Funny INJURIES You've Had

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 2:40 PM GMT
    This should be fun. Tell us silly ways in which you've injured yourself. Here's one of mine.

    Last week I was doing pull-downs with one of those elastic cords strung over an open doorway. The elastic broke from wear, snapped up and hit a carved wood snake on the wall, which then fell on my head. icon_wink.gif

    You?
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Aug 26, 2014 3:08 PM GMT
    I had just bought two nice pairs of shoes and was trying to catch the subway, with my headphones over my head, blasting some summer jam.

    I ran down the stairs and realized there was a puddle of water there, with a "Use the other stairs" sign, which I felt too lazy to do. Sooo I jumped over the puddle of mud, on that slippery ceramic against which my flip-flops couldn't do much.

    My showboxes flew in the air and I fell on my left arm, which dislocated my shoulder. I hadn't realized what happened so I got up immediately, grabbed my shoeboxes while someone was telling me something.

    I couldn't hear a thing with the headphones, and as I tried to take them off with my dislocated arm - unsuccessfully - that's when I realized something was wrong.

    I just shouted something dumb and innocent through the sound of that damn song - something very obvious like "wooow, it's slippery here!".

    The subway arrived and I decided to go in and wait for 2 stations to get home. Slowly, the adrenaline was phasing out and the pain kicked in - like, BIG TIME.

    I painfully climbed the stairs of the subway station, still holding to my shoeboxes, and knocked on the till-cabin door before collapsing on the ground, in a low-blood-pressured mess.

    They called the ambulance, but by the time they came, I couldn't handle the feeling and the sight of my dislocated arm so I decided to push it back in myself, which succeeded.
    By the time the paramedics got there, I told them I didn't have time to go with them, I had a birthday dinner.

    VoilĂ  icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2014 6:47 PM GMT
    I busted my ass on a mechanical bull and couldn't sit for a week!
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    Aug 26, 2014 6:54 PM GMT
    icon_sad.gif I pulled up to a stop sign on my road bike. In the middle of town, next to a patio full of people guzzling beer. But the pedal clips wouldn't disengage. I struggled for a few seconds, then crashed right over on my side icon_redface.gif
  • SkyMiles

    Posts: 963

    Aug 26, 2014 7:03 PM GMT
    I had a "mallet finger" where I could curl but not straighten the last joint on left hand ring finger -- minor but surprisingly annoying!
    I hurt it sparring and don't remember exactly how.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 26, 2014 7:07 PM GMT
    pazzy saideven though it wasn't funny and sure didn't feel like it either, i gave myself a nasty friction burn from jerking off too hard without any lube. icon_sad.gif three fucking tire marks. couldn't touch my dick for weeks.


    I JUST CANT icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Aug 26, 2014 7:11 PM GMT
    pazzy saideven though it wasn't funny and sure didn't feel like it either, i gave myself a nasty friction burn from jerking off too hard without any lube. icon_sad.gif three fucking tire marks. couldn't touch my dick for weeks.


    I permanently bend my dick with a misdirected thrust. Ooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwch!
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    Aug 26, 2014 7:17 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidicon_sad.gif I pulled up to a stop sign on my road bike. In the middle of town, next to a patio full of people guzzling beer. But the pedal clips wouldn't disengage. I struggled for a few seconds, then crashed right over on my side icon_redface.gif

    Also dealing with bike pedal cleats. I was reaching the top of Card Sound Bridge approaching Key Largo, very steep, running out of steam. I thought maybe I had another low gear left. I pressed my shift lever really hard looking for it.

    I succeeded in pushing the chain right off the cassette. Suddenly my pedals were freewheeling as I pedaled like mad, and started to roll back. I began to topple over, and couldn't get my cleats released fast enough from the pedals to catch myself with my foot.

    As I fell hard onto my left side into the road a passing car's door hit me, but not badly. It didn't stop. I got a little scraped up on the pavement, bruised my left shoulder from the car and smacking the road. I managed to ride another 5 miles to our lunch point, bleeding the whole way, where the medical tent patched me up. I completed the Ride to Key West, but felt like a fool for a dumb mistake. Kinda funny to a biker, to have derailed my own chain, but still stupid. icon_redface.gif
  • SENCGuy1

    Posts: 247

    Aug 26, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    I was burning some garden debris and stupidly picked up a partially burned branch. It turned out to be red hot, blistered my hand and I quickly dropped it, stumbled into a bed of fire ants, and twisted my back trying to get away from them. It was not a good day. On a positive note, the three injuries sort of cancelled each other and at least I wasn't in agony...just a general hurting.
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    Aug 26, 2014 8:14 PM GMT
    I was trying to sit on my bed but got the distance wrong and hit my butt bone with the bed frame.
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    Aug 26, 2014 8:27 PM GMT
    pazzy said
    UndercoverMan said
    pazzy saideven though it wasn't funny and sure didn't feel like it either, i gave myself a nasty friction burn from jerking off too hard without any lube. icon_sad.gif three fucking tire marks. couldn't touch my dick for weeks.


