Has being openly gay been liberating for you as person? If your not openly gay why aren't you??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:00 AM GMT
    I saw this quote on another forum
    quote][cite]tazzari said[/cite]Well, I never held a parade,. If we'd all stayed in the closet, I hate to think where we'd be today.AND - because coming out is mentally healthier
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    Yes, it has. Being in the closet had me constantly watching my actions, hoping not to give any signs of being gay. It was a constant battle with myself every night, always wondering what people thought, and worrying if someone joked with me about gay stuff.

    Now that I'm out, I could care less what people think, and joke right along with them, whether they know about me or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:06 AM GMT
    Been out since I was 14.

    I can't imagine living in the shadows.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    Well yes because I now no longer have to live a lie. Whenever I do something that might be perceived as gay I'm like "who cares, I'm gay, *shrugs*." I ended up developing a certain sense of confidence because I can be myself and it's OK.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:08 AM GMT
    Absolutely, I hate liars.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    Realizing I am gay and coming out, to live my true gay orientation, is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I've never been happier. I celebrate that day each year as my second birthday. I'll be 20 this March. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2014 4:42 AM GMT
    JuanPablomv89 said
    Art_Deco saidRealizing I am gay and coming out, to live my true gay orientation, is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I've never been happier. I celebrate that day each year as my second birthday. I'll be 20 this March. icon_biggrin.gif

    I will celebrate 20 years this March too. I came out of the closet at 5.
    I have been gay my entire life

    I've been gay my entire 65 years, as well. I just didn't know it. Later learned my parents knew it, but never told me. Hoped it was a phase I'd outgrow. But at least they weren't mean to me about it, never threw me out or disinherited me, or anything like that.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Aug 25, 2014 5:05 AM GMT
    I have never caredicon_razz.gif

    No one has offered to pay my bills, so I took charge and have been running my life as I find fit.

    All the people who needed/wanted to know have known it for a long time now. The rest? I never bothered.

    It has not been liberating since I never thought that I should be depending on the opinion of the others.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 26, 2014 3:16 AM GMT
    So is it always liberating? What about the guys who live in country towns or other homophobic settings that may place themselves in physical danger by being out. Should they still be more out???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 26, 2014 9:24 AM GMT
    Coming out wasn't liberating really. I felt as though I had to do it because being discreet had put me in bad situations in the past so I had to tell the truth. I would have rather waited until I felt a little more confident and understood things more but in a way I'm glad it's all done.

  • Aug 27, 2014 12:03 AM GMT
    It was at first but these days it does seem a bit of a chore. I am 34 and in my area it was not safe to come out, so I came out at 22. Even then I had a laundry list of battles to fight, people telling me I will infect their children, saying I will go to hell, telling me I worship satan, people getting down on the floor and acting out sex acts while laughing and asking me if thes is how I do it, telling me I am disgusting, etc. Now days I deal more with silent hate, i.e. get passed up for promotions, failed job interviews, told I cannot donate blood (I am type o+), etc. My comfort is in how many young gay couples I see in restaurants these days. Although they dont hold hands or kiss and they try to act like best buds, at least they are there and in public so my efforts were not in vain.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3520

    Aug 27, 2014 12:12 AM GMT
    yes, and you get laid a lot more.
    I never had to lie though, taking physics in university pretty much negates any questions of sexuality, nobody expects you to have one EVER. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 27, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    I think it really depends on the person. For some people, not sharing intimate details about their lives feels like they are "lying." I don't feel that way. I share information on a need-to-know basis, and I don't feel like I'm "lying "to those as to whom I keep my private life private, provided I'm not actually lying. If it's important for someone to know about my sexuality, I tell them. Otherwise, randomly blabbing about my sexuality is TMI for most people, and I don't think it accomplishes anything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2014 1:30 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidI think it really depends on the person. For some people, not sharing intimate details about their lives feels like they are "lying." I don't feel that way. I share information on a need-to-know basis, and I don't feel like I'm "lying "to those as to whom I keep my private life private, provided I'm not actually lying. If it's important for someone to know about my sexuality, I tell them. Otherwise, randomly blabbing about my sexuality is TMI for most people, and I don't think it accomplishes anything.


    I agree with you as a general principal as long as it doesn't seep into denial it's just part of the long term adjustment to life as a gay man in the community. I do get concerned that some people criticise those who are not willing to announce their sexuality and they seem to feel it is necessary in every situation. I don't agree with that as it can limit opportunities to be seen as an individual who can then potentially be dismissed as a stereotyped perception.

    While I feel it is wrong to stereotype people and not treat them gay men as individuals, by expressing sexuality even when not appropriate can draw people into wondering why a guy makes a point of expressing his sexuality. The workplace in particular as an eg. By Announcing ones sexual orientation without being asked some may lead colleagues to believe we have sexual desires for them and creating vunribility where it would not other wise exist
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2014 1:48 PM GMT
    Has being openly gay been liberating for you as person?

