interracial relationships

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    Aug 22, 2014 1:15 AM GMT
    I am in a interracial relationship. I am typically the minority of all of my social and professional settings. When the roles are reversed and my partner is the minority there seems to be some apprehension. A question to non-black (white) gay men that date black men, do you feel comfortable in social/family settings where you are the minority? If you are uncomfortable, how did you overcome this feeling?
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    Aug 22, 2014 1:47 AM GMT
    Niceguy1964 saidI am in a interracial relationship. I am typically the minority of all of my social and professional settings. When the roles are reversed and my partner is the minority there seems to be some apprehension. A question to non-black (white) gay men that date black men, do you feel comfortable in social/family settings where you are the minority? If you are uncomfortable, how did you overcome this feeling?

    What sort of apprehension are you referring to?
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    Aug 22, 2014 1:58 AM GMT
    More difficulty in feeling part of the socialization and feeling like an outsider. I make sure that he is completely welcomed and included in everything. I will not attend any function where he is not completely welcomed. He confirms that everyone is really nice and welcoming, but he feels he is an outsider.
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    Aug 22, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
    I don't get this thread. All 5 guys I've ever been in a relationship with have been white and not once in any social setting, regardless of race, age, religious affiliation, income status, etc. have I ever felt like an outsider! Then again, I can find something in common with another person and build a conversation on a specific topic. If there's no commonality, I move on!

    It sounds like your partner has a lot of insecurities when dealing with people outside of his race. If I'm wrong, then you need to elaborate on WHY he feels he's an outsider.
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    Aug 22, 2014 2:25 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidI don't get this thread. All 5 guys I've ever been in a relationship with have been white and not once in any social setting, regardless of race, age, religious affiliation, income status, etc. have I ever felt like an outsider! Then again, I can find something in common with another person and build a conversation on a specific topic. If there's no commonality, I move on!

    It sounds like your partner has a lot of insecurities when dealing with people outside of his race. If I'm wrong, then you need to elaborate on WHY he feels he's an outsider.


    its not about feeling like a outside if you are a minority (non-white). The question is the feeling of being an outside when my white partner is the only white person in the room...
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    Aug 22, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    So it sounds like he never grew up around black people, or had any as friends prior to meeting you.

    I think you can help him get more comfortable by slowly hanging out with more your family/friends. But not so much in large groups, like at parties. Just invite a few close friends over for dinner. Or go out to town to dinner/movie/bar. I think as he gets to know them better, he'll recognize them for their personalities and not by their skin color.
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    Aug 22, 2014 3:16 AM GMT
    Tell him not to worry, that the police are trained marksmen and will not hit him. icon_twisted.gif

    Then again, living is South Florida for a decade, I forgot what it's like to be a majority. White is a minority around here.
  • cgr1

    Posts: 28

    Aug 30, 2014 1:55 PM GMT
    I'll try to answer from my personal experience, although in my case it is not the issue of skin color, or relationships of couples playing.
    To begin, let me introduce myself, I am French and I was born in Algeria. I currently live in France and I have many friends of North African origin who knows my story. I lived in a country where there were three religions and the religion we all knew each other in the classroom and elsewhere. As a Christian, I was a minority in relation to Muslims. Here in France, it's the opposite. But Muslims are comfortable with me because they know I know a lot about religion. It is not necessary to explain everything to me, a mere hint is enough. Example, one day I was with a craftsman and passing clinic, he just told me he had to take rendes up for his son. Knowing the age of one (6.5 years), I knew it was for circumcision and seeing what I understood, the father alluded to his own, when he added qu'aujourd 'hui is better because it is done under anesthesia (as heard contrary to what he had experienced in his youth).
    Now, even if I am accepted in the Muslim community, there are things I will skip the same way a Muslim. I believe I have a duty of confidentiality and I can not tell what some Muslims say them. Like one of my Jewish clients who had treated one day before me, one of his neighbors "dirty kike," I told him he should not say that, she replied that her, she could do because she was Jewish!
    So I guess your boyfriend must be in the same situation. He must watch his words for fear of saying something that would be misinterpreted or even he thinks he can be misinterpreted. This is worse, because it is self-censorship. But because of this, it may seem remote for those who do not know him. What can make it even more uncomfortable. Certainly it would may happen to uninhibited and you try to put them at ease, saying that the timidity of your man is due to his fear of saying something stupid. This may clear the air and allow to talk more freely.
    Sorry, I may have been a bit long!
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    Aug 30, 2014 3:06 PM GMT
    Niceguy1964 saidI am in a interracial relationship. I am typically the minority of all of my social and professional settings. When the roles are reversed and my partner is the minority there seems to be some apprehension. A question to non-black (white) gay men that date black men, do you feel comfortable in social/family settings where you are the minority? If you are uncomfortable, how did you overcome this feeling?