    I permanently bend my dick with a misdirected thrust. Ooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwch!



    you broke your dick? icon_eek.gif


    No, it still works but has a nifty upwards bend whereas it use to be straight as an arrow. I actually think it is thicker from the scar tissue. On second thought at the time it wasn't very funny.
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    Aug 26, 2014 9:05 PM GMT
    This didn't happen to me (thank God) but I witnessed it.

    I'm a track coach and one of my fellow coaches had one of those resistance bungee cords. Well, it snapped and the recoil hit one of our athletes in the balls. It was so bad he had to go to the hospital and couldn't run for another three days.

    I also had a high school classmate that played catcher for the baseball team. He forgot his cup one day, only to have a pitch hit the dirt in front of him and bounce up into his crotch. He had to have one of his balls surgically removed. We called him "lefty" after that.
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    Aug 26, 2014 9:08 PM GMT
    runnerjc saidThis didn't happen to me (thank God) but I witnessed it.

    I'm a track coach and one of my fellow coaches had one of those resistance bungee cords. Well, it snapped and the recoil hit one of our athletes in the balls. It was so bad he had to go to the hospital and couldn't run for another three days.

    I also had a high school classmate that played catcher for the baseball team. He forgot his cup one day, only to have a pitch hit the dirt in front of him and bounce up into his crotch. He had to have one of his balls surgically removed. We called him "lefty" after that.


    A guy was impaled with a javelin at my high school during track and field practice. Yes, he died.
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    Aug 26, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    Not real funny but it caused a big stir in the ranks....

    I was in the Army stationed at Ft Carson Colo,, 2nd Squadron 7th U.S.Cav mechanized Infantry.
    We were doing repairs on our vehicles , I was under the M113 APC I operated, I was replacing the belly plate with an 18 inch cheater bar, it slipped and hit my chin.
    When I crawled out I was bleeding profusely from chin, my Captain took me up to hospital to be seen, now up till now everything was cool.

    But my captain the smart ass he is says "see what happens when I hit you".

    He was joking but an intern heard him and next thing a full bird colonel is questioning us on how I busted my chin open.

    My captain to say the least never joked around after that, at least not in front of whom he didn't know,,,
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    Aug 26, 2014 9:34 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    A guy was impaled with a javelin at my high school during track and field practice. Yes, he died.


    I think your punchline needs a bit more work.
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    Aug 26, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    I once got a fiber from fiberglass insulation in my eye which caused redness and irritation. My mom took me to the ER. While waiting, we were playing with the rubber gloves (because you just can't leave the 2 of us alone with fun medical stuff to play with) and we blew the rubber gloves into balloons. When I released the air from one, it blew the fiberglass out. Then we went home. Thanks Doc, but we're all set.
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    Aug 26, 2014 10:31 PM GMT
    Got drunk and went out for big air jumps on my mountain bike. Landed front wheel first. Face smashed the ground. Got permanent nerve damage in my neck. Ouchies. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 26, 2014 10:33 PM GMT
    Sitting in traffic, 5th car in line - I'm slammed into from behind and shoved violently into all the cars in front of me - like an accordion. (An old lady had suffered a stroke and never knew she hit all of us). Anyway, I'm bruised and bloodied, but otherwise okay. They pull me out of my totaled car and I grab my jacket that was hanging on a hanger in the backseat. Later, I'm home and a few weeks pass, and I want to wear that same jacket. Guess what's in the pockets? A whole lot of small pieces of glass (from the car windows).
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 26, 2014 10:43 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    runnerjc saidThis didn't happen to me (thank God) but I witnessed it.

    I'm a track coach and one of my fellow coaches had one of those resistance bungee cords. Well, it snapped and the recoil hit one of our athletes in the balls. It was so bad he had to go to the hospital and couldn't run for another three days.

    I also had a high school classmate that played catcher for the baseball team. He forgot his cup one day, only to have a pitch hit the dirt in front of him and bounce up into his crotch. He had to have one of his balls surgically removed. We called him "lefty" after that.


    A guy was impaled with a javelin at my high school during track and field practice. Yes, he died.


    This just went from funny to dark so quickly...
    Shit gets serious when Balls get amputated icon_eek.gif
  • 0ne_Half

    Posts: 14

    Aug 26, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    Its minor, but not long ago during airborne I got stuck with gear that didn't like me. It was the second jump of the day and the landing itself was fine. My canopy release assembly however didn't feel like cooperating and the winds decided to pick up. I got dragged a good while and some rocks tore my uniform and cut my leg up a bit. I personally found it hilarious because we were all tired, and I thought it was the funniest shit watching people chase after me.

    *nostalgic sigh*
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 26, 2014 10:51 PM GMT
    One night after i took a bath.

