How to tell your family your gay?

  • Randy1989

    Posts: 6

    Aug 27, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    Can people help me on this one, how do you tell your family your gay?
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    Aug 27, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    Just say "hey guys! I'm gay" and expect the worst.

    As long as you expect the worst, then anything other than worst will be good. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 27, 2014 12:37 AM GMT
    Just wait until they ask or when have a boyfriend you want to introduce to them. When you can put your sexuality in a specific context or provide information they were genuinely interested in it will go much better.

    Announcing your sexuality out of the blue for no purpose other than to seek "acceptance" from them is by definition placing yourself at their mercy to either accept or reject you. I've never understood the point of doing that.

    It doesn't mean you have to place anything in your life on hold, it just means you get on with your life and forget about whether your parents think what you're doing as a grown man is right or wrong.
  • Randy1989

    Posts: 6

    Aug 27, 2014 2:55 AM GMT
    Thanks
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    Aug 27, 2014 3:10 AM GMT
    Don't tell your mother on Mother's Day...like I did. Einstein
    I am not. She cried, said she felt like her son had died...Dad literally
    almost had a stroke...not a festive occasion. It took years,
    but once they saw that I was still the same person they raised,
    with the same values, and that the only choice
    they had was to accept it or lose me, they came to terms with it,
    and in the end were extremely supportive of me and my partner.

    I agree with the advice above...just tell them. If they don't already
    suspect that you are, it will take time...possibly years, but that's better
    than lying to them, right?
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Aug 27, 2014 5:05 AM GMT
    facebook really should make this easier, there should be an ORIENTATION tag that shows up on your profile.

    anyway, someone else told my family, so I didnt go through it, but I would hit up a sibling for advice first, preferably a girl. Grandparents are another good line of attack, they usually dont care what grandkids do since you arent there problem and all kids these days are crazy right?

    I would leave some evidence to build up to it if you are unsure how to precede and dont want to jump right in. Rainbow stuff, hugs or kisses or being outside gay places or even buying miniature dogs and showing them on facebook.

    A nice jump in, is seeing them react to some homophobic crap and defending the other side, if they mention casually "thats gay, or fag, or whatever...you could be like "well what if I was gay?"

    Getting them a book is another option. "Is It A Choice?" is a fav.

    Next visit, leave some very very soft core porn at their house or on their computer.

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    Aug 27, 2014 1:51 PM GMT
    When you have a steady boyfriend that might be the time. Two reasons: It's hard to hide a steady boyfriend, especially if you start living together. Also, parents normally like to think their children are stable, and a stable relationship implies stability. On the other hand if your parents think that gays should all live celibate lives it might be better to tell during a more celibate phase in your life.
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    Aug 27, 2014 2:17 PM GMT
    how to tell the family:
    get all the family in the car, you are driving. Something like the the return drive from Sunday dinner. Say like; "I have something to tell you that you need to know..."

    it will take time:
    i find it odd parents that have known their son daughter for ~20years dont know he she is gay. Everyone is super interested in other people's sex lives. There has to be a lot of denial on the parents part so dont expect anything good out of your little automotive conversation for a while.

    Give it some time:
    When your 50years old, they will need your support and love. Between then and now you owe your parents less than you think. If you think they will contribute to your emotional support go ahead out yourself. For every Friday night; no need to affirm what bars clubs you visited. Run with your life and do the right thing, or not.

    its the law of the land:
    in those 19-20 states that have gay marriage; bring your husband home for Christmas dinner.
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    Aug 27, 2014 2:17 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidJust wait until they ask or when have a boyfriend you want to introduce to them. When you can put your sexuality in a specific context or provide information they were genuinely interested in it will go much better.

    Announcing your sexuality out of the blue for no purpose other than to seek "acceptance" from them is by definition placing yourself at their mercy to either accept or reject you. I've never understood the point of doing that.

    It doesn't mean you have to place anything in your life on hold, it just means you get on with your life and forget about whether your parents think what you're doing as a grown man is right or wrong.

    Timing and tactics are everything. And I agree that the announcement "out of the blue" has the least chance for success. Not that it can't, every family is different, but you wanna stack the odds in your own favor.

    I also like the idea of having a BF first, to create that human context, rather than being gay to them as a purely theoretical (or even theological) concept. Which might delay the event, because one wouldn't acquire a BF just for the occasion, but it could be the best approach.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 27, 2014 5:28 PM GMT
    I'm not sure I agree with most of this. The OP is 24. I'd say tell them if you think you need to tell them for your own peace of mind. There's nothing wrong with being gay and whether they're conservative or liberal is really no reason to tell or not tell. I'd suggest you tell the parent you feel you can open up to best and then tell the others. The sooner you do, the better your life will be. Living in the closet is no longer acceptable unless you're financially dependent on them, which I'm assuming you're not. Step up to the plate and start being a fully realized man. Your parents will survive the news.
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    Aug 27, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    Hi, family, I am gay!
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    Aug 27, 2014 5:39 PM GMT
    Just sing, whistle, or hum show tunes whenever you are around them. They will figure it out on their own.

    Seriously though, why do you need to tell them anything? Straight kids do not make a grand announcement. Are you asking their permission? You are a 24 year old man and do not need anyone's permission to be who you are.