    Do you feel apprehension when you are the minority in a group? If you don't, why should he?

    I have been in an interracial relationship with the love of my life for 6 years now. I don't nor have ever felt any apprehension. I have checked with my man and he said he doesn't nor have ever done either.
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    Aug 30, 2014 5:52 PM GMT
    Why are you asking white guys specifically?
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    Aug 30, 2014 6:08 PM GMT
    kevex saidWhy are you asking white guys specifically?


    Because he is dating a white man and looking for insight to help his man feel more comfortable.
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    Aug 30, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi said
    kevex saidWhy are you asking white guys specifically?


    Because he is dating a white man and looking for insight to help his man feel more comfortable.


    Why not ask any non-black person? Why only whites?
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    Aug 30, 2014 8:54 PM GMT
    kevex said
    Wyndahoi said
    kevex saidWhy are you asking white guys specifically?


    Because he is dating a white man and looking for insight to help his man feel more comfortable.


    Why not ask any non-black person? Why only whites?


    Because the experience of non whites would be different than what his boyfriend goes through.
    It's like if his boyfriend was muslim. He ask for advice from other gay Muslims. Not all gay non-christians.
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    Aug 31, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    Blondizgd said
    Niceguy1964 saidI am in a interracial relationship. I am typically the minority of all of my social and professional settings. When the roles are reversed and my partner is the minority there seems to be some apprehension. A question to non-black (white) gay men that date black men, do you feel comfortable in social/family settings where you are the minority? If you are uncomfortable, how did you overcome this feeling?


    Do you feel apprehension when you are the minority in a group? If you don't, why should he?

    I have been in an interracial relationship with the love of my life for 6 years now. I don't nor have ever felt any apprehension. I have checked with my man and he said he doesn't nor have ever done either.


    I never feel apprehension... but he's never been a minority, so its harder sometimes.....Funny we are spending the weekend with his family on their farm....no issues from me....I hope he can get to that place with my family.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 31, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    Niceguy1964 said
    Blondizgd said
    Niceguy1964 saidI am in a interracial relationship. I am typically the minority of all of my social and professional settings. When the roles are reversed and my partner is the minority there seems to be some apprehension. A question to non-black (white) gay men that date black men, do you feel comfortable in social/family settings where you are the minority? If you are uncomfortable, how did you overcome this feeling?


    Do you feel apprehension when you are the minority in a group? If you don't, why should he?

    I have been in an interracial relationship with the love of my life for 6 years now. I don't nor have ever felt any apprehension. I have checked with my man and he said he doesn't nor have ever done either.


    I never feel apprehension... but he's never been a minority, so its harder sometimes.....Funny we are spending the weekend with his family on their farm....no issues from me....I hope he can get to that place with my family.


    I'm sure he will. Just remember to keep being patient.
    I wonder this myself if I do get into an interracial relationship but well, I don't think something like that would happen since most of my family passed away. All I have is my brother & dad. I have stepmom too but eh... I wouldn't want my boyfriend to meet her since she's very homophobic. lol
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    Sep 01, 2014 12:07 AM GMT
    It depends on the guy and his family. When I started out in my 20s, I dated a couple of Asian guys (similar to me). Then, I expanded my horizon, You can call it that. My last ex bf was this Italian-American guy. I visited Boston/northeast twice to visit his family. They seemed to love me! I'm friends with some of them on FB. Urg, just be yourself, don't act weird around the bf's family. I mean, you're dating him, not his family.
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Sep 04, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    I'm chinese/hawaiian, hubby is french....when we visit each other's family.....either one of us is the visible minority.....but we are lucky that our family is awesome, neither of us ever feel out of place....Just part of the group!icon_biggrin.gif