    I just wanted to test the balance so i did... On the edge of the tub. As i walked the "tight rope" I slipped and fell, Hitting my brow against the wall tiles. In ten seconds my whole face was covered in blood. Never got stitches. No i have this cool scar that look like my eyebrows been extended.
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    Aug 27, 2014 2:17 AM GMT
    This just happened to me a month ago; I was walking into my office, pushing my scooter with my right hand, while putting my cardkey back into my pocket with the left. Everything was fine until the door (with a fairly powerful hydraulic closing mechanism) caught the straps on my backpack and pulled me over backwards!

    I fell back, sending my scooter flying, and landed with my full weight on my right palm.

    (I wish I had a video of it, I'm sure it was hilarious.)

    What wasn't so hilarious was that after I got up and shook myself off, in about an hour I realized that the ache in my arm wasn't getting better, but was in fact getting worse. As it turned out, I'd fractured one of the bones in my forearm (the radial head, to be precise), and have spent the last four weeks in various splints, bandages, braces, and slings (not the fun kind.)

    I got back in the pool for a serious workout for the first time yesterday; so far, so good!

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    Aug 27, 2014 3:48 AM GMT
    Not a funny accident per se, but a funny aftermath.

    I was taking my first motorcycle country ride after the Spring thaw in 1968, and there was lots of loose sand still on the road, spread by trucks for traction in the snow. I didn't see some on a curve, slid out and crashed.

    Some cars came by and saw me flattened out. I was conscious, but just trying to deal with the pain, and inventorying what was injured and if I was able to get up safely. One car raced off for help before I could yell after for him not to bother, in the days before cell phones. The police arrived a bit later, and then an ambulance, the old-fashioned Cadillac kind like in the movie Ghostbusters.

    By now I was sitting on a fence rail, and jokingly asked the cop if I should lie back down on ground to make the ambulance crew feel better as they pulled up. The crew wanted to look at my bleeding knees, but I couldn't raise my jeans legs up over them.

    A guy in the crowd, that had now formed with stopped cars, started yelling "Pull his pants down! Pull his pants down!"

    WTF??? You go pull your own pants down in public, you old pervert. I bit my lip and yanked my pant legs up over my knees, ripping them more.

    But the ambulance crew was able to dress them. Which they did after moving me to the sit in the police cruiser front passenger seat, trying to chase away these morbid gawkers, and give me some privacy. I never did use the ambulance.

    They determined I just had scrapes, no need for hospital care. I checked my bike and assured them I could ride it home (lying). So they all began to leave. Until I saw this one guy lingering there, who had a motorcycle himself. A Harley-Davidson Sportster, a bike I lusted for, still do to this day.

    He asked if I could really ride home. It was 25 miles away, on mostly back roads. I said I wasn't sure. The bike started (kick start only), but the foot shifter was all bent, and the handlebars were floppy. And I was aching like Hell. Still I'd give it a try, and he said he'd escort me home. Wow! Great guy!

    So off we go, me leading. And as we'd come up to stop signs after a few miles I'd look for him, my mirrors broken, him not behind me. He'd finally pull up.

    "You've gotta slow down! I can't keep up with you!" he'd complain again & again. WHAT??? Slow down? I'm just limping along, purposely going slow for YOU. And you've got the fastest bike in America at that time.

    Taught me that straight line speed isn't the same as speed over a winding road. And that I was a much, much faster rider than I ever realized, on my little Italian bike.

    I got home OK, and wanted him to come inside my parent's house. But he wouldn't, just took off, and I never saw him again. And then faced the problem of how to get inside the house myself, without my parents seeing I'd had yet ANOTHER motorcycle accident. And regrettably, my worst one was yet to come, that my poor Father was actually to witness. icon_sad.gif
  • Jonno11

    Posts: 181

    Aug 27, 2014 5:15 AM GMT
    While at work, I started working in a new building I was unfamiliar with. It had one of those old style freight elevators to take people and equip up the 14 odd stories. It was my first trip up, and we loaded the car. The door was the type that opens and closes from the top and bottom. I forgot where my hand was until the last second and caught it in the door. There's a latch assembly that rides across to lock the door in place. It latched. Had to unlatch it and drag the assembly back over my crushed hand to open the door. I didn't report it because I didn't want to be "that guy" who crushed his hand in an elevator. It took a couple days for full movement to return, and there's a wee bit of bone floating around in my index finger now.

    Another work one, I was using a pair of Linesman pliers to pull a fish tape through a conduit. I was chatting with a co-worker and I commented on how I hoped I didn't slip and smash myself in the face. 5 seconds later I did just that, and split my lower lip open. It swelled up so bad afterwards too. I looked like I got beat up. Took some explaining to my boss haha.
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    Aug 27, 2014 5:27 AM GMT
    I split my eyebrow on a kids playground by running into small monkey bars.. lmao