Meetup.com and Dating Sites- Waste of Time?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2014 6:53 PM GMT
    Any guys have success meeting guys they click with from online methods?

    Haven't had any myself after going to a few LGBT oriented meetup.com groups; I won't list them but while the experience was good and I enjoyed conversing with a few guys there weren't any I "clicked" with... Hard to explain but some may know what I'm talking about. It was somewhat hard to hold a conversation with a lot of the guys from Meetup since they lacked social skills (I have slight SA myself but I can manage) or the group was "clicky" and unwelcoming... sort of frustrating.

    I've noticed many guys from OKCupid generally have very high standards and an inflexible checklist. Even worse they'll build you up in their heads as Mr Right in the days before meeting. Seeing dissapointment on some of the guys faces upon just meeting me gave me jolt of insecure worries like "uh oh, what's wrong with me this time?"

    Took a break from online sites and switched to volunteering at places that interested me but there were mostly older women at these organizations and at one a retired guy hit on me (which is fine for some but looking to date like minded guys around my age) maybe I need new interests that are geared geared toward people my age? IDK

    Even more frustrating is when I'm out and about in the city doing errands I notice gay couples or guys out in dates with eachother who seem like good matches: how are they meeting eachother? Tinder (gotta basically look like model to get matches there IMO) Gay bars? I stopped going to gay bars a few years ago since they're high pressure environments but now I feel in the last 5 years or so online dating has become the new "scene" for 20 something gays who rely heavily on technology for many things in their lives.

    BTW, I realize I'm seeing the result of months or years of hard work but I can't help feel I may be limiting myself or looking in the wrong places for matched which is a waste of time.

    Also I will say I have meet some good guys from dating sites but after finding my ex I stopped and with the 3 year absence there seems to be some sort of shift of the type of guys on these sites.... Maybe I'm getting older.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 873

    Aug 23, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    I have made a similar experience when I tried volunteering, attending LGBT groups, etc. Frankly, it was a sheer waste of my time. Mostly because I am NOT an activist of any kind, and am not interested in meeting other activist type guys. I managed to quickly figure this out.icon_rolleyes.gif

    My experience showed that meeting other guys in bars and clubs worked fine for the usual NSA hook ups but by far, those guys did not really go there to meet their prospective BFs. Not impossible but not too likely either.

    I used all the major portals, and went through lots of wasted time, and a few flakes and a number of fakes, too. But it did work out in the endicon_razz.gif

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2014 9:06 PM GMT
    I think meetup is good to meet cool people but not for dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2014 9:22 PM GMT
    Neither is a waste of time if you don't spend too much time on them ... gay dating sites generally don't work because there's no way to create or evaluate chemistry over the internet ... meetup.com is merely a way to get out and engage in activities ... finding a mate there, as in life, is mainly a matter of chance.
  • ai82

    Posts: 183

    Aug 23, 2014 10:14 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidNeither is a waste of time if you don't spend too much time on them ... gay dating sites generally don't work because there's no way to create or evaluate chemistry over the internet ... meetup.com is merely a way to get out and engage in activities ... finding a mate there, as in life, is mainly a matter of chance.


    +1
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Aug 23, 2014 10:54 PM GMT
    AHA at last ,an advantage to live in a small country icon_biggrin.gif

    in Israel, there is one gay dating site [that works] atraf.com and everyone is there 'so a lot meet through there.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2014 11:47 PM GMT
    try grindr
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2014 11:58 PM GMT
    I used Meetup.com to find good social groups back in Minnesota (there was a very popular 20/30s group that had around 400 members with regular activities). It was a good way to meet people (but not just gay only).

    Personally joining a gay sports league is a good and sure fire way to meet a lot of people and expose yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 12:44 AM GMT
    Varus saidtry grindr


    Hmmm... good for hookups...which I'm not about but am slowly rethinking that since the majority of guys seem to be hooking up with the chance of finding a guy they click with as an added benefit. Ironically I met a great guy on there the first time I tried it went out on a "date" and broke the no sex on a first date rule, never heard from him since. Should be no surprise about that considering it's Grindr icon_rolleyes.gif

    Gay sports leagues are something that I think might work the best out of all the options people have for meeting guys. That and meeting through friends which also may increase a chance of meeting a good match.

