After 3 months, he's back

  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Aug 21, 2014 2:06 AM GMT
    Hoo boy. My life was going just fine until I got a text from a guy who I saw three months ago.

    The first time we met, we went on a date, he said his last boyfriend cheated on him and he had all these wonderful things to say about me. That I'm hot, and I've got my life together, and he'd like to settle down with me.

    Then, the very next day he sends me a text saying he's really still hurting from his previous relationship and I shouldn't expect anything like a relationship from him. I naively think I can fix his sadness and it backfires in a pretty nasty fight. We calm down and agree to become just friends and see where it goes.

    Fast forward one month, and I send him a text basically telling him to get out of my life if he doesn't really intend to be friends. He never texted or called to do anything normal like go on a hike together or hang out with mutual friends, etc. I assumed he just wanted to hook up and had no intention of keeping anything real going.

    He responds. I'm so happy to hear from him. He says he was about to contact me, and he'd love to get together. I agree to do that. We meet up for a few times after that, and then it fizzles out again just like the first time except with no fight.

    Fast forward three more months and I get a text from him out of nowhere. He calls me to tell me that over the summer he went back to one of his previous boyfriends. The guy cheated on him and he just left him a few days ago. He wants to meet up in a few weeks when he's got less work to do. He also said he wants to "settle down."

    I'm super skeptical of his intentions, but I really want to see him. So I decide to test his level of commitment and see if he can regularly text / call me before this supposed meetup. He fails to call me one night when he said he would. I get mad and tell him to get out of my life if he has no real plans to have a relationship. He says I'm being selfish to expect so much from him. Other nastiness is exchanged.

    I think I did the right thing, but I'm plagued with doubt over it. I get how people you loved can come back into your life. I just can't shake the fact that he chose those people over me. Not once, but twice. I'm leery that he just wants to hookup, that I'm his backup plan in case everything else doesn't work. He says I'm "overthinking it," something that I apparently do all the time. He says I'll always be alone because I expect too much out of the people I date.

    I dunno. Am I overthinking it? Are my standards too high? I'd like to think I'm usually pretty compassionate and considerate, but when you've crossed me twice, you're on very thin ice. It's sort of a miracle that I even responded to him the third time.

    Mostly, I don't like that he always comes back to me when he's having some sort of crisis. He never contacts me when everything in his life is just fine and normal. This leads me to think he just wants a shoulder to cry on or someone else to wield power over when he just fell victim to a nasty boyfriend. I have really strong feelings for this guy, but I doubt he'll ever reciprocate and I honestly think he's just using those feelings to hold me hostage and take control.

    I know. Cool story bro. Just seeing if anyone else has experienced something similar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2014 2:47 AM GMT
    tl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2014 3:34 AM GMT
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flat+leaver
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Aug 21, 2014 3:59 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidtl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?


    Met guy. Went on date. He decided to date other guys. Hit him up again. Went on date. He decided to date ex boyfriend for 3 months. He hit me up after breaking up with ex boyfriend. I texted with him for a bit but decided he wasn't that into me so I told him to go away.

    Am I a secondary thought to him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2014 4:06 AM GMT
    theob said
    paulflexes saidtl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?


    Met guy. Went on date. He decided to date other guys. Hit him up again. Went on date. He decided to date ex boyfriend for 3 months. He hit me up after breaking up with ex boyfriend. I texted with him for a bit but decided he wasn't that into me so I told him to go away.

    Am I a secondary thought to him?


    Yes, you are a secondary and tertiary thought to him. Have self-respect and tell him to fuck off!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2014 4:09 AM GMT
    I feel it's a one-sided relationship. You're still not over him, but he's not at the level as you. So you'll expect more from him, and it's just going to hurt you.

    I've been through that (as a friend, not a boyfriend), and it hurt. I decided to step back and left him alone since our feeling is not mutual.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 21, 2014 6:37 AM GMT
    You seem like a real mess.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 21, 2014 6:40 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidYou seem like a real mess.


    This.
    Or you're not able to read people's real intentions!icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 21, 2014 6:41 AM GMT
    theob said
    paulflexes saidtl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?


    Met guy. Went on date. He decided to date other guys. Hit him up again. Went on date. He decided to date ex boyfriend for 3 months. He hit me up after breaking up with ex boyfriend. I texted with him for a bit but decided he wasn't that into me so I told him to go away.

    Am I a secondary thought to him?


    Rebound case !! icon_lol.gif Well have fun with him for sex only, serious relationship, I'd have second thoughts.
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    Aug 21, 2014 12:41 PM GMT
    What's missing in all this are your intentions. What do you want from him? Friendship, a relationship or what? Figure out what you want from him and then what you can expect.
    Also, what's your general situation? Are guys queuing up to date you or is he the only prospect? How "desperate" are you? What can you put up with and what not? Is not calling you on time a make or break issue?

    Just figure these things out and then act accordingly.
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    Aug 21, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    theob said
    paulflexes saidtl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?


    Met guy. Went on date. He decided to date other guys. Hit him up again. Went on date. He decided to date ex boyfriend for 3 months. He hit me up after breaking up with ex boyfriend. I texted with him for a bit but decided he wasn't that into me so I told him to go away.

    Am I a secondary thought to him?
    You're the backup booty.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 21, 2014 6:37 PM GMT
    theob said
    paulflexes saidtl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?


    Met guy. Went on date. He decided to date other guys. Hit him up again. Went on date. He decided to date ex boyfriend for 3 months. He hit me up after breaking up with ex boyfriend. I texted with him for a bit but decided he wasn't that into me so I told him to go away.

    Am I a secondary thought to him?



    tl;dr

    Can you put in 45 characters or less, plz?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2014 7:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidtl;dr

    Cliffnotes version?

    You are way behind the times; it's the twitter version nowadays.
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    Aug 24, 2014 9:25 PM GMT
    pazzy saidlooks like a whole lot of drama to me. you like drama?

    and yeah, ditch him. he ain't shit. go let him chase after his ex.


    Did that. After some more time thinking it over, I feel like I did the right thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    theob said
    pazzy saidlooks like a whole lot of drama to me. you like drama?

    and yeah, ditch him. he ain't shit. go let him chase after his ex.

    Did that. After some more time thinking it over, I feel like I did the right thing.

    So this thread is done, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 2:39 AM GMT
    Your question points out the one area of human interaction in relationships between gay and straight that they have in common. Usually, as a general rule, if you struggle with accepting an ex back in to your life it's because of one thing: the sex! If this guy could make you cum hard every time and feel good sexually like almost no other guy could do for you, you will take a chance and go back with him. The same applies to girls because I'm bisexual. If I made a girl orgasm like she never did with any other guy, no matter how long I've been away from her as her ex, she will always in the back of her mind consider letting me come back in to her life no matter how much of an ass I was (not that I've done that). So ask yourself if I'm telling you the truth or not. But good question.