    It's not being openly gay that's been liberating to me, as much as realizing and admitting to myself that I am indeed gay. And that really has changed my life, for the better.

    I never spent a single day in the closet, but I did spend decades in denial. There is a difference. In the former you know you're gay but hide it from others. In the latter you don't even know it about yourself, or suspecting it, try to suppress and rationalize it away.

    But the moment I knew it about myself I came out. And kicked myself for not having realized it sooner.

    So liberating, yes, but not in the sense I believe the OP means. I think we're all happiest when living the orientation into which we are born. Straights as straight, and gays as gay. Both are good, both are correct, depending on how a person is born.

    What is INcorrect is when we choose, or are influenced or forced, to "cross-live" in the wrong orientation, as I was. It's like the old custom of forcing left-handed children to learn to write and do other tasks with their right hand. Unnatural and ultimately unhealthy. And so it is with suppressing being gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2014 10:03 PM GMT
    " The gay community has only deteriorated as the Social Justice Warriors have over run it,"

    My hetero friends spend more time advocating for marriage equality than I do. You can call them "Social Justice Warriors" if you like---I'm sure they'd be proud.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2014 11:28 PM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidI soon discovered how toxic the gay community was and so I am now very wary of declaring my sexuality - especially to gays. The gay community has only deteriorated as the Social Justice Warriors have over run it, being white and masculine now makes you guilty of 'privilege' and being a member of the 'oppressor class'.


    Very true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 1:25 AM GMT
    It has liberated me from that horrible, sick feeling I used to get in the pit of my stomach when in the company of people telling fag jokes. It has liberated me from the burden of living life in hiding, always afraid that something I might say or do would clue people in.

    Although I've been out for 25 years, I will never forget what those closeted years were like. I will never lose my sense of appreciation of how freeing it is to be myself with people. I don't go out of my way to hit them over the head with my sexual orientation; I simply present that part of myself (and it's only one part) in a matter-of-fact way, just as straight people get to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:13 AM GMT
    sf_swimmer said
    silver_phoenix saidI soon discovered how toxic the gay community was and so I am now very wary of declaring my sexuality - especially to gays. The gay community has only deteriorated as the Social Justice Warriors have over run it, being white and masculine now makes you guilty of 'privilege' and being a member of the 'oppressor class'.


    Very true.


    You both are single. Let me suggest you try to get along with at least one other gay man...if you're looking for love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:14 AM GMT
    I have never needed to "come out". I have told people in my close friends and family whenever it was relevant. But coming out to EVERYONE is not relevant unless you are just looking to promote a group which I don't do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
    I think it has complicated things and I have not found it the least bit liberating.
    Jerred I agree with you on that. Pandering to other people for approval is just too low, even for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:19 AM GMT
    teroh saidI think it has complicated things and I have not found it the least bit liberating.
    Jerred I agree with you on that. Pandering to other people for approval is just too low, even for me.


    Good man. It's time we start hearing the opposing views on this because many gay guys that "come out" to everyone and everyone accepts them are still a fucking mess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:22 AM GMT
    Determinate said
    sf_swimmer said
    silver_phoenix saidI soon discovered how toxic the gay community was and so I am now very wary of declaring my sexuality - especially to gays. The gay community has only deteriorated as the Social Justice Warriors have over run it, being white and masculine now makes you guilty of 'privilege' and being a member of the 'oppressor class'.


    Very true.


    You both are single. Let me suggest you try to get along with at least one other gay man...if you're looking for love.


    +1000
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:22 AM GMT
    Jerred said
    teroh saidI think it has complicated things and I have not found it the least bit liberating.
    Jerred I agree with you on that. Pandering to other people for approval is just too low, even for me.


    Good man. It's time we start hearing the opposing views on this because many gay guys that "come out" to everyone and everyone accepts them are still a fucking mess.
    Indeed. It's a need-to-know basis.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2014 2:26 AM GMT
    Okajuurou said
    Determinate said
    sf_swimmer said
    silver_phoenix saidI soon discovered how toxic the gay community was and so I am now very wary of declaring my sexuality - especially to gays. The gay community has only deteriorated as the Social Justice Warriors have over run it, being white and masculine now makes you guilty of 'privilege' and being a member of the 'oppressor class'.


    Very true.


    You both are single. Let me suggest you try to get along with at least one other gay man...if you're looking for love.


    +1000
    We'll get along with any gay guy we can get along with. We just haven't met any yet. It's just hard to be interested when you don't have any eclectic tastes and when the two of you have ZERO in common. Trust me on this.
    (As a general rule I don't get along with the majority of people, gay community is no exception)