    One thing I've noticed is a lot of leagues that I've researched is they almost all cost money to join... and there's try outs. Is this normal? I just want a casual atmosphere to play volleyball or something and hang out with/ get to know other like minded guys.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 24, 2014 1:09 AM GMT
    Well after I broke up with my only (and very long term... 13.5 years) partner in 2012, I was ask out on a number of dates, but found some were just "covers" for sex and I really wanted something where I am meeting quality (or perceived) guys. Match.com was kind of a poor experience, but I thought "Compatible partners" definitely impressed me. The first guy who contacted me is someone I'd definitely date. He's a great friend now, but he and I are sort of on two different paths and he's had some family related problems, but we acknowledge a real friendship. I also dated a guy off of there from Houston for a year. Awesome guy and he's certainly had an "imprint" on my life. We just aren't that compatible as partners and more like friends, so I think we are on that route. Still 2 successes!

    The problem with a site like "Compatible" is that you are talking to guys from all over and in the end, who is going to move? That can be a challenge. I also have found many of the guys are sort of needy and view a site like that as...."the needy getting the goods", meaning they are ready to date you regardless of whether they know you or not. Kind of pathetic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 10:05 AM GMT
    I know a guy who's had success finding a boyfriend via Grindr and increased his social circle too.

    The problem is Grindr and even this website don't really allow you to search for potential friends - it's all about bod type, height, etc rather than interests.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 10:37 AM GMT
    no offense but did anyone else notice OP's uncanny resemblance to Jeffery Dahmer?

    go lift some weights!

    & then you'll see all sorts of gayz coming at on all sides.

    you're not even unfortunate looking, just need to eat more.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 1:15 PM GMT
    I don't it hurts using these sites as tools to help meet people. In fact it's through meeting friends that you may meet a potential boyfriend. I do believe that going to LGBT oriented meetings and sites with the expectation of finding a date is not be the best mindset to have.

    It may be better to keep an open mind and continue to go to meet ups but expect nothing. Sounds counter productive but if you don't go in with the alternate motive of meeting a boyfriend, one may "show up" through an avenue of going to the meetup when you least suspect it.

    Good luck to ya!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 1:43 PM GMT
    Same boat, different pond. Just gotta keep plugging away and staying true to yourself. And letting all your friends and family know that you're "on the market" and open to being fixed up. In the past two years since I split up from my partner of 9 years I've also ended up making a bunch of new gay male friends even if none of them thus far have become long-term boyfriends. So, that's not the worst scenario in the world. I'm heading out now to go running with one of them...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2014 4:51 PM GMT
    patito saidno offense but did anyone else notice OP's uncanny resemblance to Jeffery Dahmer?

    go lift some weights!

    & then you'll see all sorts of gayz coming at on all sides.

    you're not even unfortunate looking, just need to eat more.



    Wow! Seriously? No wonder no one wants to date me.

    Thanks for the very backhanded compliment... I'm already a bit self conscious about being thin and being mistaken for being a teenager by some people. Working on building up some more muscle mass since the #1 dating criteria in the gay community is having a six pack and/or looking like an A&F model icon_rolleyes.gif kind of hard since ecomorphs have incredibly fast metabolisms.

    Riko_sal saidI don't it hurts using these sites as tools to help meet people. In fact it's through meeting friends that you may meet a potential boyfriend. I do believe that going to LGBT oriented meetings and sites with the expectation of finding a date is not be the best mindset to have.

    It may be better to keep an open mind and continue to go to meet ups but expect nothing. Sounds counter productive but if you don't go in with the alternate motive of meeting a boyfriend, one may "show up" through an avenue of going to the meetup when you least suspect it.

    Good luck to ya!


    Agree with going to Meetups with no expectations or just looking for potential friends. That's how I met my ex afterall, through a mutual friend.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Aug 24, 2014 5:32 PM GMT
    I met my guy online. Seven years ago. Outpersonals, I think. I just looked at it for the first time since then and it seems to have deteriorated. I guess the various sites rise and fall with time. Honestly, we met for a sex date but only after checking out each others' stories which were also part of the attraction. And we've been together since, living together for five.

    So I certainly think online can work. If you also read the profiles. And a strong sexual attraction is required and desired anyway, so don't that part of online scare you off. I think ultimately most guys are looking for love. Just don't let that become your focus. Make getting to know the guy you were attracted to online be the goal. Love takes time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2014 12:58 AM GMT
    Something says your looking too hard.

