Meeting Mr. Right could he be at the gym?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 6:40 AM GMT
    Hey guys I'm newly out

    What I would like is to meet someone that could be a potential boyfriend.

    I realize it takes time.

    Is it common to meet potential friends and boy friends at the gym? or will it turn out to be just a bunch of acquaintances?

    So far the only thing that's happened for me is a bunch of hello's, smiles and a guys that stare.

    Usually I will go over and ask someone for a spot or try to strike up a conversation to break the ice. I figure that is better than watching them stare at me.

    It seems to not have any potential other than a wave hello the next time I enter the gym.

    I can see why most of the guys are aloof attitude. It's exhausting going out of my way all the time!

    Is it better to act aloof? Does that catch more men and that's why they do it?

    I'm a friendly guy by nature but honestly some days I don't feel friendly and I have to really push myself mainly with some of the acquaintances I have met. I just don't feel like going out of my way to say hello but I do it anyways.
    Any real time advice would be much appreciated.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 7:20 AM GMT
    ycyl
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 12:22 PM GMT
    silver_phoenix saidHow do you know any of them are gay? Is it a gay gym? That's the problem I find, they are staring at you so you think maybe...

    ...but then it turns out they are just str8 guys impressed / envious of how much weight you can shift, your tattoo or bubble butt.icon_evil.gif

    True.
    All guys check each other out at the gym. Partly to see how they measure up to the competition, partly to see if you're doing a routine they should try, partly out of curiosity if you're new, partly because you have to look at something occasionally besides yourself in the mirrors.

    There is a difference between the straight look and the gay look but it's subtle and you'll never know for sure unless you talk to him. And of course a gay guy might be looking at you for the same non-cruise reasons that a straight guy would.
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    Aug 26, 2014 1:52 PM GMT
    no such thing as "Mr Right"
  • Sunny_x9

    Posts: 95

    Aug 26, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    hidden / DELETED member
    don't mind .
    wud he read even if I right anything
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 26, 2014 4:45 PM GMT
    Yeah, he could be, but unless you go to a gay gym, leave him alone. Guys don't go to gyms to get hit on. They go there to work out. Gym predators are considered scum. That said, you can be friendly with guys in the gym so long as you don't interfere with their workout OR their focus. If that friendship leads to meeting outside the gym, and you get signals, you can take it from there. But a gym shouldn't be used for cruising.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 26, 2014 4:47 PM GMT
    Sunny_x9 saidhidden / DELETED member
    don't mind .
    wud he read even if I right anything

    Can't hurt to try to talk sense to him. He may just be hidden for what reason I can't imagine if he's out, as he says.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 5:48 PM GMT
    It's easy in the gym. You need to realize if the stare says i wanna fuck you or what, but at the gym you'll find a lot of guys. Also you need to pay attention everywhere you go because you'll find the right guy in the place you never imagine. Not online.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Aug 26, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    At my gym most of them are too busy looking at themselves in the Mirrors?
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    Aug 26, 2014 7:18 PM GMT
    No, but it might be a good place to meet Mr. Right Now Behind The Gym For A Quick BJ.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 8:21 PM GMT
    The thing I don't understand about going to the gym is, surely people go several times a week and mostly see and are seen by the same people. It hardly seems like a good setup for an anonymous shag. Anyway the answer to your question is look on Grindr to see who else uses it at the gym and then talk to those people (in real life, not on Grindr). It won't cover all of them, naturally, but it is a start.
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    Aug 26, 2014 8:31 PM GMT
    ^ I guess that's why you just get day passes at various gyms around town.
  • rowerchgo

    Posts: 31

    Aug 27, 2014 12:55 AM GMT
    Congratulations to the original poster for putting an effort and getting out of his way to making conversation!

    After 10+ years of going to the gym I realized that is the only way to get things moving. Nothing is going to fall on your lap, you got to work for it.

    I am kinda shy, and have had "targets" at the gym for years an never was brave enough to step up and start a conversation. But when I finally did it, I had the best experiences of my life. You will be surprised to find out that most people are equally as shy. Just step up and say hi, the worst that can happen is they will ignore you afterwards, but that is usually the default with most people :-)

    Regarding finding mr right, my advice is to lower your expectations to none. Start with looking for friends/ people with common interests, eventually they might change your perceptions of who is mr right.

    ... and during this process you get to work out, improving your health and looking good! :-)
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    Aug 27, 2014 2:44 AM GMT
    N2Now saidHey guys I'm newly out

    What I would like is to meet someone that could be a potential boyfriend.

    I realize it takes time.