    Here's a novel idea: How about you just live your life on your own terms. Do what you want to do. Be with who you want to be with. Go where you want to go. And let them figure it out on their own.

    Here's my "coming out" story: I was married for 22 years. Raised my daughter and was unhappy in my marriage and life. I told my ex I was gay and moved out. I moved in with a gay man in the French Quarter (New Orleans' gayborhood). After speaking to my mother about the breakup of my marriage she said she wanted to come see where I was living. A few months later she and my brother were driving to come see me and she asked my brother point blank if I was gay to which my brother replied: Mom, he left his wife and is living with another man in the French Quarter. WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

    When she got to the house she asked if I was happy. I said yes. The only other question she had was if she had did any thing wrong in my upbringing to make me gay. I laughed and said, "Why of course!"
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    Aug 27, 2014 8:48 PM GMT
    There's never really an easy way for how or when to do it. As you know your family the best you may have an idea of how they might react, but when it comes down to it they may surprise you; sometimes in a good way and not so good way. I believe timing is key, however, I'm not sure of your current housing situation and what not, but I think its much easier to tell them after having moved out. At least that way they will can not kick you out and you already have a place to go. Also building a solid support system of friends who you have told and have been accepting is also good in case there is a fall out. If you already have all these things in place, then I suggest asking to speak to them when they are relaxed and not stressed. Important to understand though is that it might take them a while to get used to this (as it may have taken you a while to get used to as well), and they may say hurtful and insensitive things out of shock and confusion. Best way of dealing with that is keeping cool, and say what is needed. If it gets too intense then walking off for a bit and discussing at a later time may be effective as well. That would be your best bet. Good luck mate, and hope it goes well whenever you tell them.
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    Aug 27, 2014 10:54 PM GMT
    I told everyone (parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents) individually but within a few days of each other. I knew each would have different questions, and would want more or less information - and I didn't want them to have to tell each other.

    It worked out well for me.
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    Aug 27, 2014 11:18 PM GMT
    It was my understanding that now-a-days you just change your Facebook status.

    Let the defriending commence.

    Personally, I just waited till they asked.
    Mom asked first and was the last to except it.
    That and my twin sister doesn't care to hear or know about the time before I came out--"all the lies".
  • Randy1989

    Posts: 6

    Aug 28, 2014 1:28 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone ,you are right. I dont need my parent approvel, I live on my own anyway. The big thing is my family dont really like gay people. . But I read everyones review and I am going to send a group text message to all my family on there cellphones and tell them.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 28, 2014 3:32 PM GMT
    Randy1989 saidThanks everyone ,you are right. I dont need my parent approvel, I live on my own anyway. The big thing is my family dont really like gay people. . But I read everyones review and I am going to send a group text message to all my family on there cellphones and tell them.

    Well, that wouldn't be my way of doing it but if it works for you, go for it. And stay upbeat. You may be surprised by their reactions. A lot of straights who think they "don't really like gay people" find they were mistaken when they learn someone they do love is gay. That's partly why it is important to be out. For all of us. You're not only standing up for yourself, you're standing with all your gay brothers as well. Be proud.
  • Randy1989

    Posts: 6

    Aug 28, 2014 4:02 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice and you are,right thanks
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Aug 29, 2014 1:04 AM GMT
    For me I did it when I was good and ready. I ed say I was partially out for about 2 years before I told my family. Because it is so hard I would make sure you plan it out a bit. It won't go completely as planned but a bit of a plan can help too. Time it right and just say the words.
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:09 AM GMT
    Randy1989 saidCan people help me on this one, how do you tell your family your gay?


    Take up figure skating.
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Aug 29, 2014 1:10 AM GMT
    Make a Facebook status; "First one to comment is gay."
    Then proceed on commenting it first.
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:18 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ said
    Randy1989 saidCan people help me on this one, how do you tell your family your gay?


    Take up figure skating.
    or take a figure skater home and introduce him as your new fiancée.
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:31 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    _SAGE_ said
    Randy1989 saidCan people help me on this one, how do you tell your family your gay?


    Take up figure skating.
    or take a figure skater home and introduce him as your new fiancée.


    A leaf straight out of Victor Voronov's book... Still, I wonder if a tad too subtle...
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:36 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ said
    paulflexes said
    _SAGE_ said
    Randy1989 saidCan people help me on this one, how do you tell your family your gay?


    Take up figure skating.
    or take a figure skater home and introduce him as your new fiancée.


    A leaf straight out of Victor Voronov's book... Still, I wonder if a tad too subtle...
    maybe get caught having sex with the figure skater? I was caught sexing a rodeo clown. That's how my parents found out. Srsly icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:44 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    _SAGE_ said
    paulflexes said
    _SAGE_ said
    Randy1989 saidCan people help me on this one, how do you tell your family your gay?


    Take up figure skating.
    or take a figure skater home and introduce him as your new fiancée.


    A leaf straight out of Victor Voronov's book... Still, I wonder if a tad too subtle...
    maybe get caught having sex with the figure skater? I was caught sexing a rodeo clown. That's how my parents found out. Srsly icon_lol.gif


    lol, sounds like it could almost be a scene from Brokeback Mountain icon_lol.gif; you sure know how to live life Paul, i'll give you that! ;]