    Yeah-be open to meeting people and more but if that's your primary objective when joining meetup groups or volunteering then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2014 1:01 AM GMT
    Just read this about Grindr and its impact.

    http://vadamagazine.com/01/10/2013/opinions/grindr-wrong?fb_comment_id=fbc_594539540602966_69181285_595027040554216#f3b63298b7ea83a
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2014 2:12 AM GMT
    I volunteered a little bit with the SF and LA gay center a long time ago. I went to several networking and workshops, friendship meetings. Lol, lord and behold it was more like **Why am I single, always rejected workshops?** Guys from different sizes and shapes were basically venting why they're single. Eventually, I stopped going to these places. I'm on OK Cupid for a while. Several guys I emailed ignored me and I ignored quite a number of guys too. Agreed, yes, most guys have an ideal boyfriend image in their head. I noticed in social gathering, bars, clubs...etc. Most single guys are like in a clique which make it harder to approach them. Even some act very bitchy as if you're like not worth their time. So I stopped going to bars and clubs too. My ex and I met online, the one semi serious before that, we met at a bar. There's this guy and I, we've just been initially talking, nothing serious though. Urg, I guess you just have to keep on kissing a bunch of frogs before you meet your prince.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    >It may be better to keep an open mind and continue to go to meet ups but expect nothing. Sounds counter productive but if you don't go in with the alternate motive of meeting a boyfriend, one may "show up" through an avenue of going to the meetup when you least suspect it.

    Good luck to ya!

    Agree with going to Meetups with no expectations or just looking for potential friends. That's how I met my ex afterall, through a mutual friend. [/quo
    te]


    The major hurdle for all Gay Men to get over is the conundrum that sexual attraction is both separate &,intrinsic to making a potential relationship work.

    Confusing isn't it but I'll explain. You can't see a personality across the room or other physical space so there is no way you can see it online. What You can see online is the Physical attraction (assuming there not using others pics) and indicators of their personality.

    Be clear about what you want but of not assume that means to directly convey that information ie. "hi how are you, I want a boy friend'.

    The physical attraction you feel at this time, you want to know if you will still feel it later on don't you, in other words to test run the potential 'post honey moon period'.

    The way to do this is to flirt gradually revealing more but stop short of actual promise of or actions that will lead to Immediate sex. It's the dating equivalent of edging and if followed on correctly, it will have the same equivalent orgasmic effect on your dating life as edging is for those who enjoy the explosion of a huge rush.

    This also gives you time to explore what else you have in common with this guy besides sexual attraction. If you are blinded by being horny then your decision making is equivalent of a person intoxicated with alcohol, marijuana or even ice. If you think your a clean living guy and this is crap go ahead and prove me wrong; (there is the solution made famous by Ben Stiller in something about Mary) which can work too lol

    Why is this so??? Gay Men want their cake and eat it too, deny it but it's true. We want the near Virgin ass but not have to teach them how to relax, or the experienced top without the baggage or potential STI's or the wealthy guy who won't try to own you ect.

    Men are programmed this way I mean by nature. We all want a conquest and love the chase or to be chased. We all also have ego's busy lives ect and will not tolerate a "Victorian era style" courtship (how horrible) but the easy way a guy 'gives it up' (same for top and bottom) gives our male brains the signal the he is not the special one as the special one will make you work a little for a it. The key being little and not meant to mean 'hurdle jumping or a fleecing the guy' Excercise for Uber hot guys.

    That is all



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2014 4:30 AM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 said>It may be better to keep an open mind and continue to go to meet ups but expect nothing. Sounds counter productive but if you don't go in with the alternate motive of meeting a boyfriend, one may "show up" through an avenue of going to the meetup when you least suspect it.

    Good luck to ya!


    Agree with going to Meetups with no expectations or just looking for potential friends. That's how I met my ex afterall, through a mutual friend. [/quote]

    The major hurdle for all Gay Men to get over is the conundrum that sexual attraction is both separate &,intrinsic to making a potential relationship work.

    Confusing isn't it but I'll explain. You can't see a personality across the room or other physical space so there is no way you can see it online. What You can see online is the Physical attraction (assuming there not using others pics) and indicators of their personality.

    Be clear about what you want but of not assume that means to directly convey that information ie. "hi how are you, I want a boy friend'.

    The physical attraction you feel at this time, you want to know if you will still feel it later on don't you, in other words to test run the potential 'post honey moon period'.

    The way to do this is to flirt gradually revealing more but stop short of actual promise of or actions that will lead to Immediate sex. It's the dating equivalent of edging and if followed on correctly, it will have the same equivalent orgasmic effect on your dating life as edging is for those who enjoy the explosion of a huge rush.

    This also gives you time to explore what else you have in common with this guy besides sexual attraction. If you are blinded by being horny then your decision making is equivalent of a person intoxicated with alcohol, marijuana or even ice. If you think your a clean living guy and this is crap go ahead and prove me wrong; (there is the solution made famous by Ben Stiller in something about Mary) which can work too lol

    Why is this so??? Gay Men want their cake and eat it too, deny it but it's true. We want the near Virgin ass but not have to teach them how to relax, or the experienced top without the baggage or potential STI's or the wealthy guy who won't try to own you ect.