    Is it common to meet potential friends and boy friends at the gym? or will it turn out to be just a bunch of acquaintances?

    So far the only thing that's happened for me is a bunch of hello's, smiles and a guys that stare.

    Usually I will go over and ask someone for a spot or try to strike up a conversation to break the ice. I figure that is better than watching them stare at me.

    It seems to not have any potential other than a wave hello the next time I enter the gym.

    I can see why most of the guys are aloof attitude. It's exhausting going out of my way all the time!

    Is it better to act aloof? Does that catch more men and that's why they do it?

    I'm a friendly guy by nature but honestly some days I don't feel friendly and I have to really push myself mainly with some of the acquaintances I have met. I just don't feel like going out of my way to say hello but I do it anyways.
    Any real time advice would be much appreciated.

    Like the old saying goes.. Don't shit where you eat. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 27, 2014 4:15 AM GMT
    gio1 saidIt's easy in the gym. You need to realize if the stare says i wanna fuck you or what, but at the gym you'll find a lot of guys. Also you need to pay attention everywhere you go because you'll find the right guy in the place you never imagine. Not online.
    thanks that is helpful!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Ohno saidThe thing I don't understand about going to the gym is, surely people go several times a week and mostly see and are seen by the same people. It hardly seems like a good setup for an anonymous shag. Anyway the answer to your question is look on Grindr to see who else uses it at the gym and then talk to those people (in real life, not on Grindr). It won't cover all of them, naturally, but it is a start.
    very helpful! Thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Man, when we work out, we are not "hooking up"/


    We're really trying to build our bodies. Don't wont to build a relationship

    It that's what you want to do, don't do the gym. Go to the gay bar.

    Tommy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2014 4:21 AM GMT
    rowerchgo saidCongratulations to the original poster for putting an effort and getting out of his way to making conversation!

    After 10+ years of going to the gym I realized that is the only way to get things moving. Nothing is going to fall on your lap, you got to work for it.

    I am kinda shy, and have had "targets" at the gym for years an never was brave enough to step up and start a conversation. But when I finally did it, I had the best experiences of my life. You will be surprised to find out that most people are equally as shy. Just step up and say hi, the worst that can happen is they will ignore you afterwards, but that is usually the default with most people :-)

    Regarding finding mr right, my advice is to lower your expectations to none. Start with looking for friends/ people with common interests, eventually they might change your perceptions of who is mr right.

    ... and during this process you get to work out, improving your health and looking good! :-)
    I appreciate your words and I don't care really about finding mister right just was asking if it was even possible at a gym. Usually I chat someone up and like you said it defaults to nothing even when we find we have stuff in common. That's why I mentioned the aloof thing.
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    Aug 27, 2014 4:26 AM GMT
    JustaGuy1 saidMan, when we work out, we are not "hooking up"/


    We're really trying to build our bodies. Don't wont to build a relationship

    It that's what you want to do, don't do the gym. Go to the gay bar.

    Tommy
    I don't know how so many people mis read what I said so hopefully this will clear it up.

    I ASKED IF IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE FRIENDS AT A GYM?

    I ASKED IF ANYONE HAD EVER MET THERE BOYFRIEND AT THE GYM?

    AND WHY DO GUYS ACT ALOOF AT A GYM THAT 80-95 % GAY IN WEST HOLLYWOOD.

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    Aug 27, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO ANSWER. SOMEONE OUT THERE MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF GAY EXPERIENCE ABOUT THE ENDS AND OUTS OF THE GYM AND IF PEOPLE MAKE FRIENDS AT THE GYM OR POSSIBLEY EVEN DATE.

    sorry about the caps!
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    Aug 28, 2014 10:41 PM GMT
    N2Now saidI DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO ANSWER. SOMEONE OUT THERE MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF GAY EXPERIENCE ABOUT THE ENDS AND OUTS OF THE GYM AND IF PEOPLE MAKE FRIENDS AT THE GYM OR POSSIBLEY EVEN DATE.

    sorry about the caps!


    Hi there, unfortunately after 5 years in the gym, I've yet to so much as even develop a friend at the gym (at least in the whack ass state I live in, aka Colorado) However, even in Texas...I was in the gym 2 years and didn't meet anyone. Also used hotel gyms and visitor memberships around the country.

