How common are cross generational relationships among gay couples.

  • Aidenz

    Posts: 46

    Aug 27, 2014 8:36 PM GMT
    I've liked the idea of having a partner that's closer to my own age, but more often than not I'll find that they'll be older, sometimes significantly older. Often the media displays these relationships in a way that makes them seem taboo or creepy. I'm finding more and more especially online that people will request a cross generational relationship like someone my age will ask for someone older or someone middle aged would be all over younger guys. My understanding is that most people connect with people best emotionally who are within about two or three years of their age range. The whole "Daddy-son" relationship is often found in porn, which makes me think it's a family. But is it possible that such a relationship can actually be emotionally deep and not just physical? Moreover, could that become something that society accepts as normal in the future.
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    Aug 28, 2014 3:51 PM GMT
    Guys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape, however, guys your age and older do seem to. So I'm just going with the flow and not dismissing anyone out of hand just because there is an age difference.

    The closest in age I've dated has been 16 years younger. The oldest has been nearly 35 years younger. The current is nearly 25 years younger. The age difference has never been a problem for us just for others who want to project their prejudices.

    As far as the daddy/son dynamic only one (the very young one) and I did that and only in the bedroom for kicks and laughs - sort of parodying that porn genre. In public social situations we didn't play those roles.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 28, 2014 4:03 PM GMT
    I'm in a seven year relationship with a guy significantly younger. There's no daddy/son dynamic. I like him. He likes me. We're extremely compatible but also have separate interests that we bring to the partnership. Our daily conversations are no different than any other couple's. Work, gym, food, next trip, friends, tv, dogs, movies, politics, etc. He has some separate friends he plays frisbee with and I have some separate friends I play tennis with. I beat him in golf. He beats me in basketball. I'm interested in his career and profession and he's interested in mine. We worried about the day when I become less active and how that will play out but we both decided to just love each other and worry about that then. Too much good living going on now to not just enjoy ourselves and each other. You never know what the future will be and usually, if you try to guess, you'll be wrong. I don't think emotional maturity has much to do with age. It usually has more to do with mental maturity.
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    Aug 28, 2014 4:03 PM GMT
    I find the reason I like older men is because it's not until that point in most people's lives that they start to question their existence and what the hell we are all here for. I've been thinking about those things since I was little and it seems that people my age, in general, could give two sh*ts about life's biggest questions. So I gravitate toward people who have gone through their "midlife crisis" -- so to speak -- and have come through to the other side with a deeper appreciation for the magic of the more sacred things in life.
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    Aug 28, 2014 5:08 PM GMT
    I have no idea why the gay world is so obsessed with this daddy/son fetish. It's weird. A lot of gay movies also follow that cliche like I Love You Phillip Morris, A Single Man, For a Lost Soldier, Mysterious Skin, Gods and Monsters and Love! Valour! Compassion! Why can't I date a dude close my own age? And why am I an ageist if I'm not interested in older men? Didn't older men did the exact same thing when they were younger? icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 28, 2014 5:34 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape

    That's true in some cases, but not in all. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 28, 2014 6:07 PM GMT
    I've been asking that same question. I have done the older guy thing (not that it's a thing you do) which was a phase for me. I feel the reason I was attracted to older men was because they carry themselves a certain way and most have their act together.

    But now, I'm asking the same question. I have more older men who want to get to know me and take me out to dinner. Most younger men that I have talked to seem either too busy trying to get their life together for the future or some don't like the idea of being tied down, while the one's who are looking for someone in their age range seem taken already.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 28, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong said
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape

    That's true in some cases, but not in all. icon_smile.gif

    I wasn't looking for a younger guy when I met Alex. I was dating guys about my age. I just got lucky and ran across a guy I fell in love with.
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    Aug 28, 2014 6:20 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong said
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape

    That's true in some cases, but not in all. icon_smile.gif


    Of course it isn't true in all cases, but in my experience, it is more often than not.
  • Aidenz

    Posts: 46

    Aug 28, 2014 10:18 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape, however, guys your age and older do seem to. So I'm just going with the flow and not dismissing anyone out of hand just because there is an age difference.

    The closest in age I've dated has been 16 years younger. The oldest has been nearly 35 years younger. The current is nearly 25 years younger. The age difference has never been a problem for us just for others who want to project their prejudices.

    As far as the daddy/son dynamic only one (the very young one) and I did that and only in the bedroom for kicks and laughs - sort of parodying that porn genre. In public social situations we didn't play those roles.



    Do you ever find it awkward if your partner's parents are younger than you are or that you're old enough to be that person's father? Often times if someone is over 13 years older than me and I pursue them that's the excuse "You're cute but I could be your dad"
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    Aug 28, 2014 10:24 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI'm in a seven year relationship with a guy significantly younger. There's no daddy/son dynamic. I like him. He likes me. We're extremely compatible but also have separate interests that we bring to the partnership. Our daily conversations are no different than any other couple's. Work, gym, food, next trip, friends, tv, dogs, movies, politics, etc. He has some separate friends he plays frisbee with and I have some separate friends I play tennis with. I beat him in golf. He beats me in basketball. I'm interested in his career and profession and he's interested in mine. We worried about the day when I become less active and how that will play out but we both decided to just love each other and worry about that then. Too much good living going on now to not just enjoy ourselves and each other. You never know what the future will be and usually, if you try to guess, you'll be wrong. I don't think emotional maturity has much to do with age. It usually has more to do with mental maturity.