    Men are programmed this way I mean by nature. We all want a conquest and love the chase or to be chased. We all also have ego's busy lives ect and will not tolerate a "Victorian era style" courtship (how horrible) but the easy way a guy 'gives it up' (same for top and bottom) gives our male brains the signal the he is not the special one as the special one will make you work a little for a it. The key being little and not meant to mean 'hurdle jumping or a fleecing the guy' Excercise for Uber hot guys.

    That is all





    Nice!
  • being_human

    Posts: 152

    Aug 25, 2014 4:40 AM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 said>It may be better to keep an open mind and continue to go to meet ups but expect nothing. Sounds counter productive but if you don't go in with the alternate motive of meeting a boyfriend, one may "show up" through an avenue of going to the meetup when you least suspect it.

    Good luck to ya!


    Agree with going to Meetups with no expectations or just looking for potential friends. That's how I met my ex afterall, through a mutual friend. [/quote]

    The major hurdle for all Gay Men to get over is the conundrum that sexual attraction is both separate &,intrinsic to making a potential relationship work.

    Confusing isn't it but I'll explain. You can't see a personality across the room or other physical space so there is no way you can see it online. What You can see online is the Physical attraction (assuming there not using others pics) and indicators of their personality.

    Be clear about what you want but of not assume that means to directly convey that information ie. "hi how are you, I want a boy friend'.

    The physical attraction you feel at this time, you want to know if you will still feel it later on don't you, in other words to test run the potential 'post honey moon period'.

    The way to do this is to flirt gradually revealing more but stop short of actual promise of or actions that will lead to Immediate sex. It's the dating equivalent of edging and if followed on correctly, it will have the same equivalent orgasmic effect on your dating life as edging is for those who enjoy the explosion of a huge rush.

    This also gives you time to explore what else you have in common with this guy besides sexual attraction. If you are blinded by being horny then your decision making is equivalent of a person intoxicated with alcohol, marijuana or even ice. If you think your a clean living guy and this is crap go ahead and prove me wrong; (there is the solution made famous by Ben Stiller in something about Mary) which can work too lol

    Why is this so??? Gay Men want their cake and eat it too, deny it but it's true. We want the near Virgin ass but not have to teach them how to relax, or the experienced top without the baggage or potential STI's or the wealthy guy who won't try to own you ect.

    Men are programmed this way I mean by nature. We all want a conquest and love the chase or to be chased. We all also have ego's busy lives ect and will not tolerate a "Victorian era style" courtship (how horrible) but the easy way a guy 'gives it up' (same for top and bottom) gives our male brains the signal the he is not the special one as the special one will make you work a little for a it. The key being little and not meant to mean 'hurdle jumping or a fleecing the guy' Excercise for Uber hot guys.

    That is all





    well said.
    fact is many people do meet their long time partner through internet dating. its how we play the cards, basically. we look for the best in the whole pack. so do they.
    have we not skipped someone as soon as we saw their body type, or height?
    however, yes. some people r just not programed for internet dating.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 25, 2014 10:30 AM GMT
    I imagine meeting a bf in a situation that involves nothing but being in the right place at the right time and somehow conversation sparks up (gym, event, grocery store, etc)

    Online is a fail, Apps are a fail, bars/clubs are a fail

    My friend is on match, okcupid and Plenty of Fish and she gets lots of chat and dates from good guys that are also her type, makes it seem like straight ppl have it easier but it's not true, I think those sites have more of a heterosexual presence and so less gay ppl are on it than you think. That and the population of gays in any city/town is always small compared to heterosexual. That or just all the gay men flock to a4a and Grindr which the primary objective is to hook up.

    I do see some of the same guys on each site to which gets exhausting and annoying. The pool is already small to choose from in terms of good men but now it's even smaller since I am forced to think that since like 4% of the pop is openly gay in the state and 1% of that are men who are truly looking for monogamous relationships and are in my age group
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2014 11:28 AM GMT
    I've found more success in developing social contacts with the possibility of dating through Meetup. With Meetup, there is no pressure to perform like there is with dating sites. With a Meetup group I meet people with no expectations of anything further.
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    Aug 25, 2014 12:16 PM GMT
    ssguy69 saidSomething says your looking too hard.

    Yeah-be open to meeting people and more but if that's your primary objective when joining meetup groups or volunteering then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.



    +1