Scruffypup saidI had a boyfriend who was HIV+ for a year. Sex was always strained by his HIV status. He was terrified of me contracting it and of course it concerned me too. I'll probably never date anyone HIV+ again because it was such a dark cloud over our sex life. I don't want to have to wear a condom every time I have sex with my life partner.
We all must do our own personal risk assessment when we're HIV negative and STI-free. I fell in love with a guy who was poz. He told me his HIV status before we ever met, so I knew the situation. He never lied or deceived me about it, and that's important.
Yeah, I had to think a lot about that. But we agreed to safe sex (he was the top and wore the condom). My real concern was that I might lose him suddenly to his disease, and that tragically is exactly what did happen. He unexpectedly contracted an opportunistic fatal AIDS disease, PML. I had dreamed we would always be together, but not how it played out.
HIV does not frighten me personally, not as a disease, insofar as I know how to have safe sex. I lived with this guy for years, kissed him & slept with him every day, had sex with him. I'm still negative. But the uncertainty of the long-term future might be the greater issue for some negative guys.
Poz patients are living longer than ever, a number of our friends are over 30 years now. And are so outwardly healthy that I forget they are poz at all, my husband sometimes has to remind me.
Because it's not important information to me, it doesn't impact my feelings towards them. Like telling me they're right or left handed, or what religion they are, or whatever. "Oh, right, OK," when I'm told. Followed by a brain dump until I'm reminded the next time.
I do know these can be important issues to THEM, and I respect that, but I myself don't dwell on it. It does not form my personal image of them. Not who they are to me, not how I identify them. Like being the "HIV guy" or the "Methodist guy" or whatever, I don't think that way.
Anyway, each guy must evaluate this on his own terms, as I said. All I can relate is my own experience having had an HIV-poz partner. Take from it what you will.