    Dang, this is the BEST answer I've seen posted to an OP in a long time. You nailed this oneā€¦.excellent job, excellent summation! Thank you! OP, take notice!
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    Aug 28, 2014 11:02 PM GMT
    Aidenz said
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape, however, guys your age and older do seem to. So I'm just going with the flow and not dismissing anyone out of hand just because there is an age difference.

    The closest in age I've dated has been 16 years younger. The oldest has been nearly 35 years younger. The current is nearly 25 years younger. The age difference has never been a problem for us just for others who want to project their prejudices.

    As far as the daddy/son dynamic only one (the very young one) and I did that and only in the bedroom for kicks and laughs - sort of parodying that porn genre. In public social situations we didn't play those roles.



    Do you ever find it awkward if your partner's parents are younger than you are or that you're old enough to be that person's father? Often times if someone is over 13 years older than me and I pursue them that's the excuse "You're cute but I could be your dad"


    I have never met any of my BFs parents. Most have lived far from their parents, so I've never felt awkward.

    As far as feeling like their dad I tell them from the get go. I'm not their father or their sugar daddy. They have their life out side of mine and I have one outside of theirs and we have a life together. See Destinharbor's response about the dynamics of his May December relationship. That sums it up for me as well.
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    Aug 28, 2014 11:09 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    MovingRightAlong said
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape

    That's true in some cases, but not in all. icon_smile.gif


    Of course it isn't true in all cases, but in my experience, it is more often than not.



    Hmmmm old gay men are ageists against themselves? Interesting.
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    Aug 29, 2014 12:09 AM GMT
    I think it's definitely more acceptable among gays than among hetero people. My best friend is with someone 15 years older. I'd like someone older too because I'm attracted to someone who's mature, stable, and experienced. Makes me feel secure and safe to be with him.
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    Aug 29, 2014 1:23 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    MovingRightAlong said
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape

    That's true in some cases, but not in all. icon_smile.gif

    I wasn't looking for a younger guy when I met Alex. I was dating guys about my age. I just got lucky and ran across a guy I fell in love with.


    It's cool you are in a loving relationship but 7 years is really nothing socially and culturally. Sheesh, it's less than a typical president's term in office, or the run of a popular TV series.

    A generational difference of 20 + years is where it gets interesting but remember that in the past this was common in heterosexual relationships since women often died in childbirth leaving a prime age male without a mate and with kids to raise .
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 29, 2014 2:18 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    Destinharbor said
    MovingRightAlong said
    UndercoverMan saidGuys my age do not want guys my age even if they are in good health and shape

    That's true in some cases, but not in all. icon_smile.gif

    I wasn't looking for a younger guy when I met Alex. I was dating guys about my age. I just got lucky and ran across a guy I fell in love with.


    It's cool you are in a loving relationship but 7 years is really nothing socially and culturally. Sheesh, it's less than a typical president's term in office, or the run of a popular TV series.

    A generational difference of 20 + years is where it gets interesting but remember that in the past this was common in heterosexual relationships since women often died in childbirth leaving a prime age male without a mate and with kids to raise .

    I'm not quite sure what you think is required to evidence a successful relationship if 7 years is nothing. Dated 2 years, living as a couple for 5. What is necessary in your mind? And yes, ours is a 20 + years difference in ages.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Aug 30, 2014 1:37 AM GMT
    I'd LOVE to find out 1st hand !!
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    Aug 30, 2014 1:45 AM GMT
    My ex who died 18 years ago, was 20 years older than I was. Now at 64, I doubt I'll meet someone that much older again, unless I start cruising hospices.

    I prefer men my own age. I definitely see the attraction in younger guys, but I prefer the connection I have with my peers. I wish I could meet another athletic gay guy my age who shared this attraction.

  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    Aug 30, 2014 1:53 AM GMT
    LoneStar_Ro saidI have more older men who want to get to know me and take me out to dinner. Most younger men that I have talked to seem either too busy trying to get their life together for the future or some don't like the idea of being tied down, while the one's who are looking for someone in their age range seem taken already.


    Translation: you are less desirable to hot young guys and more desirable to old guys. Big surprise, wow lol.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Aug 31, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    I've gone from mostly preferring guys my own age in college, to preferring guys that are at least a decade older than me. I suppose it's just the change in environment from school to professional working place.
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    Aug 31, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    Because I am an older man, I have both the older and younger sides of this discussion.

    Older guys are more passionate and loving. Appreciate the experience.

    Younger guys want to shoot the wad, and right now, guy. Wonderful experience.


    Love both,

    Tommy