How to initiate sex with your partner?

  • Schaffery

    Posts: 26

    Aug 18, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    I've been married to my hubby for 3 years now.. The last time I had a penetration with him was practically 1 and a half years ago.. most of the time he gave me oral sex.. Since last couple of months he didn't even want me to blow him anymore.. I did ask him once or twice about my sexual frustration but he said I need to initiate sex, which I tried but got turned down every time. So I guess maybe it was my moves that are not really that initiating.. We kinda have an open relationship but only if I am away for more than 3 weeks.. When we are together in the same country we have a closed relationship. It seems that he's been taking it well since he even saved a sex vid he made with a friend of ours.. Yesterday was my last time trying to initiate sex with him and he said no I don't want.. So what now? Is there any good or better way to initiate sex? I am not hot enough? Or am I just a pet here? Really, I don't know who else to ask and I don't want my hubby to depend on other guys when it comes to sex. I am at the end of the rope now and horny too..
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    Aug 18, 2014 12:45 PM GMT
    I have a friend that's in an open relationship because his bf is away a lot and they have a closed relationship when they are in the same country. Sorry to say this but it seems to me like he has begun distancing himself from you because that's what happened to my friend. You can ask him about that directly and not assume that "he's been taking it well since he even saved a sex vid he made with a friend of ours."

    Also, your profile says that you are single and looking for dating/relationship and not open/monogamous relationship which kind of says to me that this is a reflection of your relationship, as though you aren't in one.
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    Aug 18, 2014 3:09 PM GMT
    I guess the best way to start is to have a sit down conversation and explain that your needs aren't being satisfied. Chances are, there may be some sort of underlying cause so try and get to the bottom of the issue.

    If he's never 'in the mood' chances are something stressing him out or, and I hate to say this, but he might be getting his 'kicks' elsewhere.
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    Aug 18, 2014 3:18 PM GMT
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  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 18, 2014 3:32 PM GMT
    Ya, you're going to have to talk to him. I can't tell from your post if he's actually meeting someone when you're not there or how often you two are apart or for how long. But the bottom line is that he's not interested in sex with you. But it may not be you or the relationship. It could be medical, it could be he just has a very low sex drive, it might be mental, a fear of failure. If he wants you to initiate, try just doing some non-sexual stuff like a massage or head rub. Initiate contact without it going to sex and do it often. Cuddle in front of the TV. Just be physical without going to dick. Maybe he just needs to feel loved. Try going monogamous even when you are out of the country and tell him that you're not messing around. See what he says...
  • Schaffery

    Posts: 26

    Aug 18, 2014 4:40 PM GMT
    Kuestion saidI have a friend that's in an open relationship because his bf is away a lot and they have a closed relationship when they are in the same country. Sorry to say this but it seems to me like he has begun distancing himself from you because that's what happened to my friend. You can ask him about that directly and not assume that "he's been taking it well since he even saved a sex vid he made with a friend of ours."

    Also, your profile says that you are single and looking for dating/relationship and not open/monogamous relationship which kind of says to me that this is a reflection of your relationship, as though you aren't in one.


    That's a good reflection to myself.. about that profile status, I changed it to "single" a year ago when I started losing confidence about myself, so, I guess it was just a tool to boosten up my confidence when receiving messages from some random guys here.. But no, so far, i have never met anyone when I am back in Switzerland..

    BTW, I know I shouldn't talk about my personal problems on a forum with a massive audience but I've been keeping it to myself for as long as this whole matter existed.. It hurts.. And it's not like I never tried talking about it with him.. In the end, I am the one who caused this whole mess.. So maybe it really is my fault..
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    Aug 18, 2014 5:19 PM GMT
    Schaffery said
    Kuestion saidI have a friend that's in an open relationship because his bf is away a lot and they have a closed relationship when they are in the same country. Sorry to say this but it seems to me like he has begun distancing himself from you because that's what happened to my friend. You can ask him about that directly and not assume that "he's been taking it well since he even saved a sex vid he made with a friend of ours."

    Also, your profile says that you are single and looking for dating/relationship and not open/monogamous relationship which kind of says to me that this is a reflection of your relationship, as though you aren't in one.


    That's a good reflection to myself.. about that profile status, I changed it to "single" a year ago when I started losing confidence about myself, so, I guess it was just a tool to boosten up my confidence when receiving messages from some random guys here.. But no, so far, i have never met anyone when I am back in Switzerland..

    BTW, I know I shouldn't talk about my personal problems on a forum with a massive audience but I've been keeping it to myself for as long as this whole matter existed.. It hurts.. And it's not like I never tried talking about it with him.. In the end, I am the one who caused this whole mess.. So maybe it really is my fault..


    What you are saying to me sounds exactly like déjà vu because I've heard it already from my friend. It makes me question why people have long distance open relationships at all. I can't seem to not think that you are just not ready for a relationship just by your perceived low self esteem alone. Why would you want to meet someone when you say you already have someone? What is really hurting you, your ego and not getting sex or the potential separation from your bf?
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    Aug 18, 2014 5:34 PM GMT
    just be like "hey let's fuck" and grab his dick and see what happens...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2014 5:46 PM GMT
    I start holding the receipt for the paid mortgage.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 18, 2014 5:51 PM GMT
    Men are visual. You have to show him what he likes...icon_twisted.gif
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    Aug 18, 2014 5:54 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidMen are visual. You have to show him what he likes...icon_twisted.gif

    That's what I said.
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    Aug 18, 2014 5:56 PM GMT
    try playing with him in bed, maybe pillows fight, cuddle him sometimes and make some body contact and see how he reacts...
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    Aug 18, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    I feel what Kuestion says holds a lot of merit, as he's distancing himself--want's you to "initiate" the breakup.

    Personally, I've NEVER turned my man down, nor been told "not now"
    and
    NEVER EVER has been nearly 15 years...
  • xBEHEMOTHx

    Posts: 95

    Aug 18, 2014 8:22 PM GMT
    That's why I couldn't do an open relationship..maybe his while you are away bf has got the best of him..now he's just kinda over it..gonna wait till you leave again and get it in with his other bf