    Here's the be all/end all of this discussion. It's not YOUR fault you aren't meeting people at the gym. Unfortunately, most gyms do not facilitate a social environment. Headphones, timing on equipment, lack of any sort of 'weekly social hour at the gym (maybe at the senior citizens rec center) just isn't conducive to finding anyone. That's why I miss the days of High School gyms, and should have taken advantage of my College gym. Those were VERY social environments...partly because the gym instructor REQUIRED that you work together with other students. At these profit gyms...all they care about is money and personal trainers quotas. Not member relations. Even friends that I know who go to the gym regularly, do not meet other guys from there either. It's not an easy thing to do. It's about as easy as walking down the street and randomly meeting someone...which I've actually found even easier than meeting at the gym! The gym is like a weird, anti-social, self-absorbed kind of environment. I talked about this before.

    Now, I won't say I haven't met people who liked me, or eventually seen them out at the bar, or they messaged me on Grindr. But, 100% of the guys I met from the gym who hit me up on grindr, were looking for hookups. They were pretty bold once I broke the ice, but their intentions were trying to get me to sleep with them.

    I'm sorry but, I don't want to 'gym whore' that all the gays have fucked with. I probably fucked with like 2 guys who seen me at the gym already. Funny enough is, afterwards you rarely see them anymore. People who go to the gym expecting a hookup aren't really serious about their goals, and they aren't serious about YOU or me.

    In the rare cases I've spoken to total strangers at the gym, the best time to do so is as they are leaving the gym, or in the steamroom (although less recommended, and only if it's just 2 or 3 of you in the room). If you see someone at the gym once, you will see them several more times assuming you're going regularly. You will also have the opportunity to chat them up as they are LEAVING the gym.

    Otherwise, just workout...do your thing, and keep a profile on grindr/jack'd/adam4adam and if someone from the gym notices you, they can contact you from there rather than you feeling stupid when you find out the guy's girlfriend is his spotter, or be the center of frat boy gossip when you strike up the wrong person.
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    Aug 29, 2014 6:45 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 said
    N2Now saidI DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO ANSWER. SOMEONE OUT THERE MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF GAY EXPERIENCE ABOUT THE ENDS AND OUTS OF THE GYM AND IF PEOPLE MAKE FRIENDS AT THE GYM OR POSSIBLEY EVEN DATE.

    sorry about the caps!


    Hi there, unfortunately after 5 years in the gym, I've yet to so much as even develop a friend at the gym (at least in the whack ass state I live in, aka Colorado) However, even in Texas...I was in the gym 2 years and didn't meet anyone. Also used hotel gyms and visitor memberships around the country.

    Here's the be all/end all of this discussion. It's not YOUR fault you aren't meeting people at the gym. Unfortunately, most gyms do not facilitate a social environment. Headphones, timing on equipment, lack of any sort of 'weekly social hour at the gym (maybe at the senior citizens rec center) just isn't conducive to finding anyone. That's why I miss the days of High School gyms, and should have taken advantage of my College gym. Those were VERY social environments...partly because the gym instructor REQUIRED that you work together with other students. At these profit gyms...all they care about is money and personal trainers quotas. Not member relations. Even friends that I know who go to the gym regularly, do not meet other guys from there either. It's not an easy thing to do. It's about as easy as walking down the street and randomly meeting someone...which I've actually found even easier than meeting at the gym! The gym is like a weird, anti-social, self-absorbed kind of environment. I talked about this before.

    Now, I won't say I haven't met people who liked me, or eventually seen them out at the bar, or they messaged me on Grindr. But, 100% of the guys I met from the gym who hit me up on grindr, were looking for hookups. They were pretty bold once I broke the ice, but their intentions were trying to get me to sleep with them.

    I'm sorry but, I don't want to 'gym whore' that all the gays have fucked with. I probably fucked with like 2 guys who seen me at the gym already. Funny enough is, afterwards you rarely see them anymore. People who go to the gym expecting a hookup aren't really serious about their goals, and they aren't serious about YOU or me.

    In the rare cases I've spoken to total strangers at the gym, the best time to do so is as they are leaving the gym, or in the steamroom (although less recommended, and only if it's just 2 or 3 of you in the room). If you see someone at the gym once, you will see them several more times assuming you're going regularly. You will also have the opportunity to chat them up as they are LEAVING the gym.

    Otherwise, just workout...do your thing, and keep a profile on grindr/jack'd/adam4adam and if someone from the gym notices you, they can contact you from there rather than you feeling stupid when you find out the guy's girlfriend is his spotter, or be the center of frat boy gossip when you strike up the wrong person.
    Thanks for taking the time to give me the heads up! I wasn't sure what was up some guys known to be gay , like i said the gym is basically all gay, they seem nice one day and the next time they will barely look at you. This part still confuses me but I know it is their issue just trying to understand it.