mom arrive. While I'm very reluctant, mainly because my younger brother is very troublesome, I don't know how to convey this to my brother without sounding like I hate him. In short, I'd like to know how I can avoid hosting this unwanted visitor.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 12:52 AM GMT
    Two options:

    1. Straight jacket and tranquilizers.

    2. Explain that you don't need excessive drama in your life.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 12:57 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidTwo options:

    1. Straight jacket and tranquilizers.

    2. Explain that you don't need excessive drama in your life.


    See that's what I'm trying to avoid. It might sound self-centered; as if I hate him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 1:06 AM GMT
    O5vx said
    paulflexes saidTwo options:

    1. Straight jacket and tranquilizers.

    2. Explain that you don't need excessive drama in your life.


    See that's what I'm trying to avoid. It might sound self-centered; as if I hate him.
    Tough love, and hate, sound very similar in words.

    And there's nothing selfish about wanting to protect your dignity.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 1:08 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    O5vx said
    paulflexes saidTwo options:

    1. Straight jacket and tranquilizers.

    2. Explain that you don't need excessive drama in your life.


    See that's what I'm trying to avoid. It might sound self-centered; as if I hate him.
    Tough love, and hate, sound very similar in words.

    And there's nothing selfish about wanting to protect your dignity.
    I suppose.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 1:13 AM GMT
    How old is your brother? And how many years apart between you two? Perhaps if he's old enough, you can deal with him as an adult explaining to him that you need personal space, etc.

    Try to see how to communicate to him. If you shoo him away, he might end up bugging you more, etc. Bribe him if you need to. LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 1:24 AM GMT
    Your mother knew your plans before she made hers.

    She made arrangements and expected you to modify your plans for her whim.

    This has nothing to do with your younger brother. It is about your self-respect and letting your family know that you are an adult who needs to be respected.

    Let your mom know NOW that you are leaving in July as you had planned. Either she makes other arrangements for your younger brother or she comes home or she lets him be alone.

    Tell your younger brother about college and that when you commit yourself to higher education, for those four (or more) years, your whole life need to revolve around it.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 1:26 AM GMT
    My older brother is 3 years older than me, but my younger brother, the one that wants to come stay, I'm seven years older than. My older brother needs to go back to work before my mom comes back and that's the problem.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 1:28 AM GMT
    BigDude6ft6 saidYour mother knew your plans before she made hers.

    She made arrangements and expected you to modify your plans for her whim.

    This has nothing to do with your younger brother. It is about your self-respect and letting your family know that you are an adult who needs to be respected.

    Let your mom know NOW that you are leaving in July as you had planned. Either she makes other arrangements for your younger brother or she comes home or she lets him be alone.

    Tell your younger brother about college and that when you commit yourself to higher education, for those four (or more) years, your whole life need to revolve around it.


    I totally agree with you. She knows, yet she tries to make it sound like we hate him.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Aug 16, 2014 1:57 AM GMT
    if you are 21 and 7 years older, he is 14. That is old enough to manage alone for a while.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 2:05 AM GMT
    Apparition saidif you are 21 and 7 years older, he is 14. That is old enough to manage alone for a while.
    not in Canada.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Aug 16, 2014 4:15 AM GMT
    You are not your brother's guardian. Your Mom is. Hence, let her know, and move on. When push comes to shove, it is up to her and not up to you to resolve the matter at hand.

    I see myself as kind and generous. A few people around misperceived that as weak and weak-minded. They very soon saw that I have had no problems turning from kind to brutal in zero sec flat. The word has spread, and my life has become so much easier.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 8:02 AM GMT
    O5vx said... I don't know how to convey this to my brother without sounding like I hate him ...
    your younger brother should be accountable for his actions.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    O5vx said... I don't know how to convey this to my brother without sounding like I hate him ...
    your younger brother should be accountable for his actions.


    What do you mean?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 8:11 PM GMT
    O5vx said
    Apparition saidif you are 21 and 7 years older, he is 14. That is old enough to manage alone for a while.
    not in Canada.



    Again, this is your mother's problem...not yours! Put it back in her lap where it belongs!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 8:52 PM GMT
    Can you send your brother off to be with his mother instead of with you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    1. What are the benefits to your younger brother if you choose to provide care for him?

    2. What are the consequences to your younger brother if you choose not to provide care for him?

    Be able to paint both pictures very vividly so that you can convey to your younger brother the reality of the situation. Because if you choose to provide care for your younger brother, you are going to need his cooperation. Your younger brother is going to need to know what his future looks like either with or without you. And, if his future without you looks painful, then he needs to know and understand this if you choose to provide care for him.

    Be prepared to allow him (and your mother) to feel the pain of his choices if he fails to cooperate with your possible provision of care.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 16, 2014 11:07 PM GMT
    HikerSkier saidCan you send your brother off to be with his mother instead of with you?
    Not really. Its in another country. He will only be with me for another week before my mom arrives, but he is very stubborn and uncooperative and I don't need additional stress with school.

    He could stay with one of my mom's friend till she arrives, but my mom did not want that because they are apparently not her family. My mom does not like to listen and makes everything personal. What is he going to do here while I'm at school? At least with those people he can go to school because they live in the same city.